a/n: 5/14/12 Yep. I've been infected with the Reck virus. This really just started out as morbid curiosity, but after reading some other really good fics, I decided to just go ahead and write. I figure this might help with my writer's block at least, so I'm sorry if this isn't exactly my best work. *hides* And I promise I haven't forgotten my other fics. On with teh angst.
"You're so pretty."
As always, the boy flinches as if from a blow, his cheeks reddening. He's always fending off praise, telling him not to flatter him, but Beck can't help it. He wants him to know how beautiful he is to him. how perfect. How good he is.
Robbie's eyes turn from his, his body shifting just the slightest under him, as if he is ashamed. Still.
The sight annoys him, and he takes Robbie's chin in his hand, and makes him look up. "Are you thinking about her?"
He shakes his head no, because that is what Beck wants to hear, but he isn't stupid, and his grip tightens in irritation. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Understand? God, I've told you this before, Robbie."
His eyes lower once more, and he responds, his voice a faint whisper. "I know."
Jade still thinks he wants to fuck Tori Vega. If he didn't know any better he'd think she was stupid. He supposes it's only natural that that would be her conclusion, but even he finds it obvious how his eyes always drift towards Rob at the..worst of times. But to the outside world she and Beck are the perfect couple-she the callous, sarcastic and vicious girl with the soft spot buried deep inside her, and he, the attractive, talented, gentleman who was the only one able to tame her. And so she should've been content that he was hers and hers only, the love between them unblemished. It had been true once, after all.
Back when her smile had been honest, and she looked up at him, as if he were special not something to be owned or possessed, something to be revered and trusted, not something to be jealous of.
Back when she used to look at him the way Robbie does.
It would be strange to say that Beck was jealous of a doll, but the damn thing was one of the first to go. The boy had been almost frantic when he'd told him, but it took up too much of his time, spent too much time touching him, and it's thoughts made him uncomfortable. Rex acted like(no, not Rex, Rex didn't act like anything, it was all Robbie, Robbie and his stupid subconcious insecurities) as if Beck were some sort of rapist, as if he had some sort of problem, as if he were some sort of scumbag.
Well, was it his fault he had met Jade first? And what was he supposed to do? Dump her? It's not like he could just run off with him to an enchanted castle, no matter how much he wanted to. He had told Robbie he needed to grow out of this stupid fantasy, that things would be just as normal as they always were, if he just told them. But Robbie had insisted, and so Beck had gotten angry.
Beck hated when Robbie made him angry. It made him hurt him. And Beck hated hurting Robbie.
But Robbie had come back to him with an apologetic look, acquiesing, and for the most part, they hadn't spoken about it since then.
But there still times, when he'd catch him watching him kiss Jade, hold her hand, and whisper to her, and the look in his eyes stung him.
"Who the hell is this?"
Robbie looks up at him with wide eyes, startled. His eyes are really pretty, so Beck had made him stop using his glasses, at least when they were alone, even though he complained.
Robbie squints at the phone in his hand, straining to see.
"Beck, I told you not to go through my phone."
"With these kinds of texts I can see why." he snarled. "'When can we hang out again? I haven't seen you in awhile!' Who the fuck is this, Robbie?" he practically shouts and he sees Robbie grip the sheets underneath him in fear.
"Please don't shout. It's only a friend, Beck."
"I don't recall knowing anyone called Michael." he spat in response.
"I-I met him in Dance. He's really nice. And-"
"I told you I wanted you to switch to my period Dance."
"You know my schedule won't allow that, Beck. I've told you. He's only a friend. He needs help with his homework sometimes and I-"
"When do you have time, Robbie? When do you have the time, when so many times I can't even find you?"
"It-it's mostly weekends and stuff." He gives a nervous half-smile. "You can meet him if you like, even. You-you'll like him I'm sure."
For a long time, Beck merely says nothing, tracing each curve of his body with his eys.
"How long have you been fucking him?"
"How much help does she need, Beck?" Jade's voice is sharp and pointed. "She's not even this bad."
He rolls his eyes and turns from her as he gets his lucnh, eyes scanning the cafeteria for a place to sit. He spies his friends and begins walking towards them, his voice a low murmur.
"I've told you before, I'm not going to tell you again. There's. Nothing. Going. On. Jade." he punctuates his sentence by slapping his tray onto their table, startling Cat and Tori who greet them with a smile.
Jade gives Tori a glare, and Cat a sarcastic smile which the redheaded girl returns with gusto.
"Tell me why we always sit with them."
Beck ignores her, but Cat replies, beaming, "Because we're friends."
Jade rolls her eyes, as Andre arrives setting his tray down, his face pinched in mild concern.
"Have any of you guys seen Robbie?" he asks concernedly and they all shake their heads.
Beck's grip on his fork tightens and his skin pales slightly.
He screams into his ear, but he is heedless and it is them and them alone in this trailer, and no one can hear them anyway and if it they did it wouldn't matter, not to him anyway. Not right now.
"No, I haven't actually. Not for the past couple of days." Tori responds, her face now etched in worry. "I wonder if he's okay. He usually tells us if he's sick."
Beck looks down at his food, staring determinedly at his soup as if there was so much more than soggy carrots in it, and lets the conversation wash over him. It wasn't his fault. If Robbie had only listened to him...
"Maybe we should go over." Andre suggests, and he suddenly he feels anger coil inside of him.
"Wouldn't that be a bit strange? I mean it's not like you go over to his place often, right?" It takes some restraint for that last word not to come out biting and hard, but he notices Jade glance at him curiously.
Andre shrugs. "I've been over plenty of times. Besides he's probably lonely and could use the company."
Beck doesn't hear Tori's word of agreement or Cat's stupid comment, or Jade's sarcastic remark, because he is too busy thinking of all the ways he can murder Andre with a spork and a bowl of cooling soup.
He watches the tears slide down his cheek like falling stars.
"Or he could want to be alone right now." he hears himself say through clenched teeth.
"We should still go see him." the other insists, but before Beck can climb over the table, Tori unintentionally saves him.
"Oh, God, I just rememebered, we have that play. I don't know when we'll be able to see him."
"Welp, oh well." Jade said flippantly clapping her hands together. "Guess that puts an end to that."
"I'm not doing anything this week." Beck says calmly. "I'll go see him."
"I am so sorry."
He doesn't look at him.
"I really am, Robbie. I'm sorry." he pleads weakly. "It's just-you make me crazy. You make me so fucking crazy baby."
He looks small and shrunken in his bed, thinner, and paler even, like someone sick and dying.
He's so goddamed pretty.
He climbs on the bed, leaning over him and plants a kiss to his cheek. "You know I love you so much."
His face is turned from him, and his eyes are sad. Beck kisses him again, this time on the neck, pressing himself closer. Robbie still doesn't move.
"Please say something." He plants another kiss on his chest. His body is littered with evidence of his touch. "Everyone is so worried about you. They want you to come back to school."
When he finally speaks, his tone is biting, sarcastic, completely unlike his own.
"May I come back to school then, Beck?"
He frowns. "Don't be like that."
His glare cuts through him.
He's so beautiful.
"I might end up talking to someone, Beck. Won't that make you angry?"
Beck feels himself twitch in irritation, but he makes his voice soft and consoling. "I'm sorry. But you shou;d've told me who he was before."
His lips tighten in annoyance.
"You know if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't even be asking about you."
He draws into himself at that, and almost flinches when Beck plants another kiss on his stomach.
"It's only because I care, Robbie. I had to remind them about you."
He can feel him wanting to protest, but doubt had been planted in him long ago, and its not like his parents were ever there to reassure him. It was just them, all alone as it should be, alike in their isolation, Robbie's parents working and his...
"I love you, Robbie. Please come back to me. I've missed you."
He doesn't want to beg he can tell. But how many times has he heard those words in his life?
He watches Andre and the others gather around him, their hands on his back, asking him why he is limping, and where had he been, they had all missed him so much.
He wants to kill them all.
a/n: 5/19/12 So, this was originally supposed to be a oneshot but, it got too long and it kind of 'disrupted the fluidness'-kind of made it too rambly to my taste so i broke it up into a possible three-shot. Working on part two now. Should have it up sometime today tell me what you think.