Author's Notes: Written for queer_fest on Livejournal.
"Narcissa Malfoy, she loves her husband dearly, but she's never been attracted to men."
Also for the Diversity Competition on the HPFC forum.
The next round is to write a story including the sentence "Guilt washed over him/her". It MUST be included within the text, and should be over 700 words
Narcissa came home from their honeymoon with a limp from the pain between her legs and an aching sort of hollowness in her heart. Lucius had done his best with her, and she had appreciated it, but it their wedding night, and the few nights following it in which Lucius had attempted to make love to her had been unpleasant and painful for both of them.
They scarcely exchanged glances when they returned to the manor, Narcissa pretending to be fascinated with her fingernails and Lucius occasionally glancing at her. When they got inside, he cleared his throat softly.
"I love you, Narcissa," he told her, but it sounded stilted, as though he had spent a long time practicing just exactly how to say it.
Narcissa mustered a small smile and pecked her new husband's cheek, but she didn't look at him, keeping her eyes on the ground and pulling back swiftly. "Do you have work that you need to do now that we're back?" she asked, hoping that she didn't sound too terribly like she was trying to get rid of him.
"Some," he said, sounding more than a touch disappointed. "But… are you going up to bed? I could put off the work for a while…" He reached out and took her hand tenderly in his.
Narcissa's instant reaction was to move away. Guilt washed over her for that, and she did not meet his eyes.
This was not how she wanted her marriage to be. Things would have been so very easy if she could make her body respond to him properly.
The way it responded to women…
Oh, and she had tried. She had tried to make herself become aroused by his touch. She had tried shutting her eyes when Lucius kissed her and melting into him and rubbing her body against his, and it did nothing. All she could feel when she behaved that way was vaguely embarrassed for herself.
"Well…" she kept her eyes on the ground. "I… I'm a bit tired, Lucius… I thought I'd just go to sleep. You should go get… go get things done."
"Oh." He sounded unhappy, though not surprised. "Right. Well… sleep well…"
"Thanks," Narcissa murmured, then turned and disappeared upstairs.
She was not surprised – though not pleased either – to find Bellatrix sprawled over her bed, kicking her legs lightly and combing out her long, black tangles with the silver brush that Narcissa had received as a wedding gift. Narcissa sighed impatiently and snatched it out of her hands. "What are you doing here, Bella?"
Bellatrix pouted, but let her take it. "I heard you were back… thought you'd fancy some proper company after all that time with that little Malfoy leech. I see you managed to get rid of him – good for you…"
"He's not a leech, Bella," Narcissa said quietly, turning to her dressing table and removing the necklace she was wearing. "He's very polite, you know. I don't want to hurt his feelings."
"Why do you bother sparing his feelings?" Bellatrix asked impatiently. She stood up and put her arms about her little sister, dragging one fingernail gently around Narcissa's nipple and smirking when her breath caught. "It's not as though you're in love with him, are you? You only love me, that's what you've said."
"Mm," Narcissa murmured, looking down and playing with the necklace clasp.
Of course she'd told Bellatrix that she only loved her. How could she possibly say anything else? Bellatrix would have skinned her alive if she dared…
"If he really loved you, he'd let you go," Bellatrix murmured in her sister's ear. "He'd stay married to you to save your reputation, and then you could have any woman you wanted…"
"I don't just want any woman, Bella," Narcissa said, not without irritation creeping into her voice. "Just because I prefer them to men doesn't mean that I'd sleep with anyone…" Unlike you, she managed to stop herself from adding.
"Of course," Bellatrix sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're far too pure for that, aren't you?"
"Get off, Bella," Narcissa told her softly, a blush creeping over her cheeks. She pushed her away gently, the crossed to the bed and sank down upon it, focussing on her hands, just as she did whenever Lucius had brought up the subject of sex while they were on their honeymoon. Bellatrix retreated a few steps and glared at her suspiciously.
"You do only love me, Cissy, isn't that right?" she demanded. "You don't love Lucius Malfoy, do you? How could you? He's vile, we both know that! Besides… besides, you're not supposed to like men!" Bellatrix's voice cracked almost hysterically. "You don't, do you? You've said…"
"I don't want to sleep with him, no," Narcissa told her, a touch of ice crawling into her voice. "Does that make you happy? Is that good enough for you?"
Bellatrix looked smug. "That's good."
"It hurt when I did," Narcissa muttered. "On our honeymoon… and it was… it was uncomfortable, you know?"
"I know, Cissy," Bellatrix said with exaggerated sympathy, sitting down on the bed and patting her little sister's hand. "It was horrid with Rodolphus when we first got married. I understand exactly…"
"It's not the same for you and Rodolphus," Narcissa insisted. "You don't love- don't care about him. You don't care about him."
"That isn't true!" Bellatrix said indignantly. "You act as though I hate him."
"You do," muttered Narcissa.
At least, in comparison to how I feel about Lucius.
"You're such a little brat, Cissy," Bellatrix told her. "This is quite pathetic – you do know that, don't you? If you were in love with Lucius, then you'd sleep with him, and it would feel good for you. You don't sleep with him, and it didn't feel good when you did, so you obviously don't love him."
"It's not that simple, Bella!" she snapped.
Bellatrix looked a touch taken aback by the outburst. She eyed her little sister almost warily, as though afraid that she might throw a fit or scream or start tearing at her own skin at any moment. Narcissa took a deep breath to compose herself.
"I just mean," she said, forcing her voice to stay calm and even, though it was trembling a little with suppressed irritation at her sister's insufferable smugness, "I mean, can't you understand that not everything is about sex?"
Bellatrix looked at her for a second, then her eyebrow twitched up and she smirked.
"Oh, but it is, Cissy," she told her. "It all comes down to sex in the end. Didn't you know that?"