I'm sorry the update took so long, I've been super busy with University ... I have a paper and two mid terms this week.
Oh and if you haven't don't forget to watch the video, it's on youtube. I'm just too lazy to post the link. Just google search Just Ain't Enough, Grey's Anatomy Fanficton ... it should be there.
There are times in our lives when love really does conquer all: exhaustion, sleep deprivation, anything. And then there are those times when it seems like love brings us nothing but pain.
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
It's the next morning. Peter is lying on his beside me. He isn't wearing any clothes. One of his hands is over top of my own naked body. The big poofy purple bread spread is down on the ground. I try to slide off the bed, not remembering anything that happened after Hey Arnold. As I do, I sit in something wet. I peed the bed again. Peter was going to be mad at me. Peter grunts, his eyes open a crack. He rolls over into the pee spot, his arm reaching for me pulling me closer to him. As his body sinks deeper into the mattress, Peter jumps up, pushing himself away from the spot of pee in my bed. He raises his hands above his head, ready to slap me. I flinch hugging my body into a tiny ball. Peter hesitates as I let out a scream. "Please don't Big Daddy! My real daddy would never hit me. He loves me." Peter puts his hand down on the bed. "He doesn't love you," Peter snarls, getting up on the opposite side of the bed. "If he loved you, you wouldn't be here right now." I gulp, blinking back tears. This is the first time, I've come close to crying since the night Aunt Amelia died. I've known that he didn't love me all along, but hearing those words out loud made it seem real. Peter walks around to my side of the bed. He picks me up, and carries me down the hall and inside his bedroom. Everything is black and white in the bedroom. It looks very fancy. He walks through the bedroom, into his bathroom. Peter then sets me down in the shower, and turns it on as hot as it can go. Peter climbs in too. The warm water burns my skin and the bathroom mirrors fog up with the steam coming from the water. Peter pushes me against the black tiled wall, pressing my body against it. He brings he lips closer to mine. Somehow I manage to squirm away, into a corner of the shower, were I curl my body into a little ball. Peter comes back over to me; he raises his hand over his head again, getting ready to hit me. And, this time he does. "I only like little girls who listen!" He growls, his hand hitting the side of my body over and over and over again. Him hitting me is not as bad as the whip though. When I was whipped at the last group home, that was the worst. When Peter is finished hitting me, he picks up my wet trembling body and carries me back to my bedroom, plopping me down on my bed. Peter then hands me the clothes Evelyn had picked out for me the night before. "Put them on," Peter orders me before disappearing out a sight. My shaking hands struggle to put on the clothes. I just finish putting on my shirt as Peter comes back into my room, fully clothed and a mug of coffee in his hands. He glares an evil, disappointing glare at me as Evelyn comes in. "Good Morning, Sir," She greets Peter. "What do the two of you have planned for today?" Peter looks at me, and then to Evelyn. "I'm taking Julia on an adventure." He snarls, making me uncomfortable. "I want her to meet a couple of my business friends." Peter then looks at Evelyn. "Would you mind doing her hair? I want it in two French braids." Evelyn nods and quickly scatters over to me. Peter leaves as Evelyn takes the hair brush from my night table and begins to brush out my wet hair. "My golly!" She exclaims. "Peter's never taken anyone to meet his business friends before. I'm sure the two of you are going to have so much fun!" She then begins humming a song I don't know, my body still trembling. Somehow, I don't think the adventure me and Peter are going on is going to be fun.
Growing up, I never really knew what love was. I had one person that loved me, and that was it. Still, today, I'm struggling to figure out what love actually is. For most people, love comes after the feelings have begun in a relationship. Then, the couple, whoever it may be decide their love is so strong for one another, and they want to share it with someone else. So, they decided to have a baby. When, that baby is born, they love it unconditionally. Therefore, that is how a family is made. To be a family, it doesn't matter if you are big or small, gay or straight, black or white, related or unrelated, all that matters is that you love each other. That love you share, is what is considered your family. People, consider Derek, Addison and I a family. We're a family because Derek and Addison are married and I'm Derek's daughter. We're a family because people consider us to be one. Except, there's just one problem, we can't be a proper family until we love one another. Once we're able to exchange I love you to each other, then we will be a family. But now, until we get to that point, I see us to be an end of a record. One that's played all the way though and is waiting to have the needle be put back to the start again. If you look more closely, every family is like a record, not just the end of one, however. The record symbolizes the family's good times, and then, when it stops, there are bad times, until the record is flipped over and the good times are consumed again. The thing with Derek, Addison and I is that we're just waiting for someone to come change the record. There was a time, I'm sure that Derek and Addison where happy once. I mean, if there wasn't, they probably wouldn't have gotten married. Their record played out, and I showed up, and somewhere along the way, the record hasn't been changed since. Sometimes, I'm scared that the record hasn't just played out, but it's broken. I'm scared it's so broken to fact where Addison and Derek won't be able to fix their marriageable problems. Or share their love with me, like a proper family should. The record can't be put back on track again, until they learn to love each other again. They have to learn to love each other again, before they can love me. I can't be doing any more stupid things, because each time I do, we're a step away from putting the record back on track. We're a step away from being a family. I'm tired of moving back, and I'm sure they are too. I just want Derek and Addison to prove that they want to be a family. I want them to show me they want me, not just say they do. I figure, I've got to work on things more, work harder. We won't get any where without trying. If we don't try, I won't be able to get the chance to believe that love really does conquer all. Right now, I find it hard to believe, that that's true. I do believe however, that love brings us nothing but pain. Like I said, having a very vast idea on what love is, and having only ever loved Aunt Amelia, I know love hurts. When she died (or what ever she actually did), okay, lets not say died, let's just say disappeared. So, when Aunt Amelia disappeared from my life, I was heart broken. Her dying or whatever she did, hurt me, more then words can ever say. I know, I've said this before, but I'm trying to prove a point. I feel a sharp pain every time I look at her. And still, I don't understand how she could have just left me like that. Maybe, I don't understand why because I don't understand love. Understanding love however, is something I don't know how to do. I don't think anybody knows how to understand love. And, who knows, maybe you're not suppose to understand it.
"Dr. Throne is a terrible therapist," Carlyon's words screech my feet to a stop right in front of the grey elevators. I turn around to face her, startled, yet curious to see what she has to say. Her brown eyes, which once seemed so cross, now glisten, like stars in the night sky, or the sun reflecting off the ocean water, making it look like sparkles, or diamonds perhaps. "Is Kathleen in there talking to you as well?"
I shake my head, somewhat confused, and at the same time trying to remember which sister Kathleen was. Despite having been at the beach house with Derek's family for a few days, Derek hasn't fully introduced me to his family yet. Yet, they probably all know me as the crazy psycho child who stole Carolyn's watch, thought Aunt Amelia was dead, probably assumed I was on drugs or something, stole Addison's purse, ran away, spent a tone of her money, and last ruined the clothes that the money was spent on by drowning myself, which however is not the case.
"I don't understand," Carolyn continues, shaking her head in disbelief. "My daughter is the number one mental health psychiatric physician in this hospital. Why on earth didn't Derek assist you see her?" She raises her hands above her head, and let's out a disproving huff.
I roll my eyes, still trying to get a picture into my head, of what Kathleen looks like. I want to believe that Carolyn is more or less exaggerating on Kathleen's status in this hospital because most parents do exaggerate on the goal their children have accomplish. Yet, giving my father is one of the best neurosurgeons in the world, and doctoring does run in his family, it is very likely to be true. If Derek, was in my life growing up, I wonder what types goals I'd accomplish for him to brag about. I feel kind of bad in away, because in reality, in my real life, I have accomplished nothing that would make him proud. Parent's brag about their children to other parent's or to anyone really, who stops to talk to them. So, it makes me wonder what Derek would say about me. I wonder if he would say anything at all. Thinking about this stuff, just makes me even more depressed then I already am, so I reach of the down bottom of the elevator ready to make my escape, but Carolyn slaps my hand away from it.
"Where do you think your going?" She interrogates me, her hands on her hips.
"Anywhere but here," I answer, turning around again, trying to attempt to press the elevator button, but get stopped for the second time, by Carolyn.
"You should talk to Kathleen," Carolyn insists, as I clench my side again, the pain pills have completely worn off. My body hurts so much, that I have to learn against the wall for support.
"I don't want to talk to Kathleen. She said my sassy attitude was worst then Zack's," I mention, finally remembering which one of Derek's sisters she was. Kathleen was the only on that brought up the never to say something to me, other then Aunt Amelia. Derek's other two sisters, Nancy and Meaghan, I haven't got the chance to talk to yet.
"She the best," Carolyn repeats again, smiling and then it quickly disappeared. She takes a breath. "Look," She begins. "I'm really sorry about the way I acted the other day. I'm sorry about my reaction to my husbands watch. Derek did tell you the story right? About what happened to my husband?"
Unsure of what to say, I nod, looking up at her. It's all I can do right now. Her eyes meet mine, and despite the continuous sparkle they have throughout them, I can see her sadness behind it, which seems to comes onto me. And now, I am able to feel her pain, her remorse, her sorrow. My body begins to ache along with Carolyn's. And for just a minute, I begin to wonder if I'm not feeling her pain, remorse and sorrow, but my own. I open my mouth to say, that I can relate to her. But no words come out. I want to say I know people who died. I know what it feels like to feel alone. And suddenly, I want to tell this woman who is standing in front of me everything. I want to tell her about Frank. I want to tell her about my mom. I want to tell her about Addison and Aunt Amelia. I want to tell her about everybody whose hurt me and lastly, I want to tell her about Derek. But I can't. I just can't bring myself to do so.
"Oh, honey!" Carolyn exclaims, as something wet comes down my cheek. I wipe the tear away, unaware that I was crying. "I'm sorry! I did I say something wrong?" She wonders, worriedly.
I shake my head again, as my cheeks begin to get more tear stained. Surprising me, out of the blue, Carolyn pulls me in for a hug, wrapping her arms around me. Squeezing me so tightly. I find it strange to believe that just the other day, this was the woman who thought of me as a thief and a liar. She was the woman that slapped Aunt Amelia for admitting she had the watch. And normally, this is a type of a hug I would reject. Normally, I would push the person away. Even though, Carolyn Shepherd is biologically my grandmother, she is still a stranger for me. And for some odd reason, I decide to hug her back. I lean my face against her chest, and the fleece from her sweater digs into it. Why on earth she wants to wear a sweater in the middle of the summer is beyond me. I breathe in her smell of mixed flowers and wonder, if this was the smell Derek smelled when he hugged his mother as a child.
"Ma!" Derek's concerned voice breaks the warmth of the hug Carolyn and I where sharing. "What's going on? What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"
Carolyn and I break away from each other and I subconsciously wipe more tears from my eyes, hoping Derek won't notice that I was crying. Wiping the tears though, probably didn't matter, because he wasn't concerned with me in the least. He was more concerned with Carolyn being here. Then with me being upset.
"I'm fine Derek," Carolyn says calmly. "I was just having a nice little chat with your daughter." Carolyn smiles and winks at me.
"You were?" Derek questions, looking from me to his mother. Some how unable to believe this. I wouldn't blame him. I am unable to believe it too. I'm guessing he's shocked Carolyn and I were able to have a civil conversation without wanting to rip each other's heads off.
"I came out to find you," Derek tells me. I'm surprised it's not Addison running out after me. I'm surprised it's him. He just probably wants to look good in front of Janet. That's probably the only reason why he came to find me. If Janet wasn't here, and if Addison didn't come out after me, the two of them would have probably let me run. "Dr. Throne's still here. It would be nice if you could come back to talk to him. Is it asking too much of you to have a normal, nice, decent conversation with the man?"
I glare at Derek unhappily; thinking about what Carolyn was just talking to me about, before he happened to interrupt us. I have to admit, I did bring a lot of baggage with me when I showed up in Seattle the first time. My memories, and what I went though in my past, its clear to see, no child should have gone though what I did. I've said before, that you can't change the past, but maybe you can change the future. Thinking about this, the only way I will be able to do this is to come to turns with my past. To try and move on. Maybe, talking to Kathleen won't be a bad thing. Maybe Kathleen will feel bad about what she said to me, the day I borrowed Addison's bag. But first, before I move on from my past, I need to make sure, that Derek has come to turns with me being his daughter—something that's not going to happen anytime soon, by the way things are going.
"Is it too much to ask of you to be my father?" I shoot at him, rather pleased of my come back.
"I'm trying to help you!" Derek keens. "Addison and I are trying. I'm trying! We thought talking to Dr. Throne would help you!"
"It's all bullshit!" I intrude, bellowing back at him "You think talking to him is going to send me back! That's all you care about. You know it's true Dr. Shepherd!"
"Oh, don't Dr. Shepherd me, Julia." Derek sighs, pushing his hands though his curls and letting out a deep breath, then finally placing is hands on his hips, and continues hollering at me, which must be his favourite thing to do. "We've been over this, practically no more then five minutes ago. How many times do I need to tell you that we aren't sending you back?"
"You sent me back last time when I wrecked Addison's car," I remind him, somewhat fearfully. Or at least, trying to hid my emotions back and to ignore the cutinizing pain that I am in. "What's stopping you this time?"
Not being able to figure out a come back, Derek doesn't respond. Instead, he just gives me this look. It's Derek Shepherd's famous, you-did-something-wrong-yet-I-feel-sorry-for-you-look.
"I'm sorry to break the very special father daughter moment your having," Carolyn says sarcastically. "However, I was able to convince my granddaughter to talk to Kathleen. Will you please explain to me why on earth you didn't let Julia talk to your sister in the first place? She then asks, as Janet and Addison, close behind her, join our circle of 'friends'.
"Derek, Dr. Throne's still in the conference room. Are you going to come back and talk to him, respectfully Mini D?" Addison asks, turning to me.
"We won't be needing him anymore," Derek lets her in, grunting and then looking down at his feet. "Julia is going to be talking to Kathleen."
Carolyn looks rather impressed with herself and sends me another wink, while Addison and Janet seem confused, Janet more then Addison.
"Dr. Shepherd, we did agree that Julia needed to talk to someone, before leaving the hospital, someone more along the lines of a professional. Seeing, as the three of you did not keep to your promise before." Janet postulates. When it comes down to it, Janet wants everything to be her way.
"Derek's sister, my sister in law is the best child mental health physician in this hospital," Addison transfers Derek's unwilling to glance.
Derek looks like he doesn't know what to do with himself right about now. He's mad at me still, and not happy I'm getting my way with things again, but he can't say no to his mother apparently. I still haven't figured out however, what he is the most mad at me over. So, it's safe just to say he's mad at me for everything.
"Oh," Janet seems surprised, and the tone of her seems higher then it was before, it that was even possible. "Why didn't either of you say something when you talked to me on the phone before!" She then looks from my stepmother to my father.
I clinch my face and I lean more of my body weigh on the wall, trying my hardest not to scream out in pain. Was talking about this in the hallway really necessary? I mean, seriously, I'd rather sit in my bed, high off medication and listen all day to Derek and Addison and Janet go at each other then, stand here in agonizing pain, listening to them for what has really been a few minutes, but for me, it's been hours. My whole, leaving the hospital thing, would also have to be put to a hold until I got more pain meds.
I sneak away, down the pediatrics ward, following the blue train painted along the hallway, attempting to give the place a pop of color and into my own hospital room, were Aunt Amelia is waiting for me, as I collapse down on my bed.
"They wouldn't give me more pain meds," I mewl to her, begging for hurt to stop, making it seem like it was the end of the world. Lying on top of everything, because I never did mention to Derek and Addison that I needed more. They, didn't even take the time to look at me, too see if I was okay. Yeah, like Derek said, they sure are trying.
"Did you even ask them?" Aunt Amelia questions, setting the Vogue magazine she was reading, on the coffee table beside her chair.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't really trying a whole lot. But, it is still hard for me to ask Derek and Addison for simple things. But, I am taking a big step by agreeing to talk to Kathleen. Therefore, I am trying a little bit.
"No," I tell Aunt Amelia blankly.
She lets out a what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you sigh, as she gets up from her seat and heads out of my ever so gloomy hospital room. I have to say, I prefer the pediatrics ward at Seattle Grace, and the room I stayed in there, over this room, that has odd depressed animals on the wall paper, which is glued all over the walls. Then again, it could me who is depressed and not the animals.
Aunt Amelia stops in the doorway and turns around to face me.
"I'm gong to go try and find a nurse or your doctor or someone, figure out what is going on."
She then turns around again, about to walk out into the hallway. I suddenly get a sinking feeling in my stomach, you know, like something isn't right or that you don't want something to happen type feeling? Well, for an odd instinct, I don't want Aunt Amelia to leave. Normally, I used to being alone in hospital rooms, after all the hospital visit I've had so far this year, which probably make up for the life time of hospital visits I never got to have.
"Aunt Amelia," I quickly belt out as she turns back around again to face me.
I look at her, somehow unable to say, want I want to say to her. As nice as it would be for her to stay with me, it's better for her to go get me medicine. Plus, it's not her I really truly want. It's Addison. I've been trying so hard to block the Dr. Montgomery memory from my mind, but it's getting to me now. The two of us never really did talk about the whole thing, something, I guess that would be nice to do. But, Addison and I never have a minute alone together anymore. It's always with Derek or Mark or Aunt Amelia there. As much as I love Aunt Amelia, it's getting kind of frustrating that she's always here, and as much as I want her to be, I need a chance to talk to everyone else.
"Nothing, never mind." I answer, which is probably is probably for the best.
She nods, however a bit unsure that it's nothing. I can see it in her eye. Aunt Amelia still leaves however, and I'm now officially alone with nothing other then the freakish looking wallpaper and my depressing thoughts.
I'm all drugged up by the time Derek comes back into my room, followed by Addison, and a women with crazy curly hair and brown eyes, whom I am guessing is to be Kathleen. She's wearing a white doctors jacket and no scrubs under it. I let out a small sigh, because the lack-ness of her scrubs makes me miss Derek and Addison's dark blue ones, and the scrub filled hallways throughout Seattle Grace. I don't know a lot about child psychiatric physicians, but I do know, they aren't surgeons like my father and stepmother were. Bringing me to the conclusion that's probably why she doesn't need to wear scrubs. Cause it's not like she's scrubbing into surgery anytime soon.
"I'm Dr. Shepherd-Thompson," Kathleen introduces herself to me, holding out her hand for me to take it, except I do the opposite. "Derek's sister," Kathleen adds, incase for some reason, I was unclear on who she was, gesturing her head towards Derek. "I'm supposed to clear you. Apparently you need a psych consult before you can head home?"
I shrug, looking towards Derek and Addison not wanting to answer any of her questions. I then, look around the room for Janet, who doesn't happen to be in it.
"Janet got called into the office for an emergency," Derek fills me in, as if he was reading my mind. "She's going to stop by the Brownstone in the next couple days, after you get released."
"Really seriously?" I grump. "Can't she leave us alone? And what the fuck is the Brownstone anyway?"
"Is swearing really necessary?" Addison asks. "It's the townhouse Derek and I own, by Central Park." She then slumps down into the chair by the window, Derek into the other one. Kathleen, however, sits in the chair beside my hospital bed.
I wonder, if they lived by Peter's condo, because I remember I had a view of Central Park from by bedroom. If they lived by Peter's condo, I there is no way in hell that I was staying at this so called Brownstone. I sit up on the so ever uncomfortable mattress and cross my legs over on another.
"Your hospital really needs to get new mattress," I go on. "I don't see how anyone can get any sleep on them."
"You slept on it for days," Derek mumbles, unhappily. Derek's always unhappy with me, that's nothing new. He's always angry at me for something or another.
"I was in a coma," I inform him. "I had no choice but to sleep."
Kathleen writes something on the clip board she is carrying, and then stands up.
"I took time out of my busy schedule to come see you, Julia. If you are unwilling to show a bit of decent respect to me let alone your parents, I have more willing patients to see, then you." Kathleen then looks to Derek and Addison and back at me.
"I'm not suicidal," I finally say, hoping this would get Kathleen to stay, and knowing if Kathleen where to leave, Derek and Addison would be even more furious with me then they already are. "I don't know how to swim and I was just mad at Aunt Amelia for not coming to get me in Harlem. And Mark was already mad at me. And now he's furious at me. Everyone is furious at me. I didn't even go out in the water that deep. The tide came in too fast and the waves kept crashing over my head. My shoe got stuck in the sand. I swear. I promise. I don't think I would have the nerve to die, because Frank is dead. I don't want to be wherever he is."
Kathleen nods, and writes something else down on her clipboard. "Well," She says looking up. "I'm going to keep you here over night, just to make sure, alright? You can go home tomorrow, and I'll come check on you over the next couple of days. Does that sound good?"
I nod, upset that I had to stay in the hospital another night, but yet, happy I wasn't going to have to go to the psych ward. I kind of wish, that we were going back to Derek and Addison's beach house, because I really really hate Central Park. No matter, where I went to in New York, the dark, horrible memories I've went through as a child will always be there, no matter how much I try and them away. There not just in my mind, but at the places, I go to.
Darkness is all I first see, and then, the empty, horrifying hallway. Then the animals from the wallpaper begin to come at me. Not as animals, but as people, representing the ones who hurt me. Ainslie comes first, slithering on the ground like a large poison-filled snake. Frank comes next, wobbling on all four like a lion or cheetah. Then it is Jeff, who appears as a large pig, squealing high-pitched songs that don't seem to stop. My hands jump from my sides to my ears, trying to drop out the horrible noises. Vanessa runs down the hallway like wolf, stopping to howl at my hospital room doorway. Then Margaret hairy spider like body climbs though the wall, and then lastly Peter's bear like figure charges through my hospital window, glass shattering everywhere, landing with his claws on my bed, as I let out a horrifying scream. The animals begin to surround me, coming closer and closer to my bed, licking their lips, ready for a feed of human flesh. Then, there's the clicking of heels coming down the dead corridor. I scream again, hoping that however is coming will hear me. The woman walks past, long red hair swaying from side to side as she walked. The woman, which apparently is Addison, looks in the direction of my room and for a splint second before trying away again down the hallway.
"NO!" I scream. "Dr. Montgomery, don't leave me. Addison please! Please, Please." I sob, scared out of my mind, as I am able to smell the animal's breaths. "Help me, please! Addison! Don't go. Addiso-"
Darkness, is the first thing I see as I open my eyes, and then it disappeared as the lights from the hospital machines light up my room.
"Addison!" I cry out again, believing I'm still in my nightmare. "I'm sorry, come back. Don't leave. They're going to eat me. Addison!"
My trembling body is shaking so much; it takes me a minute to realize someone's arms are wrapped around me. I ignore what the woman is saying, as I begin hitting the arms trying to claw them off me. I manage to do so, and turn terrified, to face nobody else but Addison.
"It's okay," Addison hums, as she reaches her arms out towards me, I back away however, not exactly please with her.
"No it's not okay," I manage to say, after finally controlling by breaths. "They where all going to eat me and you left! YOU LEFT!" I holler at her.
"It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real." Addison ensures me, as I shake my head. She just didn't get it.
"It wasn't a nightmare you left! You just left," I share with her, petrified
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Addison voice is hushed, after finally realizing what I meant.
"Do you even know what this hospital is?" I continue to drill her, as if I'm the sergeant and she's my army. The only person in my army.
"Yes, I do." Addison replies, which catches me off guard.
"Then why don't you care!" I squeal at her. "Why don't you care?" I wonder again.
"I do!" Addison insists, her arms reaching out to hug me again, yet I push them again. "I haven't stopped! I have no idea what came onto me that day in the hospital. You where there, and you where so little and tiny—and I want to fix this for you Mini D, I do!"
"No you don't want to fix this Addison!" I bellow back at her. If she did want to fix this, it would have happened a long time. She wouldn't have just got up at left me there, struggling for air. "If you wanted too, you would have!"
"I'm trying. I'm trying. I'll try more okay? Is that what you want me to do?" Addison sniffles. "Just tell me what you want me to do, Mini D." She continues when I don't say anything back. "Because you're hurting, and I can't stand to see you hurting so much. You're still so tiny. Not as tiny as you used to be, but your small. You can't hurt so much and be that small."
I stare at her for a minute, tempted to hug her. To tell her I'm the one that's sorry, for everything I did. Maybe that's what I have to do, to make everything all right again. Except, I don't know what all right is anymore.
"But I am hurting!" I admit. "It's so much! I just want it to stop. Make it stop. Please make it stop!" I beg, as Addison pulls my body into hers and holds me. She rocks me back and forth, as if I were a baby. She runs her fingers through my hair and kisses my forehead. Something, that reminds me of what Aunt Amelia would do if I was upset. "I'm sorry." I whale. "I'm sorry I crashed your car and stole your bag. And for anything else. Please, I'm so sorry!" I sob into Addison chest as she holds me tighter.
"It's okay. Those things don't matter. I have money. It's not an issue. I can fix a car, I can buy a new one. I can't by a new one of you. There's just one of you. And if I can't fix you, Mini D." Addison coos. "If I can't fix you, you won't be there anymore. You matter more then any of those things. And I promise I'm going to fix this for you. I'm not going to leave again. Promise."
I grab onto Addison tighter then she's holding me right now. Bit by bit, the sound of my sobs begin to go away, until it's just Addison heart I can hear, and her chest going in a out as she takes each breath. My focus my mind on the thump thump thumping of Addison heart, until that fades away, and eventually there's nothing but darkness again, except it's good darkness this time, because I know I am safe.