Woohoo, a non-crossover fiction for once! I'm going to try to keep the light novel format in this story (Emphasis on dialogue), although I'll probably end up straying from it here and there, so bear with me. Oh, and this story starts after Season 2 of the anime.
"Out of the way, Akihisa!"
Walking down the hallways, I notice a panicking Sakomoto Yuuji sprint past me. Right on his tail is who else? Kirishima Shouko, wielding her taser and with murderous intent materialising with the dark purple aura around her.
Y'know, normally I wouldn't care about this, but for some reason this event, or other similar events that involve bodily harm to Yuuji from Kirishima-san has increased exponentially. Even though Yuuji's been a douchebag to me before, he's still my friend and I should check it out...later. Right now, I've got class.
Walking into Class 2-F's room, Kinoshita Hideyoshi waves to me from his tatami and tea table.. He's so androgynous he's considered the third gender. Well, he does look cute right now...I take a tatami behind to him so we can talk.
"Hey, Akihisa! You notice Yuuji and Kirishima-san again?"
"Yep, ran right past me before I came in actually."
"Don't you think somethings wrong with this? I mean sure Kirishima's done this before, but this has been happening at least three or four times a day now."
Nice to know I'm not the only observant one here.
"Actually, yeah I just thought of that too. Why do you care though?"
"Maybe because he's our FRIEND? That and he's our class representative, we need him in proper working order if he's going to lead us through ESBs and stuff."
"Yeah, didn't think of that last bit. Let's ask him about it during lunch at the roof today."
The door bursts open, interrupting our conversation and revealing the newcomers...Himeji Mizuki and Shimada Minami, the only two girls in the sausagefest known as Class F. Normally, I'd have said Hideyoshi was a girl, but I like the concept of him as the third gender better. The two girls are kinda polar opposites in a way: Mizuki has flowing pink hair, snow white skin, and a chest large enough to be considered a biological weapon. She's also really gentle, unlike the violent Minami. With her distinct runway-like chest, her submission holds are even more painful than a normal hold. As usual, her auburn hair is fashioned into a ponytail with a large yellow hair ribbon to keep it up.
The two girls wave their hands in greeting before taking seats adjacent to me.
"Hey Aki, do you want to have lunch with me?"
"Whaa-? Minami-chan, that's not fair, I was going to ask him to lunch!"
Right now, both options sound very lethal. Minami will probably put me into a submission hold at the first mention of her breasts, which to be honest is very hard to keep down considering the astounding flatness. And Himeji...wait no Mizuki...probably cooked my bento, except that she has no idea how lethal her cooking is.
"Well, sorry to disappoint you two, but I already have lunch plans..."
I already sense lethal intent emanating from Minami and Mizuki. Better defuse it fast!
"Aki, do you want to continue living?"
Ok, that isn't working!
"And...Yuuji. We've got some...stuff to talk about, right Hideyoshi?"
"Yeah, it's nothing important, really Shimada-san."
The lethal auras dissipate. Phew!
"That's good. For a second, I thought Akihisa-kun would have made a move on Kinoshita-kun..."
"I'm a guy, Himeji-san! A guy!"
Hmm, I feel like someone's missing right now.
"Hey Hideyoshi, where's Muttsulini?"
"He texted me before you came in, apparently he's sick due to blood loss."
Sick from blood loss? Must've been a LOT of blood if it actually incapacitated the famous Muttsilini, or Silent Pervert in English.
"Crap, his intel gathering skills probably would've picked up something useful. Oh well."
"Hmm, well Yuuji should have the answers for us anyways."
"Homeroom starts now!" The deep voice of Tetsujin, or Iron man, declares as he walks into the classroom, ending any chance of conversation for the rest of the morning.
A few classes later, Hideyoshi and I find ourselves in the roof to find a brooding Yuuji staring out into the sky.
"Oh, it's you Akihisa. Thought you were Shouko for a moment when I heard the door."
"Err, that's what we kinda wanted to talk to you about."
"Yeah Yuuji what's going on with you and Kirishima-san? She does seem to be more...violent, to put it lightly."
On hearing our concern for him, Yuuji turns to us, face visibly tired from all the abuse he's been receiving.
"To be honest, I have no idea whatsoever. Ever since that Test of Courage challenge with Year 3, Shouko suddenly became more possessive, and by more I mean like MORE."
Yuuji spreads his arms wide for emphasis while he continues.
"You really have no idea why?" I inquire.
"I swear I don't. Maybe she realized that there are actually girls who are into me besides her, as opposed to being only me going after other girls."
"What? Who else likes you, Yuuji?"
"Yeah, I'm finding this hard to believe as well."
Yuuji facepalms at our doubt, before looking at Hideyoshi and I again with a serious face.
"Whaaaa? I thought she liked Kubo-kun, or at least that's what the rumor mill says anyways."
"No, apparently she got shot down by him. Well, from what my sources tell me anyways. Even though Nakabayashi-san should have some vestiges of hatred towards me, I was kinda shocked when she confessed to me the day after the Courage challenge."
Wow, I thought Yuuji was supposed to be smart, but even I could figure out how Shouko would be pissed over that. Unless...
"Just to clarify here, where did she confess to you?"
"Actually, outside my house. I already left Shouko, and strangely enough Nakabayashi-san was hovering on my street. When she saw me, she ran up to me all nervous-like. When I asked her what she was doing here, she confessed."
"Huh, odd. So if Shouko wasn't around, how'd she find out? And more importantly, what did you say back?"
"Yeah, how did thee respond to her confession?"
Yuuji starts to blush. Oh hell no!
"...Yuuji, you're dead."
Kirishima Shouko bursts from the rooftop door, looking as dangerous as ever and dual-wielding tasers...DUAL-WIELDING TASERS?
"Ahh shit!" Yuuji panics as he scans around for an escape route.
I have a feeling that Yuuji may actually be in danger of dying right now. I step in front of Yuuji and spread my arms.
"Akihisa, what're you doing?" Hideyoshi yells.
"No. This has gone on long enough. It may have seemed harmless at first, but-"
"What the hell do you mean, harmless? She's been tasing me from day one!" Yuuji complains from behind me.
"Oyy, shut up Yuuji, I'm giving a speech here. Anyways, where was I?"
No seriously, I forgot where I was going with this.
"...Yoshii-kun, step away from Yuuji."
Kirishima's voice knocks me back to reality.
"Oh yeah, now I remember! Even though Yuuji's life is worthless (What the hell Akihisa!), he doesn't deserve to go through this every day! You might as well head back to 2-A now, Kirishima-san, because you're not getting past me!"
"Akihisa..." Yuuji mutters from behind me. I can't see him, so I can't tell what his response to this sudden act of bravado is.
Meanwhile, Hideyoshi's still standing off to the side, dumbstruck at the situation.
"...I'll stop chasing Yuuji, on one condition."
Kirishima-san lowers her tasers, but she still has the venomous aura around her.
"What is it?" I ask.
"You replace Yuuji." She says with a smirk.
This sudden turn of events stuns me: The combination of Shouko giving Yuuji a potential out and the fact that she might go after me now is very strange.
"Don't do it Akihisa." Yuuji spins me around and spreads his arm across my shoulders so we huddle up, facing away from Kirishima.
"This is my problem, not yours. You already have Shimada and Himeji to deal with."
"Them? They're nothing, really. I can handle another girl with intent to kill me."
After being put into so many submission holds and eating so much of Mizuki's cooking, Kirishima-san's tasers seem like toys..
"W-what? No, I can't let you fight my battles for me."
I don't take heed to Yuuji's protests, pushing him away from me and onto the bridge connecting the new building's roof to the old building's roof.
"Very well, I'll replace Yuuji. As long as you swear never to attack him again."
In a blink of an eye, Kirishima produces the marriage registration form that Yuuji worried over for many a fortnight. In front of the three of us, she rips it in half. Tossing the pieces into the wind, she takes out the tasers again.
"...Yoshii-kun. Prepare yourself."
This time, the murderous aura is clearly directed me. From my experience with Minami and Mizuki, there's only one thing left to do: RUN!
I leave behind a bewildered Yuuji and a confused Hideyoshi as I scramble down the old school's staircase in my attempts to find a hiding spot. I'm not sure why I sacrificed myself for Yuuji right now, but I have a feeling it'll turn out for the best later on...that is if I survive today.
Review please! Srsly, critical assessments of my writing help make future additions better.