Disclaimer: I own Canada. That's only, like... mostly true. But I don't own Victorious.
A/N: Okay um I was just talking to twitter friends about how lousy Beck's hair's been looking lately and we blame Jade. And then I remembered that thing on the slap from forever ago and I wrote this in like twenty minutes. It's really short but I'm kinda in a hurry so now I scurry off.
Beck walked through the doors of his high school and tentatively ran his hands through his frumped up excuse for a hairdo as he immediately marched over to his ex-girlfriend's locker.
"Jadelyn." he growled her name and thought about possibly stealing a hat from a bypassing freshman.
Jade looked up from her books and pressed her lips firmly together, failing miserably as hiding the smile that came to her lips. "Beckett," she greeted politely, "you look terrible." she flipped her hair over her shoulder and batted her eyelashes, "I look awesome."
"I don't mean to sound accusing, but how did you- why- when did you get the chance to-…"
Jade stared wide-eyed and amused as he stammered.
"Iknowyoudidthis!" finally tumbled out of his mouth as he pointed wildly to his head, "My hair is limp and lifeless and yours is fluffy and shiny and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!"
"Not my fault, Beckett." she patted his shoulder and twirled her finger around a lock of his now unimpressive hair, "You really seem to have let yourself go."
"You stole my hair products!" Beck asserted in outrage.
"Wrong-o, I bought your hair products."
She continued with a grin so self-satisfied it should probably be illegal, "I paid Consuela to take your hair products out of your bathroom and give them to me."
Beck groaned, "Jaaaade."
"…And then I stole the money back from her.
"And then I used all your hair products."
Beck pinched the bridge of his nose and flipped his hair again, "Jade! You're insufferable!"
She snorted out a laugh, "Yeah? And you're ugly. What's with your hair?"
"I… you… why- oh, hush." He muttered, anxiously pacing around her and stealing a sip from her cup of coffee in an attempt to be a general nuisance. Jade remained unfazed.
"Honestly, Beck, it's kind of small potatoes," she said with badly disguised amusement. Beck glared at her, not even dignifying with a response. "Einstein obviously didn't have this problem," Jade continued simply.
"There. Perspective. Now you have it." And she shrugged.
"I look dumb, Jade. I look like Uncle Jesse from Full House. In the really early episodes, when he had the mullet. If my hair right now were a person, it would be a jerk. It'd be the kind of jerk that doesn't have his license and never pays for gas when you give him rides somewhere, and kicks puppies, and always interrupts you when you're talking!"
Jade blinked a few times, "Are you saying Jesse Katsopolis can't drive?"
"Cool it with the freakin' hyperbole, alright? You're being a baby."
"You're being a baby!"
"No, you can't just argue with me by changing the accentuation of my words!"
"You can't just argue with me by-"
"Why did you take my hair products!?"
Jade pouted and her eyes turned wounded like freaking Bambi or something, "I had faith in you, Beck," she said sweetly.
He was entranced by her sudden flirtiness, and let's face it- Canadian hair products made her look good. He stuttered, "You… had…"
"I knew that you were smart and creative enough to somehow get your hair done without shampoo, or… anything else. I was just testing your faith."
A teasing poke to his chest gave her away.
"…You're lying," Beck stated obviously.
Her expression melted and she rolled her eyes, "I knew you'd be a jerk about this."
"Why did you take my hair stuff!?" he repeated.
"God, don't you get it?" Jade said, beginning to walk away.
"No! Please explain your logic!"
She paused, dramatically turned over one shoulder and smiled condescendingly, "You can't be looking good if I'm not around to enjoy it." She walked away slowly, hair full of Canada bouncing.
Beck's jaw clenched, "I'm not talking to you anymore!" he called to her, still stuck to the floor in some sort shock.
"Okay!" Jade yelled without looking back.
"…Ever!" He added.
"Good!" she replied, tauntingly shaking her hair.
Beck stood still for a moment, brooding, before punching at the air with a sense of surrendering, voice trailing as he chased after her "That's cruel, Jade, it's just cruel!"
And Jade didn't even bother hiding the grin on her face as he caught up with her, knowing that the way under the boy's skin was obviously through his hair.
Press that review button that's blue now so it's sexier and more exciting. Show Consuela some loooooooooooooove.