Hey Girls, guys, and everyone in between :3 I wrote this fic for a reason.
God Loves You, Romano
Romano sat on his knees on the floor, head bowed and his prayer beads in hand.
He was praying way more than usual lately. Don't get me wrong, he prayed quite a bit. He was a devoted catholic after all. Despite his crude language and personality, he loved his religion, and he loved God.
But 19 year old Lovino had been confused as of late. So very confused.
He knew he was gay.
He thought it was wrong.
Really, it hadn't crossed his mind until Spain had been spending more and more time with him. It was the day they moved in together, for business reasons from their bosses, that he knew for sure he was indeed in love, and sexually attracted to Antonio.
After another heart-felt prayer, and putting away his rosary, Romano laid in bed and pulled his thick blanket over himself. The brown haired teenager lay there, unable to think about sleep. He was too busy thinking of how wrong he felt, and how just downright uncleanhe was.
The feeling made Romano sick to his stomach. Previous nights he had even ran to the bathroom, only to stare at his reflection in the water of the toilet bowl, staring at himself, almost breaking into tears.
Lovino clutched onto his pillow, burying half of his face in it to soak up the tears starting to stream from his eyes. He sniffed a little, trying with all his being, all his faith, to stop the tears. He always tried to keep his sobs quiet. Spain was in the next room, and he would surely come in to ask what was wrong.
Romano didn't want that. He didn't want the man he loved….man, to come asking why he was upset. He'd tell him the truth. Then Spain would shun him, feel disgusted by him, and leave. Maybe even send him away to some special church program where they 'prayed the gay away'.
And trust me, Romano had tried praying it away. It never worked. He was stuck like this, he had to endure it.
Lovino started thinking about all the bad things again, and accidentally let out a rather loud cry, followed by a soft whimper. He immediately smothered his face in his pillow, hoping Spain hadn't heard him.
His eyes widened as he heard a slight creek from outside his door. He whimpered again, seeing the hall light illuminate from under his bedroom door.
Romano's breath staggered, as he heard the three rhythmic knocks on the door. Still, he kept quiet. No matter how bad he wanted to spring into Antonio's arms and cry, and let all his feelings out and just sob. He didn't. He couldn't. He was too un-pure.
He was expecting the Spaniard to go away since he hadn't invited him in. But to the Italian's dismay, he heard his door swing open.
He was facing the opposite way, so he could feign sleep as long as Spain stayed on his right side.
"Roma? Are you awake, I heard some noises." Spain spoke smoothly, sitting on the edge of the bed, next to Romano.
Romano was still crying a bit, which was why it was hard to stifle his sobs and breaths.
He felt the bed shift, then felt a hand run through his hair gently.
Lovino lost it. He let out a whimper. He was full-on crying at this point.
Antonio flinched at the unexpected crying fit. He quickly grabbed hold of the Italian's face, turning it towards his own.
Romano's eyes and cheeks were stained with tears, and he was frowning.
Spain was baffled.
"Lovi, what's wrong? Did something happen? Why are you crying?" He was so worried, and didn't know what to do. All he could do was ask questions.
It took a good few minutes before Romano could get out any words due to his constant sobs and voice-cracks. "I can't tell you…y-you'll think I'm disgusting…."
Spain cocked his head to the side, rather confused. He hadn't the slightest ideal of what Romano was talking about. What could make him see the Italian as disgusting?
He tried smiling tenderly, wiping the flowing tears from the teenager's eyes. "Just tell me, please Roma? You can tell me anything…"
Romano actually stopped crying. He looked up at Spain and thought. Well he tried to think that is. His thought process was all jumbled up. And so, he spoke. Without one little thought, he spoke.
Lovino grabbed onto Antonio, burring his face into his chest.
"I'm gay dammit! I'm gay and I don't know what to do! I'm fucking sick! I feel so disappointed in myself I could vomit…I can't stand the sight of my reflection. I can't stand it anymore Spain! I just can't….please, help me. I can't stay this way…."
Antonio couldn't voice a reply at first. He simply stared down at Romano, processing all the words that had just been spoken.
Just the Spaniard was about to speak, Romano interrupted with one more sentence.
"I'm in Love with you Spain….I'm sorry…I'm so sorry I'm so disgusting…that I have such disgusting feelings for you….you can leave if you want, I'd understand…"
Spain could see the tears starting to stream from Romano's eyes again.
It broke Antonio's heart to see Lovino like this. He felt as if he were hurt by looking at the emotional state of him. So much so, that he even started to tear up a bit himself.
Romano looked up, confused as to why Spain was sad as well.
Spain hugged Romano close to him, sobbing a little and stroking his hair.
"Don't…." Spain's breath hitched. "Don't ever, ever, ever; feel that way Romano. Just don't Feeling ashamed about love is so wrong. If you're worried about God hating you, don't. Don't do that Lovi. He Loves you. God Loves you Romano. He wants you to feel loved, and love. He wants you to be happy and live life. I highly doubt he'd want you to hate yourself over something you have no control over. He made you the way you are, and if you Love me, then that must be how you were supposed to be. You're his child, and he loves you, gay or not."
Romano's eyes were big, and his tears had stopped all together. His face was still wet and stained with red marks from the previous crying though. He breathed out heavily, staring at the man he Loved. He was actually understanding now, the reason why his prayers weren't working.
They weren't working because he didn't need to be making those types of prayers. God was fine with the way he was, he didn't need to change. That's why every time he asked God to change him into a presentable, straight man, it never worked. He didn't need to be fixed, he was never broken.
Spain wiped away his own tears. His emotions had gotten the best of him. He kissed Romano on the top of the head, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"I want you to know, I've Loved you too Roma…I never told you because I knew you were a strong Catholic. I thought you were straight so I never brought it up. I never thought I was wrong to be this way, but I didn't want to have you hate me over it. But now that I know you feel the same, I'm happy…" Spain smiled, kissing Romano on the cheek lightly, enjoying watching the boy's face light up.
Romano's tears started again, but for an entirely different reason. He was happy.
"I'm so glad I have you Spain…I Love you, so much, so fucking much…" He wrapped his arms around the Spaniards shoulders, kissing him chastely on the lips and blushing lightly.
Lovino surprisingly felt good about the kiss. He didn't feel disgusted, or disappointed in himself.
He knew God Loved him no matter what, through the thick and the thin.
God Loves you.