AN: At first, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't write anything about Neighborhood Watch (awesome episode, by the way) because I knew everyone else here would do just that. I mean, the opportunity seemed just too good to miss. And I stick by my word, sort of. I'm still not writing a cheesy conversation between Kensi and Deeks after the events of that episode. I wrote it but I'm not going to post it. That's for my eyes only (and Daniela's, my best friend). But I found a way to bend the rules. Here's what I came up with. Enjoy ;)
Crossing the Line
It shouldn't be like this.
Not at all.
In fact, it should be awkward.
Because she kissed me. She freaking kissed me.
Sure, we were undercover but that was still one hell of a kiss.
The memory of her warm soft lips against mine won't leave my mind. Her lipstick tasted like chocolate and, given her addition to anything that is sweet, that didn't surprise me. Forgetting how it tasted, how she tasted, is an impossible task. So I think things should be awkward.
But that's just my humble opinion.
Maybe she has done this so many times before that it doesn't bother her. I think that the biggest problem is that it doesn't bother me either. It was, if I'm honest with myself, a dream come true. Yes, because I've been thinking about kissing my partner for the past few months. No, you didn't read that wrong. Months…I've wanted to kiss her for months now.
It's infuriating, most of the times. I mean, I can stand in front of a guy with a gun but I can't just kiss her. There has to be a special word to describe what I am. Coward doesn't seem fitting. Wuss would probably be more accurate. I know both words mean the same but wuss makes me feel a lot worse than coward, for some reason. It's more degrading.
And her lack of worry about the whole thing, her I-couldn't-care-less attitude, is starting to bother me. That's why I decide to go talk to someone who can help me. I decide to go talk to Callen.
I know, probably not my brightest idea ever. He has a big-brother complex when it comes to her and could fairly easily take me down for event thinking about her like that. But he also knows her better than anyone I know.
Putting my life on the line, I decide to just go for it. I wait until everyone leaves the bullpen but him, making an excuse about being late with my paperwork. Kensi and Sam seem to buy it and leave. As soon as I'm sure we're alone and that there is no one around to listen to our conversation, it's 'go' time.
"I need to ask you something." Callen doesn't seem surprised. He probably didn't buy my lame excuse for staying. Regardless, he still takes his eyes off his work and looks at me.
"Go ahead but keep in mind that we're alone in here and I have a fully loaded gun with me."
I try not to sound nervous but Callen can be quite intimidating and I'm about to ask him something about Kensi. So, yeah, that makes me a bit nervous. "Have you ever kissed Kensi while undercover?"
Callen sighs and nods. I can't tell if he doesn't want to have this conversation or if he doesn't want to talk at all. Still, he answers me. "What happened in that house?"
I know his interrogation techniques well enough to know he's trying to make me admit something I don't want to admit quite yet. So I use the oldest trick in the book. "I asked first."
Callen signs his name on the last report and gives me his undivided attention. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing at this point. But his voice shows no signs of anger so I'm guessing it's not a very bad thing. "It happened twice. She used to go undercover with Mike Renko and not with me. There was one particular time in which she kissed both of us."
I frown, not sure if this is something I want to hear but curious enough to ask. "How did that happen?"
Callen humors me and I feel like a man getting his last meal. I'm still not sure he's not going to kill me once he realizes what this conversation is all about. "The three of us were in a motel room, keeping the couple next door under a very close eye. Eric told us the owner was walking our way and we figured he was slightly suspicious. There was no way we could allow him to think something was going on so leaving wasn't an option either. Before Renko and I could even think about what to do, Kensi was shirtless in front of us. We followed her lead and took our shirts off too. By the time the owner opened the door, Kensi was switching from Renko's lips to mine."
I'm not sure if that will ever leave my mind but I struggle to go on without thinking about it too much. I don't want to keep imagining the man across from me, shirtless and with Kensi pressed against his chest. That wakes up a possessive side of me I didn't even know I had up until now. "That was definitely a fun job, yeah?"
Callen shakes his head with a grin on his face, obviously remembering that situation. "Wait, it gets worse."
I'm not sure how much more I can take but…"How much worse?"
The words that come out of his mouth are the ones that would have made me spill my drink if I was drinking anything. "We made her moan."
I'm not entirely sure of what he means with that and a million scenarios run through my mind. But I have to ask him, to calm down my wild imagination and my possessiveness. "By accident?"
Callen shakes his head. "No, we made her moan loudly for a while so no one would get suspicious again. We couldn't afford getting caught. Do you have any idea how hard it is to work while she's faking orgasms? Trust me, whatever happened between the two of you wasn't this awkward. Am I wrong?"
And there is no way I can fight against such a solid argument. But I can tell him what happened because I have to talk to someone before I lose my mind. "It was just a kiss."
Callen doesn't react the way I expected him to. In fact, he remains calm and surprisingly nice. "But it meant something to you."
That's when I start questioning my whole plan. And I think out loud. "Should I be having this conversation with you?"
Callen shrugs. "It's your choice. I won't tell Kensi, if that's what you're worried about."
"I'm a bit more worried about the things you can do to me because of this."
Callen lets out a small laugh but his next words are spoken in a very serious tone. "I trust you with Kensi. I have no problems with that 'thing' the two of you have going on. You're a good guy and I know you have no intentions of ever hurting her."
Denial comes out before I even have the chance to think things through. I think I'm so used to it by now that it comes out naturally. "Thank you for that but there is no 'thing' between us."
He shakes his head with a knowing look on his face, a look that tells me he knows something I don't. "Just because you keep saying that, it doesn't mean it's the truth."
So I sigh, figuring I have nothing to lose at this point, and admit this for the first time. "I have feelings for her. I'm not going to deny that. But she doesn't see me like that and I'm okay with that. I can handle it and it won't get on the way of our partnership."
Callen, once again, surprises me. He's taking this too well. So his voice is calm, like it has been during this whole conversation. "She likes you too."
I frown and try to decipher how on earth he could possibly know that. "Are you saying that because of your super special agent skills that allow you to see things no other human being can see?"
Callen tolls his eyes. "That and because I've already had this conversation today."
I'm shocked with this and the words just come out without my permission. I say my thoughts out loud. "She told you about the kiss?"
Doesn't this go against some sort of rule in their friendship? Is he really going to tell me all about the conversation he had with Kensi about this subject? I think so but his next words show me otherwise. "Amongst other things, she did mention the kiss. But my help ends here. Grow a pair and go talk to her."
"Thank you, Callen."
Callen gets up and starts getting ready to leave. Midway through that task, he seems to remember something and turns back to me. "And, by the way, we spent a month undercover as a couple. Does she still cuddle in her sleep?"
I smile, remembering what it was like to wake up with her by my side during these past few weeks. "I woke up with her cuddled to my side and her legs wrapped around mine every single morning."
"Did you tell her that?"
The truth is that I was too scared to tell her anything. I enjoyed waking up like that but I was sure she would make me start sleeping on the couch if I told her what she did in her sleep. Luckily, she always managed to roll to the other side and away from me right before she woke up. Though, now that I know she feels the same way, I think I could have told her and she would have done nothing about it. "No, I told her she sleeps like a starfish. Did you?"
Callen nods. "After two weeks, I did. She made a wall of pillows between us."
I smile. That's my girl. "Good thing I didn't tell her, then."
Callen grabs his car keys and turns serious once again. "Go and talk to her, Deeks."
I get up from my chair, gather my things and start waling to the door. "I'm going to do just that. Good night, Callen."
"Good night, Deeks."
I'm going to talk to her, kiss her senseless and never let her go. She's my girl and now that I know she feels the same way about me, I'm not letting her walk away from me, from us.
I officially love undercover assignments with my partner.
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