Sweet n' Sour

Gaah! I wasn't sure what else to call it...so basically, Seifer and Selphie become stuck in an elevator together. Tons of insults, crying, suggestive scenes, violence and whatever else you can think of! Watch the fun! *laughs evilly*

(Disclaimer: Guess who doesn't own FFVIII? *puts up her hand* Thaaaaaaaaat's right!)

(a/n: Small story, just thought that it would be fun to do. I'm positive that something like this has been done before, but I wanted to try it out with Seifer and Selphie, since they're my favourite characters!)


" I'm late, I'm late, I'M LAAAAAAAAATE!" The small girl shrieked as she clumsily ran towards the elevator. Sharply cutting a corner, she nearly smashed herself against the wall but made a miraculous spin, almost like she was defying gravity. Her legs moved faster as she saw a figure standing by the elevator and the lights strike up above the door, signifying that the lift had arrived at the second floor. When the doors opened, she shouted loudly for the person to hold the elevator for her.

The man climbed in; he had no intention of doing so, thus she was forced to slidee across the tile floor, as if skidding to first plate, and straight into the elevator. At first she was surprised that she had accomplished such an amazing feat, but then she glanced down and noticed her skirt hiked up past her waist, exposing her black underwear. Silently she was thankful that she had worn black instead of her usual flowery type, but at the same time her face was so red that she felt like it was on fire.

Meekly, she raised her eyes past the elevator floor to meet with whomever was occupying the lift with her (hopefully he or she wouldn't' be someone to give her a hard time about it)...and her face turned so crimson that she was certain not enough blood was reaching the rest of her body.

" Thought you were the flowery type, Messenger Girl," Seifer remarked, unable to contain a small laugh that escaped his lips. Selphie quickly stood up and harshly yanked her uniform skirt down, wishing that it was longer.

" Whatever," She mumbled, and leaned against the wall.

" You're starting to sound like Puberty Boy."

" Is it so hard for you to call people by their own names?" Selphie questioned.

" I like to be creative, yet truthful at the same time," Seifer answered, moving his hands eloquently as he talked. " In fact, now I know that I've dubbed you 'Messenger Girl' appropriately."

She groaned, wishing that the elevator would hurry up and reach the first floor before she became in even more trouble than she already was in. Suddenly a jerk startled them and caused Selphie to go flying into Seifer, sending them both colliding on the floor. The lights flickered for a moment before dying out completely; everything became dark.

Selphie slowly got off of Seifer, refusing to believe what had happened. The elevator seemed to have become jammed between the first and second floor. From what they could see, the lights had come off all around Garden; curfew was over.

They were both silent for a few moments until Selphie leaped up and began to bang on the door.

" Let us out! LET US OUUUUUUUTTTT!" After a few minutes of doing that, she collapsed back on the floor next to Seifer, defeated.

" I think that we're locked in," She moaned, burying her head in her hands.

" Well, no shit."

" Power failure?"

" How the hell should I know?"

They allowed the silence to pass over them, both too depressed to say anything. About an hour later, Selphie began to whimper.

" What the hell is it?" Seifer asked out of the little concern he possessed.

" The walls are closing in..."

" Oh for the love of...what makes you think that?"

" Look, the walls; notice that the sides are kinda lopsidy-ish and little bits of plaster is falling off of the ceiling?"

" Selphie, this is a metal and glass elevator. There is no plaster!" Seifer said, most of his patience already used up.

" I must be hallucinating then," Selphie said, all smiles. " Oh well!"

She began to rock back and forth on her heels while half sitting next to Seifer. Each time the heels of her black boots clicked against the marble floor, the vein in Seifer's forehead grew.






Is it possible for veins to explode?


She froze, her green eyes so large that they seemed as if they would pop out of their sockets. Seifer stared at her for a moment, not knowing whether to pity her or yell once more. Instead he leaned back against the glass wall and pulled out a cigarette.

" Smoking is bad for you!" Selphie shouted the instant she saw the slim stick of nicotine. With skill she managed to pluck it out of his hands and a few moments passed before Seifer could comprehend what had happened.

" Give it back," He growled and tried to grasp her hand holding his only source of joy and contentment. She moved her hand gracefully out of his attempts to capture them and smiled, liking how Seifer was for once at her mercy.

He was beginning to become fed up with her antics, so he stood up and loomed over the small girl. But she didn't cower. Instead, her smile advanced to a grin and in one swift moment, she broke the cigarette in half with one hand.

" I would kill you right now, but since it's only the two of us in this elevator, I'll wait until tomorrow when we're free. That way, no one will know that I did it, and your body will be never found!" Finished his threat, he sat across from Selphie near the buttons and closed his eyes, deciding to sleep for the remainder of the time he was to be held captive with her.

In a few moments he had passed into his sub conscious and had visions running through his head about a small light house and children running about, shouting and laughing. Suddenly the light house faded and a beautiful woman was standing in a white dress. He had dreamt of her before, but had never seen her face. He called out to her and for once she answered.

" Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall.."She whispered.


" Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall..." She whispered again, a faint tune accompanying her words. " You take one down, pass it around, ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall..."

Then when she was about to turn around, much to Seifer's delight, he realized where the voice was coming from.

" Ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall, ninety eight bottles of beer!"

Instantly Seifer snapped out of his dream and to his dismay, was back in the elevator with Selphie, who had pried him away from discovering who the woman in his dream was by her horrendous singing.

" Oh, you're awake!" She piped. " Did my singing bother you?"

" WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK THAT?!" He raged, all of the blood rushing to his face.

" Hmm...you must have had a bad dream," Selphie analyzed, obviously not noting the sarcasm dripping from the man's voice. " That's probably 'cause you fell asleep sitting up. Maybe you should try--"

" Will you shut up?!" Seifer yelled, not only annoyed that Selphie continued to open her mouth, but also because that this was the first time he was beginning to loose his voice due to screaming so much.

Unexpectedly, Selphie's eyes began to water and she burst into tears. Seifer attempted to comfort her, not out of sympathy, but out of wanting her to keep quiet. He hated it when people cried and Selphie's wail seemed to make the walls vibrate.

" Look, I didn't mean it," He lied, patting the small girl on the back.

" I...I just wanted us to be friends!" She blubbered. " And...I was supposed to go on this really important mission today that would have raised my SeeD Rank, that's why I was in such a rush. Now I'll be stuck at a level 27 forever!"

" Hey, I'm not SeeD, and I'm happy," Seifer offered.

" But you don't know!" She bawled. " Today the store ran out of my favourite nail polish, and someone poked me and I hate Math and Irvine is a loser and...and...my bunny died three years ago!"

" ....You're pathetic," Seifer sneered and let go of Selphie. " Those are the most stupid reasons to be depressed that I've ever heard of!"

" Well, maybe if you weren't so mean all the time, you would have more friends!" Selphie shot back, pointing her emerald green polished fingers in his face. He backed up slightly in fear that her long nails would poke his eyes out. He knew Selphie was not very coordinated.

" Did I say anything about wanting more friends?"

" Seifer, you have to be more open and less on the defensive!" Now she opened her arms, as if expecting Seifer to collapse into their comfort.

" I-DON'T-CARE!" She was driving him crazy. He didn't even understand half the things she was talking about, from her jumping topic to topic.

" Yes you do!"

" You're friggin' annoying and whiney! Did you ever know that?"

" I've heard it a few times..." She trailed off and slumped against the wall, her eyes finally dulling down from their lush green.

'Good, I shut her up...' Seifer thought, almost letting out a sigh. Unfortunately, the high pitched voice broke into his ears again and he nearly cried himself.

"...but you're mean and aggressive!"

" Leave me alone!" Now he knew why Chickenwuss didn't go near her.

" Leave me alone!"

" I'm not even the one--gah, just forget it!"

" No! Out of all people, it had to be you I was to become stuck in an elevator with!"

" Oh, you think this is fun for me as well?"

Seifer truly couldn't stand her. She had the most annoying voice, so high pitched and childlike. Her optimism was another down point, and would most likely be the death of him. Happy people were so...hateable. And she never shut up! Ever! Her skirts were always so short, her hair so strange with their chestnut colour, and her eyes so insanely green that they could be spotted from miles away.

" ....."

Selphie never hated someone before, but Seifer was about to be the first person she would loathe. He always thought so highly of himself, being cocky and full of pride. He never cared about others and it seemed that only he himself mattered. Everyone else seemed inadequate in comparison to him. His eyes were a fierce, poisonous green, his golden blonde hair too angelic for the likes of him and the scar between his eyes a reminder of his delinquent self.

" ....."

All at once, they lunged at one another and their lips met in a hot and fiery kiss. Selphie pushed the tall blonde to the floor and in return, Seifer trailed his lips to her neck hungrily while she ripped off his trench coat.

It was then that the trap door above the elevator opened and Squall poked his head through, his hands holding a flashlight that illuminated the lift. In a matter of seconds he saw the two Garden students entangled with one another -Seifer with his hand smugly up Selphie's uniform skirt, while she had her own hands up his shirt while they were devouring one another- and the sight caused Squall to nearly fall into the elevator himself. He felt sick and confused. So very, very confused. Almost to the extent of wanting to break down and sob.

Selphie and Seifer, on the other hand, were mortified, but for some reason could not move either. The three of them were deadly quiet until Cid shouted to Squall.

" Did you find them?"

" Uhm...no...I didn't see anything..." Squall called back after hesitating for a moment and looking around in a daze, as if expecting some logical answer for what he had seen to appear out of nowhere. His answer to Cid was the only explanation he could muster up. It made sense -he was hallucinating. Too many cafeteria hotdogs and soap operas can do that to a person.

" Then I guess we'll have to continue looking. I'll start pulling the cable up."

Squall's eyes were still wide and he was shaking slightly as he slammed the trap door shut, encasing the two Garden students once more in their prison.

" Damn you Seifer!" Selphie was the first to screech, shooting up, straightening out her uniform, and kicking Seifer in the shin.

" Ow, shit!" Seifer cradled his injured foot and retrieved his jacket from the corner. "You were the once who put the moves on me first, you whore!"

" What the hell did you call me?"

"...and it was your idiot friend who locked us in here!"

" Oh, I can't believe I actually kissed you!"

" Likewise, Messenger Girl."

" Selphie! My name is Selphie! S-E-L-P-H-I-E!"


~ The End~

...or is it?


(a/n: Hee hee, review!)