Pony Boy and the Cheerleader
[For my hilarious peeps on Twitter]
"So… how the hell does this like work?" Caroline asked, cocking a brow.
Klaus just blinked at that, shaking his head. "What do you mean?"
Caroline scowled. "Like… all the sudden Klaus, you, just happens to realize I'm alive and 'fancy me.'"
The hybrid blinked once more, looking thoughtful. "Well. Um. Fair point."
"Duh, you were going to use me as a sacrifice to free your o' so fucking mighty hybrid, then, months later, not even knowing me, you go 'I fancy you' and make fucking Klaroline be a new ship."
"Ah." Klaus nodded, frowning. "Yeah, that is kinda weird love. Who the hell does that?"
Caroline scoffed at that. "The writers idiot. They've made you turn into a total pussy."
"Hmm, pretty sure Julie Plec doesn't ship Klaroline as well."
"And she thought it up!"
"Yeah, Candice Accola doesn't like it either."
"…I have no idea. I bet he ships it. Hard. You saw his birthday tweet to her."
Caroline wrinkled her nose. "I think he was teasing the shippers."
With a groan, Klaus sat down on the sofa and crossed his ankles. "So… why exactly do I fancy you?"
"Because I'm full of light and shit."
"You sound like a lightbulb."
"You made me sound like a lightbulb!"
Caroline tutted. "And what's with all the Love and Sweetheart? And this shit about the British accent! You were born a-fucking thousand years ago! There was no British accent back then!"
"I must have spent my life in London."
"Or they're using Josephs accent to their advantage."
"Next thing you know, I'm drinking tea and going 'Spiffing day love.'"
"You do that, I'll slap the shit out of you."
Klaus smirked. "Bring it. It'll lead to angry sex. The viewers will love that."
"…we make no sense. At all."
"Tell me about it love."
Caroline furrowed her brows. "I bet now you're hijacking Tylers body we'll have sex. Caroline will like Klaus… because of his mind. He'll be a sappy little fuck and fuck the fucking shit out of me. Hybrid style."
"A bit like doggy. Actually, a lot like doggy."
"Oh. Sounds kinky."
"You're not trying it on me."
Caroline bit her lip a little, then shrugged. "They're building all this sexual tension, and all the viewers got was a fucking Tlaroline snog. Can Klaus even feel that? Did Tylers body get an erection or something?"
Klaus looked thoughtful. "Sweetheart, I think Klaus would just pin Caroline down and pretty much rape her on the spot if he was this 'evil bad guy.'"
"But no. We have a mommys boy with family issues, painting ponies, crying over anything, slobbering over a cheerleader. He's a fucking pussy. He's not even scary anymore."
"Yes, the viewers have become so attached to him."
"Yes, the amount of Team Klaus shirts are taking over the world."
"Booya. Klaus rules."
"…I love ponies."
"Your drawings suck 'mate'"
Just /pure/ laughable shit. I love Klaroline, but it has it's flaws! Not meant to offend anyone! Just, again, pure comedy. Hope you like!