"They're sleeping together," Tony decided loudly one morning, as his hangover saw him eaten cereal that Steve passed him in last nights shirt, his boxers and his sunglasses.
Steve, fully dressed and immaculate as always, shook his head. "You can't assume that just because they're close."
Tony looked at him over the top of the sunglasses. "Seriously, you're going to look at those two and go with the 'just friends' option?"
"What he means," Bruce adds from where he's reading a newspaper further along the table, "is that if they are sleeping together it's none of our business."
Thor, halfway through his third box of poptarts - he may not suffer hangovers but they've noticed he eats more after drinking sessions - agrees with surprisingly calm addition. "If they are romantically involved, they seem to have a reason not to share that information with us."
"Romantically involved?" Tony scoffed.
Steve looked at him. "You just said they were sleeping together."
"Yeah, but you don't need romance for that!" Tony laughed. "I'm saying that Barton probably gets thrown around the room after a hard days work, not that he gives her flowers and chocolates just because he thinks she's the one."
Steve rolled his eyes and sat down opposite Tony with his own cereal. "Just because you frown on the flowers, doesn't mean everyone else does."
Tony looked at him strangely. "I don't frown at flowers. I bought Pepper flowers hundreds of times."
"And how many of those times were to apologise for something?" Bruce challenged, to which Thor gave a hearty laugh.
"Look," Tony said, ignoring the question. "Haven't you noticed that they're always up later than us on downdays?"
The other three men look at each other. "Natasha and Clinton have been Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D for sometime, yes?" Thor asked, looking for clarification and finding it in Bruce's nod. "I found in Asgard that more experienced soldiers in our ranks had a healthier appreciation for the days they were not on duty. It was the more inexperienced soldiers that filled their off-duty days with additional training to prove themselves. Perhaps after their years of service they are merely reaping the benefits of being away from work."
The others all looked at each other again, and Steve and Bruce nodded along with the idea that Natasha and Clint were enjoying their lie in. "They do train hard to keep up," Steve noted. "Their weapons work is entirely skill based and sometimes you do forget that they don't have the enhancements that we do."
"Bullshit," Tony scoffed. "I guarantee that right now, they're in the same room, throwing each other around the room to decide which one gets to be on top."
"On top of who?" Clint asks, as he takes that opportunity to walk into the room and head for the coffee machine. Tony almost choked on the mouthful of cereal but Clint didn't notice as he came walked straight past them and took out two mugs.
Tony looked at the others, indicating this fact and mouthing the words 'two mugs?' to the others. They glared at him, but he started turning to Clint who was now rummaging through the cupboards to look for coffee.
"Needing the extra caffiene this morning?" Tony asked, with all the innocence of the devil himself.
"Not both for me," he shrugged, scratching the back of his head with a yawn.
He poured the coffees then left the room, a mug in each hand, and then went back down the hall to his bedroom, leaving the others alone once again.
"See! Tony declared, pulling the sunglasses off and throwing an arm in the direction Clint just left in.
"See what?" Steve asked.
Bruce shrugged. "He makes her coffee all the time."
"Natasha is incredibly particular with her tastes," Thor agreed. "Clinton is the only one of us who can cater correctly."
"Because he's banging her brains out!" Tony cried out. Thor looked confused and he rolled his eyes. "Sex, Thor. He's having sex with her."
Thor raised an eyebrow. "No, he's taking her a beverage she enjoys."
Tony resisted the urge to smack himself in the face.
"We should just leave them to whatever it is they're doing," Steve suggested. "They work hard, how they unwind is their business, not ours."
"As team leader, shouldn't you have a firm opinion on fraternisation?" Tony suggested.
"When it comes to Natasha, who could kill me with a finger?" Steve shook his head. "I have no opinions on her fraternisation."
Tony was now looking at the hall Clint had walked down. "Do you think she wears the trousers in bed too?"
Thor frowned over his sixth pop-tart. "Would that not impede the lovemaking?"
"I meant, do you think she's in charge?" Tony explained. "Or do you think she lets him call the shots?"
Bruce sighed and looked down at the newspaper. "She's going to hear us...somehow...she'll know we had this conversation and she'll kill us all..." he mumbled to himself.
"She's not going to hear us," Tony brushed aside. "She's strong, but she doesn't have superpowers, remember."
"She's going to kill you," Bruce continued. "Actually murder you."
"Why does it even matter if they're sleeping together or not?" Steve asked him. "You can't be jealous because you have Pepper, so what is it?"
"Because it's gossip!" Tony exclaimed. "We may be the first ones to figure this out."
At this, they all laughed. "You think that they're sleeping together and Coulson doesn't know about it?" Banner asked. "He's been their handler for years, he definitely knows."
"So you're admitting that somethings going on?" Tony asked. He returned to his newspaper in silence. Steve shook his head. "Haven't you noticed how much...calmer she's been since Barton got back from Peru? She's only threatened to kill me twice. In a month. She used to threaten me four times just while getting her morning coffee...which Barton now makes for her, might I add."
At this, Steve's interest peaked. "She's been laughing more, and not in that 'I smile because I'll hurt you' way..."
"See, something has definitely got to her..." Tony trailed off.
"The sex really is that good," came Natasha's voice from the hall.
The four men whipped their heads up fast enough to hurt to see that Natasha and Clint were now standing in the doorway, leaning against each other with their coffees, looking thoroughly amused with each other.
"That, and the screaming orgasms definitely make her happier," Clint added with a nudge of her shoulder, to which she punched him back, definitely with less force than usual which made them think it was all true.
"Tony started it," Steve mumbled out as he looked into his breakfast.
"Our sex life is always a good morning conversation," Clint mused.
"I was curious," Tony shrugged. "And, might I add, completely right," he rounded on the others. "I told you they were sleeping together."
"Sleeping together?" Natasha laughed, looking at Clint.
"Tony, we're married," Clint explained.
Tony's spoon dropped into his cereal, and the pair in the doorway held up the hands holding the matching rights on their left hand.
"Married," Natasha confirmed. "Four years today, actually."
The four men were stunned, looking at them as if one of them had announced they were leaving S.H.I.E.L.D to start their own clothing range.
Still, they were met with silence, so Clint took Natasha's hand and pulled her down the hall. "Maybe they'll shut up now so we can continue..." he said, sliding his hand down her as they went back into their bedroom and closed the door.
Back in the kitchen, the four men stared at each other, then went back to their breakfast in silence. They remained that way for some time until Tony mumbled into his almost-empty cereal bowl...
"Told you they were sleeping together..."