Everyone likes Cookies, right?
A.N.: Movie verse. Post Avengers. I don't own any of this, but it does inspire me. Especially Loki.
Tony Stark and Bruce Banner had been in one of the labs in Stark Tower, doing what two scientific geniuses were wont to do when they had lots of toys to play with. Eventually, a combination of hunger and unwashed body odor made them come up for air. Bruce headed for the shower, Tony decided to call in an order for pizza. He heard someone moving about in the kitchen. Maybe it was Steve. Steve was a good cook. Steve could sling eggs and hashbrowns worthy of the greasy diners Tony was fond of visiting, when Pepper let him get away with it. Nope, not Steve. Tony stood there for a moment processing the scene. Loki was in the kitchen, giving off an air of frustration and annoyance. His hair and clothing were splattered with dough. He raised his head and and the look he gave Tony was enough to make him wish Bruce was standing there for backup.
"Get out of here." Loki hissed. Tony got.
Tony backed into something large and solid - call it Thor. "Your little brother almost made me piss myself just now. Please tell me he isn't crazy again, since he currently has access to lots of sharp pointy things."
"No, friend Tony. Loki is always this way when he is busy. I interrupted him one time while he was making a potion and he gave me dragon scales and a tail." Thor laughed at the memory.
"The scales might be kind of awesome, but I don't think a tail would work with the suit." Tony grabbed his cell phone and ordered pizza - pick up, not delivery. Two twelve inch Papa John's Hawaiian BBQ Chicken, one twelve inch Texas Heat and one twelve inch Garden Fresh. He looked at Thor and hoped that it would be enough. He did the pick up so he could put some distance between himself and the Norse God currently having a bitch fit in the kitchen.
A freshly showered Bruce glanced in at Loki, who was now muttering to himself, then went to join Thor on the couch. "Hi. Loki doesn't hold a grudge about the other guy smashing him into the floor, does he? 'Cause Tony just got this place restored and I'd hate to make a mess again."
Thor shrugged. "If he did so, he would not speak of it to me."
"That's not very reassuring."
Tony returned, pizza boxes in hand, just as the aroma of baking cookies wafted in from the kitchen and Loki made his appearance. Cookie dough and flour vanished from his clothes and hair and he took a seat. He glanced over at Bruce. "You aren't going to turn into the beast again, are you, if you don't like my cookies?"
"Good. Once was quite enough." Loki yawned and stretched.
"Why the cookies?"
"Another one of my" Loki paused "father's menial atonement tasks for me. I was charged with doing something nice for your little group. Hence cookies. Everyone likes cookies, do they not? It's been very trying so if no one eats them, I may very well throw the lot of you through the windows."
"And Thor is here to babysit you, I guess?" Tony grabbed a slice of the Hawaiian BBQ Chicken pizza.
Loki's lips thinned in barely contained anger. "I do not need a babysitter, so no. The All-Father requires Thor's presence, so I am escorting him back to Asgard after I finish here."
"So no visit from Odin this time, wondering why you haven't come straight home*. You know I just figured it out. You're the Asgardian equivalent of being grounded." Bruce wished Tony would just shut up and eat the damned pizza, before he pissed off the twitchy god.
Loki looked over at Thor, who shrugged. "I don't know what that means."
"It means your dad has you on a short leash. I guess you finally got his attention. Congratulations."
Loki glared at Tony for a few seconds, then stood up and walked casually around the room, touching various objects. He settled on a very expensive, limited edition Iron Man sculpture. He picked it up, looked over at Tony, paused for dramatic effect, then threw it through one of the windows. He stood there for a moment looking at the damage. "Isn't that the window I threw you out of during my ill-conceived effort to take over this wretched realm?" Tony nodded. "Rather amusing, don't you think? That I just threw your mini me through the same window?" Loki started to laugh. Tony felt little shivers run up the back of his neck. A buzzer went off in the kitchen. "If you will excuse me, I need to put in another tray of cookies."
"Are you sure we aren't talking a brain full of cats again here?" Tony asked Bruce.
Bruce shook his head. "No, just a bratty diva. You did notice the dramatic pause."
"Just checking." Tony grabbed another slice of pizza.
"It is not wise to anger my brother, friend Tony. He imprisoned me in a tapestry once, one that had the Valkyrie in it. Loki hid his actions well and told our parents that I had gone on a hunting trip. It was several days before his mischief was discovered. A servant taking the tapestry down to be cleaned saw that Brunhilde had a beard and finding it strange, told my mother."
Loki re-appeared, took a couple of slices of the Garden Fresh pizza, then returned to the kitchen. They could hear quiet mutterings and see occasional flashes of green light.
Sometime later, Loki returned, bearing a tray. On it were his cookies. Three dozen perfect replicas of the Avengers, nude and anatomically correct. Loki set the tray down on the coffee table and waited expectantly.
"You have outdone yourself, brother!" boomed Thor, picking up a Captain America cookie and biting into it with gusto, while Tony and Bruce cringed.
"Eh, Thor? No offense, but you chowing down on Cap's fun zone, even if it is just a cookie, it's kind of creepy." Tony picked up an Iron Man cookie and studied it closely. It was an amazing likeness.
"I could animate them, if you wish. Then you could achieve your wildest dream, Stark. You could copulate with the person you most love, that being yourself." Loki smirked.
Tony put his cookie back on the tray. "I really don't need the image that just popped into my head. And no, I don't wish."
Bruce was studying the Hulk cookie. "How did you do this? Magic?"
"A combination of natural artistic ability and a little magic. Nothing that will cause harm." Loki picked up Tony's discarded cookie and took a bite. "See?"
Bruce took the plunge and picked up a Black Widow cookie. He took a tentative bite. "These are really good. Maybe you should forget about world domination and open a bakery instead."
Loki nodded his head in acknowledgement. "My task is done, so Thor and I should leave."
"Uhm, before you leave, could you waggle your fingers or something and fix my window? Maybe even get my statue back?"
"I could. But I won't."
Tony nodded. "Of course not. I bet you left the kitchen in a mess as well."
"I did all the cooking, why should I clean? Come on Thor, and grab the rest of the Garden Fresh pizza." The two Asgardians left.
Tony looked at the cookies. It wouldn't be so bad if they were John and Jane Doe adult cookies, and didn't look like his teammates. Ah, what the hell. Tony grabbed a Hulk cookie. "Don't think this means anything, Bruce. I like icing and the big guy is covered in green icing." Tony bit down. "Damn. You're right, Loki should open a bakery."
Tony headed to the shower and Bruce headed back to the lab, a few assorted Avengers cookies in hand.
The next morning, Tony discovered that both his window and statue had been replaced. He sent a thanks to Odin, figuring he was responsible. Most of the cookies were gone. Of those remaining someone had covered their private parts with icing. Call him Steve.
*see "A Drink with the Enemy"