Author's note: I hadn't planned for this to be more than a one-shot, but people asked, so I decided to run the whole scene from Damon's perspective…and that was fun. Hope you enjoy it!
I suppose I should mention that I don't own the Vampire Diaries…obviously.
I want a bottle whiskey, a hot shower, and a hotter brunette…not necessarily in that order. Even in my head, I knew that was b.s. Well, everything except the shower. And the whiskey…and maybe the brunette. But I couldn't have the brunette I wanted and tonight, finding a surrogate, a distraction was too much work. It wouldn't do anything about this damn empty ache inside me. Life had been so much easier when I didn't feel anything.
Elena was waiting for me when I got home. Seeing her, knowing she was only here out of pity for me…it made the words come out sharper than I intended.
"Go home Elena."
I poured a large glass of whiskey and drank half of it in one gulp. She totally ignored what I'd said (Nothing new about that.) and pulled off her scarf as she walked up to me. "I went home."
Great. She was in a nurturing mood. Didn't she realize she was the reason I needed a drink?
"I started making lasagna, because that's what you do when someone loses someone they care about…but then I realized two things."
My natural snarky instinct took over. "Was one of those things the fact that I didn't care about her?" I took another long drink of whiskey, leaving no more than a quarter of the amber liquid in the glass. I was lying to her…lying to myself, if I claimed that Rose, and her death, hadn't mattered to me. She'd stepped between me and death. That meant something to me. People did not do that…not for me. The guilt was crushing me.
Elena sighed at my obvious lie and snagged my glass while I was distracted. She drained it quickly, with a slight frown at the taste. What the hell was she doing? I raised a brow and refilled my glass.
"I know you cared."
Oh how I wish she was delusional.
A tiny smirk lifted just the corner of her lips. I raised my glass and took another long pull. "But as I was cooking I realized that your lasagna is actually better than mine."
Even if you are a vampire, getting whiskey down the wrong pipe is painful. I sputtered for a second as it burned, and when I looked at her, she was smiling a little at me. She was joking, trying to make me feel better. That was why I loved her of course. She didn't need a reason. She just knew this was going to hurt, and she wanted to make it better.
She took my glass again. What was with her tonight? I watched as she placed her lips over the exact place where my lips had been seconds before, and I couldn't take my eyes off her as she caught a stray drop of whiskey with her tongue. She was close enough for me to feel her warmth. She looked in my eyes. "And I realized that you wouldn't need food as much as blood."
I sighed internally. I'd have to make another run to a blood bank soon. Rose had decimated my supply. It was safer if I got it out of state, and things weren't calm enough here for me to run off at the moment. I'd need to wait until Stephan came back, so he could watch Elena while I was gone…except of course every time I left Stephan in charge of her something bad happened. Because my brother was an idiot.
For tonight, I could just drink the whiskey (assuming Elena didn't beat me to it)…maybe compel and heal a snack sometime tomorrow…
Elena's lips drew my attention again as she took another quick sip out of my glass. Her chocolate eyes met mine, and I could tell the whiskey was beginning to have an effect. Her lips and cheeks were pinking up even more than usual, doubly inviting for any red-blooded vampire.
"I know that you can't have much bagged blood left after…" My stomach clinched. Damn feelings. Damn them to hell. No one needed this kind of pain in their lives. She reached up and put her warm hand on my cheek. "I was at home, making lasagna, and I couldn't stand the idea that you were going to come home to an empty house and a bottle of whiskey."
Her small hand cupping my face was beyond distracting. I fell back into my normal flirty attitude. It was my armor when I felt….well, anything. "You're getting more of the whiskey than I am." I waggled my eyebrows at her in an attempt to lighten the mood. Her face just looked sorrowful.
She shocked the hell out of me when she said "I came here so you wouldn't be alone, and so you wouldn't be hungry. I can spare a couple of pints." She pulled up the sleeve of her jacket like she was offering to pick up a gallon of milk. I stepped back and put my hands in front of me, inhaling her sweet scent, knowing how she would taste. I barely kept my face in check. Oh how the mighty have fallen.
A beautiful girl offering to open a vein for me…I'd be crazy to refuse…but this wasn't any girl. This was Elena. She wasn't offering me her blood to tempt me to change her. She wasn't offering me her blood to seduce me. She just knew her friend was hurting, and maybe hungry, and she was trying to fix that.
But she didn't know what she was offering.
A dozen (admittedly naughty) scenarios flashed through my mind as I tried to push down the thought of drinking from her.
I'm not sure she could hear the desperation in my voice when I said "Stephan wouldn't approve of this." That was the understatement of the century. Stephan would go bat-shit crazy if he knew what Elena was so innocently offering me at the moment. Ok, I'll admit it, I'd had enough whiskey so that the thought of his reaction was a little funny…well, up till I got to the part where he put a stake in my chest and left it there.
Elena was waiting impatiently, without a clue that her offer had set off a moral firestorm. Even my mentioning Stephan didn't give her a second's pause. "Why? If you say you'd just take a couple of pints I know that's all you would take…"
Taking too much was my brother's gig. It was the least of my worries. But of course, Elena was more attuned to that. Guess it came with the territory when you dated a freaking blood addict. "It isn't that…"
She rolled her eyes at me, like I was being silly. "Look Damon, I drank the whiskey on purpose…Stephan fed on me when he was dying, and I know it hurts a little…"
My world stopped. It just stopped and sat there for a moment…like time was something that didn't exist. My brother had one chance to drink from the girl he loved, the girl who loved him so much that she willingly offered a Ripper her arm, and he didn't even have the decency to make it feel good?
Nah…there must be some mistake. I had to have misunderstood her. Just in case, I asked for clarification. "It hurt? When Stephan bit you it hurt?"
There was a barely noticeable tightening around her eyes. Damn him. She nodded and tried to play it off, like it was nothing. "Well, he didn't compel me to forget, so yeah, it hurt."
I moved away from her so my rage wouldn't show. This was Stephan's fault. He'd bit her. He'd hurt her. He was so concerned with his own damn moral high ground that he wouldn't bother to do what needed to be done to keep the people he loved safe.
I poured another drink out of habit, and tossed it back. Then I poured another. The warmth of the whiskey spread in my chest, and a thought occurred to me that drove out even my anger toward my limp noodle of a brother. Even after Stephan had left her wrist a bloody mess (I remembered the wound now), she had come to me this evening and offered me her blood. Expecting it to hurt. She'd even prepared by snatching my drinks when I was distracted.
Of course, Elena (the whiskey thief) chose that moment to take my glass again. I intercepted it before she'd had more than a sip. The words were out of my mouth before I really knew what I was saying. "Gimme that! That is my whiskey, and you are not allowed to drink any more of it Miss Gilbert. Alcohol and blood loss don't go well together."
She looked pleased at having won the argument (I'm not sure how that was new…the only time I told her 'no' was when I was sure she was going to get herself killed). I pulled her toward the couch, knowing this was going to bite me in the ass later…and not caring. If she ever offered to donate blood again, at least she'd know what she should be able to expect.
She looked slightly nervous as she offered me her wrist, but I had other ideas. Once Stephan heard about this, he was going to hit the roof. I might never get to do this again, and I wanted to do it my way.
I reached up and smoothed her hair, pushing it away. "There's a reason we take it from the neck, it hurts less." That was true too…but I wanted the feeling of her body next to mine. And I pulled her into my lap, depending on the potent whiskey she'd drank to still any complaint. I didn't leave much time for protest, quickly pricking her neck so that I could push the power into her. She tensed as she felt my teeth, but she didn't pull back, instead holding herself close so that I could drink.
I concentrated on pushing the power into her, so much that I barely noticed her taste at first. Her muscles relaxed, and she leaned into me more naturally. She seemed to fight it. She turned her head and whispered "Damon, don't compel me, I don't mind…"
"This isn't compulsion. This is what it's supposed to feel like when you give blood to someone you…care for." I wanted to say loved, but even between the whiskey and the blood, I didn't.
I had meant to make this less sensual, but I found myself teasing her as I went back to her tiny rivulet of blood running down her neck, letting my lips slide along her neck…it was just habit of course. I adjusted her on my lap so she wouldn't feel the full force of my reaction to lapping the blood off her skin. She was still fighting the power and I wanted her to feel the full force of it…for once, if only in this moment, I wanted her to feel what she could have. "Just let it flow over you…there's nothing you need to do, just lie safe in my arms, knowing I will never allow this to harm you."
I pulled slightly at the wound, and I felt her surrender. I pressed her into me as I sipped the blood, savoring the idea that she was truly a part of me now. Savoring the feel of her body pressed tightly against me, her willing, eager noises as I stroked her, and sucked gently on her neck…the orgasm that I could feel building inside her…
I stopped…absolutely shocked as she breathed heavily against me. This had gone much further than I intended. I held her tight as I tried to fight my own urges…I wanted to pick her up and carry her to my bed. I wanted to lay her out on the white cotton sheets, see her hair fall across my pillow, and listen while she moaned my name. It took more willpower than was pretty to sit there on the couch, while she learned to breathe again.
There was a part of me that wanted to push her that last inch…a part of me that might have been able to. But I didn't want her like that.
I had lost my mind. But I wanted her completely. I wanted to erase even the memory of my brother from her mind and heart, and then take her as mine. I would go mad if I had her once only to watch her run back to my idiot brother. So I sat still and let her learn how to breathe.
The neck wound was still bleeding slowly, so I allowed myself to lick the drops off her neck. The way she shuddered almost drove me off the edge again. She had no idea how close she was to being kidnapped and taken to some little island at that moment. Surely she'd forgive me…eventually.
I sighed. She wouldn't forgive me for that. Everything she loved was here.
I pulled her close and kissed her cheek, softly, savoring the feel of my lips on her skin. "That's what it should feel like if you offer up blood without compulsion. Stephan was either too weak to do it…" A thought occurred to me that made me ache for my stupid brother. "Or he's never had anyone offer it freely." Stephan's blood lust-slash-bunny diet had robbed him of a lot of the power that came with being a vampire. When he was being 'good' he didn't partake…and when he was being 'crazy' he didn't ask…
The look on Elena's face made me switch quickly into my flirting mode again. I did not want to share my last thought about St. Stephan. So I did the most Damon-like thing I could think of…I teased her. "So I guess now that you know what I can do with my lips and teeth, you'll be thinking about all the things I can do if we get other body parts involved…" She squealed, as expected. But then she said "I'd never survive!"
I took a sip of whiskey to cover, just in case something of what I was thinking slipped through. "Don't tell Stephan the particulars of this…"
No need for little brother to have one more temptation. I shuddered to think of what his Ripper side would think of a girl who could orgasm with just his teeth inside her.
Elena looked mulish. "Why?"
So my brother doesn't decide he has to have a taste. So he won't end up killing you. So I won't have to murder him, because if he lost control around you and killed you just because he would not tame his inner monster, I think I would finally rip his heart out and be done with it…right before I chunked my ring away and went for a walk at noon.
She couldn't argue with my internal monologue, but fool that I am, I didn't want to hurt her…and knowing what Stephan really was…I wouldn't tell her that unless she absolutely had to know.
"I don't want to lie to Stephan about this…I don't feel guilty for it. I still think it was a good idea." My heart did something strange in my chest when she said that. She turned her head so I couldn't see her eyes and said in a small voice "I hated to think of you alone and hungry."
She was too good for either of us…much too good for me. "Elena…you've seen Stephan's bloodlust. I don't think anyone wants him to get back on the human stuff." Her eyes widened, but I don't think she really understood what I was saying. She didn't understand her life might be in danger if Stephan couldn't resist.
I was trying to think of something that might lighten the mood when she asked "Did you know it was going to be…like that?"
Ah-ha. This could be my kind of conversation. I gave her my best 'I'm thinking naughty things and every one of them is about you' smile and asked playfully. "Like what Elena?"
She rested her head against me. "You know what it was like."
She disarmed me…every time I tried to put up a barrier, she took it down without a thought. This delicate human girl was the greatest danger I'd ever faced, and when you consider that my maker is Katherine, that is saying something.
Somehow, I dropped the flirty act and told her the unvarnished truth. "No, I know what it was like when I gave blood freely to Katherine…that was the last time…" I cleared my throat, and gave her a look. "Most people don't volunteer to be a vampire's dinner." I'd avoided drinking from anyone I actually felt anything for, and since I'd turned my humanity off several times over the last century and a half, that hadn't been difficult.
I rambled on about the different reactions people had to donating blood, but my mind was occupied with the way she felt in my arms. "And for some people it's highly erotic….even orgasmic." She reacted exactly as I knew she would, trying to get away…but I held her tight. "What do you think you can let me eat and run?" I could tell that this wasn't the time to tease her. She was embarrassed and she was going to try to leave. I couldn't allow that. Tonight was MINE.
I'd try logic first. "You donated two pints of blood. Sit here, I'll go get you something…orange juice alright?"
I added a slice of cherry pie while I was in the kitchen, I tried not to think about how Rose had teased me about making pie for my brother's girl.
I examined her for signs of rebellion as she took a sip of the orange juice. I doubted that I'd taken two pints. But her blood…her blood made me feel like I could fly. Stephan didn't need to EVER get another sip of this stuff. His self control around regular, insipid blood was atrocious. Elena's blood…now there was something a man could get addicted to.
There was a tiny line between her brows.
I was afraid to ask, but I had to know.
She tried to get out of it, to turn her face from me, and called it 'Nothing."
Well, I knew how to get it out of her.
"Elena…" I made her name into six syllables as I continued on in my best sing-song tone. "If you don't tell me I'll just assume you want me and you're afraid to say it." I waggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed…and her laugh was ridiculous. It was the kind of joyful sound that opened up your heart and poured salve on all the broken places.
Then she blushed. Oh, I had to get to the bottom of that. I quirked an eyebrow at her. She knew I'd tease her till I found out….
"It's nothing. I just with I'd had a different reaction…"
What, there's something better than an orgasm for a little blood donation? What, like multiple orgasms?
I thought back to my brief human existence…and to Katherine, though I would never admit that. "Why? When I was a human, I couldn't believe how lucky I was…" I had a totally random moment of shyness…much too much like the boy I'd been when Katherine seduced me for my taste. Elena noticed of course. It made her bolder.
"So you…ah-ha. No wonder you fell so hard for Katherine." She waggled her eyebrows in what had to be a deliberate attempt to mock me…but I let her by with it because when I pursed my lips, her eyes flicked to them, and the temperature in the room went up about forty degrees in two seconds.
She looked down before I did something stupid…like kiss her silly for staring at my lips.
Then she sighed softly and it broke the sexual tension…or maybe I was the only one who had felt it in the first place.
"No, it would be nice if I could just donate any time you needed it…" She wanted to do this again?
"But I can't do this again…it's too much like sex…" Annnnd she's back. That's my girl. Or…more accurately…my brother's girl.
But I thought she might deserve a little taste of what she was missing. I rubbed my nose along her jaw line, right where I knew she was sensitive. She sucked in a breath in the most flattering way…obviously aroused. Revenge was sweet. But not complete. My voice was too rough when I was finally able to speak. "This is not nearly enough like sex."
I knew when I said it that the statement would make her run. I just pulled her back to me.
"No sit down." I couldn't believe I was about to say this…but…. "I'll behave. Scout's Honor." I only allowed myself a hint of a smirk.
She rolled her eyes at me. "You were never a boy scout."
She settled back onto the couch, lying in my lap. It felt so good to have her there…so right. "You have no idea what I used to be Elena." Just to prove it, I kissed the tip of her adorable little nose. I wrapped my arms round her, enjoying the torture. "Now, you lay down here next to me and rest until I'm sure the whiskey is out of your system." She sighed, but she relaxed in my lap. There was something about that sigh…a sense of coming home after a long day…the way her body relaxed into mine…and suddenly, I knew. She wouldn't always be Stephan's girl. She might not know it, but there was a part of her that was mine.
I watched her as she watched the fire. When she finally fell asleep, I thought what the hell and threw a blanket over both of us. And for the first time, I fell asleep with Elena snuggled safe in my arms.