so this is the last chapter. i read this over and i just honestly want it to end here, since there is no real ending. usually i'd go on and on until they'd both die, but i honestly have been planning this ending and i don't know why i cannot change it. it feels wrong if i do.
Blaine looked up at the strikingly familiar voice then he gasped out in shock when he was met with the most gorgeous pair of blue eyes ever.
He forgot to be angry. He forgot that he was willowing in self-pity for so long. He was just happy. Elated.
"Kurt," Blaine's lips widened. "You…"
Blaine was looking at Kurt's body. Kurt bit down his lower lip, but shifted his weight, pulling to show that he was bloated, which was natural for the first few weeks of eating properly before the weight evened out and re-distributed again. Kurt tried not to restrict his food intake but it was proven to be difficult. Yesterday was Burt's birthday and Kurt felt like it was too selfish to ruin it with his own problems. He'd never quite seen his Father smile like that.
Sure, he binged on the same cake in the morning and purged it up but progress was progress.
Blaine wasn't even looking at Kurt's stomach. Kurt realised he wasn't looking at his body – he was looking at his arms.
Blaine pulled his arms towards his. Kurt's cascade of scars against Blaine's small scars as Kurt looked down on him and cupped his cheeks.
Kurt wondered what Blaine wanted to know, but he should know now by Burt's incessant chatter with Blaine's Mother. "I'm better now, Blaine."
Blaine looked down as tears collected in his eyes. "I can't."
Kurt cupped Blaine's cheek. "You're just as strong as I am," was Kurt's only words.
Blaine nodded his head. "Okay." Kurt knew Blaine enough to know that Blaine would never believe that he was just as strong.
Blaine watched Kurt stand up and then Blaine gripped onto Kurt's wrists. "Are you leaving? To New York?"
Blaine watched Kurt twitch. He knew the answer. Blaine just stared up at Kurt with those broken hazel eyes that held so much contempt.
"…okay." Blaine nodded towards him. "Okay."
Kurt felt something spear and jab at his heart.
"I bought white beads for your bracelets."
Burt raised an eyebrow at the bracelets part but Kurt knew why. "It means that he'd be trying to recover. And I want you to try," Kurt emphasised on try as Blaine nodded his head.
"…Kurt, if I get fat—"
"You have never been fat a single day in your life, Blaine." Kurt had taken Blaine's ribbons away. And was giving Blaine bead by bead, adding three beats to each ribbon.
"Oh, and this."
Blaine's eyes widened when Kurt had given him that silvery object that made Blaine's heart race.
"I will always love you," Kurt placed the silvery, gleaming promise ring in Blaine's finger. "I promise. Is…is that enough to make you feel better?"
Blaine nodded his head but he didn't feel any better. He actually felt worse.
Kurt stood up. "I have to leave now. You have to let go now."
Blaine nodded his head, allowing Kurt's hands to disappear from underneath him. "Why do you always leave me?"
"I'm not leaving you, Blaine," Kurt murmured. "I thought of staying for you, waiting for you to recover but Blaine, they're right. We've always depended on each other and that's not fair to you to always worry about me and it's not fair to me to always worry about you. It's no way to live."
Blaine shut his eyes, trying to digest what Kurt was telling him. Kurt knew for a fact that Blaine was bouncing back terrible conclusions in his head.
"I love you," Kurt repeated. "I'm in love with you. That isn't going to change because I'm going to New York and it certainly isn't going to change if you add a hundred pounds on you. It never mattered to me. I've never thought you were fat or thin, because Blaine, all I really care about is looking at your eyes and they're just miserable right now."
Blaine looked down at his lap.
"You're gonna get better, Blaine. I have faith in you. You have the courage. You've always had the courage." Kurt told him, pulling Blaine's chin up so Blaine was looking at him.
Blaine looked down at the promise ring.
The next few words sent Blaine into the happiest but most painful sobs in the longest of times.
"I want more of you to love, Blainey. I miss you. I miss all of you. This ring is all for you, Blainey. All for you. Just you."
Blaine didn't know how to feel as he cried. The thing about promises was that he knew by now that none of them were true.
peanut butter for you if you actually foreshadowed this. i've mentioned Kurt leaving as a theme for so long, in the beginning where Kurt left after he purged when Blaine was washing his hands and a second time when Kurt had to leave Dalton. now, a third. yup. there was a pattern. xD.
if I write it through Blaine's recovery, i'll find a way to make it anticlimactic. :( that or i'll kill him. probably kill him actually.
Following our ED series, is "And You Are The One to Blame", which has no relation to this. It's a bulimic!Finn/bulimic!Kurt ensemble where Furt is the ones with the toxic relationship. There will be series of these. Sadly, yes, they're not all Klaine but they do heavily mention Blaine until now. At least the ones I did plan out. :'D I say they're a series because they all have the same ED!toxic relationship theme. Until now, I know I'm doing Furt, Kurtbastian, Seblaine and possibly either Sebandler. Maybe something else. It depends really. i'm thinking Kandler too as well as Finchel (i don't like Finchel but the idea of them both having an ED is priceless.)
so here is our breakdown or what i thought of so far:
ED!Furt - bulimic!Finn/bulimic!Kurt (purging; overexercising) - this is already posted if you want to read it.
ED!Kurtbastian - muscle dysmorphic Kurt 'thinking he isn't big enough in terms of muscle; opposite of anorexia'/anorexic Sebastian
ED!Seblaine - purging disordered Sebastian/binge eating disordered Blaine
ED!Sebandler - binge eating disordered Chandler/Sebastian with orthorexia (fixated on 'correct' eating)
if i'll do Kandler/Finchel -
Kandler - anorexic!Chandler/anorexic!Kurt
Finchel - bulimic!Finn/bulimic!Rachel (both by purging/laxative abuse)
honestly, there is more but i want them to be accurate and never in my life have i had pica and i'm not a diabetic so i don't know how diabulimia is. i also am not a drinker so drunkorexia is out. compulsive over-eating seems like BED, but apparently, it's a 'step down' in some sort of sense from COE but BED i can portray properly. for most of my life i've had EDNOS so i know how it is to restrict/binge/purge and have a fixation with 'just the right porportions of food'/muscle obsession so i can easily convey those bits but i cannot for the life of me convey COE/pica/diabulimia/night eating disorder/nocturnal night eating/drunkorexia or regurgitation syndrome. if you have any specific pairings you want to see with any combination of BED/muscle dysmorphia/anorexia/bulimia/orthorexia/purging disorder, you can definitely just like comment on this. i'll take it into consideration. even if you guys just want another Klaine one or whatever pairing one. if you want a certain pairing with certain portrayals or ED-centered plots, i'll do them given that both of them have it (that's the point of this series actually!)
xo Peanut Butter/Sam