Lily Luna Potter was scared. She has never been so scared in her entire nineteen years on earth. She doesn't understand. She thinks that she might, she might , maybe love Teddy Lupin. Ted, Teddy, Theodore, Teddy-bear Lupin, her god-brother. TeddyandVictoire Teddy. Teddy isn't for her. Because Teddy is for beautiful (boring) girls like Victoire. Ah yes, Victoire may as well be Victoire Lupin, because we all knopw its coming. Even if they've been dating (on and off) for 10 years. But then Teddy does something Teddyish and it all falls to pieces. for example, last night he did something Teddyish. He kissed his little God- sister. And not in an 'oh-night-night-Lils' way. In an 'oh-just-going-to-snog-your-face-off-Lils' way. In a way that made poor, scared and confused little Lily Luna find some feelings she was pretty sure shouldn't be there way. She knew he loved her (though whether her meant her as in Lily or her as in Victoire, poor little Lily wasn't sure). She, Lily Luna, was a little insane, a lot selfish and tad wild. She, Victoire, was perfect as virgin snow, pretty as an angel and never, ever selfish. Victoire would never kiss her cousin's boyfriend. Victoire would never fall for someone's soul mate. And selfishinsanewild Lily had. More than once. First when she was just a little thirteen year old. She had 'fallen in love' with Scorpius Malfoy, her cousin Rose's bestfriend turned boyfriend turned husband. She'd nearly ruined both the love lives of Scorpius and Rose and her relationship with Rose. Second when she had fallen for Lorcan Scamander, at the age of 16. Lorcan was her friend, her closest non-relative friend. lorcan was destined for Lucy, Lily's daydreamy cousin. Everyone knew that, except of course, poor deluded Lils. Eventually that one had run itself out. Well, if catching Lucy and Lorcan having a heated, er, session, in a cupboard was running itself out. So selfish Lily had decided, in the doorway of a cupboard, that she wouldn't date anyone connected to her family. That had lasted three years, give or take a couple of months. Now, for the third time unlucky, she is(maybe a little bit completely) in love with a boy who was very much connected with her irritatingly massive family. This time was evn more hopeless than the others. Teddy is 29, Lily is barely 19, and maybe there wasa massive age gap with his parents, but history repeating itself would be an unbearable cliche. Although currently, Lily would bear it. Teddy is loving and loveable (and completely empty, but only Lily knows or understands). Lily, however, only loves Hugo and Teddy. She likes the rest of her family, but onlyHugo and Teddy never gave up. Hugo is perfect too. Well, he'd been an annoying teenaged boy, but he'd grown out of that and was now a relatively mature 20 year old man. it was strange that he was growing up. He who'd been with her since that day in august when she'd been born. Hugo would be a much better boy (sorry, man) to fall in love with, who cares about the cousincest (Lily is pretty sure that's the correct term). But she can't do that. She would steal away in the dead of night, much like she had the day she'd found out about Lucy and Lorcan. She'll pick up some bad habits (maybe drinking and smoking again). She'll have a string of meaningless 'boyfriends', and maybe even some girlfriends, if she really needs to take her mind off Teddy boy, from Cambridge to Canberra. She'll stop feeling, replace her bleeding heart with a metal device (kind of like Dominique did). She'll drop in on her God-son, little Leo Orion Malfoy. Rose and Scorpius will try to mend her, feed her, then send her on to the only perso other than Teddy who fixes her problems (because, for once, Teddy is the problem). Hugo. He'll make it better, let her cry any tears that the metal device will let her. He'll take off the tape that screams FRAGILE! and he'll send her on, one last time, to Teddy. And she'll give Teddy a sad, sad smile. She'll show him the tatoos that she's bound to get, printed all over her skinny body, yellow from the alcohol or white from the misery. She'll let him see it's all his fault, from that one kiss sparks all of her brokeness. She'll leave in a nightmarish whirl of faded colours and maybe become a human again.
Her other idea is to just apparate to Teddy's, where there is a possibility he will be with (perfect) Victoire, already forgetting the kiss he shared with his baby god-sister. Maybe she'll do a more eloquent, yet raw, version of what she did to poor Scorpius all those years ago, pouring out her heart, telling him he feels the same. Yeah, because that went so well first time around. She'll ask him to hold her like he did when she was eight and they all went camping (her, her brothers, Teddy and her parents) and there was that rain that hammered on the tent and scared her, until she was almost as scared as she is now. He held her until four a.m, when she fell fast asleep. Maybe if she's feeling particularly nostalgic they'll play the game with no rules or winners or losers, where Teddy keeps changing his hair and face for her. Maybe she was so selfish because of that game and the way he bent to her every wish. He'll tell her he loves her and she won't know what he means, and he'll never tell her, because truth be told, she doesn't reckon that he knows either. She'll crash onhis couch, she needs no invitation, then she'll wake up with tear tracks making her cheeks stiff and last night's make up smudged all over her face. And the memories of the night before will all flood back and fill her with hope before Victoire waltzes in, a vision in night wear, with a patronising smile painted on her features and ask her if she wants breakfast. And without a word Lily would run away again, trying desperately not to cry or vomit as she loses herself in an unfamiliar city.
Yeah, maybe she'll do that, either of her not so brilliant plans. But either way she'll end up alone. And as scared as ever.