Naruto and all related characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto
It was a peaceful day in Konohagakure. The sun was shining, the birds were singing. And two armies of ants were making peace.
"From this day forth, let it be known that Black Ants and Red Ants shall now live in harmony." Said the Black Ant leader.
"Yes, no longer shall we waste our lives in meaningless warfare." Said the Red Ant leader. Before the two leaders could shake hands, a giant beam of light shot down on them, knocking them away.
"This is your treachery! TO WAR!" Shouted the Black leader.
"I'll drink from your exoskeleton!" Roared the Red leader. Meanwhile, a spiky haired blond boy with whisker marks on his cheeks, wearing a black and orange jumpsuit, was holding a magnifying glass in front of the sun and burning the poor ants. It was Naruto Uzumaki.
"It's working! Soon, the reflection from these ants will burn a hole through the sun!" Declared the blond teen. Just then one Hanabi Hyuga, the younger sister of Hinata Hyuga, ran up to her sister's boyfriend.
"Naruto-san!" Hanabi cried.
"Hold up, Hanabi-chan." Said Naruto, putting his hand against the young Hyuga's face.
"The slightest misstep could lead to dire consequences!" Naruto said, as if he was talking about explosives. However, while he was talking, he unknowingly held the magnifying glass above his foot, causing smoke to appear from it.
"But Konohamaru-san is throwing water balloons at me!" Hanabi whined out.
"Oh, he probably has a crush on you or something." Naruto replied, trying to get back to the task at hand.
"Shut up! He does not!" Hanabi cried.
"Look, I'm in the middle of something very..." Naruto started, before noticing his foot was on fire.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Naruto cried as he danced around in pain. Two seconds later, a water balloon hit the flaming blond, extinguishing the fire. The thrower was none other than Konohamaru Sarutobi. Naruto quickly rushed up to the boy.
"Konohamaru-kun! You saved my life!" Naruto said gratefully. The younger boy threw another water balloon at the blond, hitting him right in the face.
"You know that last balloon could be taken as an insult." Naruto deadpanned. The blond was then struck yet again in the face by a water balloon.
"Okay, now I'm getting angry!" Naruto growled out. Soon, both Naruto and Hanabi were pelted with a series of water balloons, as Konohamaru ran off.
"THIS MEANS WAR!" Naruto proclaimed.
Half an hour later, Konohamaru was busy filling up balloons with water, while Naruto and Hanabi were in the bushes observing them.
"Naruto-san, I think you're taking this a little too seriously." The young Hyuga told the older ninja.
"Quiet!" Naruto shushed, as he looked through a pair of binoculars.
"I've triangulated his position. You make a run from the rear, and we'll ambush him!" The blond ranted in a whisper, a serious look in his eyes. Hanabi sighed, wondering what Hinata saw in the Uzumaki.
"Okay. But do you really need those night-vision goggles?" Hanabi said as she saw Naruto had a pair of high-tech night vision goggles on his head.
"Of course I do! They work especially well in the daytime!" With that, he put the goggles over his eyes and turned them on.
"AAAAAAAH! TOO MUCH LIGHT, I'M BLIND!" Naruto screamed in agony as he yanked the goggles off his face. Konohamaru, having overheard this, whistled for his gang. Soon, Udon and Moegi popped out of a nearby bush with water balloons in hand.
"Retreat!" Yelled Naruto, having regained his eyesight, as he and Hanabi ran for their lives. However, they were soon pelted with balloons.
"It's no use. We're outnumbered" Hanabi realized as she rung out her hair.
"That's true. We're going to need some extra help!" Naruto said, a crazed look in his eye.
Soon, Hanabi, Rock Lee, and Sai, were gathered outside Naruto's apartment. Naruto was wearing crudely made armor as he paced back and forth in front of the assembled group.
"I am sure you are wondering why I called you all here." Naruto began, using a no-nonsense tone.
"Not really" Interrupted Lee. The blond glared at him and marched up to the bushy browed ninja.
"I did not give you permission to speak!" Yelled Naruto in the best general voice he could do. Lee saluted and said,
"Yes sir!" Naruto shook his head up and down as he continued continued,
"I am General Naruto Uzumaki!" Hanabi then raised her voice and said,
"General of what?" Naruto pointed his finger at the young girl and said,
"Silence!" Hanabi just rolled her eyes, regretting having asked Naruto for help in this matter.
"I've tried to assemble the best fighting force Konohagakure has ever seen! Unfortunately, all I could find was you." Naruto continued, earning him a glare from Lee and Hanabi, and a creepy smile from Sai.
"You will hurt! You will cry for your mommies!" Naruto barked out as he paced in front of the group.
"My Mom's dead!" Hanabi interrupted.
"Oh, great, you made me lose my place!" Said Naruto as he tried to remember where he was going with his nonsensical speech .
"Anyway, after this, you will be men!" Naruto looked at the three people before him, noting the glare from Hanabi.
"Or, women. You know what I mean!"
Soon, the four were hard at work filling water balloons. Sai was in charge of filling the balloons, Hanabi was in charge of tying them, and Lee was in charge of labeling them with a stamp reading H2O. The spandex wearing ninja tossed another balloon to Naruto, who threw it onto a gigantic pile. The ninja stood back and admired their work. Soon, Konohamaru reared his devious little head from behind the pile. He popped one balloon, which caused the entire tower to collapse.
"SHE'S GONNA BLOW!" Naruto yelled as everyone ran in terror.
Later, Naruto had painted a target on a fence.
"Now, to survive a water balloon fight, you must know how to hit a target." The pseudo-general began.
"When I say 'now', you will throw your balloons at the bulls-eye. Now…" Before he could finish, the three ninja before him pelted him with balloons.
"No, not now!" He explained before getting pelted again.
"Not the now that…" Again, he was pelted.
"Now, just hold on!" Naruto now looked like he had taken a mile long swim in his clothes.
"This is gonna take a while." The blond said as he grabbed a towel and dried himself off.
Later, four cacti were walking through the streets of Konoha, stopping and standing still when someone came close. Naruto, Hanabi, Lee, and Sai then popped their heads out of holes in the front of the cacti.
"Naruto-kun, these disguises will never work! Cactus are not even native to this part of the country!" Lee objected.
"Shut up! They'll hear you!" Naruto yelled as he looked around, paranoid.
"The enemy is everywhere, and nowhere." Naruto said cryptically, a crazed look in his eyes.
"So where are they?" Hanabi asked.
"I don't know, they're somewhere." The blond leader said, earning groans of grief from Lee and Hanabi, while Sai just read a book entitled, "How to Deal with Idiotic Friends". Just then, Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi popped out of the bushes.
"We're surrounded!" Naruto cried as the genin circled his team.
"Hanabi, speed around their left flank! Sai, you take the right flank! Lee, you take the rear! I'll scream and run away like a little girl!" Naruto then ran screaming. The blond then dug a hole and hid in it.
"Okay! This is going well! I'll be in here!" Naruto was then pelted with balloons, filling the hole with water.
"Help! I'm drowning!" He yelled as he quickly sank, before dragging himself back up to see Hanabi and Sai.
"We stood our ground as long as we could, but I think they captured Lee." A dripping wet Hanabi panted.
"Those fiends! They'll probably torture him to make him talk! Fortunately, he's well trained." Naruto said, having the utmost confidence in his bushy browed friend.
Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi were catering to Lee's every whim, bringing him cookies, juice, and even rubbing his feet, while the spandex clad teen went on and on about things that Naruto had specifically told him not to tell them.
"And we have 39 balloons hidden in Tsunade-sama's office, and Naruto-kun's going to attack at O'900, and our password is 'Ramen'!" Lee said.
Meanwhile, Sai and Hanabi were manning a fire hydrant. The young Hyuga had a hose plugged into it, while Sai used a wrench to get the water out. Soon, a wave of water hit Konohamaru's tree-house, blasting Lee out. Hanabi and Sai caught him, well more like broke his fall. Lee, upon regaining his train of thought, quickly fibbed,
"I did not talk. They tortured me, but I said 'No way'!" Soon, Naruto grabbed the trio from behind a tree and hid them there.
"Good, you're alive!" Naruto said, his usually spiky hair even spiky and disheveled.
"Now I won't lie to you. We may have to run away to the jungle and spend the rest of our lives eating bugs and washing with mud, so…" Naruto began, his right eye twitching like crazy, but was cut off by Hanabi who said,
"Look, Naruto-san. I think Konohamaru-kun was only pelting me with balloons because likes me. And I think I kind of like him, too. So, bye!" With that, she walked away. Naruto then turned to Lee, scratched the back of his head and said,
"I have a mission in 15 minutes, but I had fun. See ya!" He said as he rushed away. Sai was the only one left at Naruto's side. He got up and brushed the dirt off his body.
"You're an idiot." Sai said, smiling the entire time, as he walked away. Soon, Naruto was alone.
"Well, fine! Who needs you? I can win this war myself!" The blond yelled to his former comrades. Suddenly he was then pelted by a plethora of balloons.
"Medic!" Naruto cried as he fell over, a dripping mess.
PLEASE REVIEW! Originally intended to be an OMAKE, but thought it was long enough to be a one-shot. It's a parody based on a Johnny Bravo episode so don't get nitpicky with Naruto's stupidity.