Chapter 7. This life.
It was hot and Utena's knocking on the apartment door, echoed through out the rail road hallway. Sweat dripped gently down her backside and she wanted to cry. She rested her forehead on the cool metal door. Utena's thoughts raced. Anthy wasn't home, again. How many times had she traveled to this neighborhood? Where was Anthy? She didn't understand, what had she done? Why wouldn't Anthy answer her phone calls, or email?
Utena had thought things were good between them, especially since it had been so long. The lost years between them had melted away, and every thing was comfortable, so why? Why won't Anthy talk to her? Why isn't she home? Utena sighed.
When she stepped on to the front stoop, an older woman smiled at her. Utena's sadness couldn't respond with the same politeness.
"I know where the Indian girl is." Said the woman.
Utena looked suprised by the statement, and a inkling of brightness returned to her eyes.
"Your friend, I mean." Repeated the Lady.
'You know where Anthy is?' Replied Utena.
"She's been really sorrowful, your friend I mean." Said the woman.
Utena thought that perhaps she looked pitiful, looking for Anthy. It had been weeks and may be, this Lady would know where's Anthy had gone? Utena needed to cry because she felt broken, but she couldn't, not yet.
"She's at the Beach, she goes there some times, just to paint or whatever. I always tease her about it because she gets so dark there." Said the woman.
'Oh'. Replied Utena. 'Do you know which beach?."
"Yeah, Far Rockaway, right by Beckman's Pier. I don't get why she goes so far when Manhattan Beach is closer! She's a strange one that one." Replied the woman.
Utena saw the gentleness in the her expression, and realized that her desperation was obvious.
'Thank You.' Sheepishly replied Utena.
The breeze on the beach was wonderful. Utena's hair was a mess. She could see Anthy up ahead sitting on a blue blanket in the sand. Anthy was wearing a turquoise full bathing suit. Utena could feel the sand squish under her weight as she quietly approached Anthy.
She almost didn't want to disturb her. Anthy looked lost in thought as she gazed out into the ocean. The waves roared as they swept in and out by the current. Utena stopped for a moment and checked her cheeks, to make sure she wasn't crying. The sea gulls chirped loudly, and Utena wanted to stay frozen for a little while. She picked up a pretty pink shell and just stared at it.
When she finally stood by Anthy, she quickly sat beside her on the blue blanket. Anthy looked at her, and then returned her gaze at the sea. There was a great saddness in her expression. She hadn't said a word, only looked on like she was in a dream state.
Utena felt helpless, she wanted to shake Anthy and yell at her. The only thing she could do was examine the pretty shell that was still in her right hand. The lines were perfect and the colors vivid. She wondered what kind of slimy crustation once lived in it. Utena felt lost for words. She hoped Anthy would speak first.
"I've been looking for you for a while." Said Utena.
Utena gently took off her sneakers and started to shake and pat the sand out of them.
'I'm sorry.' Softly, replied Anthy.
Anthy continued to look at the ocean as Utena stared at her. She was burnt from the sun, and her eyes looked wet, as if she would cry at any moment.
"Anthy, why have you been avoiding me? What have I done?" Asked Utena.
Utena's voice was tender and strained. Anthy stilll gazed at the ocean.
"I'm sorry for what ever I've done." Said Utena.
'You haven't done any thing to be sorry for Utena. I'm the one who stopped communicating with you, you know.' Anthy insisted.
'I had this dream, that I lost you, and I realized you and I are wrong together.' Said Anthy.
Utena felt desperate, but all she could let out was a deep sigh. Anthy was still looking at the ocean and not her! Did she really think that a dream could seperate them. What the heck! Utena thought.
"You know I once read a passage in the bible that read, we are like grass, we grow and flourish and then we whiter away, and are remembered no more." Answered Utena.
Suddenly, there is silence between them. Anthy, carefully looks ahead.
'If that's your fancy way of saying our lives are short, well I agree Utena.' Replied Anthy.
"Well I mean, I met you. The choices we make are our own, no matter what they are." Said Utena.
'I dreamed Akio had killed you. I couldn't bear it if some thing like that happened to you.' Replied Anthy.
"Akio, Akio's dead Anthy. He's still in a coffin, and that will never change." Said Utena.
"This life that we have is ours, and we should live it, no matter how messed up or great it is. It's what's given to us Anthy." Said Utena.
'So this is Life?' replied Anthy.
It took her a moment to fully comprehend her own statement. The life that Utena was talking about was their own, no matter how short it was. No one could live another persons life. Each person has their own life to lead and live.
"So this is life!' Laughed Utena. She didn't want to waste time, with corny cliche's or phony sentiments. She understood that Anthy was part of her life.
"All I wanna do right now is hold you in my arms, and cover you in kisses. Well, I'd like to do more than that." Said Utena.
She rubbed the back of her neck. Her eyes looked down at the sand in front of her. When she looked up Anthy was looking at her with tears in her eyes. Her nose, cheeks, and shoulders were bright red, and it looked painful.
"You know you should really wear sun screen." Utena stretched out her hand. "Come on, no more baking in the sun for you. Let's go."
Anthy was still crying when Utena held her hand all the way to the train station. Utena gave her more tissue, and waited for Anthy to compose herself. Utena thought to herself, all she could do was hold Anthy's hand. Anthy was so sun burnt, she might hurt her touching her any place else. Utena was pleased to be with Anthy, and they were together again.
Anthy wiped her nose and dried her tears. She was uncertain about a few things, but the one thing she was sure of, was that she wouldn't let go of the hand that was holding hers.
O.K. I'm done. It's been fun. Hope you enjoyed my short story.