This is a sequel to George Orwell's 1984. Not to be confused with the song of the same name by Bowling for Soup, although the movie version of this would play that song in the beginning and end credits.
"I love you Big Brother," Winston proclaimed.
"Yes, I know," The coffee shop person exclaimed for the five umpteenth time. "We all love Big Brother."
"I mean I really, really, Really, Really love him," Winston insisted. "I am in love with Big Brother. Screw Julia. If it weren't for that skank, I would never have been traumatized in the Ministry of Love."
"Julia still loves you."
"She does? Shit! I forgot to break up with her! Oh my God, this is gonna be awkward to try to explain." Winston could not fantasize about having sex with Big Brother because of the whole Thought Police thing. Or could he, since it would be a huge ego boost to Big Brother? I need to redeem myself and show my love for Julia somehow so she doesn't catch on because if I break up with her, then I will have to explain, and if I lie, then the Thought Police will come for me."
He went to the pet store... and saw that they offered pet rats.
"AAAAHHHH!" Winston stood there, screaming at the rats in their cage, hoping they would back down. He finally ran out of scream and decided they were cute.
"Now that I am no longer afraid of rats, there must be a new thing that I am the most afraid of, something else awaiting me in room 101 if I ever am taken back there." There was a telescreen in the pet store, blaring 'What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)'. Maybe that had something to do with why Winston was no longer afraid of rats?
"Strange. I didn't think this song would exist until October 2011." He saw something that caught his eye. It was a four foot long macaw with the prettiest blue feathers he had ever seen, even prettier than Julia ever dreamed of being. The price tag was $499.99 or whatever currency they use in Eastasia, Oceania, or Eurasia (forgot which one Winston lives in). Fortunately that was no obstacle since he sold his soul at the pawn shop and it costed exactly that amount.
"1 hyacinth macaw. That will be $499.99." Winston gave the cashier 499 ones and 99 pennies. The person behind him in line played through Pokemon White one time, from save file start until the Elite 4 while Winston was handing all the money pieces over one at a time.
"Julia, I got something for you: it's a hyacinth macaw!" Winston entered Julia's place with the hyacinth macaw balanced perfectly on his middle finger.
"GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE! I HATE LARGE PARROTS! THEY'RE TOO LOUD!" Julia shouted so loud she made herself deaf. "On second thought, go ahead. I can take care of it. Its noise will no longer bother me now that I am deaf."
Now that Julia was deaf, Winston would be able to chant 'I wanna make love with you, Big Brother.' He was in quite a dilemma. Not only would breaking up with Julia now be too awkward, but he had no idea if Big Brother existed, and if he did, where he was hiding out.
The next day, Winston got fired from his Ministry of Truth duties for looking at Big Brother rule 34 and thinking 'I wanna do that.' Now what could he use as an excuse to go on these Big Brother finding excursions? The lack of money coming in would immediately give him away. "I know. I'll find another job."
He wanted to work at the pet store, so he got his application. One of the questions asked 'what are you most afraid of?' Winston had no idea how to answer that. "I'll come back to that one later." It was asterisked, meaning it was required that he fill that in. He filled out everything else except his fear. He folded up his application and pocketed it, and thought about bombing Big Brother's house and being a pedophile. Thought Police, come out, come out wherever you are, Winston was thinking.
Winston woke up to find himself in the brightly lit prison cell in the Ministry of Love. Again. He was kicked, beaten with truncheons, made part of a human centipede at position C, shot at with flaming bullets, and preached at by a guy wearing a sandwich board that had a list of sins on it. None of that he feared very much at all.
"Winston, you are going to room 101." Winston had an idea of room 101. When they took him to room 101, he saw the cage of rats from last time.
"We know that you are afraid of rats, so I will clamp this cage over your face and let the hungry rats claw your face off," O'Brien said in a menacing tone.
Again with the rats? Psssh, those things are piss easy now. When O'Brien attached the cage, Winston smiled and said in a warm tone "Aww, you're so cute and fluffy! I wanna take u home."
"I don't get it. I thought you'd be twice as afraid as last time."
"Yeah, well, a popular pop song told me that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." O'Brien began reading his mind.
"No wonder! I had forgotten to read your mind since last time you were here. You are now most afraid of Julia finding out that you want to have sex with Big Brother. Well, she found out."
"Thank you, dude! Now I can fill out the entirety of my job application. See ya!" Winston walked right out the door that O'Brien conveniently forgot to lock.
Winston submitted his job application and waited patiently for the interview, but the wait was agonizing due to not being in love with Julia anymore. Winston remembered that the date was April 1st. He knew what that meant.
"It's over! I don't see how this is gonna work out. I'm a man, You're a woman. We're just too different. Go to hell, you skank!" Winston yelled. Julia sobbed and started to run away when Winston grabbed her finger and pulled her back.
"APRIL FOOLS!" He said. Julia laughed and gently punched him.
"Good one," she agreed.
Winston showed up to the pet store job interview wearing sunglasses, a black tank top, a cigarette in his mouth, and sporty looking Adidas shorts. He was listening to his iPod, blasting Skrillex music so loud that the interviewer could hear it. He was also wearing a backwards hat and a bling bling. In case the interviewer is Big Brother himself, I wanna look sexy for him. The interviewer was not Big Brother. Darn.
"You look way too unprofessionally dressed for this interview. Go home, turd!"
"I just wanted to look sexy."
"I think you're confusing sexy for looking totally pimped out."
Winston felt dejected that he didn't get the job. Then he realized this could be his golden ticket.
"I got the job," he lied to Julia.
"That's great!" she ejaculated.
Everyday he would tell her he was going to work but he was actually going out searching for Big Brother so he could make out with him. Or was it a her? Could Big Brother be female? "If my hypothesis is correct, then if I think real hard about being afraid of something for a while, then maybe the folks at the Ministry of Love will be gullible enough to think that I actually am afraid of it enough to modify room 101 just for me. I think I shall test this out." He thought real hard about being deathly afraid of getting a lot of money. I'll need it so I can keep lying to Julia. Lopunny is hot.
"The government is only 99% on the way to being God perfect," Winston said in an inside voice. Sure enough, the Thought Police got him. Again. Because 99% would imply a tiny bit of imperfection, and their inflated ego would make them take that personally.
After a harsh beating, Winston was taken to room 101. Sure enough, his greatest "fear" had come true. They had given him about 50 dollars. And he was cured of political dissent for the time being.
"Do you think he's coming here on purpose just to treat us like his personal slave?"
"Why do you think he would do that? The horrors of room 101 are enough to make even Chuck Norris void his bowels enough to eclipse the building so high in Dubai that 3OH!3 got drunk in. I think his fears are sincere. The Thought Police said so."
Winston came home to Julia.
"I was paid 50 dollars today. Now we can buy a tenth of a gallon of gas if we want!" My hypothesis was correct! Now I guess I can think real hard about being deathly afraid of making out with Big Brother and being his bride to be.
He thought long and hard about making out with a big fat hairy guy with a mixture of dog breath and cigarette smoker breath., and wearing a skimpy bikini, and with a name tag that said 'Big Brother.' Show time. He thought about making out with the Thought Police. The Thought Police got him, and he was taken to room 101. All he saw there was... a kitty? Surely a cat couldn't be Big Brother?
"We know your biggest fear is having coitus with Big Brother, so here's Big Brother."
The cat cleared its throat and began to speak.
"My name is Spottedleaf and I am a she-cat. My powers are so far reaching I can appear in any fandom without the fic being a Warriors crossover because my awesome Sue powers extend beyond the fourth wall. Yes, I am Big Brother. I see all, for my panopticon powers allow me to make everything bad ever go away for everyone." If that was true, how come this totalitarian dick-tator-shit has ruined my life and everyone else's? Winston feigned a fake smile (he was genuinely happy) and committed bestiality on Big Brother.
"I have gone archive binging on every Word Power in every Reader's Digest so maybe I can think of what word(s) would describe this experience. It was very very very... good." Winston said while saying what he was saying. Spottedleaf purred.
Now that he was spoiled by his one night stand with Big Brother, how could he have coitus with Julia now? It was impossible. He couldn't break up with her because it would be too awkward. And coitus would be too boring.
Winston doused Julia with petrol and lit a match, setting Julia on fire. She was dead. That takes care of breaking up with her and having boring sex.
Winston spread the word to everyone that room 101 had a fatal glitch where it could be used as a personal slave by thinking real hard about being deathly afraid of something you're not, thus fooling the Thought Police, by flying one of those banner planes in the sky. Now men were getting pregnant, including a boy wearing glasses and a lightning shaped scar on his forehead, Disney was still making traditional animation past 'Princess and the Frog' and everyone was constantly being showered with praises whether they deserved it or not. Eventually someone stepped up to the plate by being deathly afraid of the Ministry of Love being destroyed. Now O'Brien was beginning to catch on and things took a turn for the worse.
"I know these cheapskates are exploiting the room 101 glitch, so we must ramp up security. Treating us like the gullible fools we are will be a thing of the past! From now on, if someone fears something, room 101 will be the complete opposite of what they feared most." Some lucky person managed to overhear and feared the Ministry of Love still standing. Sure enough, the Ministry of Love came toppling down, and along with it Big Brother's Nazi fascist regime.