Disclaimer: The songs are not mine, and neither are the characters.
Author's Note: Yet another iPod shuffle challenge (do I ever get tired of these?), because my muse has been uncooperative lately and I wanted to exercise it a bit. Also Rin/Sakura because I haven't written the pairing in the longest time.
01. One More Night – Cascada
She probably should have felt guilty, all things considered.
Guilty, or disgusted, or disturbed, or sad, or… something. Some kind of sense of guilt, of wrongness, for what had happened. Because, of course, what had happened was wrong. Sisters weren't supposed to kiss each other, touch each other. Sisters weren't supposed to sleep together.
Little sisters weren't supposed to seduce their older sisters.
Little sisters were supposed to be protected, loved, kept safe and warm, hidden away from the dangers and the cruelties of the world. Protected and loved, by their older sisters.
But, well. Sakura knew she wasn't exactly a normal little sister, and she really didn't think she was worth protecting anyway.
So in the end, that was probably why instead of feeling disgusted, or guilty, or disturbed, she could only wonder when she'd get another chance to pin Rin to the next flat surface.
02. My Last Request – David Cook
"Will you take care of her?"
Shirou jolted guiltily, withdrawing his hand from the silken strands of Sakura's hair. Golden eyes met teal, and he didn't know why he felt like the one who was doing something wrong.
Rin's eyes were like steel as she looked at him. Her warmth, her gentleness, was only reserved for her sister. She had nothing left to give him, not now.
He swallowed. "I…"
"I'm not leaving her unless I know, Emiya-kun." Her voice trembled, then became firm again. "Will you take care of her?
Shirou nodded, numbly, caught in the cold blaze of Rin's eyes. Breathing out quietly, the older magus turned away and withdrew her jewels, stepping out to face the corruption of the Grail.
"What do you want me to tell her?" he asked.
"Tell her my death was quick and painless."
03. Just Like You – Three Days Grace
She drew a line in the sand, in that cavern.
Tokiomi would have killed Sakura. He would have thought it was such a shame. He would have admired her for having such raw power, and pitied how she couldn't control it. He would have let her live long enough to let her know how proud of her he was, before he put her down like a rabid dog.
Tokiomi would have killed Sakura. He wouldn't have even hesitated. He'd always been a magus first, and a father second.
In that cavern, charging the dark shell of her sister, Rin didn't kill Sakura.
And in that moment, she knew she would never be like Tokiomi.
04. Innocence – Avril Lavigne
Sakura didn't get to be happy.
Her life had made this abundantly clear. Sakura was very rarely ever truly happy; at best she was content enough, and at worst she was simply functioning because she was too afraid of pain to kill herself.
She didn't get to be happy, not like other girls did.
But in moments like these, she thought, she might have been happy; moments when Rin was tentatively poking at the lunch she made, when Rin met her at the dojo after practice, when Rin was bold and kissed her first, a rare thing she always treasured.
Sakura didn't get to be happy, not like the other girls did.
But it was her kind of happy, and she was more than willing to take it.
05. Thunder – Boys Like Girls
"I never knew Nee-san was afraid of storms."
Rin glared at her; or she tried too, at least, before she winced and burrowed back into the covers of her bed as another slam of thunder seemed to shake the Tohsaka mansion to its foundation. The older girl scowled as Sakura giggled. "It isn't funny," she muttered.
"On the contrary, I think it's hilarious." Unable to resist, Sakura hugged her sister, cuddled her close.
Rin muttered and grumbled and shifted, but she didn't try to escape Sakura's grasp. "I'm glad one of us is amused, at least."
Chuckling now, the younger girl nuzzled into warm strands of black hair. "I just think it's funny," she said. "I always thought Nee-san was most like thunder, so I think it's funny you're afraid of it."
"What, I'm loud?"
"No. You're strong."
Rin glared at her again, but this time she was blushing.
06. Paralyzer – Finger Eleven
Rin was in a rare mood today.
Gasping out as she felt the hard lines of the teacher's desk against her back, Sakura groaned as her sister took advantage of her parting lips to claim her mouth deeply, leaving no part of her untouched in a desperate, rough kiss that the purple-haired girl could have sworn was hot enough to simply evaporate the clothes right off of her.
She whined softly when Rin pulled back, her fingers digging into Rin's arms. "Why did you stop?" She meant to demand, and it came out as a plea.
The older magus grinned down at her, teal eyes gleaming wickedly. "I'm enjoying the view. You're usually on top."
Sakura growled. "I'm usually more demanding." She would have said more, but Rin's eyes blazed and then the Tohsaka heir was kissing her again, tearing at her clothes, and all she could think was Rin should really be like this more often.
07. Trying Not To Love You – Nickelback
She'd given herself every lecture in the book, and when that had failed, made up a few lectures off the top of her head. She'd punished herself physically by pushing her body to its limits during her training, and then had punished herself mentally by attempting to do all of her studying as quickly as possible.
When that hadn't worked, she'd resorted to reminding herself of things she already knew like the back of her hand: they weren't supposed to interact, they were supposed to stay apart.
When that failed, all she was left with was, they were sisters, and sisters didn't do these kinds of things together.
Didn't fall in love with each other.
She said that once, after Sakura kissed her, and the Matou heir laughed.
"What do you mean by that, Tohsaka-senpai? According to the agreement, we aren't supposed to be sisters."
08. Reply – Staind
The first time she set foot in the Matou household, Rin only got as far as the hallway before she balked and fled back to the door, deeply disturbed by the dark, crushing presence she felt in the mansion. It took her ten minutes to get her resolve back.
The second time she set foot in the Matou household, Rin managed to make it to the living room before she stopped again and tried to turn around; only this time, she ran into Sakura, and grunted. "I'm really not ready for this," she gasped out.
The younger girl laughed, and held her firm. "It's not scary, Nee-san, I promise."
"But the house—"
"Just the house. My room is fine."
Teal eyes met purple warily. "You promise?"
Sakura smiled. "I promise. And if you make it all the way…"
She leaned forward now, their breasts touching, leaned up on tiptoe and whispered into Rin's ear, her breath hot against her skin.
"I'll make it worth your while."
The third time she set foot in the Matou household, Rin made it all the way to Sakura's bedroom and didn't leave it until the afternoon of the next day.
09. Happens All The Time – Cold
This always happened. Sakura should have been used to it.
Her father (their father) had died. Her mother (their mother) had died.
Uncle Kariya had died (because he was disobedient, yes, hadn't she learned that the first time?)
Shinji had died (killed by her shadow, killed by his own sister, who did she blame when the blood was on her hands?)
And in the end, even Shirou—even the boy she had loved—had died (trying to save her, he'd still be alive if not for her)
Sakura was used to the people she loved dying. It always happened.
When she mentioned this to Rin once, off-hand, her sister had snorted and tossed her hair back. "Yeah, well, don't stay used to it," she said. "I'm not dying until I'm an old lady, so you're going to be stuck with me for a long time."
Sakura was used to the people she loved dying.
And yet, she still (wanted, needed) believed Rin.
10. Where Is My Mind – Yoav (featuring Emily Browning)
"Are we insane?"
It came out softly, almost hesitantly, as if afraid to break the silence. Lazy from the shared warmth of their bodies, Sakura yawned softly and nuzzled into Rin, closing her eyes. "Why do you ask?"
Rin shrugged, then went still as Sakura rested her head on her shoulder, absently tilting her head so her cheek touched the younger girl's hair. "It was just a thought," she said. "I mean, I think by anyone else's standards, we'd be insane."
Sakura laughed, opening her eyes now to look up at Rin. "We're magi, Nee-san. We're insane by definition."
Rin snorted and brushed her hair out of her eyes, squinting against the wind. "I don't know many magi who date their sister."
"It makes us unique."
She didn't laugh, but the Tohsaka heir smirked a little in amusement, and Sakura hummed.
"Well, if it really bothers you…" Sakura shifted now, absently brushing Rin's cheek. "If this is being insane, then I rather like it."
A slim black eyebrow arched at that. "You're saying I'm worth sanity?"
Rin blushed, then turned her head away. "W-Well, honestly," she squeaked out. "If this is being insane, it's not… not as bad as I thought."
But her hand reached out, found Sakura's, and their fingers tightly entwined. The gesture spoke more loudly and clearly than any words ever could.
So, yeah. Just a little thing to let you know I'm still alive and kicking, even if the updates haven't been coming too quick lately. I'm out of school now, so hopefully that will change. Keep an eye open!
Read and review, please!