She was looking at me, so beautiful with her curly auburn hair and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. Her rogue colored bowtie lips were slightly parted. She was the most magnificent girl, perfect in every flawless thing she does. She stood for a moment, blinking and contemplating my words. Then she walked over to me. It all felt like a dream, except I knew it was real because of my hammering heartbeat threatening to beat right out of my chest.
She grabbed my jacket in her hand and pulled me close to her. She was fierce and vulnerable at the same time, a walking contradiction like usual. I could smell her sweet vanilla-like scent, her breath caressing my face. I could count every eyelash; touch every freckle for a second. She pulled my head down to hers and pressed her lips to mine.
Everything in me was burning. If she wasn't holding me up, I would probably have fallen at this point. But here we were, like it was meant to be. Clare kissing me. It was short, and we both pulled away. I wasn't breathing, and when my breath returned it came out funny.
"Woah." I said, mostly to myself. "Kay…" I began to say something that probably would have come out extremely jumbled, but she interrupted me.
"Shh, hold those thoughts. We'll talk when you get back." She was so beautiful. I just stared for a moment, before saying 'okay' like the idiot I was. I turned away and began walking to my dad's car, feeling like I was sleepwalking. I didn't watch where I was going and I felt like I was ten feet above the ground. I played everything over and over in my mind. I think I was hyperventilating.
I climbed into the front seat and stared at the dashboard blankly.
"Eli?" Bullfrog said, his voice shocked. "Was that Clare? Kissing you?" So I wasn't imagining it after all. I nodded, looking at him and feeling the first smile spread to my face.
"It was." I said breathlessly. And it really was. After all this time I had been waiting for her, loving her but not wanting to, she had been right there possibly thinking the same thoughts. I looked back at Bullfrog.
"Are you… back together or something?" He had a crease in between his eyes like he got whenever he was worried. Or thinking about something. I was hoping this was just the latter. I shrugged, pulling out my phone and beginning to send a text to Adam.
"Eli, you really have to be careful. You're just now getting better and if something goes wrong again…" He trailed off, and I deleted the text I was about to send. I looked back at him, confident of my next words.
"It won't this time. I won't let it."
I had to stop by the newspaper room to grab my backpack. I didn't feel like going anywhere, or doing anything. I really just wanted to sleep, or write, or anything that held a possibility I could relive that moment out in the Frostiville. I kissed him. That familiar giddiness was gurgling in my stomach and I felt almost faint. What did this mean for both of us, when we discussed it again? I wanted us to be back together. All of this time I had been trying to get my mind off of him, when the one thing I needed was to feel for him again. I had been feeling for Eli all of this time. This time it was going to be right.
"You look extremely flushed." Alli said, her voice joking. I turned around and faced her, and the smirk slid off of her face.
"Did something happen?" She asked, her eyes wide. I knew she wanted to hear about the drama. I nodded and bit my lip. Something did happen indeed.
"I kissed Eli." Saying it out loud, it sounded kind of funny. It seemed so out of place, like it was something I would have said months ago. But here I was, talking to my old best friend about my old boyfriend. Nothing felt new, instead it all felt like I was just remembering some forgotten memory.
Her mouth dropped open, but before she could say anything my phone buzzed. Jake was here to pick me up. I decided it was best if I just didn't elaborate to Alli, so I brushed past her towards the front doors of Degrassi.
When I got in the car, Jake looked at me funny. I ignored him like usual, and instead turned up the radio. One of my favorite songs was playing.
"Even the best fall down sometimes, even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find that you and I collide." I sung, smiling to myself.
This break was torture. I usually loved skiing, but Clare hadn't answered any of my messages except for one. My heart was speeding when my phone buzzed after I sent the first. All she had replied with was "we'll talk in person when the break ends."
I couldn't stop thinking about her, about the kiss. My parents both avoided the topic and I never brought it up, although I was sure Bullfrog had told Cece. I wanted to talk to Adam, but I was afraid he would tell me it was a bad idea like always. I was afraid period, afraid that she was having second thoughts because I wasn't there to reassure her. I felt the familiar panic setting in, but I told myself to cool it and went back to dreaming about her instead. I clicked through old pictures on my phone I was suddenly glad I hadn't erased.
There was many from one 'photo shoot' day we had. We were in the park, having a picnic I prepared. The first shot was one of Clare covering her face. She had only managed to shield her eyes from the camera though, so I could still see her sparkling grin. The next one was of both of us, me smiling looking genuinely happy and Clare burying her face in my shoulder. In each one you could see the field of green we were feasting in. There were a couple of blurry shots, one of me kissing her cheek and her blushing, ones where our arms were wrapped around each other. And then there was my favorite. I was resting my fingers underneath her cheek bone, tilting her head up to mine. She was looking up at me with the most breathtaking expression on her face; her lips parted, rosy color in her cheeks, and admiration in her eyes. The next one was of us kissing.
Everywhere I went it reminded me of all of the great times we had together. We made each other laugh until our stomachs ached. We had both cried together. We were inseparable.
And I missed her even more than before.
I couldn't stop flicking through those pictures or thinking about her. I wanted so desperately to lay everything on the line. With time, I grew more and more anxious.
I couldn't wait until next Monday, where we could figure everything out once and for all. I was so damn excited.
Darcy visited us for the break. Although I loved spending time with my sister, I couldn't keep my mind off of Eli. She knew I was distracted too, but she didn't confront me on it until halfway through the break.
"What happened?" She sighed, sitting down next to me at the kitchen table one morning. She looked exhausted, probably from putting on such a show for Mom and Glen. She and Jake did NOT get along, and she didn't like Glen either.
"I don't know what you are talking about." I said, my voice as blank sounding as I could get it. Eli texted me for the five hundredth time, it simply just said 'I miss you.' I smiled to myself.
"New boyfriend or something?" Darcy pushed, trying to glance at my phone. I pushed my phone onto my lap underneath the table where she couldn't see. Darcy never used to talk to me about stuff like this, but I guess this was her attempt to make up for all of the years of acting annoyed with me.
"More like ex-boyfriend that I kissed and now I don't know what to think." Darcy raised her eyebrows and whistled lowly. I had contemplated every scenario that could occur Monday morning. We could greet each other with a kiss like old times. Or we could avoid each other. Or even worse, we could get in a blowout fight because we don't know what else to do.
I really didn't know what to expect.
"Ellie or something? I think that's what mom said his name was." She absentmindedly picked at a hangnail and avoided my eyes.
"Mom told you about him?" My phone clattered to the floor but didn't bother to retrieve it. My mind raced as I tried to think about when mom could have possibly slipped this in to Darcy… certainly not recently…
"Yup, when you were all heartbroken after you dumped him. Ellie is a strange name for a guy." She added the last part almost like an afterthought.
"It's Eli." I snapped, picking up my phone and wiping off the scratched screen. Darcy smirked at me. Now that I think about it, I was really out of it after I left Eli in the hospital like that. Part of me felt guilty, but I was also scared to go back to him. I didn't want to think about that terrible night and the days leading up to it. We were going to focus on the good memories and we were going to move past all of that. Hopefully.
"Well what's confusing about it? From the extremely vague details you gave me, it sounds like you guys might still have something. Why not try it out again? Dumb ass." I glanced down at my phone, to see that my gallery had been opened. Since I had deleted all of my pictures with Jake in a fit of anger, one of the first photos was one of me and Eli so many months ago. My head was on his shoulder and he was taking the picture. His smile was frozen in time.
"I thought your mission trip would make you nicer." I said to Darcy, elbowing her gently. I'm going to see him in a week, was my only thought.
"Jake we need to go!" I yelled up the stairs. I sprinted to the mirror one last time. That one curl kept sticking up. I flattened it frantically and heard Jake's clunky shoes pounding down the stairs.
"We still have ten minutes." He complained when I skidded into the kitchen. I felt giddy about what could possibly happen today and I wanted to get to Degrassi as fast as possible. I ignored his comment and raced out to the car. I get to see Eli! my mind sung.
Jake grumbled the entire way, but I bounced in my seat. I didn't get my daily text from Eli today, but I knew it was because we would talk in person. I had thought about what I would say, rehearsed it even, but I knew it wouldn't come out like I wanted it to. I knew he would say all of the perfect things like always though.
The second Jake stopped the car I opened the door and hopped out. He tried to say something, but I slammed the door in the middle of his first word.
I immediately found him. He was leaning against the side of the school talking to Adam. His arms were crossed across his broad chest. I froze and admired him for a moment. Eli had always been… attractive in my mind, but it wasn't until lately when I realized how hot he really was. His dark too long hair was curling out of his eyes (which gave made me suspicious on how straight it was previously) and I knew once I got closer I would be entirely drawn into his dark emerald eyes. He was grinning with all of his straight teeth right now, when he caught my eye.
I swiftly walked over to him, my heart pounding furiously. Adam simpered when I reached Eli, and then brushed past me as he left. He didn't look too happy besides the obviously fake smirk plastered on his face.
Eli uncrossed his arms and stepped towards me, resting one hand on the small of my back and pulling me towards him. He bent down his head to kiss me.
"Wait! Talk first." I said, turning my head so his lips brushed my earlobe. He made a cute groaning noise and I smiled, trying not to as I bit my lip. I thought about what I was going to say, but my mind was fuzzy. I knew this would happen. He stepped away from me, but stared at me intently.
"Well, I love you, and I never stopped loving you." Eli said straight forwardly after a moment of me not saying anything. I blinked, nodding slowly as his words floated through my mind. Eli loved me. My next words burbled out unexpectedly.
"You hurt me last time. I was scared of you." I knew I needed to say this at some point, but I didn't want to now. I almost said something else like never mind, but he spoke first. As he looked down his eyelashes almost brushed his cheek.
"I'm never going to forgive myself for that –" He was about to go on but I interrupted him.
"I didn't mean to say that. We can talk about it later…" I started, but he wouldn't look at me now. Why do I always screw things up? I have Eli in front of me, who wanted to kiss me before, who told me he loved me, and I was acting like a jerk. The mood had been immediately altered.
"No, we need to talk about everything now. I'm sorry I ever hurt you Clare. I wasn't well then, but I'm getting better. When we were together, I was a mess because I hadn't accepted the fact that I'm sick and that I need help. But the only thing I need to be completely well again is to be forgiven. All I need is for you to give me a second chance." He was so serious and I was and wasn't shocked to find he was close to tears. I knew Eli had issues with his past. I was an ass to bring it up.
"Of course I forgive you." I whispered. Eli sent a weak smile in my direction but leaned against the wall and avoided my eyes. He probably wasn't going to be all sweet towards me again after this. I had officially ruined it, but there was one thing I could still say that might save this. "I love you too." I had no doubt in these words.
This got his attention. He rolled his eyes toward me and his lips turned up in an I-probably-shouldn't-be-smiling-but-I-can't-help-it type of grin. All sadness was erased from his features. I inhaled shakily and he sighed loudly.
"Is that it then? Are we officially just picking up right before all of the bad stuff happened?" I nodded hopefully. He stepped toward me and laced his fingers through mine. I got closer to him and he pressed his forehead against mine. He smelled like apples, something I noticed he'd been obsessed with. He had a little scar on his lip from when Fitz punched him. It seemed like so long ago. This new beginning was everything I needed.
Eli's lips brushed mine for a fraction of a second before pressing against them. He rested one arm on my hip and the other wrapped around my waist. One of mine rested on the back of his neck the other one rested on his shoulder. I was almost positive he could hear my heartbeat, and I could faintly feel his increased one from my hands place on the back of his neck. The little details seemed to overwhelm me. The way he moved his fingers oh so slightly on my hip, each movement sending chills up my spine. The way he pulled back to breathe for a moment, but still kept his top lip touching mine while he took a breath.
Everything was finally perfect.
I hope you understood which POV the parts were from. Well I just watched the finale and I got super excited, so I wrote this one shot. Review and lemme know what you think! If anyone has any story ideas for me or just wants to chat about Degrassi (if you're as obsessed as me), then PM me. Thanks!
~Love you lots,