When I looked at her, I thought of only you.
If only there was proof, I could use to show it's true.
Just crash, fall down.
I'll wrap my arms around you now.
Just crash, it's our time now,
To make this work second time around.
We grew up.
We worked and changed our ways.
Just like wild fire,
Been burning now for days.
Tearing down those walls, nothing's in our way.
I said nothing's in our way.
'Crash' –You Me At Six.
It was a bland day in Jump City, the sun was hidden behind a veil of cloud, there was no criminal activity, nothing of significance was occurring anywhere within the city perimeter. When Beast Boy returned to the tower that afternoon he wasn't surprised to find Cyborg polishing the already glistening T-car, Robin and Starfire were out on another date. Beast Boy chuckled at the thought, giving an infinitesimal shake of his head. The only insights Starfire had into earthly romance came from the movies she watched and so she expected nothing less than a fairy tale every time they went out. Beast Boy almost felt sorry for Robin, but he knew that if Raven were to request a fairy tale, he'd give her one. Raven wasn't the fairy tale type.
It didn't take long for Gar to find his girlfriend meditating peacefully atop of the tower. He took his seat beside her and the tiniest of smiles graced her face with his mere presence. She stopped her murmured chanting and shuffled a little closer until their sides were touching, every line joining them.
"Where'd you go?" she asked him softly.
He stared at her for a moment, as a few wisps of her hair blew in the gentle but bitter cold wind. Her eyes were far away, fixated on the horizon and the murky water of the bay. It was too cold for her to be sat outside for too long, he thought, but he didn't comment. He knew that he should just tell her where he was, he would never lie to her and there was no real way for him to downplay it. He couldn't quite understand why he felt guilty; there was nothing wrong with what he'd done. He had not done anything to cause any harm to anyone, yet a part of him seemed to know that Raven wouldn't approve. With a great sigh he answered her question.
"I went to see Terra." He breathed.
"What?!" Raven gasped, of all of the places he could've been, she hadn't even considered him going to visit that traitor. And after what they'd shared? After what she'd given him? She must have misheard. He wouldn't do that to her, would he?
"Are…Are you serious?" she stuttered, her breath coming quick and uneven as she began to panic.
"I needed to sort some things out for myself. My head was all confused." He reasoned, though even he had to admit the explanation was vague.
"And you couldn't just talk to me?! After everything! After I gave you everything, she still means more?!" Raven screeched, her panic bubbling over just as her tears did the same.
"What? No! Rae, what are you talking about?! I couldn't talk to you; I needed to think this through myself. I didn't want you to worry, because it didn't involve you. I was confused. About my past, about my feelings. The only thing I knew was that I loved you. I love you!" he burst out, desperate to defend himself from the mistake he hadn't known he'd made.
"And you went to her!" Raven cried, hurt and betrayal flashing dangerously in her amethyst eyes.
"Rae, she's a statue! I didn't go to anyone!" he shouted back in a desperate attempt to get her to understand. Their volume was increasing and they were full-blown arguing on the roof of the tower. The first argument they'd had as a couple was nothing more than a huge misunderstanding, a miscommunication, really. Yet because it was the first time they'd fought while trying to maintain a relationship, it seemed so much more disastrous than it was.
"Then why did you go there!" she sobbed, finally breaking and collapsing into his arms. She wanted to hate him for what he'd done, even if she hadn't yet heard his reasoning. She felt betrayed. She worried that he didn't care, for a split second a lapse in judgement told her that maybe he'd gotten what he wanted, and now that they'd slept together, he no longer wanted her around.
"I went because…after last night…after you gave yourself to me, I realised how much I wish you could've been my first. I regret sleeping with Terra because only after what you and I shared did I realise that what Terra and I had wasn't love at all. I'd been such a fool, and I needed to know. So I went to see her, and I felt nothing. Nothing. Because compared to you, I never loved her at all." He finally breathed, feeling wretched as he did so. And Raven released the breath she hadn't realised she was holding. She knew that they'd both been foolish. Raven knew that she was loved. She tried to regain her composure, and deep down she knew that what Beast Boy had done was more than understandable, and maybe it wasn't the opportune time for him to have his epiphany, but closure was something that he'd needed to seek alone. The pads of his thumbs swiped away the few tears she'd allowed to trail down her face. He gave her a smile so tender that she felt silly for her overreaction.
"Is it wrong for me to feel nothing, for me to not care that she's…gone?" Gar asked in a whisper, although ashamed of the thought.
"Maybe. Of course Terra meant something to you at one point. Maybe you did love her. But, you're a different person now, you can love differently than you could then, and maybe that means the love you had for her is moot. But it still existed." Raven theorised gently.
Gar listened carefully to her words; she'd always been the wisest. She'd always had such an understanding of the inner workings of someone's mind, and how their emotions could affect them, even if she'd had to suppress her own once. There was logic in her speech.
"Everyone we meet, regardless of the role they play, or how long they're around. They make a difference. They make us different. They matter." She whispered. And he placed a gentle kiss to her temple, because she was everything he'd ever need in the world. And he understood that now more clearly than he had before.