I don't own these characters.
A/N: I know there are like a million of these types of fics and I wish that I could make my debut into this fandom with something more original, but I figured I'd throw my two cents out here on how Jane and Maura get over the hurdle of the season two finale because that was what inspired me to even write anything. I hope whoever reads this enjoys it.
Lost and Found
1: When it rains
The sky was grey, like it knew it was a day of mourning. Jane was almost glad that something familiar would grieve with her since her best friend was nowhere around for the tragic event. Jane was attending the funeral of FBI agent Gabriel Dean. She did not know any of those that mourned with her. Her partner, Detective Barry Frost, and former partner, Sargent Detective Korsak had shown up to pay their respects, but had not stayed around to watch Dean be placed into the ground. And why should they? They did not know Agent Dean well. They had mostly come to be there for Jane since it was obvious no one else would and they thought that Jane was following them when they left; she could not bring herself to do it for some reason. They had also come because Dean had helped in the past, although they all silently agreed that they could have done without his "help" this one time.
Maura had been the only one brave enough to point out that they had not required the FBI's help. Of course, she had said it in a screaming fit at Jane. The rage the petite doctor felt toward her best friend – or maybe it was now former best friend – most certainly stemmed from Agent Dean's actions. Maura thought that Jane had done one of the dumbest things possible because Paddy Doyle had shot and eventually killed Agent Dean. Maura believed that Jane had pulled the trigger and shot Doyle to avenge what happened to Dean.
The reality was far from the conclusion that Maura reached. No, the truth was extremely far from that, but she was not speaking to Jane in order to learn the truth. Not that Jane was brave enough to admit why she had done what she did. Hell, she could barely believe that she had such a stupid thought.
"What the hell made me think she'd go along with something like that? He's her fucking father. I'm such a fucking idiot. I should've known this would happen. I'm such a fucking idiot," Jane muttered and sighed.
Shaking her head, Jane tried to focus on the reason that she was standing in a cemetery on a day she should have been begging for forgiveness. Agent Dean's casket was still open and he looked peaceful, but, of course, he was dead. It was such a waste. Even though she was grieving, she was pissed with the deceased agent, too.
Jane could not help wondering what the hell Dean has been doing at their trap site. It just did not make any sense. She had not mentioned that Paddy Doyle would be there; hell, she had not expected Paddy Doyle to be there! At first she had thought he followed her, but she could not figure why he would follow her on what she presented as a normal day. It made no sense. She wondered if he happened to follow Paddy Doyle.
If he had followed Doyle to their trap, why had he come though the same entrance as they had instead of on the catwalk like Doyle had? Why did he have to stick his nose in the whole thing when she had asked him not to do anything? Now, he was dead, Doyle was in the hospital clinging to life, and, best of all, Maura was not speaking her. In fact, Maura probably hated her. She was not sure how to begin fixing this mess.
She frowned to herself and bit the inside of her cheek, if only to keep herself from mumbling to the air. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have said a damn thing to Dean about Doyle. What the hell made me believe that 'be Gabriel' bullshit would work? Because I wanted to believe him. I wanted to see that we could be together. I was asking for too much and now the one person I want to protect, I hurt. I hurt her and lost her. I'm probably never going to get Maura back now. But, that doesn't mean I can't try. I can't just give up on the most important thing in my life. I can't lose the most important person in my life. I just can't."
She could only hope that Maura felt the same way. For the moment, she was sure that Maura did not care one way or the other about her. Of course, that was to be expected when a person shot her supposed best friend's father. Sure, said father was nothing more than a fleeting presence in the best friend's life and whose presence always signaled bad news for said best friend, but still her father nonetheless. It did not matter that Maura had only meet him last year or that he only brought pain and suffering with him. And definitely fuck the fact that he was a criminal, mob boss, and a multiple murderer. He was still Maura's father, or at least that was how Maura looked at it, she figured. Jane had other opinions that she wisely kept to herself or she was sure that she would lose her best friend forever, if she had not done that already. Even she would admit that it would be difficult to come back from shooting Doyle, never mind the other dumb shit that she had done prior that moronic move.
Running her hand though her hair, Jane tried to forget everything, but of course that was the very definition of impossible. Dean was dead and she was looking at his dressed up corpse. Doyle was in critical condition in the hospital and in FBI custody. Maura's mother was still in the hospital. And, of course, the best bit of all that she would never be able to forget, Maura acted like she was the worst human being to ever exist.
She doubted that she would ever be able to forget anything that had happened recently. Hell, with her luck, she could live to be a hundred and this would be the only thing that she ever remembered. Oh, and of course the memories of when she had the best friend a person could ever ask for.
"Maura …" Jane whispered to the wind. Maura was gone, like yesterday, like her past actions, like her happiness, and her sanity. Everything was gone.
Maura was visiting with her mother, who was still laid up in a hospital bed. Constance Isles spent most of her time sleeping, which Maura was pleased with because the rest allowed her mother to convalesce in peace. Whenever her mother was awake, Maura did her best to take control of any conversation between them because there were plenty of topics that the medical examiner did not want to discuss – chief amongst them was that absence of her best friend and if her mother's mystery guest had been "Patrick."
Maura was trying her best not to consider how her adopted mother knew her biological father. For once, she was pleased with her lack of ability to fictionalize life. She lacked the imagination to piece together how a socialite like her mother could have met a mob enforcer like her biological father. Her mind swirled over the way her mother asked for "Patrick" and how Doyle showed concern for her mother. Not to mention, the outrage that he showed for someone harming Constance.
Maura had considered the notion that her mother and biological father had a history, but she could not come up with what type of history. How does a society girl meet a mobster? Better still, what made the two obviously care about each other? Doyle cared enough about her mother to risk jail by coming into a monitored and guarded hospital. Her mother knew Paddy Doyle well enough to recognize his voice. And, of course, best of all Doyle knew her mother enough to care that someone had hurt her … or that was the theory that Maura was currently working with.
So much had happened in such a short period of time that Maura had gone over dozens of theories without coming to a single conclusion. Her head actually hurt from thinking too much. She never thought that was possible, despite Jane's teasing. Jane.
Jane was the one thing that she did her best not to think of. Jane, who was supposed to be her best friend, and yet had betrayed her so thoroughly. Jane, the woman who shot her father in anger over Agent Dean. Maura's face tensed as she thought about what happened. How could Jane do this to me? I thought we were friends!
"I was stupid for thinking Jane could ever value me above anyone else. No one ever has. My biological parents didn't want me and, even though I know Mom And Dad love me, they didn't exactly care too much for my existence either. What made me think that Jane would be any different? Because she was different for a long time, but lately something has been different. I don't know what happened to us, but it had to be huge for Jane to actually shoot at my father with me right there. Yes, he shot Agent Dean, but he wouldn't have hurt anyone else. Well, I don't think he would … I mean he hasn't hurt any of us before …"
Maura sighed and rubbed sides of the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache building. Sniffling, she turned her attention to her sleeping mother and tried to keep it there. Her mother needed her now and she needed to stop thinking so much, anyway. It would be much easier to focus on her mother if Constance just woke up, but that would not do her another any good and she wanted her mother to get better as soon as possible.
"I want something to get better," Maura muttered. She just did not know what it was that she wanted to get better beyond her mother.
Her father was healing. She was not surprised that Doyle had pulled though two surgeries and a short coma. He seemed invincible, as if he could take on the gods and come away without a scratch. At her darkest hour, Maura thought it was funny. Jane had tried to kill her father, but he was too strong for someone, even Jane, to destroy him. Most of the time she could keep those ideas at bay, but sometimes those things just came to her, along with bitter, twisted raging emotions.
When her thoughts could come out somewhat rational, she would concede that Jane probably was not trying to kill Doyle, considering the fact that she had not shot him center mass with a double tap. But, that did not change the fact that he almost died and took too many secrets with him. It did not change the fact that he almost died get she felt a flood of emotions that she could not begin to comprehend. It was so much easier to just hate Jane. Truly, seriously, and intensely hate Jane.
"Is this how Jane felt when I didn't tell her about Tommy? No," Maura shook her head. It was impossible. Jane could not have felt like this because Jane had forgiven her a day later. She was certain that she would never forgive Jane. There were just too many emotions. Too many to even figure out what they were.
If nothing else, Maura wished that she could at least figure out why she felt an intense burning when she thought about her former best friend. It was beyond hatred, something deeper, something beyond her scope of understanding. The best that she could do was attribute it to Jane almost killing her father, but it seemed like it was more than that. It was just easier for her, especially considering how exhausted she was.
My father. Maura had tried to see Doyle, but it was impossible. Her credentials could not get her near the door. The fact that she was a witness to his crime was just as useless. Despite her anger with Jane shooting her father, Maura could not fix her mouth to tell anyone that Doyle was her biological father. She doubted it could matters that she was a blood relative, anyway. The feds were not in the mood to give Doyle anything that could be mistaken for a comfort. They wanted him to suffer in every possible way for what he did to Agent Dean.
Maura was not even sure she wanted to see Doyle. She knew that he was alive and that really seemed like it was enough. But, she could distract herself if she went to see him, question him, and demand why he always had to ruin things when he showed up. Those things would have to wait until later, though. Probably for when Doyle was in jail and she could actually visit him. Maura was not even sure how she felt about that at this point. It's all just so wrong.
Jane was not sure how she got home. She did not remember leaving the cemetery. She had work tomorrow, but she did not want to go. Not without making up with Maura first. So, first things first, she needed to make a call and she hoped that Maura answered this time around. The phone went straight to voicemail, though.
"Look, I didn't really want to do this on voicemail, but it's becoming more than obvious that you're not going to pick up the phone and let me explain what happened. I need you to know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to lose you, Maura, especially because of something so stupid. I didn't shoot Doyle because of Dean. I wasn't trying to get revenge or anything like that. I know you won't believe this, but I was trying to protect you. I know it sounds crazy, but I really was trying to protect you and I know that I did it in a really stupid way. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. I can only let you know just how sorry I truly am and hope one day that it is enough for you … and for us."
The voicemail cut off and Jane sighed. Dropping her phone to the floor, she flopped down on to the sofa, not sure what to do with herself. She was tempted to have a drink, feeling certain that the loss of one's best friend due to one's stupidity was beyond a valid reason to crawl into a bottle and never leave. She resisted for the simple reason that she was sure that she never would stop drinking and it would not do anyone any good if she decided to become the new family alcoholic.
"What now?" Jane wondered aloud. "I guess I'll just have to wait for Maura to respond." Too bad Jane was not particularly good at waiting.
"Maura, your phone has been ringing all day. I think it's Jane trying to get in touch with you," Angela reported as Maura came into her home.
Maura was pushing her mother, who was in a wheel chair. Both mother and daughter had obviously seen better days. Angela had expected them to look and feel weary, which was why she was in the house. She had spent the morning cooking lunch and dinner for her host and Constance.
"Speaking of Jane, I'm going to see her later on. I think she's taking Agent Dean's death pretty hard. She sounds really broken up on your voicemail. I hope you'll call her back soon. You always know just what to say to her to make her better," Angela said and she probably would have rambled on like that forever if only Constance had not spoken up.
"Maura, dear, Angela is speaking to you. Do you hear her?" Constance asked in an almost reprimanding tone.
"Sorry, but I don't want to discuss Jane at this time, if ever again," Maura replied with a weary frown.
Angela blinked as her face scrunched up in confusion. "What happened between you and Jane? I knew she sounded way too pathetic on your answering machine. What did she do? She'll apologize for it. I'll make her apologize if I have to. You know how she feels about you," Angela ranted and she would have kept going, but Maura cut in.
"I'm not interested in talking to Jane, nor do I wish to hear anything that she has to say," Maura proclaimed quite seriously.
Both Angela and Constance were shocked to hear Maura say such a thing. The mothers both exchanged looks, almost as if asking each other what happened. Of course, neither had any answers, so they turned their attention back to Maura. Maura was not in the mood to explain, though.
"Look, it has been a trying day. I'm going to go fix up the guest room. I didn't get the chance to do it earlier," Maura stated in a stronger tone than necessary. She did not bothered explain why she had not fixed up the guest room. After all, an explanation would have just led to more questions from the nosy parents.
Maura actually hurried out of the room to avoid talking about Jane or her own strange behavior. Angela and Constance watched her go before they Stole a glance at each other. Both women looked worried.
"What was that all about? " Angela wondered aloud.
"I'm sure I don't know," Constance replied. "I'll talk to her about it. She might just be stressed over what happened to me."
Angela nodded. "I guess that could be it. I mean, has Maura ever seen you hurt before?" she asked and Constance only shook her head. Angel sighed. "This has been a trying time for our daughters with everything that's happened. I hope they're there for each other to get them through this. Maura's Jane's rock and I'm sure that Jane needs Maura to get through whatever she's going through," she stated.
"The same could definitely be said of Maura," Constance concurred. Jane had been the main topic of conversation when they were out together. It seemed like Jane was the light of Maura's world, so she hoped that Jane was there for Maura when the medical examiner was so clearly upset.
"Well, I'll go see Jane soon and find out what happened between them and try to make things better before anything else happens. Until then, though, I made lunch for you if you're hungry." Angela motioned to the sandwiches on the counter.
"I'm extremely hungry. Thank you for doing so much for me," Constance said with a gracious smile.
Angela smiled back and waved the thanks off. "It's no problem. Maura does so much for my family that I'm more then happy to do something for someone near and dear to her."
Constance smiled again and Angela did the same. Angela had to help Constance move her wheelchair to get to some place that was comfortable for eating. Angela stayed with Constance for a while, but when Maura returned to the living room, Angela decided to take her leave to go check on her own child.
Jane did not answer the door when Angela showed up, which the mother actually expected. She knew that her daughter probably wanted nothing more than to be left alone because that was how Jane responded to stressful situations, not that Angela fully understood just how much stress her daughter was under. Angela eventually let herself into the apartment when her knocks went unanswered. The mess that greeted her did not surprise her, but the sight of Jane sleeping on the sofa surprised her.
Jane was curled up under a blanket. She was lying in a fetal position and shivering as if she were freezing cold. Angela was not sure what to make of that, but she decide to wake Jane up because she has sure that the detective would be more comfortable in her bed. Shaking Jane, Angela noted that there were tear stains on her cheeks.
"Oh, Janie, what're you going through?" Angela wondered aloud. She then laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder and gently nudged the younger woman awake.
Dark brown eyes marred with deep lines and heavy bags barely opened. "Maura?" Jane muttered in a sleepy haze. "Maura, I'm so sorry. Please …"
"Janie, it's not Maura. It's your mother," Angela informed the weary law enforcement officer.
"Ma? Oh, I thought …" Jane shook her head and rubbed one eye. She blinked several times, trying to clear her vision as well as fight back tears. Maura …
"I can see what you thought. Janie, what are you doing? What's going on with you and Maura?" Angela asked with concern.
Janie shook her head. "I just did something stupid. We'll work it out."
Angela looked skeptical, but for once kept her thoughts to herself, which Jane was more than thankful for. Unfortunately, her prediction proved to be quite false. No amount of begging on Maura's voicemail helped them work things out. Maura wanted nothing to do with Jane.
"Maura, please, pick up. I told you, I was just trying to protect you. I know I did it wrong. It was a stupid impulse. Please, just talk to me. I'm so sorry. He just hurt you so much and I thought that I was saving you from all of that pain and heartache that he always causes. I wasn't trying to kill him or anything, but I wanted to stop him. There was probably another way to do and all. Like I said, I know it was stupid and ridiculous and I am so goddamn sorry! Please, just talk to me!" Jane implored and was heard through out the Isles home as the voicemail picked up for the millionth time.
The very distinct sound of Jane sobbing followed the message and Angela found that she could not, would not, take it any more. She thought the girls would sort their problems out on their own as they usually did, but their mess had been going on for almost a whole week. Enough was enough.
"Maura, when're you going to talk to Jane? She's a mess without you. I don't know what happened, but you really need to get over it," Angela declared.
Maura frowned from her place in the living room. "Angela, I respect you a great deal, so I am going to put this as politely as possible. Please, stay out of my affairs with Jane."
Angela blinked in shock and found herself speechless. Her eyes drifted to Constance, who was staying with Maura until she was completely healed. Constance appeared just as stunned and eyed her daughter as if she did not know who Maura was. Then again, considering Maura's haggard appearance, it was hard to tell who she was.
"Are you fighting with Jane? I was wondering why she has not been by," Constance commented.
"I don't know what happened between you two, but you both know that you're each other's strength and you need each other right now. You were almost run down and your mother was hurt. Jane's lost someone that was special to her. You two should be spending time together and being each other's rocks instead of fighting," Angela declared.
Maura's frown turned into a deep scowl. "I don't want talk about this with either if you. This is my personal problem to handle with Jane, so please stay out of it."
"What do you mean? It's not like you're handling this well and Jane's obviously a mess. You both need to work this out. You need to do something," Angela argued.
"I said stay out of it!" Maura screamed at the top of her lungs and immediately recognized what she did.
Gasping, Maura put her hands over her mouth while Angela and Constance just gaped at her. Angela opened her mouth, but for once had nothing to say. Maura did not stick around for Angela to recover her voice. With tears welling up in her eyes, Maura made a hasty retreat to the back of the house. Angela and Constance looked at each other as if they expected the other to have some explanation for what just happened.
"Have you ever heard Maura scream before?" Angela asked in disbelief.
Constance shook her head. "I was going to ask you the same thing. I have never in my life heard Maura make so much noise."
"Do you know what is going on between her and Jane? Listening to all of those voice messages, I can hardly believe it's Jane. Jane doesn't cry or beg or plead with anyone and usually she and Maura fix any problems they have before the rest of us know that's going. Has Maura said anything to you? Jane won't talk about what happened between them."
"She has not said anything to me. Do you think whatever happened was serious?" Constance asked.
"I'm certain that whatever happened between them was beyond serious. I've never seen them like this. I'm worried about them, especially Jane. She took some personal days and she's spent them all curled up on her couch and begging Maura to talk to her. It's starting to seem cruel for Maura to not even talk to her."
"I'm sure Maura has a good reason for her behavior. Something had to make her scream at us," Constance pointed out, sounding almost defensive for her daughter.
"Nothing can really excuse how she's treating Jane," Angela argued.
"How do you know? Jane probably did something to warrant this treatment considering the fact that she's the one apologizing," Constance countered.
"Jane would never do something that justified her best friend in the world completely ignoring her! Jane can be dense sometimes, but she's one of the best friends a person could ever have! She's been good to Maura since day one!" Angela proclaimed.
Constance opened her mouth with a rebuttal, but thought better of it. She sighed and slumped in her chair. She was quiet for a few seconds, as if to compose herself.
"It's incredibly silly for us to argue over this. I'm sure the girls will work it out on their own. After all, they are best friends and it seems as if nothing can come between them for long," Constance stated.
Angela nodded. "I hope they settle this soon. I don't think Jane can last much longer on that couch."
Constance nodded in agreement. Maura had not been herself for a while now, too, and she suspected that it was much more than the accident that was troubling her child. She hoped that the pair settled their problem soon and everyone could fit back to normal. Although, Maura's emotions seemed to be running high enough for if be safe to assume that the friends were not going through simple that could be heated in a few days. Or even a few weeks.
Next time: Jane manages to go to work while Maura hangs out with her mother. After that, Maura gets into a fight with Jane's mother.