The characters are not mine.
Proving his feelings
„Why won't you believe me?" Ed asked, confused and angry. It took a lot out of him to gather his courage and tell the Colonel how he felt about him. Yet, Roy laughed at him and said that Ed's just a kid with a crush and that it's nothing serious.
"I mean it, Roy. I love you. Just tell me, if you feel anything for me or not!" Ed was getting angry and was about to lose his cool.
"Ed…" Roy signed, finally looking up from his paperwork. "I don't believe you really are serious, because you act like a child. Even now. Grow up."
Ed felt his heart breaking but managed to control his face from showing it. "I see. So what do I have to do for you to believe I'm not a kid?"
"Act like an adult. You are in the military, yet you've never acted or even looked like a soldier. When I give you a mission you always destroy half a city in your carelessness. You lose your temper too easily, especially if someone pick on your height. I can go on and on, Ed." Roy looked up at him again and he felt a little guilty. Ed stood there, shaking, his fist clenched tightly. He looked like he was about to cry. But he controlled himself and his voice was quiet.
"I understand. I will change, I promise. Just give me a few days." He said and left. Roy felt bad actually. Maybe he shouldn't have shrugged his feelings like that? But he really was just a kid, he will get over his little crush soon enough. With that, Roy came back to his work.
Fullmetal didn't show himself around office for two days. Everyone were a little curious, as he went through them all, asking of their personal opinion about what they were finding childish about him. Riza said that he should do more paperwork and add more details and seriousness to his reports. Havoc commented on his red coat and joking around in the office. Fuery thought that he should help others more, considering his alchemy. Breda believed that his hair was too long and that braid sure was for kids. After collecting all of that knowledge, Ed disappeared. Everyone got worried, what if he was offended? But all of those things they mentioned where the best about him, didn't he know that?
Roy signed. Another day reading boring papers. At least Fullmetal was supposed to give him a report today. That should be more fun to read. Roy silently enjoyed reading those, because Ed always writes something funny and his adventures are like in a good novel. He heard a commotion from an outer office so he decided to use it as an excuse of leaving his boring work. Colonel stood up and went to see what was happening.
Ed stood there in the middle of them all, smiling a fake smile. His posture was straight as ever but that wasn't what everybody was gawking at. He was wearing a blue military uniform, ideally ironed and fitted. His black boots were shining and under his arm there was a cap. Roy looked at him shocked just like the rest of them and then he noticed one more thing – Ed's hair was missing. His beautiful hair… he cut it and now his short hair was styled like in the military book about uniforms and regulations. He sure looked like a proper soldier should and it was hard to believe in.
"Good morning, Colonel. I have my report for you, if you have the time?" Ed asked and his tone was polite. Now, that was even more shocking than everything else. No calling him a bastard, no shouting, nothing. Just cold indifference.
"Boss…?" Havoc finally found his voice. "What… what did you do to yourself?"
"I've changed my looks. Don't I look like a proper soldier now?" Ed asked.
"Well, yes but…"
"I'm glad. It took me awhile to pull it off. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a report to give." He moved towards Roy's office and the Colonel didn't have any other choice but to go inside as well. He sat heavily behind his desk and stared. Ed put his papers down in front of him and waited. He was still standing stiffly straight.
"Ed… when I said you acted like a child I didn't mean for you to change that much… I mean, you…" Roy was at a loss of words.
"It's all right, Colonel. I asked everyone in the office what they thought was childish about me and I'm working hard to change it all."
"Well, sure a lot has changed about you but you are still a short pipsqueak." Roy said, looking for a reaction. He got none, which shocked him even more.
"I know, sir. Unfortunately it's not something I can change freely. Now, if I may be dismissed? I have a lot of work to do."
Roy only nodded numbly, not finding anything to say. Ed saluted… he saluted! And left the office with a quiet click of the doors. And what was worse, he didn't rise to the bait. It was clearly visible in his eyes – anger and hurt, those eyes where burning like always, but his tone of voice was perfectly calm.
When the Colonel finally took the report, he was disappointed. Ed obviously took his time to read the manual how report should be written and in front of the Colonel was a perfect and perfectly boring paperwork. Gone were funny expressions, calling his enemies names and tales of adventures. Now, it was only dry fact and detailed information. Roy signed – what the hell has he done?
After a week of having Fullmetal acting like that, everyone was bored and frustrated. Yes, Riza was happy that Ed was finishing his paperwork on time and that his last report was more professional, but she still regretted telling him that. It was obvious that he wasn't used to all those papers and regulations about them, so he was working slowly and had to take a lot back home to finish on time. So he looked tired and stiff, dark circles under his eyes and his face pale. Havoc also wasn't happy with himself. He actually missed Ed's jokes, now it was too boring even talk with him. And his red coat missing wasn't good either. Ed didn't look good in blue. Breda felt just horrible. Ed's hair were the most beautiful he's even seen and thinking that it was his fault Ed got rid of them… well it wasn't fun. Fuery was glad for his help but he felt guilty. The amount of energy all those transmutations were eating out of Ed was too much. And he was already tired. He came first to the office and got out last. And he barely ate anything or take a break. Riza had enough of it.
"Sir, can I speak with you?" she asked Roy, coming into his office and closing the door. She just found Ed passed out from exhaustion on his papers.
"Sure, Lieutenant, come in."
"It's about Ed. I'm worried about him. The way he tries to show us he's not a child… Every one in the office not only feel guilty but also very irritated. Not to mention he's working himself to exhaustion. I just found him sleeping on his desk. You have to do something about it, sir. I know that it was you who said something to him first." Riza was obviously very worried. Roy signed.
"You are right, but I don't think it's really so bad for Fullmetal. I'm sure that he will soon be over with his little teenager rebellion."
"I don't believe is just a rebellion, sir. I think he's serious. Please, do something about it before we all go mad! Or before he dies from exhaustion." With that, Riza left his office.
Roy pondered about it. Well, sure he missed the pipsqueak. He didn't rise to the bait anymore so it stopped to be fun teasing him about his height. Also, Roy missed his reports, he knew he didn't want to read another boring one. And he missed talking with Ed and having launch with him sometimes. Now, Ed was too busy to even eat or have a conversation. Did Ed really think that anyone would like a bore like that? Roy shook his head, what a stubborn kid. He stood up and went to speak with him but Ed already left. Ah, the mission, yes. So it seemed that Roy will have to deal with another boring report after all. He only hoped that this new found "maturity" will save the town form being destroyed again.
The next day after Ed went to catch some criminal, one of Roy's agents came to gave him a short report about Fullmetal. That way he will be ready to scold him and will know that he didn't omitted anything.
"Sir." The soldier saluted him. "The Fullmetal alchemist caught the criminal and he didn't damaged anything in the city."
"Now, that's new. What about his alchemy, he must have created some spikes or something while fighting?"
"No, sir. He was only using his automail blade. But it seemed like he was tired, he wasn't fighting as good as always. And well, his in the hospital now."
"What? Why? What happened?"
"Well, I saw the fight nearing to the end as he obviously hurt his enemy enough to pass out any minute but then the man threw a knife at him. Major Elric clapped his hands and he usually makes a wall in front of himself but then he grimaced and didn't do anything. He tried to dodge but it was too late and the knife hit him square in the chest. He only moved enough so the blade didn't cut his heart. Fortunately the backup arrived then and catch the man before he could stand up and try to flee. And they got Mr. Elric to the hospital. I'm sorry we weren't much of any help. But we were to stay out of it and it really looked like Major Elric was wining. I don't know why he didn't protect himself."
"I see. Thank you. I'll go and speak with Edward myself."
Roy went to the hospital to find his answers. Why didn't Ed use alchemy to protect himself?
"Ed…" He was lying in bed, looking pale and fragile. When Roy called his name he opened his eyes. "Ed, are you all right?" Roy asked, concerned and sat down on the chair at his bedside.
"Yes, I'm fine, thank you Colonel. I will write a report after I can go home."
"I'm not here for the report! Why, Ed? Why didn't you protect yourself from that knife? I heard that you even clapped you had the time to create a wall in front of you!"
Ed looked away. He seemed embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, sir. That was just automatic for me to try and create a wall, so I didn't have time to actually dodge. But I didn't create the wall! You should be happy."
"Why would I be happy that you almost got yourself killed?"
"I'm sorry I let you down, sir." He was still polite even though Roy was almost shouting at him "I realized that I couldn't destroy the city, so I stopped myself from creating the wall. I know that it would mess with the ground and with the structure and it makes ground more likely to react wrongly to alchemy." Ed explained in a calm voice.
Roy gaped at him, shocked. Ed didn't want to destroy the damn ground so he let a knife hit him in the chest? And not some ordinary knife too, but a fucking big blade, which impact knocked him down. If it hit his heart…
"You idiot! You could have died!"
"What came over you, Ed? I know I told you some mean things back then but I never thought that you will react like that! If it's a choice between destroying a whole city or your life then I don't care what you do as long as you're safe! Don't pull a stun like that ever again, you hear me?" Roy was shouting now and with his tirade he managed to finally break Ed's stoic expression.
"I'm sorry! I know it was reckless, but I also knew that you will be angry with me again if I destroyed something." Ed signed, cooling his expression to that blank mask again. "I will try to be more careful next time, Colonel. I promise."
Roy signed. "Ed… Please, come back to the way you were before. No one can stand your behavior anymore."
Ed looked shocked at that. "What do you mean, sir? I'm trying so hard to act like a perfect soldier. What do I do wrong?" He sounded desperate. "Do I work too little? I finish my paperwork on time! Should I do it more quickly? Or maybe I'm doing it wrong?"
"No, no, no, Ed! It's exactly the opposite, you are doing everything too perfect!"
"What? But… isn't that what you were expecting of me? Didn't you tell me to grow up and act like a soldier should?" Ed looked like he was about to cry so he avoided Roy's gaze.
"Yes, I did and I'm sorry. Please, Ed don't be like this. Everyone feels bad about telling you all those things. I feel bad."
"I only wanted you to believe me…" Ed said quietly. He seemed lost and hurt, trying desperately not to meet Roy's eyes. "I only want you to believe that when I say I love you I mean it. And that I can really change, grow up. I know you don't feel anything for me, I wasn't trying to win your affection or anything. I just… I guess I wanted you to notice that I'm not a child anymore. Love is not something I give easily. I only love Al, but it's different. I don't even love Winry, even though I consider her my sister. I don't trust just anybody. I'm sorry." Ed's apology was quiet and soft. "I will try harder, all right? So at least you won't see me only as your trouble…" one tear spilled from his eye, Ed trying so hard to control his emotions.
Roy sat there, shocked. He realized that what he was saying was true. Ed didn't give his trust easily and love was even harder to gain. Yet, he loved Roy. After all the harsh words, short jokes and insults. Roy felt ashamed.
"I'm sorry Ed. I really am. And you've proved your point. I know you are not a child anymore. But please, just don't act like that. And don't think that I see you as trouble! It's not true. I respect you. I think of you as a friend."
"Really?" there was a lot of hope and happiness in his voice. Was it really so easy to bring his smile back on his face? "Well… if you are sure then I can stop acting like a perfect soldier, Colonel Bastard." He smiled even more.
Roy smiled back, realizing that he actually missed being called like that. It seemed almost endearing now.
"Get better, pipsqueak. We miss you." He said as he got up.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEK?" Ed shouted after him and Roy couldn't help but laugh. Ed was back.
When Ed came back to the office, everyone was very happy to see his old red coat back. He couldn't help much about his hair, which was a pity really. But he was joking again and Havoc told him that he really missed those jokes and plead forgiveness for ever thinking that they were childish. Riza signed, thinking that it was the end of paperwork being done by Ed, but got a pleasant surprise when she got from him a finished stack.
"I asked Fuery to bring those to the hospital so I could finish them on time. Or almost on time. I will not stop working, Lieutenant." He said, smiling. She smiled back.
"I'm glad. But this time, please don't overwork yourself."
"I won't! But it will mean that probably not all will be done on time." He warned. "I had to pull a lot of late night work before."
"It's all right, Edward. I'm sure that with time you will be able to work quicker. I'm glad that you are back."
He also didn't stop helping Fuery with whatever he needed fixed, but he said that he will sometimes have to decline if he felt too tired. Cain agreed with a smile.
Finally, Ed went to see a Colonel. He knocked, deciding that he would actually act polite to the Colonel. If he really sees him as a friend… Ed closed his eyes. So be it, he will act as a friend, it was better than nothing.
"Come in!" Roy said and Ed pushed the door open.
"Good morning, Colonel." Ed greeted him, but Roy was glad that his voice wasn't blank like before.
"Good morning, Ed. Do you have that report?" he asked. Ed moved closer to his desk and put down his papers. "Good." He looked through it and couldn't help but groan. "Not that again. Weren't you supposed to come back to the way you were before?"
"Well, yes, but I decided that some of the changes were necessary. Like doing my work right. Or helping Fuery. I just won't get myself overworked again. Nah, I have to be alert so I won't make such stupid mistakes while fighting. If I was rested before I would have remembered that my alchemy is a no now." He said confidently.
"No, Ed, I don't want you to resign from your way of fighting! I know that your alchemy comes in handy in a fight…"
"I will manage. So, can you tell me what is wrong with my report, sir?" he asked. He was still polite, which was strange and a little irritating to Roy. Well, he asked for it so he deserved it. Roy realized, looking at Ed now, that he really must have broken his heart. Ed took everything he said seriously and now it seemed he was determined to act like a friend. He acted like Riza.
"Technically nothing is wrong with it. It is a perfect report with detailed information. But I have a lot of those. I… well, I always enjoyed reading yours reports because it was like reading an adventure novel." He admitted, a little embarrassed. Ed laughed at that and took a few papers from his pocket.
"I thought so! I'm glad you like my writing skills." He winked. "So I have written my usual report as well. I guess I will continue do it in two versions, so Riza won't be disappointed."
Roy grabbed the papers and sure it was – Ed's real report, well real for him. He looked up and grinned. "Thanks! I really do enjoy your writing. Are you sure you shouldn't be a writer?"
"Oh come on, don't mock me! Or I won't write it anymore!"
"Fine, fine, chill out." Roy was still grinning and Ed has an answering smile on his lips.
Finally, everything came back to normal in the office and everyone was happy with Ed again. Especially that not only he was more social and nice than before, he was also doing his work and helping others. A few times he finished Roy's papers while the Colonel slept on his desk. He also went with them for lunch every now and then. But it was obvious to everyone that there was something wrong with him. Sure, he was cheerful and joking around but sometimes it seemed that his smile was forced. And when he thought no one saw him, he stared into space with a sad look on his face. Riza thought that she had a hunch about his feelings when she caught him bringing the Colonel a blanket while he again fell asleep on his papers. The sad affection on his face was plain to see. Then, even though he looked tired himself, he took the Colonel's work and started doing it. After that Riza saw him again when he left to get Roy a coffee.
"Edward? Can I speak with you alone?" she asked one day when he was looking particularly sad and his eyes were a little red.
They moved somewhere more private and Riza asked him with comforting voice. "Could you tell me a reason you were crying, Ed?"
He looked startled and a little panicked. "N…no, its nothing, really! I haven't been crying, I… I was reading for too long and my eyes got a little tired, that's all!" he moved his hands up like in a surrender gesture.
"Oh, Ed, please don't lie. I think I know what you feel for the Colonel." She admitted, watching his face. He got pale.
"Yes, your affection for him is obvious. So that is the reason that you tried to change so much?"
He signed and closed his eyes for awhile. She waited patiently. Ed opened his eyes again and finally admitted "Yes." His voice was rejected. "I love him. I only tried to make him understand that, to make him believe me. I know I don't have a chance with him, no matter how much I change. Who would love a kid cripple like me?"
Riza looked shocked at his words. It seemed that he truly believed that.
"Edward…. You are not a cripple! Of course you can be loved." She tried to reassure him but he shook his head.
"I am. I'm missing two limbs. I have enough of scars to make my body ugly besides that. And the Colonel only see me as a short kid, making too much trouble." Hi brushed his fingers through his short hair in frustration. "I am nothing in his eyes. That's why I sometimes cry. My heart is broken. But don't worry, maybe I will get over it some day." He said and simply left. He looked like he was about to cry again. Poor kid, Riza thought and signed. There wasn't anything she could do about it.
Ed went for the roof, and sit down leaning on the wall. Tears were steaming down his face like a waterfall. He couldn't stop it. Soon, sobs were wracking his little frame. He believed every word he said. He knew he was ugly, full of scars. He was broken. His only goal is to bring Al's body back, he stopped caring about his limbs a long time ago. They were useful in a fight and it's not like he could get rid of his scars anyway, so it didn't matter.
Roy was really tired with his paperwork today, so he decided to take a walk and get some fresh air. After a little thought he decided against getting out of the building and has chosen the stairs to the roof instead. When he got to the doors, though, he heard someone sobbing. Then, when he was about to turn around and leave whoever it was alone in their misery, he heard a voice. He stopped, frozen, when he recognized it as Envy.
"So, chibi-san, why are you crying? Should I kick someone's ass for you?"
"Go away, Envy. I'm not in the mood to get mocked now. If you are here to kill me just do it so I can finally get some peace." Ed voice was sad and rasped from crying.
"I'm not here to kill you, phew. Tell me why you are crying."
"What do you care? You are my enemy."
"You know I haven't been your enemy for awhile, Edward."
Sure, Roy heard that Envy betrayed his "family" and helped Ed get away once, but he never believed it and Ed refused to talk.
"I know, I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean I trust you. You are a murderer."
"Yes, I am. But I stopped killing for you, didn't I?"
"I still don't know why, though." Roy was confused just like Ed.
"Why, why. Tell me why you are crying. I will answer your questions then."
"I… I just have a broken heart, Envy." A sob. Roy felt frozen. Was Ed really still crying because of him? He really deserved to be called a bastard then.
"What? Who could be so stupid to turn you down?"
"Roy… I'm in love in Roy. Yet, no matter what I do, how hard I try, he just won't return my feelings. It hurts!" Ed was crying again. Roy decided that it was enough and opened the door. What he saw, shocked him even more. Envy was sitting there, hugging Edward tightly to his chest and petting his hair.
"Shh chibi-san… That bastard doesn't deserve you. You wanted to know why I helped you back then, why I changed. It's for you, all for you. When I saw Greed about to rape you…" Roy gasped at that. Ed never told him! Envy continued, still not seeing him standing there.
"I really got scared, I didn't want him to hurt you, especially like that! So I helped you and then I realized that I actually can feel something else than jealousy. I could feel love. I love you, Edward." Envy whispered and gently moved Ed chin up to face him.
"You do? I really thought no one can love me… I'm a cripple. And I have a lot of scars. I'm damaged, Envy, you can't really love me." It was obvious to Roy that Ed meant every word. He got more angry at himself. He made him feel that insecure about himself.
"That's not true, chibi-chan. I love you. I don't care if you have metal limbs or scars. You are human and no one is perfect. Besides, in my eyes you are beautiful. Please, let me take your pain away, let me love you." He moved his face closer and lightly kissed him. Ed gasped, but didn't push him away. Envy kissed him again, this time a little more confidently but still kept it soft. Ed closed his eyes. A few tears still fell on his cheeks. Roy stood there, not knowing what to do. He had to be sure that he loved Ed back if he wanted to stand between him and the sin. Because if he ended up breaking Ed's heart again… not only it will make him a bastard of the century but he was sure that Envy would hunt him down.
Ed lightly pushed him away and bit his lip. "Envy… I do like you, but it wouldn't be fair. It's not you that I love, I'm sorry."
"So you rather hurt alone?"
"I rather not hurt you. Besides it feels like betrayal."
"But you are not together."
"And he doesn't love you."
"Then why?" Envy was really confused. He didn't understand love but he knew that it was what he felt. Those protectiveness, lust, wanting to be near him…
"Envy, I told you already. I can't just use you for comfort. I love someone else and until I'm not over it… I just can't be with you, I'm sorry." He sounded honest. Envy signed.
"All right, chibi-chan. I guess I lost. But remember, you can always come to me if you want."
He untangled himself from him and jumped down of the building. Roy was glad that the sin haven't seen him. He made his decision and he was really glad that Ed was so loyal to him, otherwise he wouldn't stand a chance against protective homunculus.
"Ed…" he said quietly and kneeled down before him.
"Roy? What are you doing here? When did you get here?" Ed panicked and he tried to hide his red eyes. Roy gently grasped his face and caressed his cheek.
"R…Roy?" he stumbled for words, stunned. His face got warm.
"I'm sorry I made you cry, Ed. I was stubborn and stupid and I almost lost you because of that. I don't want to run from this anymore, I don't want to run from you." He whispered and leaned in, brushing a light kiss on his lips. Ed sat there, not knowing what to say or do.
"Will you forgive me for breaking your heart? Will you let me fix it?"
"Roy… of course I forgive you. I love you. It's not like we can control if we love someone or not. Besides I know I'm just a cripple, who make a lot of trouble." He looked away. Ed really believed it and repeated it over and over.
"That's not true! Ed, you are beautiful and certainly not a cripple! How could a cripple move with such a grace or fight so good? And your scars are only a proof how strong and determined you are. And brave. I'm sorry I made you doubt yourself that much. I will make it up to you." Roy finally kissed him properly. Ed was still shocked but felt reassured and kissed him back, grabbing his neck. When they separated for air, Ed hugged him tightly and cried.
"I'm so happy, Roy! I thought… I was sure that you will never look at me as something more."
"Of course you are something more. I can't say that I love you yet." He warned, wincing at the pain in Ed's eyes. "But I can give you, us a chance. I can picture you as someone who I can definitely fall for." Mustang wasn't about to lie to Ed, he didn't want him to be disappointed if something didn't work out.
"Thank you! I won't let you down, you will not regret being with me!"
Ed's smile was addictive and soon Roy had a grin on his face. They shared a few more kisses and hugs, planning to continue everything over dinner tonight.
There is also an omake to this but…. Well, I'm not sure if I should publish it… It's silly, I think. And it makes Roy the bad guy… There is more Ed/Envy and more of naive Edo.
I will think about it and maybe publish it as a second chapter. But the rating will definitely go up then.
So, is anyone interested in a crazy omake to this?