Disclaimer: Obligatory 'I-wish-I-owned-Mass-Effect-but-that-is-not-the-case' as BioWare, reEAper *cough* I mean, EA, Casey Hudson etc. own this absolutely fantastic series.

A/N: Well, well, well! I knew I couldn't escape the draw of trying my hand at this after reading some of these amazing FemShep/Liara fics posted here!

This is the second fan-fic I have ever written (and the first one was written in '09), so please don't expect perfection, grammatically or otherwise.

I'm sorry for the absolutely clichéd title, but I'm horrible at coming up with titles and that's the best thing I could come up with. (HA!)

I have plans for many more fics, so I'd like to think this one is just a warm-up.

I wrote this with humour in mind. After finding out Liara was quarter-krogan, I couldn't let that go untouched. Liara is always so calm and reserved and I can't help but feel that there is a krogan-like blood rage side to her that has never been tapped into. I imagine being hormonal and pregnant would bring that out in her, and in this fic, poor Shepard finds out that's exactly the case.

I'd like to thank the likes of Rae D. Magdon, N.Q. Wilder, Melaradark, Blackdeer7, CommanderShepard93, AidenSky, and everyone else who has added to the FemShep/Liara fandom for inspiring me to pick writing back up.

A big shout-out to Rae D. Magdon for helping me a bit behind the scenes. Girlie, you're an absolute rock star and I hope one day my fics are merely half as good as yours!

Another big shout-out to my friend, Chris, for giving me suggestions and helping me along the way throughout the entire writing process. I could not have written this without him.

Now, without further ado, let's find out just what kind of a mess Shepard has thrown herself into!

The Presidium Commons in the newly-rebuilt Citadel was flourishing with life. Trees bristled in the breeze of synthetic air as skycars flew overhead. Fountains once scarred by combat showed no sign of the carnage that occurred. Species that once fended only for themselves easily made conversation with one-another.

The area was bustling with pedestrian activity as it was noontime. Citizens and employees were gathering and getting to their seats at local hotspots such as Apollo's Café and other prestigious restaurants and bars.

A lone turian sat down on a bench and began to unpack his lunch. The bench overlooked a wonderful vista of the Presidium, and from where he sat, he had a great view of an artificial lake. His mandibles twitched as he happily watched spouts of water fire off at different intervals.

The turian hummed to himself as he took in his surroundings before a loud booming noise shook him from his air of bliss.

He and numerous passerby were startled and turned their heads upwards in unison, seeing a pane of glass explode outwards from the condos behind them.

The turian and those around him ran for cover as glass showered the area like a torrential rain.

There was confusion and panic all around him and he heard many utterances of "What just happened?" but he could only lament about his unwrapped lunch which was now covered in glass.

Fifteen stories above, in the apartment that was just rocked by a biotic explosion, a certain former commander had more pressing issues at hand.

Shepard found herself in yet another situation where her sole priority was survival.

There were no more Geth heretics, no more Collectors, no more Reapers, but even during peacetime Shepard had managed to find herself in a waging conflict with a new enemy.

'The scariest one yet...' she thought to herself as she cautiously peeked her head around the corner, scanning the immediate area for any sign of hostility.

The sound of footsteps drawing nearer made her breath hitch in her throat as she pulled back out of sight, flattening her body against the wall she was hiding behind.

She counted her heartbeats... one... two... three... four...

The panic that was wracking her entire consciousness pounded into her ears in unison with the footsteps that were drawing nearer to her location. Her years of training seeming to have left her in an instant as she mentally tried to force herself off the wall. With deep breaths, the drumming in her ears dissipated to quiet thuds.

'Come on, Shepard. You've endured worse than this before...'

Shepard glanced into the room to her right to see an effective warzone.

Furniture was lying helplessly on its side.

Potted plants were ripped from their roots and the soil was littered across the floor.

Conventional books were messily dispersed all over the room; some utterly destroyed.

Pieces of china were embedded into the canvas of a very expensive and one-of-a-kind painting of Ilos that hung over the mantle of the fireplace.

'She loved that painting…'

Shepard couldn't help but smirk to herself at the irony of it all as one of the longer pieces of china snapped off and hit the floor with a quiet chink and fragmented.

'Okay. That way is a no-go. I'll instantly be spotted.'

Shepard paused and waited for some kind of sound or movement, but neither came. With calm breaths, she looked the other way, into ground zero, the kitchen.

Relatively untouched, the pot used to cook that night's dinner still stood on the stove and knives and cutting boards were still set out on-top of the kitchen's island. Pots and pans hung overhead, completely oblivious and seemingly unaffected by the destruction mere yards away.

This was familiar territory to both Shepard and her pursuer, so there were few places Shepard could use to hide. She softly inhaled and closed her eyes, attempting to relax and focus on the best way out of this situation.

2 hours earlier:

Laughter filled the air as Shepard held her bondmate from behind and smiled over her shoulder as she intently watched the asari cook that night's meal. It was a traditional asari dish. Liara refused to tell her the type of meat or the ingredients used, but it had the similar aroma of lamb and rosemary.

"It looks wonderful, Liara." Shepard declared to her lover as she nuzzled the area where her neck met her shoulder with her mouth. "And it smells absolutely divine; but then, I can't expect anything less than that from you."

Liara giggled as she turned her head slightly and gave Shepard's cheek a soft peck.


Shepard's teeth nicked just the right spot on her neck.

"Shepard... don't. I'll burn our food."

Shepard smiled into her bondmate's neck as she ran her hands across Liara's swollen stomach.

"Then burn it."

Shepard's tongue flicked out against Liara's skin, leaving a small, wet streak, before her voice dropped an octave and huskily whispered, "I'd much rather taste this, anyway."

Then, to finalize her intentions, Shepard blew air lightly against the wetness she created; the cool sensation had the asari in her arms impulsively moaning and weak at the knees...

The sound of biotics flaring up made Shepard's mind snap back to present-time, and without a second thought, she crouched down and started stalking slowly towards where this entire fiasco began.

Shepard cursed at herself as she accidentally kicked and almost tripped over a pile of datapads that were chaotically scattered about. She took a sharp intake of air in and turned her head to the right a bit to see if her pursuer had heard her mistake and found her. Seeing that the coast was clear and nobody was there, she let out a quiet sigh of relief and began making her way around the kitchen island, being careful not to trip over any more debris.

As Shepard cautiously stepped over the shattered clock that used to hang on the kitchen wall, she made a mental note to assess every aspect of the damage after all this was over… that is, if she even survived this ordeal.

With a small sigh, Shepard pressed her back against one of the few cabinets that weren't torn open with a louder thud than she had meant, which elicited a quiet "Shit!" from the weathered Spectre.

Taking a moment to recoup her energy and resolve, she turned her head towards the dining table with narrowed eyes.

'You really know how to screw yourself over, Shepard...'

1 hour earlier:

Shepard grimaced as she took a bite of the... food that was on her fork. At least, she thought it was food. Shepard's grimace turned into a fake smile as soon as she looked up at Liara who was watching her expectantly.

Liara smiled shyly at her as she meekly asked, "So, how is it?"

Shepard forced a gulp and swallowed the concoction. It felt as if a nuclear reactor had gone into meltdown in her esophagus. Shepard's eyes began to water as she tried to stifle the urge to gag.

Through gritted teeth, she acknowledged her wife, "It's... wonderful... love."

Shepard tried her best to maintain the fake smile, but despite Liara still having the tendency to be awkward and naive, Shepard knew she wasn't fooling anyone.

"Wonderfully bad?"

Liara glared at her bondmate, challenging her to speak the truth.

"Wonderfully wonderful."

Shepard was teetering on the edge of a Phantom's blade.

"Then, I'm sure you won't mind finishing the rest of it?"

Shepard's eyes bulged as she looked down at the plate in front of her.

She heard a chair slide along the floor and soon after watched in horror as a slender blue hand added an extra portion of the offending substance to her already-full plate.

The horrendous goop threatened to surpass the brim of the plate as Shepard looked up at her lover with a hopeless expression.

Liara smiled sweetly at her, but Shepard could have sworn there was a flash of mischief in her eyes.

"You haven't been eating much lately; you should have the leftovers." Liara said as she smiled with innocence and love but also a hint of challenge as she calmly returned to her seat and gazed upon Shepard who, with the pungent taste of Liara's culinary creation still fresh on her mind – and tongue – was on the verge of tears.

Shepard was startled back to reality as one of the pots hanging overhead loosened from its hook and clashed into an adjacent pan with a resounding clang.

'No, no, no, no. Please don't…'

As Shepard crouched between the island and the sink, ready to dart away at any sign of outside movement, she froze as she looked up and saw the pots and pans gently jingling against each other like unorthodox wind chimes, threatening to come crashing down at any moment.

Shepard listened with sharp intent and heard nothing beyond the swaying cookware.

Feeling content that her pursuer wasn't on her position yet, Shepard decided now was the best time to slink towards the doorway leading out of the kitchen.

A bead of sweat dripped off her brow as Shepard took a step forward only to hear a thundering crash behind her as the unstable pot fell and hit the granite countertop and took a knife with it, propelling the knife like a catapult.

The knife sailed through the air to the other side of the kitchen, clattering against a cabinet before falling to the tiled floor with a clack while the pot indecisively rolled around on its brim and eventually ended its orchestra of noise.

'You've got to be kidding me.'

Shepard stared at the pot in disbelief, and as soon as the pot spun to a rest, it suddenly dawned on her what had just transpired.

Shepard quickly composed herself and rose to stand, ready to begin her retreat when all of a sudden a flashing blue light and the distinct low tones and constant crackles of biotics invaded her entire audiovisual awareness, rendering her absolutely motionless.

When Shepard's view began to clear and she felt a warm pressure enveloping her entire body - that was subsequently holding her in place - she silently wished to herself that all of the Alliance training she endured also included marital training; at least then she'd of known when to not overstep her bounds and how to keep quiet in a dangerous situation involving her wife.

At least then she wouldn't be trapped in a Stasis-bubble that was cast by that very same wife.

30 minutes earlier:

Shepard managed to complete the presumably impossible – she finished everything that was on her plate, much to Liara's amusement and her own dismay.

Shepard's only reward for the feat was having the obligation of cleaning the dinnerware bestowed upon her.

As Shepard grudgingly scrubbed the grime off of her own plate, her mind idly wondered if Liara's concoction would be sticking to her own insides in the very same way. The thought troubled her and her stomach involuntarily let out a low rumble.

"You haven't spoken a word since you finished your dinner." Liara's sudden declaration of discontent brought Shepard out of her debilitating thoughts.

Shepard remained silent as she unenthusiastically pulled out the sink hose and rinsed down her plate.


Shepard apathetically released the hose and let it quickly slide back into its tube in the sink with a loud whir. Shepard watched as the head of the hose came to an abrupt halt as it clicked into place. She bit her lower lip and picked up Liara's plate and began scrubbing it as she tried her best to avoid all eye contact with her wife.

"Shepard, tell me what you thought of the dinner I made you."

Shepard gave Liara a quick sideways glance and instantly regretted it. The fire in Liara's eyes was raging as Shepard obtrusively swallowed the knot that formed in her throat.


The venom Liara spat with that word instantly made Shepard flinch and take a defensive step backwards.

Shepard decidedly knew she was going to regret what she said next, but she could not have kept the façade she had going up any longer. Liara deserved to know the truth, despite the fact that she was emotionally unstable in her pregnant state and dealing with her was like playing a game of Russian roulette using an M-77 Paladin.

She turned to Liara, cocking her head slightly as she inhaled a sharp breath and thought how understanding and compassionate her lover had been in the past. With that thought steeling her nerves, Shepard instantly said the first few words that came to her mind that described her thoughts of her wife's cooking abilities.

"The food was terrible, Liara." Shepard said nonchalantly as she turned to place the dish back into the sink with a delicate clatter.

From the corner of her eye, Shepard could see Liara had her eyes downcast and narrowed.

"I see..." Liara replied indifferently as she turned away and began to walk out of the kitchen.

Shepard's stomach instinctively sank as she realized the harshness of her words.

She quickly followed after her wife, trying to reason with her, "Liara, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that! At least it wasn't nearly as bad as your cakes!"

Upon hearing that, Liara instantly stopped in her tracks and Shepard had only a split second to realize her overstep.

The asari remained silent, and Shepard soon after felt a warm push of energy emanating from her wife.

Shepard knew exactly what that warm push of energy was - Liara was priming her biotics.

"L-Liara…?" Shepard dared to outstretch a shaky hand in a weak and desperate attempt to quell her wife's anger before the situation escalated, but before her hand could reach her wife's shoulder, Liara quickly turned to face her, her eyes halfway amalgamated between a deep, seemingly endless blackness and that gorgeous cerulean blue Shepard had found herself transfixed in so many times before.

Though, Shepard had no time to admire the gorgeous blend of colours in her wife's eyes as a short but powerful biotic force pulsed out from Liara's body and pushed Shepard back a few steps, abruptly catching her off guard.

"Have you ever faced an antagonized pregnant asari before? Few humans have."

And with that, Shepard knew she was as doomed as a volus locked into a fist fight with a krogan.

"Shepard." The calm but harsh tone Liara took as her lover's name passed her lips brought Shepard out of her reminiscent thoughts.

Shepard's eyes darted around as she assessed her current surroundings.

Right now, a very pregnant asari was slowly making her way towards her Stasis-trapped form.

No amount of struggle Shepard brought forth could break the hold her wife's biotics had her in.

Shepard couldn't talk, she couldn't move, she couldn't escape – all she could do was think.

As Liara began closing the distance between them both, Shepard's mind raced, thinking of what she could say to talk herself out of this situation if the solution had to come down to that.

Shepard knew she was very good at diplomatic negotiations under strenuous circumstances; having faced and won over the Citadel Council, made very sound business practices with the Queen of Omega, talked down an overbearingly controlling father that held his daughter hostage, negotiated a truce between the krogan, turian, salarian, quarian, and geth nations, all the while uniting the entire galaxy to her cause, and yet, for all of the expertise and experience she had, there was absolutely nothing Shepard could do to quell the situation in her incapacitated state.

Then again, even if she wasn't trapped in a Stasis-bubble, Shepard wasn't entirely sure she could talk her way out this one. This would take a silver-tongued miracle. Something a dirty politician would without a doubt have no issues at all executing.

'A dirty politician… Udina! What would Udina do if he was caught with his tail between his legs like this? I'm sure he's been in his fair share of situations like that.'

Shepard scrunched her nose in disgust at the very thought.

'Shit. I definitely know I'm desperate when I'm looking to a dead traitor for advice. If I knew how to kiss ass like he did, I'd already be out of this situation. In fact, if I bent over backwards like he did with the Council and lied to Liara's face just to please her, I wouldn't even be in this situa-' Shepard's rampant thoughts were instantly cut short as she heard a strained sob coming from her captor.

'Is Liara… crying?'

15 minutes earlier:

Liara felt the unfamiliar pull of something so absolutely raw and primal inside of her. She was seething. It took every fiber of her being not to take a swift step forward and head-butt her bondmate for being so insensitive.

Shepard hesitated before timidly speaking, "You seem really angry. This isn't like you at all."

She studied her wife's features for a moment, before she shot Liara her infamous lopsided grin and quipped, "I guess the pregnancy is flaring that quarter-krogan blood rage up. Heh heh," but that grin faltered soon after when there was no reaction from her wife.

Shepard folded her arms across her chest and leaned back on one leg. She watched her wife intently as she attempted to gauge her mood, because usually Liara would have laughed at that and waved her off.

After a long, unusual awkward silence passed, Shepard sighed and shrugged it off as she turned away from her wife and returned to the sink to continue washing the dishes, oblivious to the fact that her wife looked as if she was about to unleash a hellish wrath on the former commander.

Shepard was in the middle of scrubbing the second dish when she felt the air change like a light breeze.

She turned around in time to hear the stampede of a Shockwave coming at her. Shepard dropped the plate and quickly dived out of the direct path of the biotic wave.

The Shockwave, undaunted by missing its target, collided forcefully with the sink and the window it overlooked.

The loud sound of exploding glass and metal resonated through the apartment as the Shockwave tore the kinetic barriers surrounding the kitchen window asunder, forcing the pane of glass to shatter and blast outwards, warping the design of the once pristine kitchen.

There was a brief moment of silence before the sound of skycars speeding by and panicked cries from the walkways below were heard.

Shepard looked at Liara with wide eyes as her upset wife let loose a biotic bubble that shook everything in the kitchen and likely the apartment in its entirety.

Without a moment of hesitation, Shepard began running into the living room to escape as biotically charged dishes went flying after her.

Shepard leapt through the air and zigzagged her running pattern, trying her best to avoid the biotic forces that were being thrown at her.

Dishes were shattered, furniture was upturned, and the holovid projector exploded as pulses of biotic energy lashed everywhere.

Shepard feigned right but went left instead in an attempt to shake her pursuer and then vaulted the couch where she took a moment to perceive the situation.

'There is a hormonal pregnant asari chasing after me.' Shepard thought to herself in disbelief, as she couldn't wrap her head around the fact her usually calm and reserved wife was actually capable of the reckless destruction she was currently unleashing on their apartment.

Once Shepard caught her breath and composed herself, she craned her neck slightly, trying to get a good vantage of where her wife-on-the-warpath was.

Shepard ducked as soon as the sound of another Shockwave reverberated through the apartment and heard a large display case of alcohol implode, flinching as the sound of many extremely expensive bottles of Ryncol and Serrice Ice Brandy cascaded to the floor.

'I knew I should have read that guide on asari pregnancy dispositions Garrus gave me...'

Shepard was once again brought out of her thoughts, this time by the Stasis-bubble surrounding her dissipating.

As soon as Shepard fell to the ground, she clambered backwards, coming to an abrupt halt as she backed into a cabinet, holding her arms up to shield herself in case yet another Shockwave was cast in her direction.

A few strenuous moments passed before Shepard noticed nothing was happening.

She lowered her arms away from her face and looked at Liara through squinted eyes, noticing her wife was slouched over, sobbing uncontrollably.

Before Shepard could console her, Liara sharply sucked in a small amount of air, regaining her determination as she looked up and took a step towards her bondmate, simultaneously making Shepard flinch.

"I will not tolerate such insults, because right now I am carrying your child," Liara's composure faltered as she wailed, "and I am having a really hard time!"

Shepard slowly blinked at her wife in confusion. She understood that pregnancy caused human women to be hormonal, but this was ridiculous.

Shepard's mind reeled as she went over each different emotion her wife portrayed within the last few hours. One moment, Liara had been lighthearted and giggly, the next, indirectly catty and snappy, then, she went straight into a krogan blood rage, and now she is standing here in front of Shepard, breaking down into this sobbing, emotional wreck.

Shepard, though extremely confused, warily picked herself off the ground and slowly walked towards her wife, gingerly wrapping her arms around her sobbing frame.

"I'm sorry, Liara... I know it's rough, but I'm really proud of all you do. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were someone special and there isn't a single day that goes by where I am ungrateful for the friendship and love you have given me. I love you and I always will," Shepard lightly brushed away the tears from her lover's face with the pads of her thumbs as she continued, "You just happened to have bonded with an extremely picky eater, is all."

Liara weakly laughed through heavy sobs as they lovingly gazed at each other.

Shepard smiled coyly at Liara, mentally sighing with relief, thinking that she was off the hook as Liara seemed to have calmed down a great amount.

To seal the deal, Shepard slowly leaned forward with the intention of softly kissing her wife, but before their lips met, Liara turned her head away.

"Liara?" Shepard frowned.

Liara sniffled and said with a delicate but stern tone, "Don't think for a moment that you are getting out of this that easily, Shepard."

Then in an instant, for the second time that day, Shepard found herself frozen in a Stasis-bubble.

Without so much as a word, Liara lifted Shepard into the air with a biotic field and carried Shepard in front of her, walking past the devastation to the only unscathed part of the house - the bedroom.

As Shepard floated helplessly in mid-air, she idly wondered exactly where she went wrong to deserve such harsh treatment, but then she remembered she married a quarter-krogan asari Shadow Broker with biotic prowess who happened to be hormonally unstable because she was pregnant with their child.

'Marriage, old age, and a lot of little blue children… well, it's exactly what I asked for...'

When Liara reached the bedroom door, without pausing or skipping a beat, she pushed it open with a biotic force instead of simply pressing the keypad, and Shepard bemusedly continued to think to herself, '… but if this is what I have to endure to get those little blue children, I'm going to reach the old age portion a lot faster than I expected.'

As they reached the inside of the bedroom, Liara let Shepard glide down delicately onto the bed, still in the clutches of the biotic field.

With a few brisk hand movements from Liara, Shepard regained control of everything except her hands.

Shepard's arms were now above her head. She tried to pull them down to her sides but they wouldn't budge, noting her wrists were cuffed and restrained to the headboard by Liara's biotics.

"Wh-what are you doing, Liara?" Shepard confusedly asked as she looked downward to the foot of the bed at her wife.

Liara spoke with a sly grin, "If you are going to be so haphazardly loose orally, I am going to punish you in the very same way. I am going to ensure that offensive mouth of yours is put to good use."

Shepard couldn't help but raise her eyebrows in anticipation and flash Liara a broad smile as she thought this was hardly a punishment. She loved to give Liara oral, and the mere thought of it was making her wet, particularly when Liara accidentally fired off a biotic pulse at Shepard's excited reaction that caused the bed to shake, breaking Liara's assertive attitude for a quick instant, making the asari blush.

Liara quickly regained her dominant resolve and smiled sweetly at her captive, knowing fully well how much her lover enjoyed performing oral sex on her - and how much her lover hated to be teased. Liara was definitely going to be making good use of the latter before Shepard's mouth got anywhere near her azure.

"I said punish, not reward." Liara softly spoke as she sauntered towards the bed, making sure to add an extra bit of sway to her hips.

'For now, at least.' The asari thought to herself as she slowly, lusciously climbed over her lover's body.

After what seemed like hours of rough, passionate, angry sex, the two laid together, limbs intertwined, still blissfully enjoying the afterglow of their recent meld.

Shepard gazed into her wife's deep blue eyes as she softly placed her hand on Liara's stomach, feeling their child slightly shift within the womb. She knows that she would not rather be anywhere else in the galaxy but here, in her wife's loving embrace; this is where Shepard belonged.

Shepard wondered aloud as she moved her hand upwards and began languidly gliding the back of her fingers along the length of her lover's crest, "What are we going to do about the mess?"

Liara was lazily drawing circles with her fingertips against her bondmate's bare chest, pausing only to seductively look up at her through heavy lashes as she innocently replied, "I'm pregnant, Shepard. There is absolutely nothing I can do."

Before Shepard could interject and retort that Liara was the sole reason the apartment was utterly destroyed to begin with, the asari propped herself up on her elbow and leaned down to capture her bondmate's mouth with her own in a sudden deep and forceful kiss.

As Liara muffled a sultry "Embrace Eternity!" against her lips, Shepard realized this was one battle she was perfectly okay with losing.


Thank you for reading!

Please review if you'd like to! :)