Hi - this is my first fanfic ever - I read Insurgent and loved it, even more than Divergent, mostly because I thought Four's character was so complex. So this is a Four POV - not an original idea, I know, but I really wanted to get into his head more. This was originally going to be a one shot of the scene that really got to me, when he had to take truth serum. But then it turned into chapters, and well...review, because if there's interest, I'll keep going.
I don't own Divergent, Insurgent, or any thing that's reproduced here. Though I wish I did.
I have four fears, but the truth isn't one of them. I am honest with myself…if not always honest with others. Now I'm locked in a Candor cell with the only person I have ever been fully truthful with, and it feels like there's a wall between us. And that I am afraid of, that after everything we've been through, Tris doesn't trust me. And if she doesn't trust me, how can she truly love me?
Neither of us speak.
Tris starts pacing, a ball of nervous energy. But I am still. Until I see a way out of this, there's no point in panicking.
"Can you please calm down?" I say, a little louder than I intended. "You're making me nervous."
"This is me calming down," she says, biting her lower lip so hard it bleeds.
I don't look her in the eye as she sits, folding in on herself, making herself small, closed off. Something big is troubling her, and I can tell she's feeling guilty about it. I had thought it was grief, deep sorrow and guilt over her parents' deaths, but now I'm not so sure. She can't even pick up a gun anymore. It's like she's given up, and she hasn't told me why.
Maybe I should just ask. This is Candor after all.
"Sometimes, I worry that you don't trust me." I say quietly, finally turning to look at her. She doesn't look up.
"I trust you," she says to the floor. "Of course I trust you. Why would you think otherwise?"
"Just seems like there's something you're not telling me. I told you things…" I shake my head. She knows exactly what it's cost me to bare my soul - it's made me vulnerable, not exactly an asset for a Dauntless male…or Marcus's son. I wish I knew why she refuses to pay the same price.
"I told you things I would have never told anyone else. Something's been going on with you though, and you haven't told me yet."
"There's been a lot going on. You know that," she says. She sounds angry. "And what about you? I could say the same thing to you."
Right. Evelyn. I should have known this would come up. I didn't tell Tris about my mother because I still don't know what to think about her myself. She abandoned me, and when I decided not to leave Dauntless, I never thought I would see her again. Marcus was so bad that Evelyn was just an afterthought. I would have told Tris about her eventually… but now everything has changed, and thrown my feelings about Evelyn into confusion. We might need the factionless. I might need my mother. The concept is so foreign to me, I can't even think straight about it yet.
I'm sure as hell not going to talk about it now.
I do know how I feel about Tris. I touch her cheek, her hair. She finally looks up, and her eyes look desperate. I start to worry. This isn't about me, or us, it's about herself. She doesn't trust herself, and that's dangerous. So I give her one more opportunity to tell me, to let me help her.
"If it's just about your parents, tell me and I'll believe you."
She looks at me, and her eyes take me back to the simulation training room at Dauntless, Tris pausing at the door, looking right through me, saying nothing while telling me everything.
Then she slams the door shut.
"That's all it is."
I want to kiss that door open again, but I won't get the chance. Jack Kang, representative of Candor, walks in with some guards. We're definitely in big trouble, otherwise he wouldn't bother with two Dauntless teenagers. He tells me I'm accused of crimes against humanity, and Tris of being my accomplice. Yeah, that's us, Four and Six, the Dauntless Duo of Evil. I almost laugh, but then I get angry. Why aren't they over at Erudite headquarters arresting Jeanine Matthews?
We protest, loudly, but it's pointless. The Candor haven't chosen sides, they just want the truth. And we're going to give it to them, whether we want to or not.
As Kang tells us that they'll interrogate us using truth serum, Tris's eyes grow wide with fear. I watch her, shocked, though I keep my expression neutral for the guards. Six, the Divergent, afraid of a serum? I can't imagine what she would have to worry about from a Candor interrogation. Suddenly, I realize that I know very little about what happened to Tris after Jeanine put me under. I know her mother saved her from execution, but Caleb is the one who told me the details. I've never pressed her on it - I almost killed her too, and I don't like to talk about it much either. Whatever she's not telling me, she's sure the truth serum will reveal it. She's terrified of the consequences, and there's nothing I can do to help her.
I'm not wild about the idea of truth serum either, but strangely, I feel almost peaceful, resigned – even though I have much more to hide. I'm Divergent, I could try to fight the serum, but I don't think I will. I'll try to preserve my dignity, but if the Candor want to strip me bare, so be it. I know my choice for Dauntless was wrong, I know I am a coward. If I really want to be fearless, it's time to finally tell the truth.
They take Tris and me down together, surrounded by Dauntless guards. One of them is Christina, Tris's smart-mouth friend from initiation. She seems less snarky than she used to be, talking to Tris quietly ahead of me, and I hear her voice catch as she tells Tris that her boyfriend Will died in the attack. I bow my head briefly in respect, he was a good guy. When I look up, I glance at Tris. The last thing she needs is more grief. But her face is oddly blank.
"I know," Tris says to Christina, "I saw him on the monitors when I was in the control room."
I stop listening to the rest of the conversation, and just stare at Tris's back. She stiffens; she can tell I'm glaring at her. I know she didn't see Will on the monitors, and I know she isn't lying just to make Christina feel better. Something happened to her friend during the simulation, and she was there.
The doors open to the courtroom, and I forget Will for now. The light hits two chairs at the center of the room. I grab Tris's hand as we walk towards them. She is the only one who really knows me as I am, as a Divergent, as Tobias. I have a feeling that Four is about to die in one of those chairs. But he won't give up easily.