No Malls In Middle Earth: In Which Legolas Kisses Ellie on the Hand (Squeal!)

Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with this story. I don't mean to be whiny or picky, but I would like more reviews. They really keep me going as an author, and without them, how do I know what I should change/keep in this story? I'm open to constructive criticism as long as it's polite, so please give me your opinions and I will try to implement them in my story. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.


Lothelen: Frooooooodo!

Frodo: No! Absolutely not!

Lothelen: Because you're the ring bearer, it's your duty to listen to my every command!

Frodo: Why doesn't Sam do it instead?

Sam: With all due respect Lady Lothelen, Mister Frodo is much better at that sort of thing.

Frodo: Fine. Lothelen doesn't own anything.

Ellie: Except for me!

Lothelen: Unfortunately.

Ellie: Hey, I resent that!


Ellie awoke with a smile on her face for the first time in weeks. She was clean, warm, happy, and well fed. Stretching, she rolled out of bed. Vendethial wasn't there, so she washed and dressed herself, and attempted find the Fellowship.

Finding their pavilion turned out to be a harder task than she initially thought. Finally, after wandering aimlessly for fifteen minutes, she spotted all four hobbits.

"Hi!" greeted Ellie. Pippin waved back.

"Good morning Lady Ellie." Sam said. Pippin groaned. He was thoroughly sick of the lady argument. Ellie, however, did not argue, because her stomach growled embarrassingly loudly.

"Oops." she giggled with a blush. "Guess my stomach's doing the talking today. Do any on you guys know where I could find some breakfast?"

"There's lots of food back at the pavilion." answered Merry.

"I don't know where the pavilion is!" Ellie exclaimed, throwing her arms up in frustration.

"Well why didn't you say so? Come on, we'll take you! I wouldn't object to some more food myself." Pippin said thoughtfully, rubbing his stomach. Frodo rolled his eyes.

"Honestly Pippin, you already ate three quarters of our food and you're still hungry?"

"You better watch out, 'cause I'm even hungrier!" Ellie said with a growl.

"Fine then," said Pippin. "Who ever is able to eat the most wins, no regurgitation."

"Oh, it is on." Ellie announced with a maniacal grin. Eating was one of the few things she was naturally talented at.


Ellie was sitting at the pavilion, a large pile of food on her plate, and Pippin across from her with a hungry gleam in his eyes. The other three hobbits looked on in amusement.

"So who's judging?" asked Ellie.

"Frodo is." answered Merry. "He's the fairest judge." Frodo nodded importantly.

"Alright, are you both ready? On your mark, get set, eat!" Ellie immediately stuffed her face, and moaned happily.

"I think my mouth just had an orgasm." she announced through her mouthful food. The hobbits blushed. "What?" she asked indignantly before shoveling handfuls of food into her mouth.

Pippin was ahead, and stayed ahead, while after awhile, Ellie started to look a little green in the face. She kept eating, her progress slowing. Finally, when she was so full she felt she was going to vomit, Legolas appeared. A somewhat disgusted look crossed his face when he spotted her.

"Lady Ellie, what in Eru's name are you doing?"

Ellie blushed. She must look ridiculous. Her cheeks were so full she looked like a chipmunk, and her hands and face were smeared with food. She swallowed.

"Eating. With Pippin." answered Ellie meekly. She blushed.

"Well, if you are done eating half of the food we have been provided with, you ought to go change."

"Why?" asked Ellie, confused.

"Because Aragorn and I have agreed it would be best if you acquired some training with a weapon, and you certainly cannot train in that dress." Ellie squirmed uncomfortably. Knowing her, she'd probably be a complete klutz with sword fighting and archery and make a complete fool of herself.

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?" Legolas smiled reassuringly, and Ellie's heart fluttered.

"I'll just go and change then," she said. "Are the hobbits coming too?"

"Perhaps it would be best if they did. They certainly need more practice." Pippin looked up from his plate unwillingly.

"Can't we train some other time?" he whined, his face still stuffed.

"No, we must start today. We have limited time in Lorién. Go and change, Ellie. I will meet you back at the pavilion."


Vendethial was waiting at her flet, her long hair combed into a graceful braid.

"Nice hair," complimented Ellie, always appreciative of good 'do.

"Thank you My Lady." Vendethial said with a blush. "I am sorry I was not here when you awoke. I was attending to other business. I trust you found everything?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was fine. I'm a big girl ya'know."

"Lord Aragorn informed me that you are to train with him and Master Legolas. I have clothes for you here." The elf maiden gestured to some neatly folded clothes on the bed. There was a long silky skirt, a tunic in deep plum, a lace-up black leather vest, and leather boots. Ellie dressed quickly, and examined her reflection in the mirror.

"Yeah baby! I'm an awesome woman warrior! Hiya!" She struck what she thought was a battle stance, lost her balance, and toppled over backwards on the bed. Vendethial couldn't help but giggle.

"Forgive me for laughing, Lady Ellie." she apologized after Ellie picked herself off the bed. "It was rude of me. Are you ready?"

"Yep, all ready!" Ellie waved goodbye to Vendethial and skipped away happily.

Legolas was waiting for her with the four hobbits. He gazed at her training clothes appraisingly.

"Well, you certainly look the part." he commented. Ellie blushed, and twirled a strand of golden hair between her fingers.

"Aw, shucks. You're kinda cute yourself, ya know." She hurriedly clapped a hand over her mouth. Had she honestly just said that? Legolas chuckled unconcernedly.

"Thank you, Ellie. That is very kind of you." Frodo glanced over at her, a knowing smile on his face.

"Perhaps we ought to head to the training grounds," the blue-eyed hobbit suggested.

"Of course, Frodo. Let us be off."


Ellie was standing next to Legolas, a bow and arrow in her hand and a target in front of her. The hobbits were practicing sword fighting with Boromir, who was also at the training grounds. Ellie had expected to hate archery, but amazingly enough it was okay.

"Now remember," Legolas was lecturing. "After you notch the arrow you must be careful that it does not fall." Ellie notched the arrow, and tried to focus on keeping there.

"Like this?" she tried to keep her arms from shaking. Focusing on the target, she released the arrow. It flew right past the target, almost hitting Boromir.

"Careful!" he shouted, looking slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" Ellie screamed back. Legolas picked up another arrow.

"How about I help with this one?"

He stepped behind her, encircling his arms around her. His hand covered hers as he helped her draw the string back. Ellie couldn't breathe. Ohhhhh, he was so warm, and smelled so nice, and were all those muscles real? Legolas' heart was thumping gently in his well-chiseled chest. Ellie could here the slight pump and it made her own heart rate speed up.

"Lady Ellie?" Legolas asked. Ellie realized she had completely zoned out.

"I'm good," she whispered. Breathing labored, she focused on the target, imagining the whistle of the arrow through the air before piercing the center. The hobbits and Boromir were watching her. Taking a deep breath, she released the arrow.

It zoomed through the air in slow motion before striking the center of the target. Ellie shrieked.

"Ohmigod! I DID IT! BULLSEYE, WOO HOO!" For some bizarre reason, her victory made her want to Gangnam Style. She immediately began the horse dance.

"Oppa Gangnam Style! Heeeeeeeyyyyy, sexy lady!" she sang. The hobbits, Legolas and Boromir, who had been previously smiling, looked at her with mildly freaked out expressions. Ellie stopped dancing and coughed awkwardly.

"Sorry," she said. "Just a little over-enthusiastic."

"You have reason to be excited!" exclaimed Legolas. "You have quite the natural talent in archery."

"Really?" asked Ellie.

"Really," the elf confirmed with a kindly smile.

Hitting that bullseye, it turned out, was more luck than anything else. Ellie didn't hit one again, although by the end of the training session she was consistently hitting the outside of the target. Legolas was very pleased.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed as she once again hit the outside of the target. "We will keep training daily, and you will be in good shape for our journey onward."

"I will be going continuing on the journey, right?" asked Ellie, suddenly nervous that they would leave her here in Lorién with a bunch of elves that were prettier than her. Legolas frowned.

"I believe you are coming with us. I will have to discuss it with Aragorn. Do you wish to remain here?"

"No!" exclaimed Ellie. "I mean, it's not like I don't love it here and all, but I want to stay with you. I feel like I'm part of this quest too, ya know? If anything happened to Frodo, I would never forgive myself."

"Then of course you will have to come with us," Legolas reassured. He turned back to the hobbits. "Come, we should head back. The rest of the Fellowship will be having supper." Grabbing Ellie's hand (leaving little warm tingles where their skin made contact) he led her out of the pavilion. Frodo watched their retreating backs, his blue eyes sparkling knowingly.

"Did you see that?" he asked Pippin. Pippin looked more confused than usual.

"Did I see what?"

"It's nothing." Frodo brushed off his previous question. But he smiled mentally. He had seen the look in Ellie's eyes, and although she didn't yet recognize her feelings, he did.


Soon the entire Fellowship was gathered in the pavilion, munching on delicious food.

"Man, these elves sure know how to cook!" Ellie exclaimed, trying to change subject after Legolas' recounted her bullseye for those who missed, causing her to blush embarrassedly. Pippin, perhaps one of the only people Ellie had met that loved food as much as she did, nodded in agreement.

"So Ellie, have you ever courted anyone in your world?" Frodo asked randomly.

"Huh?" asked Ellie, confused. "What's courting?"

"Have you ever been in a romantic relationship with someone," the blue-eyed hobbit clarified.

"Oh, you mean like dating? Yeah, I had a steady boyfriend back home, but I've dated quite a few people." The rest of the Fellowship looked slightly started by this information.

"You've been involved with more than one person?" Pippin asked. "Doesn't that make you—" Sam clapped a hand over the young hobbit's mouth, before knocking him on the arm in rebuke.

"Mind your language!"

"A slut?" Ellie finished his sentence. "No. In my world, relationships are much looser. People date, and make out, and do other things with lots of different people. Although I have dated more than is normal for my age."

"Who was your first kiss?" Merry asked, only to become the receiving end of Sam's wrath.

"Master Merry, you've got no business asking Lady Ellie personal information like that!"

"It's okay, I don't mind. My first kiss was kind of weird. I was thirteen, and my best friend Sandra had a bit of a bi-curious stage. I was one of the first people to find that out." The Fellowship was unable to comprehend what she was saying.

"My first kiss was with my best friend." Ellie stated bluntly. Everyone looked quite shocked, before growing quite red.

"You kissed a girl?" Boromir asked, spluttering a bit.

"And I liked it!" Ellie sang. When she saw the Fellowship was taking her seriously, she shook her head exasperatedly. "It's a song guys. But seriously, where I come from it's not a super big deal to kiss someone of the same gender. Some people might give you crap about it, but it's pretty common. And the kiss was nice. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but I don't mind fooling around."

"Well, getting back on more normal topics," Aragorn said with an awkward cough. "Legolas, you were telling us about your training session with the hobbits and Ellie?"

"It was very successful. We must find a way to acquire a bow and arrow for her before we continue on our journey."

"Does she not wish to stay in Lorién?"

"I'm coming with you whether you like it or not!" exclaimed Ellie. "I'm a part of this quest whether you like it or not, and there is no way you're getting rid of me."

"Lady Ellie," Boromir began gently. He had become considerably more polite to her after Gandalf's fall. "With all due respect, it may be in your best interest to remain in Lorién. The Quest will be growing much more dangerous the closer we get to Mordor. We do not want you to be injured, or worse."

"I know what you're saying, and I respect that, but I have to come." Tears welled up in Ellie's eyes. "Don't you understand? You guys are the only friends I have. I don't have a family anymore, or a home, or anywhere to belong. I'll be lost if I'm left alone here."

Everyone looked slightly touched. Boromir wrapped an arm around her.

"Of course you shall come with us then." Aragorn assured her. Soon the meal was done, and Ellie stood.

"I think I'll be turning in for the night. Thanks guys." Legolas stood as well.

"I will accompany you."

"Oh, you really don't have to do that." Ellie said hurriedly.

"I want to." He held out his arm, and she took it gladly, savoring the contact. They walked in silence, content to merely appreciate each other's company and the beauty of the forest. Everything in Loth Lorién seemed lovelier when Ellie was with Legolas. The night sky seemed bluer, the stars glittering and the trees shone like mithril. All too soon, they reached her flet.

"Thanks for walking me Legolas." Ellie said with a smile.

"It was my pleasure." And with a gesture so quick Ellie could barely register what was happening, he seized her hand and placed a light kiss on it, his lips just brushing her skin. Ellie stared after him in shock as he departed, her mouth open dumbly. She touched her hand tentatively, feeling the scorching skin that his lips-his lips-had touched. Suddenly, when her ecstasy was too much to contain, she let out a loud squeal of joy.

She ran into her room and collapsed on the bed in a haze of happiness, still clutching her hand in joy. Still in her training clothes and boots, Ellie fell asleep quickly, before sinking into dreams of Legolas and his warm, wonderful lips.


"Lady Ellie, you must wake up."

"Don't wanna. Too comfy."

"Please Lady Ellie!" Ellie opened a sleepy eye and saw Vendethial gently shaking her awake.

"Do I have to?" she mumbled, not wanting to leave her warm, cozy bed.

"Yes, you do. You overslept and Master Legolas is waiting to take you to your archery lesson." Ellie leapt out of bed.

"Oh no, I'm gonna be late!" She took a super quick bath to get rid of the grime from yesterday's training session, and Vendethial helped her dress at the speed of light. Tying her hair up in a quick ponytail, Ellie ran out of the flet, before tripping over her own feet. Naturally, she tripped at the edge of the deck, and fell 9 feet screaming her head off. Her landing turned out softer than she expected, because there was something underneath her. Looking down, she saw Legolas' face inches from hers.

"Oh my gosh, Legolas, I'm so sorry." Ellie exclaimed, leaping up as nimbly as she could. Legolas stood up too, brushing himself off. Being an elf, he still looked perfect, of course.

"It is perfectly alright. I was not expecting to see a flying human cannonball at that particular time, so I could not step out of the way." the blond elf said with a kind smile.

"Flying human cannonball? Really, Legolas?" Ellie exclaimed in mock offense.

"Indeed, it could an effective strategy. We only need to drop you on a pack of orcs and the battle is won!"

"Interesting strategy." responded Ellie with a laugh. "Although it's probably better to practice less risky battle techniques. Let's go and train."

"As you wish, My Lady." Legolas said. "I have something for you in the practice area."

"Oooooh, a surprise! I like surprises." Ellie chirped, clapping her hands like a two-year-old receiving a large present.

"Let us go then." Legolas held out his arm chivalrously, and Ellie took it happily.

The surprise, it turned out, was her very own bow. It was significantly smaller than the one she had been training with the previous day, and much easier to use. Legolas noticed the difference. By the time they were finished he was very pleased.

"Excellent, Ellie! Wonderful job!" He complimented after she managed to strike one of the inner rings. "Tomorrow we will start practicing shooting while moving, and hitting moving targets."

"Moving targets?" Ellie swallowed nervously. Just when she got the hang of the basics he had to throw something new at her.

"Did you think orcs would stand perfectly still and allow you to kill them? You still have much to learn Ellie." Legolas reminded her kindly.

"I know, I know. Let's start tomorrow though, okay? I'm tired."

"Of course. We should rest for now." The wandered a little bit before finding a nice little pavilion to sit in.

"Legolas?" asked Ellie.

"Mmm?" came his reply. The elf's eyes were closed.

"Could you teach me some Elvish?" Ellie had heard the elves speak in their own language, heard Legolas use it, and it was she wanted to speak it too.

"You wish to learn Sindarion?"

"Yeah. It sounds so pretty when you speak it." She hoped flattery would get her somewhere.

"'Tis a beautiful language." Legolas breathed. "Of course you shall learn it. It is probably for the best. Come, let us go to the library. We will be able to study there."


Language, it turned out, didn't come nearly as easily to Ellie as archery did. After an hour of listening to basic conjugations and pronunciations she was tired, frustrated, and angry. Legolas was trying to be patient but Ellie could tell he was becoming exasperated.

"Ellie, for the last time, it's Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn. Not "El seela arin loo ee-goovaneed veen," the blond elf exclaimed, his voice rising slightly.

"I'm trying Legolas! I'm just not good with languages, okay?" Ellie exclaimed. Legolas took a few deep breaths.

"Perhaps you should try an easier phrase. Listen to me and mimic my voice: Pedig edhellen?"

"Pedig eedhelleen?" tried Ellie. Legolas sighed.

"Close enough. Do you remember what that means?"

"Umm…" Ellie racked her brains. "Do you speak Elvish?"

"Yes!" Legolas exclaimed, happy that he was finally getting through to her. "Now, can you tell me if that phrase is familiar or reverential?" Ellie gaped at him.

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?"

"Reverential phrases end with a 'g' instead of an 'l'. Listen: Pedig edhellen? is familiar and Pedil edhellen? is reverential. Another example is Gwestog? being the familiar version of 'Do you promise?" versus the reverential version, Gwestol?"

"I think I get that." Ellie said, trying to look thoughtful. In reality she had no idea what he was talking about. "So, would I use familiar or reverential with you?"

"You have known me long enough to use the familiar version." Legolas said with a smile. Suddenly, Frodo burst into the library.

"I hope I'm not interrupting?" he asked.

"You are fine, we were just finishing up." Legolas assured the hobbit.

"Oh, good. Aragorn is looking for you Legolas. He said that there is a serious matter he needs to discuss."

"Thank you for informing me." Legolas turned to Ellie. "I am sorry, but we must cut this short. You may continue studying if you so wish."

"I think it's pretty much a hopeless case without you to explain everything to me." Ellie threw up her arms in surrender.

"We will have to continue another time then." Legolas grabbed her hand, dropped a light kiss on it, and left quickly. Ellie closed her eyes, appreciating the giddy, dizzy feeling.

"Do you love him?" She had completely forgot about Frodo! The dark-haired hobbit was gazing at her with that damn knowing smile on his face. She flushed an ugly shade of magenta.

"No! I mean, he's my friend, but I don't like him like that!" exclaimed Ellie indignantly, crossing her arms. The smile didn't leave Frodo's face.

"You can tell me you know. I can keep a secret." Ellie sighed exasperatedly.

"Fine! Maybe I like him just the tiniest little bit! I don't love him though. It's just, he's like supermegafoxyawesomehot, and he's super nice and a great warrior, and I mean what's not to love?" she rambled on. "But even if I did love him, it's not like he would return my feelings."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you." the hobbit said. Ellie looked up at him with sorrowful eyes.

"How do you know? It's like that whole prophecy thing Gandalf mentioned. Unrequited love and all of that. I mean, why would he love someone like me? I'm clumsy and stupid and I'm not nearly as pretty as an elf."

"I think you're very pretty." Frodo said with a very small blush. "And I'm sure Legolas does too. You shouldn't assume he feels a certain way until you know for sure. Besides, I've seen him staring at you as well. And the look on his face when you told that story about your first kiss!"

"You really think he might like me?" Ellie sniffled.

"I do. We'll just have to wait and see." Ellie looked at the ringbearer. He looked weary, and older than when she first met him. His stunning blue eyes were worried and sad. And yet he was still comforting her. Suddenly, Ellie felt as rush of gratitude for the little hobbit. She stood and threw her arms around him.

"Thank you so much Frodo!" she squealed. Frodo choked out what sounded like a "You're welcome" but he was having some trouble breathing as he was being smothered by Ellie's chest in her vice-like grip.

"Can't breathe!" he gasped, and Ellie released him quickly.

"Sorry, just got a little bit over-zealous for a second."

"It's perfectly alright." Ellie smiled kindly at Frodo. The dark-haired Halfling was rapidly becoming her favorite of the four hobbits. He was right. Only time could tell in matters of love.


Author's Note: Mainly a filler, but still my longest chapter yet! Did anyone catch the reference from "A Very Potter Musical"? God I love Darren Criss. If you caught the reference, use it in your review and you can win a virtual Darren Criss plushie! Just to clear this up, Ellie is NOT a lesbian. I was just using that section to show that she's open about her feelings and love life, and thought that would be an interesting little twist. Frodo will be featured heavily in the next few chapters, because after the Breaking of the Fellowship he's not really going to be a part of the story. I'm waiting for at least 6 reviews for this chapter before I update, so please read and review.

lotrjesusfreak: The Legolas/Ellie fluff is making me suuuuuper excited. Every time I write a little romantic part, I go SQUEEE! Thank you so, so, so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it and hope you keep reading.

kaototchi: You, my friend, are an awesome person. You are the only one of my readers that has reviewed every chapter of my story! Just for that, you win a lifetime supply of puppies, 'cause I'm awesome like that. Legolas/Ellie fluff will be featured in heavily in Lorién since those two have waaaaaay too much time on their hands! Thanks for the review and hope you keep reading.

Kinalove: Poor, poor Ellie. I really give her a rough time of it. Thankfully that drama's over, but she has much embarrassment ahead of her before the journey's up. *Laughs Evilly* I'm glad you think my story's realistic. I'll try to keep it that way, although things will be getting a little weirder in the next chapter. Thank for your review, and hope you keep reading.

Ninja Elf girl: Awkwardness is my middle name. No, seriously my full name is Lothelen Awkward Elf Chick. jk, but I still like making things as uncomfortable as possible for poor Ellie. Wait until she finds out that her bra was lost in the laundry when they arrived at Lorién, or as she calls it, Loth L'Oreal, lol. Thanks for the review, and hope you keep reading! ^_^

Guest: Lol, and I thought getting mine in AP English was unbearable. I feel kind of bad for the guys too. Ellie's corrupting them all with her strange, female ways. Thanks for the review and keep writing!