Sitting in a small dark cell Light focused on two issues. The first was to try and stop his fearful shaking as he thought of himself as being too proud to be afraid of his upcoming execution. The second was harder than the first one, though. His attempts to stop thinking about certain person and everything that happened between them had been in vain. Each one of theirs touches, smiles and conversations replayed constantly in his mind. Ryuk's annoying laughter wasn't helping either.
He should have known better – Light reprimanded himself once again. He should have known that love wasn't real, that no matter what he should never trust anyone. His actual situation was enough proof for that.
You are probably puzzled as to how everything ended like this. How Kira – the new god of the world ended in a small cell waiting for his execution. Or rather waiting for Ryuk to stop laughing and write his name down. Well, everything started with a small gesture of comfort.
Light wasn't happy to be chained to L at all but he knew it was necessary for his plans. Never sleeping detective kept him awake with his constant clicking. The brightness of a screen he was working on was irritating as well. That night though Light managed to tune out the annoying noise, turned his back on L and finally fell asleep. He awoke to complete darkness which was unusual. For a brief second he was confused as to what has woken him up. Then he heard the sound again. Somebody was silently weeping, the noise a little muffled like someone was hiding his head in his arms or maybe under the pillow. Light's eyes finally adjusted to darkness and he could see L's crouched form on the bed. His shoulders were shaking.
'L? What's wrong?' he asked softly, forgetting for awhile that this was his enemy in front of him.
'Light-kun?' L asked, startled, his voice unsteady from crying.
'L. Why are you crying?' Light moved closer to him, sitting up.
'I don't know what Light-kun is talking about.' He looked away trying to hide his face.
The room was lighted only by a moonlight so if he hadn't hear him clearly before Light would have been sure that everything was alright. L's voice was back to it's emotionless state.
'I don't want to pry L but as your friend I am concerned about you. If you don't tell me what's the matter I will not be able to help you.' He said calmly, finally realizing that if he played this right he might gain L's trust and lower his percentage of being Kira.
'I…' he sounded unsure. L glanced at him thinking about his answer. Light's words must have shocked him a little.
Finally after long and uncomfortable silence L sighed.
'I do consider Light-kun my friend. The problem is that Light-kun is also my main suspect in the Kira case so this all could be just a way to gain my trust and lower my defenses. However I do feel really bad at the moment so it seems I will be willing to take that risk to get a little comfort.' He didn't look so sure of his own words though, frowning.
'Then tell me what's bothering you.' Light asked, letting the comment about his evil plans slide.
'You may consider it not a big deal but I am lonely.' L bit his lip nervously. The gesture was so unlike him that Light actually felt a little bad for him.
'Lonely? Why would you be lonely? You just said that you consider me a friend and it's not like I don't spend time with you.' Light smirked moving his chained hand up. 'You have Watari taking care of you. Obviously you two are close. And don't forget about the task force – you have their respect and I'm sure they all think of you as their friend.'
'Yeah. But I didn't mean it that way. I am lonely because I don't have a lover.' He looked away embarrassed. 'I need someone who would love me, someone who would be there for me when I needed them. Someone to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be alright.' He sighed again. 'I guess it's because of what's today that I've been thinking constantly about it.'
Light's brain was working quickly thinking about all the possibilities. The way he would act now could really help him with his plans. But was he really ready to sacrifice himself as L's lover to gain his trust?
'What's today?' he asked quickly not letting his thoughts show.
'Today's the anniversary of my lover's death.' L whispered with pain in his voice which he wasn't able to hide.
To say that Light was shocked would be an understatement. L had a lover? How was it possible with the way he was living? It's not like he was going out to look for someone to date.
'Who was your lover?'
L closed his eyes. His usual control went away and he was trembling slightly. Light embraced him gently without even thinking about it.
'We grew up together. He was much older, always taking care of me. He was my best friend and my first love. One night he was taking a walk like he used to every now and then. He had a habit of sneaking out without anyone knowing. He claimed that those walks calmed his mind and helped him sleep. He was murdered on his way back home.' L's voice was full of pain and he gracefully leaned into Light's warmth. Trying to stop his shaking he continued 'My first case as a detective was to find his killer. I did and they executed him. I was really satisfied with catching him but once I realized that it didn't stop the longing I felt terrible. It's been ten years since my lover's death. I still miss him but I also feel the need to move on. Unfortunately my situation doesn't allow me to meet new people and find someone. Thus the loneliness.'
Light tightened his hold of L's shoulders. He actually felt pretty bad for him and wondered why. He was Kira and this was his greatest enemy he was comforting. Of course there could be benefits from this situation but it didn't explain the actual emotions. He sighed inwardly and came to a decision.
'I'm sorry, L.' and he really was. The detective must have heard the truthfulness in his voice as he looked at him, startled. 'I am your friend. And I do like you. I think I may help you if you let me.' He leaned in, his nose almost touching L's. Then he closed the gap between their faces. Lips met in a soft and hesitant kiss. Light was determined to gain his complete trust so he didn't push him. L was tense for a while but then he relaxed and started to respond. When he wrapped his arms around Light's neck bringing him closer Light licked his bottom lip asking for entrance. L moaned into a kiss when he felt hot wet tongue exploring his mouth. Finally they separated to take much needed breath.
'Light?' he asked hesitantly for once not using the honorific.
'Do you want me to take your sadness away, L?'
There was something akin to shock and wariness in detective's eyes but when he gazed into Light's hazel eyes his doubts melted away and he nodded shyly. He might have had a lover before yet after ten years of very little physical contact with people everything felt new for him. Light smiled and kissed him again. His hands found their way into L's soft dark hair. Even if he thought of this all as a way to fulfill his plans he couldn't deny that kissing his enemy was not only exciting but also pleasurable.
Their relationship started that night. Obviously at first it was only a game. L was still suspicious and wary and Light debated within himself if what he's doing was a good thing. What they both didn't wanted to admit was the fact that they enjoyed spending time together. No matter if they were arguing, working or kissing – everything now seemed exciting and new.
Light's feelings were changing slowly without him realizing until too late. Gradually he stopped thinking about his elaborate plot to use L's trust against him. Then he started to plan how to stay as Kira without killing the detective in process.
Their first night together played in his mind again as he looked at the only window in his cell, located too high to actually see anything. Light was a virgin and was actually a little wary of giving himself to his enemy. When his feelings changed though it came to him that he actually wanted it. L was the first person to touch him intimately, the first who truly captured his attention and the first who finally captured his heart. Before he realized he was thinking about telling L the truth about Kira. The only thing that was stopping him was the fact that L has never confessed his love to Light. They simply avoided speaking about feelings. Light was worried and angry at himself for falling in love so easily. Kira run himself into a corner and knew it. Ryuk wasn't helping – well, he was never good for anything anyway – his stupid laugh and teasing only got on Light's nerves.
Eventually he was forced to decide his way of action. L chose to test the notebook. Before he realized he was shouting at Rem not to kill the detective. Everyone looked at him, startled but he didn't pay them any mind while rushing towards the Shinigami. He pleaded with her again and promised he will protect Misa no matter what. He turned slowly around and asked L if they could speak alone. He nodded hesitantly and they went to the only room without the cameras. Light was thinking hard. Could he come out with some elaborate lie how he knew about Rem's plan? He knew that Ryuzaki won't buy it but he tried anyway. After he got reprimanded that he shouldn't lie to him if they were together he sighed quietly and looked deep into his eyes. Finally he managed to ask the one question that was bothering him. He wasn't sure if the answer satisfied him, though. Instead of 'I love you' he got a kiss which confused him even more. Did he mean he felt the same? Or did he want to show him that L only cared about the physical part of their relationship? After Ryuzaki pulled back he ordered him to tell the truth. And Light did. He confessed to being Kira, to planning on taking advantage of L's trust. But he also explained that he actually fell in love and didn't want to hurt him anymore, so he had to stop Rem's actions before it was too late. Misa's story was also mentioned. All through his story L stayed silent, his eyes unreadable. Uncomfortable silence followed his confessions.
"Say something." He whispered when he couldn't take it anymore.
"You are going down with me and you will officially confess everything to everyone." The cold voice broken Light's heart. "You are going to leave Misa out of this until I figure out how to go around that Shinigami. Let's go, Kira." The name felt like a slap to the face. Light felt his eyes getting wet but he refused to cry. Game was over, L won. Kira fell in love and it proved to be destructive, just like it was for Shinigami. He briefly thought about refusing, but decided against. He knew that no matter what he say, he lost. With L knowing the truth the only way of surviving would be to kill the detective. He couldn't do it.
Light silently followed his lover – ex lover? – and done exactly like L asked him to.
Light signed again. He shouldn't dwell on it. He should focus on getting his breathing regular and his fear under control. They won't see him break. He won't apologize. He won't show them how terrified he was. He glanced at Ryuk. The bastard was having a great time, floating around with a creepy grin. Light took a deep breath. His head was spinning and he couldn't think clearly. He didn't wanted to be executed. 'No, I don't want to die but if I have to it would be on my terms, not theirs. I won't give L satisfaction of watching me being officially sentenced and killed. I rather die now!' he thought desperately.
"You promised me that you will write my name in the end." Light said quietly.
"Soooo?" Ryuk laughed.
"Do it now. Kill me." He said firmly, his mind set up. He knew they were watching him – the little camera in the corner guaranteed that but how would they stop a Shinigami?
"But it's sooo funny watching you shaking. Besides I said I'd kill you in the end and it's not the end yet."
"What do you mean it's not the end? You really want me go through that execution, don't you?"
Ryuk laugher answered his question.
"Please." He whispered, shivering.
"I never thought you'd beg me for anything, Lightoo. You are really scared, aren't you?"
'To hell with my pride, I won't come through that creepy execution.' He thought in panic.
"Yes! I'm fucking terrified out of my mind. Please Ryuk I'm begging you. Kill me."
"Yeah." He said, getting out his Death Note.
Light closed his eyes, tears threatening to fall. One spilled anyway. He only regretted that he'd die alone in a dark cell. He wanted to see L's smile that one last time. He wanted to kiss him, to die in his arms. He was shaking badly, thinking that he'd die in about a minute. Suddenly the doors to his cell burst open.
"No! Ryuk don't do this, don't kill him!"
"L! What are you doing here?" Light's eyes snapped open hearing his voice. God, how he missed the detective, no matter what he did Light still loved him (and considered it his own greatest failure).
"And why shouldn't I kill him? He practically beg me to. You have no power over me, human."
"Please." L voice was quiet and soft.
"Why do you care?" Light asked him, hurt, his eyes full of tears. L finally looked at him with such sadness that Light didn't know how to react.
"I'm so sorry Light. I'm sorry I've chosen my duty over you. Justice over love. Please, please forgive me." He kneeled by his side and gently cupped his cheek in his hand. Light couldn't stop himself form leaning in. "I love you Light."
Shocked, he looked into panda-like eyes. Those words muttered so softly were the one he was waiting for so long. Yet, how could he believe him?
"You never wanted to tell me that. After I confessed my love to you along with being Kira you didn't even noticed my feelings. You actually put me in on a death row. But I forgive you L. Just please let me die in your arms not on some cold table."
Light's words shook L badly and he started to cry.
"Shh everything going to be alright." He soothed him, holding him close. After L calmed down it stuck him that it was a distressed and terrified Light who comforted him, no the other way around.
"I don't want to live without you." L said quietly.
"What? Then what are you going to do after I die?"
"You are not going to die." His voice was firm and determined. He stumbled to his feet and held out a hand. "We are running away." He said.
"W-what?" he stammered, accepting the hand anyway. Ryuk's laugher sounded behind them.
"You heard me. I'm breaking you out from jail. Come on."
Light couldn't believe this. L loved him, didn't wanted him dead and was actually saving his life.
Amazed, he followed to the new future, holding his hand tightly.
Yes, it's a one shot. No, I am not going to continue it.