Brighter Than The Sun

This is not easy, but I make it look that way.

Don't I just.

My heart is too big for my chest, my heart is too big for my throat. My heart is too big to hold in my hands, so hard cold bars of gold will have to do instead.

I have this way of slip-sliding my way around you, taking a seat, stopping my hands from trembling. One of my nail quicks is bleeding, I can't help that. I chewed it. My hands had to be anywhere but in my lap, at ease, and then they were over my mouth, and it was just like biting down on a pillow to stifle a scream.

I wonder if you know how hard it is to look at you –

In the eyes, in the mouth.

It's like looking into the sun, and that is not because you're beautiful. That is a simple, rational explanation, and the simple rational truth is that you bring tears to my eyes. You blind me. You are a thousand flashbulbs, a thousand past moments, so many that everything else seems white, flat and strangely shaped.

Listen to me.

Listen to the words I'm saying.

You have that tilt to your chin, that hardness. I painted wax over your true face and now you won't let it crack.

This is not 'tell me you love me', I know you do.

You know I do.

I will stand by you through anything.

I will stand by you when you run.

I believe in you.

I believe in who you are and who you've become.

You have wax but I am fire now, aflame. I have burned all my bridges but this.

I'm betting on us, Chuck Bass.

You're the one I never want to leave.

I'm betting on us.