Holding Back & Out…

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own the yaoi filled potential that is Naruto, but if I did it'd be very scarring for young children and probably most adults. But I don't so children can watch it. They just can't read this.

His body was ridged and weak. Hana Haruno stood in front of Itachi tears in her hazel eyes the look mirroring his own. Her face was streaked with tears continuously as she explained what the hospital had said to her. Itachi on the other hand couldn't cry another tear. He simply didn't have any, but that didn't stop the stinging of his eyes and cheeks.

"My mother is dead. Gone. Never to get up. Never to be with me or Sasuke… Oh kami… Sasuke… He risked his life to murder our father to attempt to save mother of whom died despite my otouto's efforts."

"My otouto… So admirable. Never wavering in the face of danger and taking every blow as it comes baring the burden without complaint. While he occasionally complained over not having his favorite fruit, tomatoes, or his rather annoying, but tried and true best friend. Who could blame him for whining a bit about that of which was rather petty? He never bothered with that of anything really bothering him. He seemed to brush it off as though it were nothing when in actuality it meant everything to him." The eldest knew all of his otouto's tricks. After all they were his own just tailored to suit Sasuke.

From an early age the youngest Uchiha had always taken to following his older brother like a duck and practically existing to make him proud and acknowledge him though in all actuality the eldest Uchiha worshipped his otouto just as his otouto worshipped him. It was a mutual and unnoticed admiration on both parts. True the eldest was more fragile, but it's to be expected. Those 'fishing trips' weren't for fishing at all. Onyx eyes became hazy to the murky hazel orbs of Sakura's mother. She sighed knowing this could last for a while and settled into her chair deciding to stick it out considering they're her only project for a long time.

At the age of sixteen Itachi was already much more mature than the majority of guys his age and generally that's how it always was. He didn't chuckle at farts or believe that girls had cooties. Oh no, that's so above an Uchiha of high stature. Especially the eldest. Being the eldest had its perks riding up front and getting bigger servings also more freedom, but it was also horrible because every mistake was scrutinized to the fullest and your biggest fears were shoved in your face. Something would always and could always be wrong with whatever it is you did. Nothing was ever good enough simply because he was Itachi. He got straight A's in the advanced classes and read on a professor's level, but nothing was good enough, not even when he learned to cook to help out his mother or went shopping or did anything. He got no appreciation from anyone for anything. His mother too afraid and his brother too abrasive and cold. His father never cared and never would, but the prospect of fishing with his father and possibly finding something his father was proud of him for or could be proud of him for gave him a false sense of hope that things possibly could go back to normal. He'd said yes and on the very next Friday they were heading out to a fresh water lake to fish.

At first it had seemed genuine, but as things progressed and the music got sexual his father began advancing on his son not only sexually, but emotionally just tearing his self-esteem down and doing nothing but hurting his first born. Itachi was afraid of his father and nothing could help him other than his dying. That didn't happen until four years later and for those four years Itachi slaved at work and was ravished on the weekends by his disgusting pig of a father. He began to love the quiet because nothing Fugaku did sexually was quiet and nothing he could think of would be. It became like a different world an escape from torturous reality and daunting tasks he didn't wish to perform. His job was degrading true, but it paid well and the owners were his good friends thought you'd never believe it with the adopted silent and passive qualities. He seemed like the last person to be a waiter at this sort of club or restaurant; it was some creepy combination of the two. The staff employed was all men with only one woman considering the fact that this was for the primarily gay. After all he is gay. So why not indulge? He'd only been with four other men other than his father and he was always dominated. That's just the way it is with his effeminate features and soft, sweet nature. Though none of it ever did it for him and he knew exactly why…

"Aniki?" The shaky slightly familiar voice broke him out of the engulfing haze.

"Otouto?" He replied warily unaware of the passage of time or even when his sweet little brother came into the sickingly sterile room. His pale, practically translucent, lids fluttered in protest from being open for far too long. His mind barely registered the click of a door and suddenly his otouto was in his lap and sobbing uncontrollably.

He wound his arms around the shaken boy feeling the tremors rocking into his own body. The mere contact lit a fire on his skin and arose the long pushed away feelings. He swallowed his mouth suddenly bone dry. He couldn't even get enough air. And suddenly desperate tears were cascading down his cheeks in shimmering falls. Be it from his mother's death, the release of his father, or just the pressure of holding back, he didn't really know. The only thing he could attest to was the fact that he wanted nothing more than his brother here with him. And now that they were in the together, just the two of them, he wasn't sure how long he could hold himself back…

A/N: I finally updated! Woo! Sorry guys… I know I've taken forever… Especially on this story. I don't really have an explanation other than I really wasn't inspired to write for it and so I didn't. I mean it's better not to write than to force yourself. I'm going to really try and get another chapter out!