Summary: Bella gets drunk because she's upset about turning 18. What she doesn't realize is that Edward and the Cullens have thrown her a surprise party - and Charlie is there. Pure parody, Bella is a little OOC. Okay, a LOT OOC.

I do not in any way own 'Twilight', the characters or anything. THis is purely for fun, and for entertainment purposes only.

P.S. Alice didn't see this for some reason...


I stared, confused, at the Cullens' front door. Edward had given me a key to the house a few weeks ago, but it didn't seem to work. I shoved the small piece of metal towards the keyhole, when suddenly I saw three.

"What?" I slurred, swaying as I stood on the porch. I head footsteps and then a few seconds later the door opened, causing me to fall forward as I forgot I was holding onto the doorknob.

"Hey! You got the door open!" I exclaimed, looking up at Edward.

"Oh, sweetheart," he sighed, helping me up. "Bella, you're so drunk," he sighed again, rubbing my back.

"I'm fine!" I laughed. I tried to take a step forward but lost my footing and was rescued by Edward again.

"This isn't good," he muttered to himself. "Bella, sweetheart?"


"We've thrown a party for you. Everyone's here, even your father."

"Oh no!" I cried. "My dad's never seen me drunk!"

Edward raised an eyebrow at me.

"I mean, I've never been drunk before!" I laughed, Edward rolled his eyes and help me stand up straight.

Alice came around the corner then, smiling.

"It'll be okay, Edward. All we have to do is just stay with her. She's okay, she's not that drunk."

"Yeah," I agreed, wrapping my arms around Edward's neck. I laughed. "I'm gonna kiss you later!"

"Oh god," Edward muttered. "She is that drunk Alice! Look, she can't stand up, she's slurring her words…,"

"It will be fine."

The party went relatively smoothly, no one seemed to notice that I was drunk. Perhaps everyone was substituting my slight swaying and slight slurring of words for excitement. Whatever they were thinking it didn't seem to bother Edward, who stood at my side for the entire party, keeping one hand on me at all times to keep me vertical.

"Speech! Give a speech!" Emmett chanted, tapping his glass and staring directly at me. Edward glared at him, shaking his head furiously.

"Okay," I said, walking forward away from Edward, he stretched his arm out and touched my back with the tip of his fingers, as if not trusting me to be able to stand alone.

"I want to thank everyone for coming tonight," I began, watching as everyone smiled at me, I heard Edward sigh quietly with relief. "And I really wanna say, that I love you all."

I heard quiet mutterings from the crowd, all sounds of approval.

"You know what I really wanna say?" I said, looking around and swaying a little. "I'm drunk!"

I heard a few gasps from the crowd, and a laugh from Emmett.

"That's right! Little sweet Bella is wasted! I am so drunk! And I don't care! Because it's my birthday! My day! And this is how I wanna celebrate! So thank you for coming, drinks are on me!"

I stood on the small table in the living room and begun to dance. I heard laughing from the crowd, so I continued. Edward and Carlisle both reached for me, trying to coax me down.

When I started to pull my shirt off, I heard someone whistle at me. Emmett leaned forward and slipped a dollar bill into the top of my pants. Rosalie smacked his arm and I heard Edward quietly growl behind me.

Edward grabbed me and pulled me towards him.

"Bella, get down."


I kicked my shoe off, sending it flying at someone. I looked back to see Mike rubbing his head, holding the sneaker in his other hand.

When I reached for the buckle on my belt, Edward moved faster, pulling me into his arms, and backing away from the table. I felt someone slide my shirt over my head, pulling my arms through. Edward set me down and there was a few seconds of awkward silence. Then people begun to get over the shock, moving around, talking to one another, like they were a few minutes before.

Edward wrapped a supportive arm around me back and rolled his eyes at me.

"You're really going to feel embarrassed tomorrow," he sighed.

"Did you do this to her?" Charlie asked, walking towards us. He wasn't exactly angry, more shocked than anything, and accusing towards Edward.

"No!" I said defensively. "I did this all by myself! I just wanted to have fun!"

He shook his head and then his face softened a little bit.

"Fine, Edward just make sure she doesn't do anything…stupid, alright?"

"Of course, sir."

When the party died down and people begun to leave, Edward turned to me.

"Bedtime, come on, upstairs."

"I'm sleeping here tonight?" I asked, not feeling sober at all.


Edward led me into his bedroom and I laughed like an idiot when I saw the huge bed.

"Ooh," I said, grabbing Edward's arms and dragging him towards the bed. "Come to bed with me," I said suggestively. Then I purred and Edward raised an eyebrow.


"No!" I said, butting him off. "My birthday, my rules!"

I felt the back of my knees hit the bed and then fell back. I pulled on Edward's arms impatiently.

"Hurry up, lay down with me!" I complained, sounding like a child. He refused to budge, so I ripped the buttons open on my blouse and tore the fabric away. Edward's hands gripped my wrists to stop me.

"No, Bella."

I felt the tears well up and Edward's expression turned horrified.

"Bella, you're drunk. We can't do this," he said softly. He sat down and pulled me against him, rocking me back and forth.

"Shh," he soothed, kissing my hair.

"I wanna be with you, Edward," I muttered into his shirt. I could still feel the coldness of him seeping through his clothes onto my bare torso.

"I know, I do too, Bella. But we can't."

I sighed heavily and fell back onto the bed. He glanced down at me, his eyes grew wider as he looked at me exposed bra and stomach.

"Bella, I think you should put your shirt back on."


"Bella," he said, warning me.

I jumped up and ran out the door, sprinting down the stairs as fast as I could.

Suddenly I was in the living room again, and Esme, Carlisle, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were putting things away from the party. They all stared at me in shock. Then I looked down and realised I was still without my shirt.

Edward pulled me against him and begun to drag me towards the stairs. Emmett laughed.

"No, I don't wanna sleep! I wanna dance!" I complained, trying to pull myself away from Edward and towards the stereo.

"Bella, you need to rest," Edward said, pulling me back and starting up the stairs.

He sighed and pulled me into his arms, tossing me over his shoulder and carrying me back to his room.

The next thing I knew I was back on his bed, my shirt on, and Edward was tucking me in.

He sighed heavily, sounding exhausted even though that was impossible, and sat down beside me atop the covers.

"Bella, please sleep. I don't want you to do anything else you'll regret in the morning."

He placed a kiss against my forehead and I succumbed.

The sun was blinding. More than blinding, it made my eyes water immediately. I threw my hand against my eyes and felt Edward move closer to me.

"My head," I muttered, as the pounding grew painful and uncomfortable.

"I'll get you some Tylenol," Edward said, helping me sit up.

"What happened last night?" I asked, tasting vomit in my mouth. Ugh. I couldn't remember a thing, my memories were all very vague and confusing.

"Where do I begin?" Edward said, mainly to himself. As I sat up further I felt something press against the skin of my stomach. I reached down and pulled out the bill.

"Edward? Why is there a dollar bill in my pants?"

Thoughts? (: