Once upon a time, in a far away place called Ancient Japan (which actually isn't that far away if you live in it, so you can just ignore that), in the year something-or-other BCE (or maybe AD. Who the heck pays attention in history class anyway?) this old dude that looked a lot like Stan Lee was wheeling along a horse-drawn cart. This scene would have been a lot more normal if the cart actually had horses to pull it along.

All of a sudden, a bandit leader with cool hair popper out of nowhere, followed by his ugly gang (because apparently, all bandits have to be ugly). "YAAAAAAAAAR!" he hollered, waving his sword around like a lunatic, "Give us all your money!"

The old man, whose name was Dustbin just sighed. Typical bandits. "I don't have any money." he told them, half hoping that they were too stupid to press on.

Unfortunately, they were.

"Then give us those boxes!" the bandit leader shrieked, pointing with one finger at the pair of wooden boxed that lay on the horseless horse-drawn cart.

Obviously, these people had no vigilance. "You never know, I could be keeping a live snake in there." Dustbin remarked casually.

Some fat dude's eyes widened across his big, flabby face, "Woah, there's a snake in there?" he mumbled stupidly (because apparently, all fat people are stupid).

The bandit leader with cool hair rolled his eyes at his comrade's stupidity, "Of course not, he's just trying to scare us." he sighed, "I've got a great idea, let's check by opening the lids!" yup, he was an idiot.

"I wouldn't recommend that," Dustbin warned, "you see, there are these two guys in there-"

But he never got to finish as the bandit leader cut in with a shocked voice: "You lock people in there?"

"No, I mean, they hate each other, so-" Dustbin quickly continued but he was once again interrupted.

"Have you ever heard of taking them to a lunatic asylum?"

Dustbin scowled in annoyance, "Can you just let me fin-"

"No!" the rude bandit leader (because apparently, all bandits are rude) exclaimed, "Let's open the lids of these boxes with absolutely no idea of what's inside them!" he shoved Dustbin into a conveniently placed muddy puddle and strutted toward to cart.

The fat dude seized one of the lids, "Yeah, I wanna open this one!" he shouted abnoxiously loudly as he tore the lid off one of the boxes to reveal some sleeping kid person thing with weird hair dressed in green.

A random bandit reached over and pulled the other box's lid off, "I'm gonna open this one!" he said and looked in to see another sleeping kid person thing with weird hair dressed in red.

For a few moment, the bandit leader stared at the two sleeping kid person things with weird hair in stunned silence before turning to Dustbin. "WTF, you said you kept people in there, but you never said you lock children in there, what are you, a child abuser?" he glanced at the old man suspiciously.

Dustbin shrugged one shoulder, "As a matter of fact, I am." he stated.

All of a sudden, the sleeping kid person thing popped up into a sitting position, his crazy eyes wild, "Who called me a child, I'm EEEEEVIL! I'm gonna kill you all!" he shrieked, jumping up and waving his gauntlets around in the air.

The fat dude stared at it stupidly, "Woah, it talks?"

The bandit leader scowled and whacked his comrade upside the head, "Of course it talks, you blithering idiot. It's a child!" he snarled (because apparently, all bandit leaders are angry).

"NOOOO! I'm not a child!" Vice wailed in a very childlike fashion as he killed a native American guy who didn't belong in Japan with an afro 10 times the size of his head. "I'm going to cut you all 100 times!" he screamed as he killed another three minor characters.

"You only cut them once." the bandit leader helpfully pointed out.

Vice didn't seem to like his comment, "See if I care, b*tch!" he shouted and went back to killing the bandits who appeared to be completely helpless.

Desperately, the bandit leader turned to Dustbin, "Old man dude, stop him!" he wailed.

Dustbin shrugged, "Oh, I can't you see, when I made them from parts I found in the junkyard, I didn't think of making an 'off' button," he said, "I was way too interested in making them so unreasonably complicated by collecting souls and stuff with all these successful experiments."

The bandit leader stared at him blankly, "So what's that supposed to mean?" he questioned.

"It means I can't stop them."


"Look on the bright side though," Dustbin said with unnerving cheerfulness, "I can finally work out which is more powerful good or evil! Yay!"

The bandit leader stared at him in stunned silence before pointing to Vice killing his family and friends/cronies, "Hello? I'm watching my people getting murdered right before my eyes and you're telling me to look on the bright side?" he practically screamed.

"Yep ah de doodle do!"

"You're insane!" the bandit leader shouted.

Dustbin sighed, "You don't know how many times I've heard that joke." he said.

"It's not a joke!" the bandit leader screeched.

"Insane?" Dustbin laughed in a very insane manner, "I'm a f***ing genius!"

"Making a thing programmed to kill good things is not being a genius!" the bandit leader snapped.

Dustbin sniffed sadly, "Yes it is!" he protested. Suddenly, his gaze shifted to the other box and his eyes brightened, "Oh look! The good one, Ultimo has awakened!"

Ultimo, the other kid person thing with weird hair sat up, yawned, and scratched him bum. "Mm, what a sleep, I could do with a good 'ol coffee!" he mumbled, burping loudly and flopping back into his box like a dead fish.

The bandit leader stared at Ultimo, feeling slightly hopeless, "That's the good one?

As soon as he heard the word 'good', Ultimo turned around to face the bandit leader with a finger up his nose "Huh? What did you say about me?" he asked, his voice somewhat nasally.


Fortunately, the bandit leader was saved from having to make up an excuse because at that moment, Ultimo caught sight of Vice mindlessly slaughtering bandits in the background. "Aha!" he cried, "I shall now beat my enemy once and for all!"

Vice laughed manically (because apparently, all evil people laugh diabolically) as he transformed into something he can only transform into if he has a master (which, he by the way didn't have) "I shall cut you all 100 times each!" he announced loudly.

"You already said that." the bandit leader pointed out, feeling that he may as well say whatever he wanted due to the fact that by then, he really had nothing to lose.

Vice completely ignored him, "I'm gonna kill you all!" he screamed.

"NO!" the bandit leader shouted, drawing his sword an standing in a badass position. Today, he had lost many men and women, his friends and non-existent family and he was going to protect the ones he had left! "I will stop you!"

Vice stared down at the little bandit, "Dude, I'm about a million times bigger than you and you're trying to stop me with a sword? I'm sorry, but have you taken your medicine today?"

"What's medicine?" the bandit leader asked (because apparently, all bandits are dirty, smelly, unhygienic people).

Vice: Never mind, I'm gonna kill you!

BL: Well if you're going to kill me, why don't you instead of promising you'll kill me?

Vice: Hm, good question...

Ultimo: *Flies up even though he doesn't have any wings or magical powers*

Vice: Hiya! *Ultimo blocks* Whyah! *Ultimo blocks* Fryah! *Ultimo blocks* F***

Ultimo: It's no use, Vice. I know all your attacks, they won't work on me.

Vice: Well I know all your attacks, they won't work on me, either.

Ultimo paused for a minute. And then:


"Yeah." Vice agreed moodily, "Sh*t."

BL: *To Dustbin* I don't think they're fighting anymore.

Dustbin: They'll start again. They'll also get a master each. They will go through many masters...

BL: They'll kill many masters?

Dustbin: ... And they'll meet each other in battle once again, they'll have to learn three skills for one to defeat the other – The heart is the soul of good and evil, Power is the sword that adheres to its resolution and A doll is the mirror reflecting the image of a human.

BL: Sounds like gibberish to me... Wait a second, are you trying to teach me philosophy?

Dustbin: Crud, how could you figure that out?

BL: And those 'skills' sound more like sentences.

Dustbin: They are.

BL: How are they supposed to help these two kids... Er, things defeat each other?

Dustbin: They won't. I really don't give a crap about them, that's why I've suddenly had this brilliant idea to create more mechanical boys to tear apart the planet in duels to the death!

"WHAT?" the bandit leader screamed, his eyes widening with shock. What the hell was happening? One second, he was just carrying on with his normal day and the next, some lunatic was talking to him about ending the world? Maybe he shouldn't have eaten those magic mushrooms the other night..

"Sorry, can't talk." said Dustbin, waving away the bandit leader's shock, "I've got souls to steal and maniac- I mean, create more Karakuridoji things, bye!" he then magically and randomly disappeared in a cloud of glitter, sparkles, rainbows and blood and thunder.

The bandit leader stared at the spot where Dustbin had disappeared before finally saying: "Can somebody please tell me what the f*** is going on and what a Karakuridoji is?"

"I'm a Karakuridoji, b*tch!" Vice screamed down at the bandit leader as Ultimo kicked him in the cucumber, "Ow!"

"Yes, got you where it hurts most!" Ultimo cheered triumphantly.

"We're robots, we don't have d*cks." Vice pointed out flatly, causing Ultimo's face to fall.

"Then what did I just kick?" he asked.

"MY SAUSAGE, MOTHER F***ER!" he shrieked, pulling a hotdog out of his dress thingy (ignore the fact that this is centuries before hotdogs have been invented) and taking a bite out of it, "PREPARE TO DIE, YOU GOOD THING!"

"You don't have to shout, I'm right in front of you." Ultimo pointed out, sounding a little sad.

"YAAARRR!" Vice screamed dramatically, lunging at the good Karakuridoji in the most dramatic way possible.

And that was the start of a new age or something. I don't know, they kinda gloss over this part a bit in the first few volumes. I have no idea what actually happens after this because my school library has only like, six volumes and I have no idea what the hell happens, so-

And then there was this massive explosion that ended this chapter.

Yeah, that works, too.