So how to explain this...I was watching 'Meet Market' and I found the whole 'host' design rather interesting. And I'd been watching Nip/Tuck again and this idea popped into my head.
If you're interested in reading more- I'd be more than happy to write another chapter or two...
Please review- let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: I own zilch.
The sound of her footsteps against the tiled floored echoed around the hall as she silently made her way towards his cell. A part of her didn't understand why she was doing this. There was no reason to see him. The case had been closed; she should have been walking away, going home and winding down before the next shift of brutal murders started. But for some reason she couldn't stop herself.
He was sitting staring at the wall ahead of him; his green eyes seemed to be blank of any tangible emotions. He looked completely different to the last time that she had seen him; the frustration, the fear and the vulnerability had vanished into nothingness.
Sara realised that she didn't know what exactly she had planned to do now she was in his presence. Jesse turned his gaze on her and a small smirk tugged at his lips before disappearing. He gave her the once over attempting to see if there was any evidence of why she was there but her hands were empty.
"What is it I can do for you Ms Sidle?" He asked raising an eyebrow finally giving in to the smile that had crossed his mind.
"...Nothing...I just wanted to see how you were..." Sara responded, straightening out her shirt before letting her hands settle in her pockets. What she had said was not a complete lie; she had been concerned about him. He had displayed so much more than the suave exterior that made him money in the interrogation room.
"I'm fine. Apart from, the whole, murder thing and, well, orange really isn't my colour..." He gave a small humourless laugh. "But that's not why you're really here..."
"I know what it's like to lose a parent..." Sara blurted out, taking a step towards him, she felt slightly more comfortable with herself when she realised that there was no point in dancing around the truth- he could read her like a book.
"I didn't 'lose' her...she abandoned me." Jesse corrected her slightly bitterly. Standing up from the spot he'd been seated at her took a step towards her.
"Okay..." Sara took another deep breath. "I know what it's like to have an alcoholic father..."
It was that confession that caught Jesse's attention- he took another slow step towards her. Sara saw a strange flicker across his eyes as she felt herself flinch as he continued closing the space between them, increasing their proximity with each step.
"You've been hurt before..." he commented quietly into the air between them.
Sara looked away her eyes settling on the floor as she attempted to force her feet to move away from him but for some reason her body and her mind didn't seem to be working in conjunction. He lifted his hand as if to touch her but quickly moved it away.
"It's okay...I won't hurt you." Jesse seemed to be assuring her.
"I know..." Sara replied still refusing to meet his eye.
"I'm fine..." He paused running his tongue over his lips. "But the question is are you?"
Sara's eyes shot up to look at him; standing this close she could see the flecks of gold in the green, the rise and fall of his chest with each breath. She realised that she was speechless- that she honestly didn't know what to say in response to his question.
"It's okay to be vulnerable..." He muttered to her. She just nodded in response, realising now why he had been good at his job.
"Did your father make you feel like you couldn't be?" Jesse asked his vision not leaving her face as she looked around avoiding his eye.
"No..." Sara shook her head pursing her lips.
"So you don't let yourself be, because you're scared it'll happen again." He puzzled out loud and figuring from Sara's response that he was correct. She looked up at him, her eyes silently pleading for him to stop talking. Jesse remained silent, titling his head as he studied her.
"We all do what we can to stop ourselves from getting hurt..." She shrugged taking her hands out of her pockets, picking at her nails.
"But he still hurts you anyway..." He theorised in a low voice. Again, rather than speaking Sara nodded. Neither one of them had to clarify who they were talking about- the problem as not with her father- it was a lover "Tell me..." He took her hands in his own stopping her from distracting herself from the conversation that they were having.
"He doesn't understand..." She pursed her lips again. "...Things between us are always so complicated...It sometimes feels like that's all we know how to do." She gave a small smile.
"And you don't want complicated?" Jesse asked, questioningly.
"No..." Sara shook her head realising that what she was asking for was almost impossible. Her relationship with Grissom was unethical; they shouldn't have been seeing each other at all let alone complaining about how complicated things were between them. She wondered if at any point she had been able to deny her feelings for him.
"What do you want?" He titled her chin up so they were eye to eye. It was as if he was trying to gage the honesty in her answer.
"I don't know..." Sara whispered. It was a sincere answer- she realised that no matter how comfortable she would try and make herself feel that they had been finding it hard and perhaps they always would. "I want him...I guess"
"You want him to want you? Or you want him to be with you?" Jesse asked with a raised eyebrow.
"What's the difference?" Sara replied attempting to unravel his words.
"If you want to be with you then complicated isn't okay...You want him to be a companion to you? If you want him to want you...to desire you...then complicated is fine..." He clarified.
"I don't feel like he wants either..." Sara shrugged. As much as she wanted to ignore, forget rather, Grissom's initial resistance to her it weighed heavy on her heart. "I worry that one day...he'll realise that..."
"It's natural to be scared...you're putting your heart on the line..." He muttered sympathetically to her.
"And he's broken it enough times before..." She gave a small humour less laugh. Jesse reached out tucking her hair behind her ear, before he let his hand move slightly lower resting on her jaw as his thumb brushed over her cheek.
"Does he tell you you're beautiful?" he asked softly- the question lingered in the small space.
"Sometimes..." Sara nodded; recalling how nonchalantly Grissom had mentioned that he had not become interested in beauty until he had met her. The time she and Grissom spent together was special, she knew that but putting what they had into words had always been difficult. They were never verbal- things between them had just manifested.
"Does he make you feel beautiful?" The question seemed oddly similar to the first, Sara quirked an eyebrow at him. He looked directly into her eyes, delicately continuing brushing his thumb against her cheek.
"When his hands touch your body...When he kisses your skin..." His hands seemed to be demonstrating moving in the space between them silently speaking of the things he would do. "When he makes love to you...Do you feel beautiful?" For some reason Sara couldn't answer, she remained silent watching him cautiously wondering what his next move would be.
"Because there is someone out there who can..." Jesse took another step closer to her. Sara could feel his breath hitting her cheek; she could smell the crisp notes of his cologne. He seemed to be overwhelming her. "There is someone out there who can look you in the eye tell you he loves you and promise you he'll never hurt you...who can make you feel beautiful and isn't scared to tell you...because you are...Sara"
Sara looked in his eyes, her hand shaking slightly as she attempted to figure out what to do. She had let herself get tangled up in his web and charm but she realised that she didn't know how to disconnect herself from him. He lent his head closer to her; his stubble gazing her cheek he looked into her eyes once more before he placed his lips on hers. Jesse kissed her softly his hands on her neck feeling her rapid pulse as he deepened the kiss. His teeth taking nips at her lower lip before his tongue explored the inside of her mouth, his taste settling on her lips. She couldn't help it she kissed back letting the passion, the heat of the moment get to her.
Jesse pulled away but Sara didn't move she stood there her eyes closed her breathing uneven as she was left reeling from the encounter, the ghost of his kiss lingering on her mouth.
"You better get going...it's getting late..." he whispered in her ear.
"You're right..." Sara nodded, opening her eyes placing her hands in the pockets of her jeans as she turned to walk away.
"Sara..." Jesse stopped her before heading to sit down; she silently turned to face him. "If you get lonely...I'm sure Darren would be able to find the perfect host...Someone who can fill the empty space...Who wants you and wants to be with you..."
Sara simply just nodded not able to speak the words just knotted up in her throat as she stepped out of the door. The air outside of the cell seemed cold gently washing over her skin as she attempted to get her composure back. With her eyes closed and a deep breath she walked away but one question seemed to linger in her mind...
What had she done?