Alright guys, this is it. I'd apologize for taking so long but I think the length of this finale excuses the time it took to get it out. I want to thank all of you guys for reading and reviewing, especially those who were following from the beginning. It's surreal to finish something like this.
I'd like to thank my Beta for helping me with editing, especially with this monster of an epilogue. Thanks for keeping me writing and encouraging me. You're the best!
Without further ado. The final part of If Only I Had Known.
Enjoy and please review.
New routines; that's how their lives have progressed over the past few years. As time went by, as things changed and new members were added to their family, new routines were developed to make things run smoothly.
For instance tonight, it's Jane's night to clean up after dinner while Maura gets the kids ready for bed. When she's done she'll go in to kiss them each goodnight and make sure they're tucked in. She'll lock up the house and get ready for bed with Maura, occasionally goofing off side by side in the bathroom while they brush their teeth and wash their faces. And maybe they'll make love, provided after whatever hectic day they've had they're feeling up to it. And though they're older, and they've got kids and more responsibility, they usually are feeling up to it.
Despite over five years of marriage, Jane doesn't feel like their spark has dulled at all, and for that she is forever thankful. Maura is still a master in bed, and sex has never been a chore for them. Whenever things may seem like it's lacking they'd introduce a new technique or toy. Their current favorite rests in a lock box in the closet next to another similar one containing Jane's gun and badge.
She's doing the dishes now and it's getting more difficult as time goes on, reaching the sink is making the chore that much more annoying. She remembers how Maura had similar problems and she starts to get lost in the memories. However she's interrupted when Maura's hands wrap around her stomach and she rests her chin on her shoulder.
Jane turns her head and kisses her cheek. "You're done so soon? Were they exhausted?" She wonders.
"Actually your daughter wanted you to put her to bed. Apparently your bed time stories are better than mine." Maura explains.
"Oh when she's being hardheaded she's my child?" Jane asks defensively.
"Precisely." Maura laughs.
"So when she's acting like a little know it all and starts her mini-me googlemouth then she is definitely your daughter." Jane argues back in good nature.
"I guess she can be both of ours." Maura compromises.
"Can she really?" Jane exclaims jokingly, earning a laugh from Maura.
Maura kisses her sweetly before pushing her towards the stairs. "Just go deal with our daughter while I finish bathing our son." She says, patting the brunette on the butt as she heads up the stairs.
Jane walks into her daughter's room and just gives her a look she recognizes instantly; one that's supposed to make her feel guilty though it's nothing near how powerful Angela's look is. She still hasn't perfected it like the master.
Sofia Angela Rizzoli is definitely Maura's child no matter how much she denies it. Other than Jane's stubbornness, she got Maura's beautiful honey blonde hair, her green eyes and above all, her intelligence. Which is why they are in this position tonight.
At only four years old, Sofia has collected a shelf full of books that her mommies have already read to her. But instead of having them reread them like an average child, she has become bored and requests new stories. Of course Jane gave in; she's been wrapped around her daughter's finger since the day she was born. And when she asked how Jane and Maura met and fell in love, she decided to start at the beginning from the first day Maura came into the precinct.
"Young lady, I believe I told you last night that you'd have to wait till my night to hear the rest of the story." Jane scolds mockingly.
"I wanna know what happens next!" She defends herself excitedly bouncing in her seat.
"Okay." Jane relents with a sigh, her daughter always having her in the palm of her hand. "But I'm finishing it tonight and we are going back to books."
"Okay, Mama. Now what happened?" She demands.
Jane just sighs before taking a seat next to her daughter's bed. "Alright, where was I?" She asks.
"The wedding!" Sofia exclaims happily.
"Okay, the wedding. It was one of the best days of my life, marrying your mommy, only second to bringing you and your brother home. She's still the most beautiful woman in the world, but on that day she was impossibly more gorgeous." She begins.
You're in your simple white gown. Well it's not simple, but compared to Maura's it feels like a paper bag. You know it's not true, everyone has told you all day how wonderful you look, Korsak multiple times as he walked you down to the altar, but you're sure all the attention should be on Maura.
When she first came through those doors, time stood still. It may be cliché, but your brain malfunctioned at seeing the woman of your dreams looking so stunning all in white. You're floored; her gown is almost as gorgeous as her with its ornate bodice and lace overlay, and of course a small train. It almost brings tears to your eyes.
And when her father, Oliver whom you've finally had the pleasure to meet, gives her away you almost want to cry right there.
But you hold it in and smile at her and she sends you a huge one in return. You whisper "I love you" and "You look beautiful" to her as you take her hands and she wipes a tear before telling you the same.
It's heaven, complete, utter happiness and bliss. You're so distracted; you don't hear the justice prompting you to speak until Frost and Frankie begin nudging you from behind. You hear Maura giggle and you know you're caught. You even catch Julia chuckling behind Maura.
You don't really know how anything progresses. You're so wrapped up in your head you barely remember your vows. Maura's so calm and collected as she speaks hers and you're a mess. But she smiles and you can see tears in her eyes, so you must have said something right.
You help put her wedding band on, just above that engagement ring you finally put there a few months before. All you can think is 'don't drop it, don't drop it' and when it's secure she puts yours on with ease. Your fiancée is always so put together. Correction: your wife. She's your wife now!
The justice barely finishes the word kiss before you do just that. You kiss her with everything you have because you want to give her everything you have. And you're sure she's kissing you just as hard. You can taste the salt from tears and you're not sure whose they are. You don't really care, you just whisper "I love you" against her lips over and over again.
When it's over, you walk down the aisle hand and hand as Mrs. and Mrs. Rizzoli. You're the happiest you've ever been.
It's not until later that night while you're sharing your first dance that you're able to speak in full sentences. It's been so long since you've ever been this speechless, and by long you mean never. Of course it's Maura that causes you to be awestruck but she's also the one who easily pulls you out of it.
"What are you thinking about?" She whispers into your ear and it's like something breaks within you and you can finally relay your many, many thoughts. But they all converge into one thing.
"You." You answer truthfully and she smiles and pulls back from your embrace to kiss you.
"You've been so quiet." She points out and you worry maybe you've upset her.
"I'm just so speechless." You admit. "Since you walked down that aisle Maura, my thoughts have been so jumbled. You're perfect." You breathe.
When she brushes your cheek with her hand you lean into the touch and sigh. Just one simple affectionate touch from her has you on fire.
"You're beautiful, Jane. I almost cried at the sight of you up there." She says to you and you believe her. "I couldn't wait to get that ring on your finger so I could kiss you. It's all I could think about."
"But you were so calm, I was a mess." You tell her and she chuckles.
"I was a wreck honey." She admits. "But you were there and I just kept looking at you, kept thinking about you and kissing you and I managed to stay calm. You were great." She reassures you and you smile.
You can't help yourself and you lean in to kiss her. You make sure it's soft and sweet and thankful. You're relieved that she felt everything you felt up there. "I'm glad you're finally my wife." You whisper to her.
"Me too, Jane." She answers with conviction before saying "I love you." You're the happiest you've ever been in your entire life. Oliver and Frankie come and break you guys apart and you dance with Maura's father while she heads off with your brother for a dance.
Oliver's an unbelievably nice man; you don't know why it took you so long to meet him. You thought you'd have to give him a talking to like you had with Constance. He's been so absent you had to question his love for Maura. But when he flew in a week ago with Constance and you picked him up from the airport he instantly wrapped his arms around Maura and held on. He kissed her cheek and apologized for how long it's been. He wasn't instantly forgiven in your book, but over the past week you've been getting to know him. You've been warming up to him. He's even paying for your honeymoon, no matter how much you said you couldn't accept it he insisted. Maura doesn't know it, but you still sat him down for a talk. You told him you plan to have a family with Maura and you expect him to be present in his grandchildren's lives; in Maura's life. He made you a promise.
"You make a beautiful bride." He compliments you but you know Maura is so much prettier so you tell him.
"Maura is the real star of the show." He smiles and nods his thanks.
"I know you'll take good care of her, Jane. I'm glad you're the one who married my daughter." He says once your dance has ended and you're so thankful that he accepts you.
"Thank you so much sir. I'll take care of her with all of my being. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me." You promise.
You know you will never forget this night, you'll never forget everyone who joined you and how happy and proud everyone was. You definitely will never forget your bride and how stunning she is. You're ready to begin this new chapter with the only person who could ever join you in it.
"What about Nonna, Mamma?" Sofia questions.
Jane can't help but smile at her daughter's excitement. "She was there, love. She was so excited and happy for us and we shared a dance and she told me how proud she was." Jane explains. "Between you and me, she was a mess. She cried a lot."
"She wasn't happy?" Sofia wonders with worry etched across her face.
"No, honey she was very happy. Sometimes when people are really happy they cry too." Jane explains to her daughter who only needs a moment to soak it in.
"I'm glad you married mommy." She says after a moment.
"Me too, baby." Jane agrees instantly.
"So what happened next!" She squeals and Jane plunges back into her story.
"Well we went on our honeymoon that grandpa Oliver paid for. We went to Italy, that's in Europe." She explains. "We stayed in Venice for a while and saw all the history the country had to offer. Your mommy knew more than the tour guides." Jane remembers fondly. "I surprised your mommy with a romantic boat ride through the canals and we put a lock on this gate to signify us being together forever. I could have stayed forever, but Maura convinced us to come home."
You're back from Venice, jetlagged and exhausted; another reason you wish you could have convinced Maura to decide to stay. She may have thought it was a joke, but you'd love to run away with Maura and never look back. Yet, she knows you so well and knows you better than you know yourself that she realized before you ever could that you'd miss your job after a while.
You don't even unpack; you just head right upstairs and plop down in your bed. Maura follows you and lays down a lot more gracefully beside you.
She rolls over to you and curls into you instantly. "How about a nap?" She asks and you chuckle because her eyes are drooping and so are yours and it really shouldn't have been phrased as a question when it's obvious you two are on your way out.
You mumble out an agreement. Too tired to use the English language, but you do manage to kiss her forehead before passing out.
Two days later and you're both back at work picking back up where you left off. Things are the same and yet different. You go home with your wife at night. You make love to your wife at night. You tell everyone about your beautiful wife.
Maura is your wife.
You're still not used to it in the best way possible.
And when you come home after your first week back at work you're still so excited to call Maura your wife.
"I'm craving Chinese tonight." Maura says as you walk through the door.
You're kind of glad. You don't feel like cooking and Chinese is quick and easy. When you're sitting down and eating it in the living room, Maura gets up halfway through to use the restroom. You think nothing of it until she comes running back in and straddles your lap, almost knocking the food carton out of your hand.
"What's gotten into you Maur?" You ask stunned by her actions.
"I'm late babe!" She shouts and it takes you a moment to realize she's that kind of late.
"You're late!" You exclaim happily. "How late?"
"Five days Jane! I just realized. I've never been five days late." She continues to squeal and it just makes you even happier.
"Do you want to take a test?" You ask because really you have no idea what to do now. This is the first time you've ever gotten to this step. When Maura nods happily you kiss her. "Okay, do you want me to be with you?"
She just pulls you up the stairs and you follow her into the bedroom. "Wait here." She tells you and you follow her every move and demand.
A minute later, though it feels like an eternity, the bathroom door opens and she's calling you in. The stick is on the counter and it's agonizing that this small white piece of plastic is the determination between the biggest, happiest change in your life and possible crushing disappointment.
You're counting away though. Staring at Maura as the timer clicks away. She's nervous, anxious. You can tell, her knees are bouncing as she sits on the toilet. You just want to kiss her for the next 116 seconds that are ticking past on the timer. So you do.
"Whatever happens baby, I love you." You assure her and then you kiss her and you keep kissing her while the alarm blares. Now you're scared. You don't want to look. You don't want to face the screen. You don't want to have to decipher between one and two lines. You don't want the lack of one little pink stripe to crush all this excitement that it has built up.
"I don't want to look." Maura breaks you out of your thoughts.
'Be strong for her' you repeat over and over in your head. "Okay baby. I'll look." You promise and you do, with only one eye you peer over onto the counter. You see one pink line. You hope it's your lack of two eyes so you open the other and you count the lines.
One. Just one.
Maura's not pregnant.
You let out a sad sigh and drop down to look Maura in the eye. You don't even have to say it. She deflates and when you shake your head you're terrified she might cry. So you kiss her again and again and again.
You kiss every inch of her face.
You wipe the hair away from her eyes and you tell her how much you love her. You stare into the tearing pools of green and you tell her with all the conviction you have. You ingrain it into her being that you're so in love with her, pregnant or not.
She nods eventually and she lets you kiss her and you do. You kiss her hard and passionately.
It's your fourth failure.
But you're strong for Maura. You keep it together.
The food is forgotten downstairs. The stick with its disappointing results is left on the counter.
You take her to bed and you make love to her. You make her forget and you show her how much you care. She's happy. You watch her sleep peacefully. You kiss her gently while she sleeps. You leave her for a bit and clean up the food. You throw away the pregnancy test in the garbage outside.
You're sad. You're disappointed.
But you're scared to show it. You don't want Maura to think it's aimed at her. You already know she blames herself and you can't do that to her. You'll keep trying as long as she wants to.
The next day she tells you she wants to stop. It hurts more than you ever thought it would.
You never thought she'd give up so soon.
She tells you that she can't keep facing the disappointment. She knows it's only your fourth attempt and she says she's so sorry. She cries and asks you not to hate her.
You don't show weakness, but you reassure her that it's okay. You kiss her and wipe her tears. You stay strong.
She tells you she's not giving up she just wants to take a break. You take it all in.
She suggests adoption and says that maybe that's what is meant to be. She was adopted, maybe it's a sign that the two of you should do the same.
You know she doesn't really feel that way. Maura doesn't believe in fate. But you agree and you suggest calling Andrea to see about fostering.
She agrees and so you do it. Within a month you're on the phone with Andrea every other day. Knowing her has definitely helped you speed through the process faster than normal. You and Maura are well on your way, your training is almost complete and a caseworker is already planning to stop at your home at the end of the week.
You're happy, ecstatic even. But a part of you still hurts for the child you and Maura were trying to have.
You want to adopt, you do. You know you'll love whatever child you end up with. You can't wait till you get that call telling you it's happening. Andrea is working furiously to place someone with you.
But you want a baby with Maura. You want a little Maura.
You're worried you're being selfish, so you keep it in. You know Maura said it's just temporary. That she wants to try again later. You're worried though. What if she doesn't?
You consider carrying for her. You consider asking, but then you don't want to push her. You wonder if that's insensitive.
You don't say anything until the night the case worker visits. She gives you the green flag. Just another rung on the ladder to adopting. Maura is so happy and so are you.
That night you lie in bed and talk about it. Maura talks so excitedly it makes you excited. But it's still gnawing at you until finally you end up begging her to try one more time. You just blurt it out.
"Just one more time" you promise her. She's hesitant but you tell her how you won't put fostering and adopting on hold. You want to adopt but you really want a baby with her. She considers it. You break down and you tell her all your fears. Until she wipes your tears, you don't even realize you're crying.
You can tell she feels bad. She thinks she's done something wrong, she thinks she was selfish. She wasn't. You tell her that over and over again. You've made her feel guilty and that makes you feel worse. You talk things out and decide where to go from there.
A few days later, you're back in Doctor Meyers' office. It's Maura who asks if there is something else you can try.
When she suggests at home insemination you're hesitant at first. But Maura seems interested and you'd do anything to make her happy. It's less invasive and more natural and even though the efficiency is lower Maura wants to try it. So you agree.
You're on your way home with a brown paper bag by the end of the week. It's happening so fast you can't help how anxious you are.
Maura takes your hand into her lap while you drive home and massages the worry away.
If she is okay, then you are okay.
You make it home and follow her upstairs. Doctor Meyers explained what to do, she even suggested it will be more affective if Maura experiences a release before insemination.
You set everything up alone despite Maura's attempts to help.
You tell her you want to take care of her, that she needs to relax. And you do take care of her.
You lay her down and undress her. She's visibly anxious now and you know you need to remedy that.
You kiss her slow and longingly, until you feel the tension leave her body. You massage her everywhere and lay kisses upon every part of her body. You're in no rush when it comes to making her feel loved. You start from her ankles and move up, lavishing every part of her body with love. You're nowhere near done worshipping her when she starts breathing heavily.
You reach her breasts and she starts panting. You lavish her pulse point and she starts begging.
You don't tease her and lower your hand to where she needs you most. You stroke her slowly and kiss her passionately. She's moaning before you enter her and when her hips start moving you hold her in place. You want to do all the work. You want her to feel loved and taken care of.
When you feel her tightening around your knuckles and hear her moan out, you reach over and grab the syringe. You wait as her release washes over her and replace your fingers with the syringe. While you push the plunger in you keep stroking her to help her ride out her orgasm. Her eyes are closed and she looks completely peaceful. You pull the syringe out and place it back in its cup.
You wrap your arms tightly around her and whisper loving words into her ear. She kisses you and you feel like you've done something right. You stay wrapped together in bed with each other for hours even though you only had to wait an hour. You're taking no risks with this; it's your only chance.
Over the next two weeks you put absolutely no pressure on her. You worry that maybe that's something you did wrong in the beginning. You still talk with Andrea often about fostering, just like you promised Maura.
She doesn't seem unhappy. Nothing seems different. She tells you she loves you often and you do too. You're both happy and life moves on.
When Maura is late this time you don't react immediately. You decided to wait a week before taking a test just to be absolutely sure. You want a no pressure atmosphere though you're panicking inside.
It's the longest week of your life, the epitome of hell. But when you come home on Friday night Maura decides to put you out of your misery. She goes upstairs and takes the test. She doesn't even let you know this time.
She just comes up to you while you're cooking dinner and breaks the bad news to you. It was negative. You failed.
Neither of you cry. It was a long shot anyways.
You kiss your wife and you tell her you love her. You don't even tell her it's okay. Words aren't required this time. You've said it enough times.
When you're in bed later that night, Maura tells you that she's willing to keep trying with insemination. She confides in you and tells you truthfully that she couldn't take the doctor's visits and the procedures anymore. She admits that not conceiving after all of that science and technology made her feel like a failure.
You promise her that's not true.
She tells you she doesn't feel like a woman anymore. That every time she fails she feels doubly awful because she's failed you and herself.
You cry when she tells you that.
You failed to protect her from her thoughts. You failed to talk to her and make her feel womanly. You blame yourself.
You leave the possibility of more inseminations open ended right now. You just want to make love to Maura. You spend all night telling her how wrong she is. But most importantly, you show her. You show her how much of a woman she is and you show her again and again how much you love her until she's crying out for you to stop and even then you make her come again, just as proof.
In the morning, Maura is nowhere in sight. You hear noises from the bathroom and when you get up and walk over you find Maura's head in the toilet as she's retching. Her body heaves as she empties what little contents are in her stomach.
You feel bad, like maybe you were too hard on her last night.
She notices you and asks you to leave, you don't listen. She begs you and says she doesn't want you to see her like this. You grab a washcloth and wet it. You pull her hair back and wash her face. You rub her back when she throws up again and repeat your routine. When she's done you get her water as she sits by the toilet exhausted.
She apologizes. You laugh and tell her "for better or worse." You mean it. You want to take care of Maura through everything. You kiss her forehead and help her back to bed.
You stay home, take care of her all day and keep her hydrated. She's exhausted and she sleeps most of the day. You think she has some kind of a stomach bug and hope she'll be better tomorrow.
She's not. It's the same scenario the next day.
She begs you to go to work. No matter how much you insist you should stay home and take care of her, she tells you to work. You do as you're told but ask your mom to stop by around lunch time to make sure your wife is okay. You've never liked seeing her sick, it pains you.
Around ten a.m. you can't focus on work. You keep thinking about Maura, but your thoughts are interrupted when Frost tells you they've got a location on one of your perps. He drives and you enter the house together, but eventually you split up to cover more ground.
You head upstairs alone and you hear movement down the hall. You call Frost as you move down clearing rooms one by one. You're about to clear the corner and turn down the next length of hallway when you feel a sharp pain in your arm. It burns but the adrenalin keeps you going as you turn the corner and realize where the pain is emerging from.
You find your suspect wielding a knife, he caught your bicep with it as you were turning the corner. When he notices your gun he drops it immediately. You're thankful he has at least a small morsel of sense. Frost is there moments later with him against the wall.
He asks if you're alright and you say you are. It's not until you're at the hospital twenty minutes later that the pain hits.
You realize they've probably called your wife as the doctor numbs your arm to give you the eight stitches you require. You forget about the pain, only caring now about your sick wife who's most likely worried over you now too.
Despite the doctor's protests you pull out your phone and call her. She doesn't answer and you try again and again. Now you're panicking. Then you think rationally. She's probably asleep. So you send her a text. You tell her you're okay, that you were careful and it was unavoidable. You explain what happened and tell her it's only a few stitches.
He's done with his sutures and places a bandage over it just as you notice honey blonde hair racing down the hallway to where you're seated on a gurney.
She's clearly distressed, you know it.
"Jane I got a call from the hospital, what happened?" She panics as soon as she sees you, though you're clearly fine.
You place your hands on her shoulders and look her in the eye as you tell her over and over again. "I'm fine." When she finally takes a breath and calms herself you explain yourself. "I was careful baby. I had my vest on and my gun pulled but I went to clear a corner and the suspect was right behind it. He caught me with his knife before I dropped him. I'm okay, minimal blood loss and only eight stitches. The doctor already says I'm free to go."
She looks like she's about to cry and you're so angry at that asshole for getting you with his knife.
"Why didn't you call me, Jane?" She asks.
"Baby you must not have checked your phone. I called you and texted you." You explain and watch as she pulls out her phone and realizes you've told the truth. In her haste to get to you she must have missed your attempts to get a hold of her.
She collapses into you and holds you tight. You don't understand why she's so shaken. Maura isn't one to panic this badly. It worries you but you hold her tightly as she gets herself together.
"I was so worried. You've got to be more careful for us okay. We can't lose you." She mumbles into your neck and you immediately freeze once you process what she's just said.
"Us?" You wonder and Maura pulls back. She's smiling so happily it's like your wedding day all over again. You wonder if Andrea called with good news.
She looks you in the eye and you see them twinkling with complete joy. You almost miss her announcement until your mind rewinds on itself and you hear the two words again. "I'm pregnant!"
You're shocked. You can't believe it. Before you can stop yourself the word "what" falls from your lips.
Maura just continues to grin as she cups your jaw in her hands. "Honey, the test we took was a false negative. I took it too late in the day and my urine was too diluted. This morning after you left I was sick in the bathroom and I saw we had another test. It clicked and I decided to take it. Jane, it was positive!"
You don't even respond with words, you just kiss her and hold her impossibly close. It's the best news you've ever gotten. Your long shot, final chance worked and now you and the love of your life are having a baby. You fall to your knees before you know what's happening and you lift Maura's shirt. You don't even care you're in the middle of a hospital hallway, you kiss every inch of Maura's stomach.
"There's a baby in there!" You exclaim to your wife as you rise to your feet. "We're going to have a baby!"
Maura grins even bigger at seeing your reaction. You just want to bring her home and kiss her all day. So you do. You lay with her in bed and cherish her tummy. You don't want to take your hand off of it. You tell her over and over again how much you love her and you bend down and kiss her tummy before saying "I love you too baby."
Because you already love that baby in there. You loved that baby before they were conceived. And you'll tell him or her that. You'll tell them how they were made with the love you share for Maura. A huge part of you thinks the procedure worked because of how much love you put into it.
"Was it Auggie?" Sofia asks, interrupting Jane's story again.
"No baby, just listen to the story." Jane says before continuing where she left off.
Maura's so happy. It may be cliché but she's glowing. You're already a proud mamma bear when it comes to her.
You think about today and you think that everything happened at the perfect time. It's all made you realize what really matters to you. Maura matters and your child matters. You think about how panicked Maura looked today, how it was intensified with the fear for your child. Maura is scared that one day you won't come home and now it's not just her you wouldn't be coming home to. You always said you worried that whoever you ended up with would make you choose between them and the job. But Maura hasn't. Aside from your fight in the beginning of your relationship it hasn't come up. She's always worried of course, but she doesn't want you to have to choose. Maybe that's why she's the one. Because she's giving you your choice. That's why you love her, or maybe you're choosing her because you love her. It doesn't matter, either way there is more at stake.
"Next week I have to make my decision about the lieutenant position." You remind a content Maura.
She nods but doesn't give any input. Whenever you've brought it up over the past few months she stayed silent. It's been infuriating. You know she wants you to take it but she won't admit it. But again, you know it's because she loves you and respects how much you care about your job.
"I'm going to take it." You say resolutely.
"You're sure?" She asks just to make sure you really want this and you can tell she's just asking to be nice. You know this is what she wants and that makes you that much more sure that you're going to take it.
"I'm sure, love. I want to be safer for you and our little baby. We're starting a family and I need to be here for you two." You say finally and she's pulls you to her and you kiss her. You stay in bed and cherish each other. You make love and fall asleep with your arms wrapped around your wife, your hand on her stomach close to the child growing inside.
It's where your hand often goes when you're cuddling. When you kiss her it's instinct. You lean in and one hand goes to her hip, the other to her tummy. It's still flat but you know there's a child growing within, especially when she clasps her hand over yours.
It's become an obvious thing and you're glad you don't like PDA because it'd be apparent Maura was pregnant if anyone saw you kiss her.
You're not hiding it, but you and Maura want to keep it under wraps until she's past the danger zone.
You've almost been caught before when you gave her a light peck one Sunday afternoon before dinner. Your hands instantly went to her stomach and had she not stopped you, your mother would have been more suspect than she already is. You caught her watching but played it off.
You take care of your wife and check in on her multiple times a day. She's still getting sick a lot so you make a point to ask her how she's feeling and if she's been sick since the last time you've seen her. Eventually she gets tired of it and asks you to stop, well she actually kind of shouts it. You don't even expect it.
She apologizes later that night and you chalk it up to the pregnancy hormones. She asks you to stop being so hands on and overprotective, she tells you she's not fragile she won't break and neither will your baby. You try to be a bit less worrisome.
It's taking you time to settle into your new job. You miss being in the field, but Maura helps you get over that.
You never thought it would happen because of both or your professionalism, but you've christened Maura's office, twice.
Both times, Korsak, Frankie and Frost were out looking for a suspect or questioning family and friends. Maura called you down for help and she jumped you. You wish you were kidding when you put it that way. Actually you're glad you're not kidding. She pressed you against the door of her office as soon as you walked in and attacked you.
Surprisingly, Maura hasn't been too hormonal yet besides the sex, except for that time she yelled at you about your hovering. She's had few cravings, unless you count the time that she actually wanted a cheeseburger one night at The Robber. Doctor Meyers warned you that the hormones could get worse in the second trimester. So far they haven't even been noticeable but when it comes to sex, when she wants it, she really wants it and you won't deny her it. She's your wife and she's carrying your child so the least you could do is make her come hard from riding your fingers against the door in her office.
Right before Thanksgiving is when you have your second appointment with Doctor Meyers. Your baby is ten weeks along and you cry when you hear its heartbeat. Maura is the strong one this time around. She holds your hand and you kiss her as you look at her first ultrasound. It's hard to make out at first until Doctor Meyers points out everything. You see your baby's head and body and Maura even points out a little arm. You're impossibly even more in love with your wife and even more excited about the child she's giving you even if you can't really tell it's a baby right now.
You're glad to find out the baby is healthy and right on track a few days later. At 14 weeks you and Maura plan to tell everyone she's expecting. Luckily her fourteenth week will land around Christmas time.
You help more in the kitchen this year for Thanksgiving and you try to keep Maura off her feet for too long. She tells you to stop being so protective or everyone will know. She's right.
After everyone is done eating and in the living room watching football, you and Maura start cleaning up when your mother decides to help. You think nothing of it until she starts talking.
"How far along are you, Maura?" She asks out of nowhere.
You cough awkwardly before squeaking out "what?" You know you've been caught and even worse, you know Maura can't lie.
"I'm not stupid Jane. The two of you not drinking anymore, your secret conversations, your hand on Maura's stomach when you kissed her a few weeks ago, your newfound over protectiveness. A mother knows dear. So Maura how far along are you? It can't be too far because you're not even showing yet." She explains and you're freaking out. You thought you two were being subtle. What if everyone else knows too?
"Ma, it's supposed to be a surprise!" You finally admit. Maura takes your admission as a sign that she can finally move and she covers her still flat tummy with her hand. She smiles brightly and you can't help, but join her even if this wasn't how you wanted your mom to find out.
"I won't tell them Janie. I just want to know when my grandchild is going to be born." She says.
"I'm ten weeks along." Maura tells your mother happily and the smile on her face just draws you in. You can't help it when you lean into her and kiss her temple. You're so damn happy.
"We're telling everyone on Christmas so please Ma, please keep it a secret." You beg.
"I promise it will be like I don't even know. They're too oblivious to suspect anyways." She promises.
And it is like she doesn't even know. Except when she sneaks you questions like "How's Maura feeling?" and "When's your next doctor's appointment?" and "When can I start knitting more baby stuff like with Junior?"
You feel bad for Maura because you're sure she's getting it worse than you.
The holidays are even more exciting and amazing than your first winter holidays with Maura. Now she's your wife, your pregnant wife. You're adorable wife bundled up in extra warm winter clothes to keep her and your baby protected from the dropping temperatures. You remember this time last year and realize how much has changed. But Maura has been a constant and it's been an amazing year with her.
It's snowing on Christmas Eve and it's going to be a white Christmas. You light the fireplace and curl up with Maura on the couch with warm mugs of hot chocolate. When she takes her first sip you can't help but grin when she gets whipped cream on her nose. You wipe it off and lean over to kiss her, it's delicate and sweet and perfected when Maura whispers "I love you."
You say it back and wish you could find better words to convey how much you feel for Maura because you're sure "love" doesn't describe it anymore.
You realize this time next year you'll have a baby to pamper and spoil with presents. You tell her so and she tells you she can't wait. Neither can you.
You exchange gifts and a good majority are baby related. You're not surprised. Even though you don't know the sex yet you've still both managed to find neutral outfits and toys. Maura even got some Red Sox onesies.
On Christmas day you're all sitting around passing your gifts to each other. Everyone's there, Frost, Julia, Korsak, your brothers and it's the perfect time. When everything is opened and everyone is happy and settled down from the holiday excitement you tell them all that there is one more gift you have.
You and Maura stand for your announcement and you both exclaim that you're having a baby, Maura's hands cradling her belly as she announces it. Everyone is standing moments later and hugging and congratulating the two of you. Maura deserves it all though, she's the one bringing your baby into this world.
Dinner is filled with excitement and questions regarding Maura and the child. Your family is as excited as you are. They're already throwing out names, original ones like Vince, Francesco and Barrold. Even Angela drops her name into the list. You tell them all it's not happening. You realize you and Maura haven't even discussed names yet. Later that night you go over a few but you realize Maura has six more weeks before you can even find out the sex so you promise to hold off until then, though you're already making an internal list.
You call Oliver and Constance after dinner and give them the good news too. They tell you they plan to fly in around the due date to be here when their grandchild is born.
You're so proud of your little brother when he proposes to Julia on New Years. You don't find out until the two of them get back from a brief vacation on the cape, but it's more happy news for your family which is growing steadily. They tell you they're already planning to marry in September. You instantly think that your child will have entered the world by then.
At 16 weeks you and Maura go in for another check up on your baby's health. With Maura being over 35 the risks are higher for a difficult pregnancy or complications. Doctor Meyers wants to be sure everything is fine so she ordered an amniocentesis just to make sure the baby is safe. When you receive word a few days later that your little baby is completely healthy and growing properly you release a breath of relief that something is finally working out for the two of you.
Maura's appointment for week 20 is the most exciting appointment yet. You've been talking about it for weeks and the topic of baby names makes its reemergence. You're lying on your bed, leaning on your forearm while you massage Maura's small bump. You're finally starting to notice her once flat tummy is rising. You haven't told her though because you know she's becoming sensitive. She's already been complaining about clothes not fitting. She's beautiful and she's doing something beautiful, you remind her every day. You watch her closed eyes and her peaceful expression for a moment longer before speaking.
"Are you sure you want to know the sex?" You ask just to make sure. You know you do, but Maura seems like the person who wouldn't mind the surprise.
"I do." Maura answers simply. "But even if I didn't I couldn't avoid it. I want to see our baby and I'll be able to tell from the sonogram."
"You can read it?" You ask because you remember that little blob you saw last time. Without Doctor Meyers' help you wouldn't have known anything other than the head and body.
"Yes, I've had to use ultrasounds in the lab before, it's pretty easy." Maura says and you laugh because although you love that little blob you couldn't really make out that it was a baby.
"Do you care, though?" You wonder.
"Do I care about what? If we're having a boy or a girl?" Maura clarifies and you nod.
"No, I just care if he or she is healthy. I'll love our baby no matter what." She promises and you smile because it's your baby, collectively. "Do you care?" She asks you.
"Definitely not, Maura. If we have a son I'll love him and teach him to be respectful, especially to women and you'll teach him to be a little genius like you and we'll keep him safe and happy and love him no matter what. If we have a girl I'll love her and teach her to be respectful and she'll be like a little you and we'll keep her safe and never let her date, ever." You tell her and Maura giggles before kissing you.
"We can't keep our daughter from dating, Jane. It's going to happen." Maura tells you and you shake your head at the thought.
"Never, I'll be cleaning my gun every time someone knocks on that door for her and if she looks anything like you I'll definitely have to clean it often." You tell her and she breaks out into more laughter. She's radiant when she laughs, you fall in love every time she smiles.
"You're a real charmer, if she's anything like you she'll probably be the one knocking on doors." Maura says before kissing you and the thought has you panicking for a new plan. "Stop thinking so much and kiss me. We have over a decade before we have to face that." She says against your lips and you grin before rolling on top of her.
"Our children aren't dating until they're thirty." You say finitely before kissing her passionately.
You're so anxious and jumpy while sitting in the doctor's office waiting for Doctor Meyers to come in for the ultrasound. You hold Maura's hand and squeeze it every now and then. You watch as she massages her belly while she smiles and she looks so peaceful compared to you. But this is it. This is the moment you've been waiting for. You're about to find out if you're having a son or a daughter.
When the door opens, you jump and Maura giggles before squeezing your hand. Doctor Meyers apologizes for her abrupt entrance before asking how Maura's doing. She begins asking a bunch of questions and Maura answers them all with ease. She's so calm while you're a wreck. You almost want to yell at Doctor Meyers to hurry the hell up because you're so damn excited.
"Alright, are you ready to start the ultrasound?" She asks and you almost shout out yes while Maura unbuttons her maternity pants.
She moves the probe around a few times until she gets a clear picture and your baby is definitely not a blob anymore. You can make out limbs and even see the profile of the baby's face and you have to stop yourself from crying. Maura looks misty eyed too. You watch as Doctor Meyers continues to look over the images of your baby for the next few minutes and the anticipation is killing you.
"Alright, your baby looks great. Everything looks normal there's nothing to worry about anatomically though I'll have to go over everything again later just to be sure. But your baby is growing right on track and should make their entrance around June 25th." She tells you and you're on the edge of your seat now as you stroke Maura's hand and try to remain calm.
"So your baby's in a good position for me to tell the sex, it's now or never are you sure you want to know?" She asks and you almost want to hit her because yes you want to know!
Maura nods with a huge smile but keeps looking at you. You're pretty sure she already knows and wants to watch your reaction and you almost shout out "tell me what the sex of our damn baby is" but you hold it in, in front of your wife.
She smiles before finally saying "congratulations you're having a girl."
"A girl?" You whisper and watch as Maura nods happily. You're speechless so instead of speaking you lean over and kiss Maura right in front of your doctor. You don't even care because you're having a girl, you're going to have a daughter. When everything is done, Maura's belly is all clean and all the paperwork is filed, you walk your wife out holding her hand and you swing it happily.
"It's me!" Sofia shouts happily and Jane smiles at her daughter's excitement.
"Yes, mommy was pregnant with you." Jane confirms.
"But Auggie is my big brother?" She wonders.
"Baby, we've told you Auggie is adopted, he's your big brother, but mommy and I didn't have him. Though we love him just the same." Jane explains. She and Maura decided not to keep anything from their children. They explain everything to them if they ask. August, at only seven years old, has already started asking about his family and origins. He's also asked about having two moms as opposed to a mom and a dad. Jane and Maura sat him down and told him the truth, they trust in their children to understand and be accepting.
"Okay, keep going." She says after processing everything and Jane continues where she left off.
Maura is exhausted by the time you get home from the doctor. You follow her upstairs and lay down with her. You planned on only staying in bed until she falls asleep, but when she cuddles into you, you decide not to leave her.
You don't even remember falling asleep, but you wake up to feather light kisses to your neck. You moan when Maura reaches your pulse point and you feel her smile against your skin.
"Good morning." You rasp out.
"It's the afternoon." Maura corrects and you laugh because of course she has to correct you.
"Are you feeling better?" You ask.
"I am, but I'm really hungry." She answers.
"Well that's understandable since you're eating for two." You respond, smiling as you remember your day. "We're having a girl."
"We are." Maura agrees with a huge grin.
"So we can start agreeing on some names?" You say questioningly.
"We can." She agrees again and you perk up. "After we eat. Baby wants food."
You can't help but laugh. "What does baby want?"
"Chinese." Maura answers almost too quickly. The cravings have been a lot more common lately.
You kiss her. "I guess I can arrange to have some Chinese ordered." You say teasingly before capturing her lips again in a passionate kiss. It turns heated quickly, but you stop her to remind her about the food.
"Hurry." She says before kissing down your neck and you almost forget, but you know Maura and your daughter haven't eaten in a while.
You pull out your cell and try to place your order but your wife's wondering hands distract you. "Maura." You pant while trying to get her attention. "Baby, wait."
"I want you." She moans.
"I thought you were hungry?" You wonder.
"I am but I want you too." She growls and you rush to place your usual order as she begins undressing.
"Maura, I don't think we have time." You say once your order is placed but she doesn't care.
"Then I guess we've got to be quick." She murmurs breathlessly, before attacking your lips and you're gone. Maura has been insanely hot since she's been pregnant and her being this domineering is probably the sexiest thing you've ever seen.
Later when you're sated both sexually and food-wise, you lay in bed and start going over baby names. It's been an hour of names and the only one you've agreed on so far is Amelia so you can call your daughter Mia for short.
"Emily?" Maura proposes.
"No, too common and I don't really like the nickname Emmy. What about Victoria?"
"I don't like the name Vicky. What about Elizabeth?"
"No, that one has too many nicknames."
"But it's established and regal." Maura defends.
"I'd prefer something that stands out."
"So you want something weird?" Maura asks. "Because I'm not naming our child Apple or Blue Ivy."
"No, it doesn't have to be odd or uncommon but Elizabeth is too common, and if you're not an Elizabeth you can be a Beth, Eliza, Liz, or Liza." You defend.
"Okay, I understand what you mean, definitely not Elizabeth. How about Heather?"
"Have you seen the movie Heathers, no thanks. What about Claire?"
"I like it, but the name doesn't have much of a meaning. It just means clear." Maura explains.
"You want our baby's name to mean something?"
"Yeah, like maybe represent a possible character trait." Maura explains. "Is that stupid?"
"No, Maura absolutely not. Maybe we should wait until we meet her and a name will come." You supply.
"Okay, but can we still prepare a list?" Maura asks and you smile because of course she wants to be prepared.
"Of course, honey." You agree before kissing her.
After a couple more hours it's late and you're yawning every now and then. Your list has grown, beside each name sits it's meaning for reference when your little girl finally arrives.
"Fiona?" Maura questions through a light yawn. "We can call her Fee or Fia for short."
"No I don't like the way it rolls off the tongue. I like Fia though, like Mia." You say.
"How about Sofia then?"
"I like it, but does it have a meaning?"
"Wisdom." Maura says and you smile because it almost seems perfect. Any child of Maura's will be a genius.
"I think it's perfect." You say as you write it down.
"Spell it with an "f" though." Maura comments right as you're scribbling the "O."
"Why?" You ask out of curiosity, you know it's usually spelled with a "ph."
"That's the original spelling and the Italian spelling." She elaborates and you grin.
"Sofia with an "f" okay." You say as you finish writing it along with the word "wisdom" next to it. "We have a whole list of first names, now we've got to think of middle names. Please nothing like Clementine." You beg as Maura laughs.
"I've got one in mind." Maura says and she looks almost bashful.
"Okay, shoot." You prompt and she fidgets a moment before saying anything. "I was thinking, Angela."
You're shocked and touched so much that you can't speak. Maura must take your silence the wrong way because she keeps speaking.
"I mean, your mom has done so much for us, me especially. I feel like she's my mother too and I think she's a big reason we're together and I'd like to honor her by naming our daughter after her, but if that's not-"
"Baby." You finally interrupt before taking her face in your hands and looking her in the eye. "I think it's a great idea."
"You do?" She asks and you almost cry because your wife is probably the most perfect, wonderful woman in the world and she has no idea. You feel so lucky.
"Yes, honey. Thank you so much." You say before kissing her and resting your forehead against hers.
"She's your daughter too, Jane. You know that right?"
You nod before kissing her again, your palm protecting her belly as you do so. Hearing her reassure you that it's your child too makes you even happier. You knew it, but hearing Maura say it solidifies it. "I love you." You say with conviction.
"I love you too." Maura answers before she wraps her arms around you, her small belly pressing in to yours. She's going to be showing a lot more prominently very soon and you can't wait. "I think I'm ready to sleep." She says before snuggling into you.
"I'll join you." You agree before wrapping yourselves in a blanket and holding your wife close to you, protecting her and your child.
A week later is when Maura starts to feel your baby kick for the first time. She's felt small flutters and twitches before, but this is the first time she actually can register it as a kick. You're cuddled together on the couch and watching a movie when you hear a surprised gasp from her.
You panic instantly as you watch her cradle her tummy. "What, is everything okay?" You ask worriedly but Maura just smiles.
"She kicked." She murmurs happily. You're so excited you just hope and pray your daughter does it again. You spend the rest of the night holding your wife's tummy hoping she'll kick again. She never does.
It's always like that. Maura will feel movement and you'll rush to her hoping to feel something, but your daughter must not want you to know she's there because as soon as you join Maura's side she stops. It's disheartening and you worry that maybe your daughter already hates you. Maura assures you that's not true but the evidence is quite promising.
Maura's sixth month of pregnancy is the most trying. She's showing even more and she's still gorgeous but sometimes she doesn't think so. You try so hard to make sure she knows that she's still absolutely beautiful.
You remember months ago when you went shopping with her for maternity clothes. You remember how no matter what she put on she was gorgeous because everything looks good on your wife. You hate shopping but you know how much you enjoyed the experience, especially when she put on a fake bump to try on third trimester clothing. You loved how it was a picture of what was to come.
Now the time has come and your wife is showing absolutely and she's starting to wear more and more of her maternity clothes she bought with you that day. She's reaching that third trimester and she knows she's getting bigger.
When you try to make love to her she rejects it or she tries to stay covered. She's always sure to make sure the lights are off. You try so hard to stop her, to make her feel as beautiful as you know she is, but she's relentless.
It's surprising to you. Maura has always seemed confident in the way she looked and you thought her higher level thinking would defend her new curves as a normal symptom of pregnancy. But pregnancy hormones and the worry of being unattractive always seems to win out above every woman no matter how gorgeous they are or how wonderful pregnancy is.
The first time Maura uses the word "fat" to describe herself you almost want to cry. You rush to her and you look her in the eye and tell her she's gorgeous. You tell her she's not fat, she's pregnant and being pregnant is a beautiful thing. You tell her truthfully that you love her new curves and you lean down and you kiss her belly over and over again.
She doesn't believe you and it frustrates you. You realize you've let her shyness go on long enough and it's turned into distaste for her natural changes, the same ones you love so much.
"I love the way you look, Maura." You tell her truthfully as you lead her to your bed. "I love you and I love the baby and I love everything you're doing to give us this baby. Nothing you do will ever make you unattractive to me. You will always be my gorgeous wife and you will always turn me on."
"Even when I get even bigger and I can barely walk so I have to waddle to get around." She pouts and you smile as you begin to undress her.
"Even then. You'll be even more beautiful and if need be I'll waddle right next to you." You say and you kiss her sweetly and try to keep her distracted so she doesn't try to cover herself. When her chest is bare, she instantly pulls her hands up to hide everything, which is kind of impossible but she tries anyways.
You pull her hands back and look her up and down before looking her in the eye. "You're stunning Maura, let me show you."
You make love to her, with the lights on and the two of you completely naked. It doesn't solve everything. Maura still worries about her looks, but you always make sure you show her and prove to her how beautiful she is. She still tries to cover herself up during sex but you always get her to forget her looks and you cherish every inch of her body.
You encourage Maura to take a day off with Hope and eventually your pushing works and she goes shopping and has dinner with her biological mother. It's the perfect length of time for you, Frost and Frankie to transform one of the guestrooms into a baby room.
You paint the walls a light green with white accents. The three of you set up the crib, changing table, dresser, rocking chair and arrange it all with the little odds and ends you've already bought. You reward them with a few beers and watch a little television with them until you get a call from Maura telling you she's on her way. Then you thank them as you rush them out the door with the rest of the case of beer.
You want it to be a surprise and Maura will ask questions if they're there.
You try to act normal when you hear her keys in the door, but you can't seem to find a position that looks natural. When she walks in she notices you and sits next to you on the couch.
"How was your day with Hope?" You ask as she joins you.
"It was fine." She answers and you find it somewhat odd at how lackluster she makes it seem.
"Just fine? This was the first time you've seen her since you started showing and she didn't know you were pregnant so I figured you'd have a little more to say than just fine." You say questioningly and Maura sighs. It's the first sign that something is wrong. "Did something happen?"
"Kailyn isn't doing well." Maura says sadly. You're kind of relieved when you hear that. It may seem wrong but you were worried something was wrong with Maura or something wrong happened with Hope.
"Maura, I'm sorry. Is there anything they can do for her?" You ask.
"She needs a transplant soon." Maura explains and you feel awful but you're kind of glad that Maura's pregnant because you know she'd offer her kidney up with no regrets. You don't know what you'd do if your wife had to undergo surgery like that.
"Maybe they could try dialysis until they find her a kidney?" You suggest.
"Dialysis is a last resort. Once she starts it, even with a transplant later on her projected life span will become greatly reduced. She needs a new kidney within the next six months." Maura says and it's starting to sound an awful lot like she's suggesting giving up her kidney.
"Maura, you're not thinking of donating your kidney are you?" You ask, worry filling your voice.
"I've already told Hope I'd do it." She informs you and your heart drops.
"What?" You exclaim, standing from the couch with urgency. "You can't be serious, Maura. Without asking me?"
"It's my kidney, Jane." Maura defends and you lose it instantly. You can't believe how selfish she's being. Well actually it's really selfless, but damnit that just pisses you off even more.
"And you're my wife!" You shout. "Do you even care how I feel?"
"Of course I do, but she's my sister and she's dying. I can save her. I need to save her." Maura cries and it pains you to see her crying, but you're so angry it overshadows your concern for her feelings at this point.
You can't believe her. You can't believe she'd make this decision without you. It hurts. "You're just going to give up your kidney to someone who won't even be thankful? You've been in touch with Hope for almost a year now and Kailyn still doesn't want to have anything to do with you. She's a spoiled brat who won't care about the risks you're taking for her."
"Jane you're being selfish." Maura argues and it's another stab to the heart.
"And you're being too selfless. What about our baby?" You yell and you watch as Maura flinches back but you don't care anymore. You can't hide it. You're pissed, you're hurt, you're distraught.
"I'll have the surgery after she's born and recover while I'm on maternity leave." She explains calmly. How can she be so damn calm when you're panicking.
"What if something goes wrong? What am I going to do? What are we going to do?" You cry and you're angry at yourself for not being able to keep it in. But that's the real problem, your fear for your wife's safety. Your fear that she'll go under the knife and not come back.
You feel the tears running down your face and the need to run. You can't break down. Not here, not now. You rush to your room and start packing a small bag. You don't know why you do it, but you can't be here anymore.
"Jane, what are you doing?" You hear Maura ask brokenly and it stings, but you ignore the pain.
"Packing." You grumble angrily.
"Where are you going?" She begs and you turn on her with your bag in hand.
"Anywhere but here." You answer harshly and you can only bear to look at her tear stained face for a moment before you brush past her. You don't want to leave. Your body is moving towards the door, but your mind is saying "that is your pregnant wife crying right now, suck up your damn pride and work it out," but you don't listen. You let your hubris win and continue towards the door with Maura hot on your heels.
"Jane stop, please don't go." She begs through sobs. You're holding back tears of your own when you reach for the handle.
"You know, before you made this decision you could have at least consulted with me." You mumble sadly before walking out and slamming the door.
As soon as you shut the door, you want to turn around and go back in and apologize. But it's too late, so you continue towards your car. Each step is another step towards grave regret, but you won't let your conscience win out over your pride.
You make it to the end of the street before you have to stop the car and you completely break down. You don't know how long you cry before you can finally pull yourself together, but you know it's a while.
You're fighting so many conflicting emotions, but the biggest one is betrayal. Then comes the fear. You don't care how routine the surgery is, how minimally invasive. You've lost someone close to you who went under the knife for a routine surgery. You didn't even get to say goodbye.
You won't let your wife risk her life for that awful child. Losing your grandfather was hard enough; you know you won't survive after losing the love of your life.
You finally do something other than sit in your car and call Frost. You ask him, or rather tell him, to meet you at The Robber. You regret it immediately once you're sitting down with him.
He's not going to turn the other cheek or ignore the fact that you should be at home with your wife celebrating the nursery he helped you put together earlier today. He gets even more suspicious when you order a beer.
"What the hell are you doing? You wouldn't even have a beer with me and Frankie earlier today and now you're out drinking while Maura's at home alone." He says and you wish you hadn't invited him.
"Look I wouldn't have invited you if you were going to be so damn high and mighty." You argue back.
"Invite me? You practically threatened me to come out. Why are we here anyways? And why are you drinking when you made a deal with Maura that you wouldn't drink if she couldn't?" He asks.
"Well the not drinking thing was my idea and if Maura can betray me than I can betray her." You say and you instantly feel childish. You can't even bring yourself to drink the beer you ordered. It's been almost a whole year of no alcohol and when you get the opportunity you can't even take it.
"Betrayed? What are you talking about, Jane?" He wonders.
"It doesn't matter." You say and then you wonder if it really does matter.
"You're right it doesn't. So whatever you and Maura are fighting about, go home and fix it." He says before throwing his jacket back on. "I'm going home, Jane. You should too."
You don't know how long you sit there and let it all sink in. You realize it's been too long when Murray starts shooing you out of the bar. When you make it back to your car you find your phone in the front seat. You notice over thirty missed calls and messages from your mother, Frankie, Julia and Maura.
You listen to all of your mother's voicemails demanding you go back home to your wife and stop worrying her. It angers you that she takes Maura's side. Then you listen to her final voicemail; it's more heartfelt. She tells you she understands and she's sorry for not letting you see your grandfather in the hospital before his surgery. She blames herself, but begs you not to take it out on Maura and to forgive her.
You realize Maura must have told her everything and it makes you a little mad that she'd tell your mother all of your business. But when you read her text messages, you feel guilty.
Jane, please come home. -Maura
Jane, where are you? Your mother says you're not with her. -Maura
I'm so sorry, please come back so we can talk about everything. -Maura
I've called everyone and no one has seen you. Just tell me you're okay. -Maura
I've talked to Barry. He told me you're at The Robber. Please stay safe, Jane and come home. -Maura
You realize she's been worried about you and you feel like an ass. You know she doesn't need the stress, especially not at six months pregnant. You suck it all up and head home. You just hope Maura isn't still awake and worrying.
When you make it in, all the lights are off in the house and you take that as a good sign that Maura finally went to sleep. But when you make it to your room, she's nowhere to be found. You panic instantly and start searching the rest of the house.
You check the nursery and find her in the rocking chair, cradling her stomach and crying softly. You've never felt so upset with yourself than in this moment.
"Maura?" You say to get her attention. She looks up and wipes her eyes and you rush to her side. "I'm sorry, Maura. I overreacted."
She shakes her head no. "You did this?" She asks gesturing towards the room.
"Yeah." You admit. "It was supposed to be a surprise."
"I'm so sorry, Jane. I made a mistake." She says softly and you fall to your knees to look her in the eyes.
"We both did, baby. We can talk about it in the morning though. You need to get some sleep." You say and you try to pry her hands from her stomach. When you grab them you feel something press against your hand. You immediately look to Maura in confusion.
"She won't stop kicking." Maura sniffles and you realize you've just felt your daughter for the first time.
"That was a kick?" You ask and Maura nods.
"I've been trying to lull her to sleep but she hasn't stopped since you left." Maura says and you feel worse. Not only have you worried your wife, but your child too.
You help Maura out of the chair and walk her to your room, where you help her get into bed.
"Jane?" She asks as you start tucking her in.
"Don't leave me, please." She says helplessly.
"I won't." You promise.
"I love you." She murmurs and you lean down and kiss her.
"I love you too, Maura." You reply earnestly. You walk to the other side of the bed and crawl in, before scooting behind Maura and wrapping your arms around her, with one hand lying protectively over her stomach.
"Has she stopped kicking?" You wonder.
"Yes." Maura tells you and you feel better that Maura can finally get some sleep. "She doesn't hate you, Jane." She says moments later, obviously remembering all those times you complained about not being able to feel the baby move. "She's been kicking since you left, but as soon as you got back she stopped." Maura says while she tangles her hand with yours on her belly. "You make her feel safe. You make me feel safe too."
You smile and kiss, Maura's neck. You fall asleep with your wife in your arms and a long day ahead of you.
The next day you wake up to an empty bed and no Maura in sight. When you go downstairs you find her in the kitchen eating while reading the Sunday paper and even after yesterday it's a sight to see. You walk up to her and kiss her. You don't know why, but you felt you had to. You had to show that through everything that's happened you're still fine. You'll be fine.
"Good morning." She says when you break apart and you notice a soft smile on her lips.
"Morning." You mumble back and wipe the sleep from your eyes.
"I made breakfast." She says pointing to a plate of food she's set out for you. "I didn't want to wake you."
You thank her and heat it up before joining her at the table. It's mostly silent, with the elephant in the room. You know you should talk but you want to keep the morning calm.
You're done with breakfast when Maura brings it up.
"We should talk." She says softly and you sigh.
"Yeah, we should." You agree.
"Before we do though, I want you to know I'm sorry. I was being selfish by not asking you. When we married we became one and I realize big decisions like the one I made should be made together. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I've called Hope and I've told her that I was sorry for making a huge decision so quickly, but I've got a wife and I'm starting a family of my own and I need to put them first right now." She explains.
You turn to her and take her hands in your own. "You took back the offer on your kidney?"
"I did." She admits.
"Maura, you shouldn't have done that." You say.
"Why not? Jane I've talked to your mother. I know about your grandfather. I know why you're so uncomfortable with hospitals and surgery and I won't put you through that if you feel so strongly about it." She promises and you lean forward and kiss her. "Why did you never tell me about Francis? Your heart surgery last year, is this why you were so anxious?"
You let out a breath and nod. "I don't really talk about him that much, Maur. It's been almost twenty years and I still blame myself for not saying goodbye and I blame the hospital for not saving him."
"Honey, it was no one's fault. You could never have known that he would have had complications during a routine surgery. Sometimes things go wrong and even modern medicine isn't advanced enough to help." Maura explains.
"Would it be advanced enough to help you? Or Kailyn?" You mumble.
"We've come a long way in twenty years, Jane. The surgery has a 96 percent survival rate." Maura says.
"Maura I understand, but you'd be having major surgery. You've gotta realize why I'm scared."
"Well I'm not having it anymore so you don't have to worry, okay?" Maura concedes and you shake your head no. "No?" She asks, confused.
"I want you to talk me through the process and give me all the facts. We can go over all the planning in regards to your health, and our daughter's and your recovery. I've had a night to think about it, and you're Kailyn's only hope. It'd be selfish of me to not let you save your sister." You relent.
"You're serious?" She asks and you nod. "I just want you to think about it and be absolutely sure before I tell Hope yes again."
"I'm sure, Maura. I love you and I love how kind and selfless you can be. As long as I know you're going to be in good hands during your surgery, I'll try not to panic so much." You promise and she surges forward and hugs you tightly. "And I want to know everything, and I mean everything. The whole surgical process, recovery time, how to take care of you during recovery, how long you're supposed to be sleeping when you get out of surgery so I don't worry you won't wake up." You list and she swipes her thumb along your cheek before kissing you.
"You'll know so much, you might as well be my surgeon." She promises and your eyes widen.
"I'd still rather have the trained professionals take care of you." You deny and she laughs.
"Duly noted." She agrees. "One more thing, Jane." Maura adds upon pulling back from your embrace. "Please, no matter what we fight about, don't run away like you did yesterday. We can take a break and go to separate rooms or something but don't ever leave me like you did." She begs and you remember how worried her texts were last night.
"Oh Maura. I'm so sorry. I know how worried you were, honey. I promise I will never do that again." You promise. "From now on, we talk things out before doing anything rash."
"Good." She affirms. "Now, tell me about Francis."
You spend half of the morning talking about him. You talk about how he was the most liberal of your grandparents. Your grandmother and your pop were mostly the traditionalists, the ones who pressured you to fit in with the social norms. Your father had always tried to push you towards more feminine things. It was your grandfather who took you to your first Sox game. He taught you all he knew about plumbing so you could one day prove to your pop that you weren't fragile. He was the reason you were even able to have a relationship with your father. He closed the gap between the two of you. You never got to thank him for that. He encouraged you to apply to BCU, and even though he passed before you were a senior in high school you still did it.
You know he would have been proud had he been alive for your acceptance. You know he would have helped you go. Your whole life would probably be different had he not passed. But then you realize you'd have never gone to the academy, never become a detective, never met Maura Isles. You'd never have fallen in love. You'd have never been right here where you're supposed to be. In your wife's arms whispering loving words to her belly and your growing daughter. And you're sure that despite losing the closest person in your life, you gained so much more. It helps you close the door on your guilt.
Month seven marks the start of the third trimester. It's a whirlwind time for the two of you. Between biweekly doctors visits to make sure Maura and the baby continue to stay healthy, the increasing movement and kicking of your daughter keeping your wife up at night and her growing discomfort plus helping Julia plan the baby shower it's been busy. On top of all that, you've finally chose a new recruit to replace you, a young woman from the drug unit by the name of Riley Cooper. You've also decided to hire a permanent assistant M.E. to cover for Maura while she's on maternity leave and for any future time she needs off, finally doing away with the incompetent Dr. Pike.
It's been busy and exhausting, but you always make time for Maura. You're getting a lot more hands on in helping her and taking care of her now that it's getting closer to her due date and she's actually letting you.
Her hormones are on the rise though and she has quite a few more outburts. Sometimes she can go from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds and when Maura is upset so is everyone else. She usually ends up regretting it later on and apologizes. Sometimes she cries about being too strung out and crazy (you assume that's also the hormones) and you have to shush her and tell her it's okay. It is okay. It's part of pregnancy and she's your wife, no amount of crazy hormonal rage is going to change that.
Your whirlwind seventh month of taking care of your pregnant wife and running a police headquarters is thrown even more into a spiral when you get a call from Andrea.
Maura returns from one of the many bathroom breaks she's had to take throughout your morning to find you in a state of shock after your phone call ends. You really don't know how Andrea understood you, you're pretty sure most of what you've said was unintelligible.
"What's wrong?" Maura asks upon noticing your evident stupor.
"I-I- Andrea- she- I just got off the phone with her." You stutter out.
"Jane?" Maura says questioningly while stepping up to you and grabbing your hands to calm you. "Is something wrong?"
"She uh-" You stop and scratch your forehead before continuing. "She wants us to foster a little boy. I couldn't think I just told her we'd meet her today. Is that- is that okay?"
"Jane, why wouldn't that be okay?" Maura asks and you're stumped.
"I just- with the baby on the way, is it too much to take on?" You ask and she smiles and pulls you down for a kiss that manages to put everything at ease.
"We don't have to make any decisions right now, honey. We can talk to Andrea and see what we'd be getting ourselves into." She says calmly. She's always the voice of reason. "This is what we wanted though, isn't it?" She asks and you really don't know.
Is it? You were considering fostering and adoption as a backup plan, weren't you? And now you don't need that backup plan. You've already got a baby on the way. Not just on the way, but due in 11 weeks. And now Andrea calls to tell you they've finally matched you with someone. Are you sure you can handle two new additions to the family within a span of three months?
But it's a child that needs a home. You can't really be selfish and deny him just because you've already got a biological child on the way (well biologically Maura's). And you know how close adoption is to Maura's heart, since she was adopted herself.
You can handle two children at once right? You don't even know how old he is though. And Maura's surgery, she's going to be in recovery for at least six to eight weeks. You'll have to do it alone for at least a week while Maura's in the hospital and once she's out she'll still need lots of rest and help and she'll have to take it easy.
Can you handle all that and your growing responsibilities at work?
"Hey." Maura says, breaking you from your intense thoughts. "Honey, it's just a meeting. Stop thinking so much." It doesn't help until she leans into you and kisses you. She strokes your neck with her hand and brushes her nose against yours and you're suddenly a lot calmer. But you're still terrified. Life hands you everything at once and you have to decide whether to accept it all.
Maura keeps you grounded through the whole thing. You meet with Andrea and Maura holds your hand; she's your rock.
Three days later, you and Maura meet August James Connors.
When you heard his story the day you met with Andrea, you couldn't deny meeting him and neither could Maura. Born to a Caucasian father and a Spanish mother, he had the perfect small family. When he was only three months old, his father was deployed to Afghanistan where he died after his convoy drove over an explosive device. He was left to the care of his ailing grandmother and his widowed mother. She worked nights as a nurse while her mother watched her son. Seven months ago, her car was struck by a drunk driver while she was on her way to work.
The boy was cared for by his only surviving relative, his grandmother. But her age had begun to get the best of her and she was committed to a senior living community, unfit to care for herself and her grandson.
Andrea didn't want him in the system for long and knowing you and your wife, and especially your commitment to those who serve, she felt you'd be a perfect fit for him.
You don't tell Maura, but you think she's right.
You meet the young boy for only eight minutes before you decide you want to do this. You know you've got a daughter on the way, but August's demeanor tugs at your heartstrings.
He's shy and quiet and he keeps to himself mostly. But when you sit down with him and begin helping him build his fort out of Legos, he warms up to you. He doesn't talk much, but he points and instructs you where to place each colored block. Maura watches for a while before you wave her over to sit down next to you.
You worry that the two of you may crowd him and make him feel uncomfortable but he pushes some blocks towards Maura and you realize you've underestimated him. He knows how to share and though he's quiet, he's inviting.
She looks to you in confusion and you help her follow August's pattern of building.
After a while you try getting him to talk. It's to no avail but you know he's listening. You introduce yourself and your wife and you say things to make him feel safe. You tell him a little about the two of you. You tell him you're expecting a baby soon. When you tell him you're a cop he looks to you with growing trust. You pull your badge and let him see it. You tell him Maura is a doctor and when he looks to her she apologizes for not having a badge of her own.
You sit with him for well over an hour before Andrea ends your visit. You're ready to sign whatever dotted line you have to sign, but you know you have to talk to your wife and you tell Andrea that. She understands it's not a decision to be taken lightly.
You feel something tug at your pant leg and look down to August looking up at you.
"What's up, buddy?" You ask as you lower yourself to his level. You don't expect it when he wraps his arms around you. You take a moment before you finally react and hug him back. You look up at Maura and see this smile on her face; it's the one that tells you that August is already yours.
When he releases you he holds out his hand to you and you receive what he's giving you. You look at it and see it's one of his Legos. "Thank you, August."
"Auggie." He says back so quietly, it's almost inaudible.
"Thank you, Auggie." You repeat before kissing his forehead. You stroke back his dark hair before standing back up.
You don't want to leave, but you know you have to. You don't want to leave without him, but you know he's not yours. Surprisingly though, you want him to be.
And although Maura gave you that look earlier today, you don't know if she wants him to be.
You drive home silently, thinking how to breach the topic. Maura ends that battle herself.
"He's smart, terse, but so was Einstein at that age and he turned out to be a genius." She notes.
"You think he's a genius?" You wonder.
"I couldn't really tell from just an hour with him, but his coordination and building today showed higher cognitive thinking than a child his age would normally exhibit. Children his age should be able to recognize and follow given patterns, but he easily assembled his own. Even though he was silent, it was obvious he was observing his surrounding, and you and me. He also seemed to show higher level empathy and human understanding." She explains.
"Jesus Maura, you got all that from an hour with him?" You ask and she looks somewhat bashful.
"Tell me what you thought of him." She asks.
"He's a good kid." You answer simply.
"What?" You ask though you know she can tell you're not telling her everything.
"You know what." She scolds.
"I like him, Maura. I don't know what else to say than that." You admit.
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know." You say and keep driving. You do know. You know you want to turn the car around and take that little boy home. But you're scared. You want a child and you know you've got one on the way already. You're scared Maura won't agree or worse, she will. Because you're going to be a mother no matter what, but the difference could mean being a mother now or a mother in two and a half months.
She doesn't keep prying but when you make it home, neither of you leave the car.
"You're going to be a really good mom, Jane." Maura speaks and you turn to her. "I don't know if that's why you're scared to tell me you want to foster August, but I watched you today. I saw your eyes light up when that little boy hugged you. Our daughter is going to be in such great hands, and so will August."
"I'm saying that this is your decision, Jane Rizzoli." She interrupts. "I'll support you either way."
She leaves you after that and you rest your tired head against the steering wheel while she enters the house. You can't believe that woman. This is a decision you should both make; not one she should just throw on your shoulders. But then you think about what she's just told you "our daughter is going to be in such great hands, and so will August." She isn't leaving the decision up to you because she knows the decision has already been made.
You run in to find her as soon as you make that revelation. She's in the kitchen cutting fruit, her tummy pressing against the counter and it makes you smile. You walk up behind her and place your hands on her shoulders. She drops the knife and turns to you and you kiss her with everything you've got.
"Maura Dorthea Isles Rizzoli, I'd like to have a baby with you." You announce and she looks down towards her pregnant belly and you laugh. "Let me rephrase that. I'd like to have a toddler with you."
She smiles before kissing you passionately. You break away panting, but yearning for more. "Should we call Andrea?" She asks.
"It can wait." You say as you start pushing her towards the stairs and unbuttoning her blouse.
It's definitely not easy to acclimate to taking care of a three year old child all of a sudden.
Frost and Frankie helped you decorate the other one of the guest rooms into a room for the boy. The two of you went shopping for furniture the day after you decided to foster him.
He's warming up to the two of you. You know he trusts both of you, he's just still not much of a talker. He also doesn't call you mom, which is perfectly fine. You never really expected him to see you as parents yet, though you're already thinking of him as a son.
Andrea tells you that you should be able to adopt him in about six months. You don't know whether that's tru, but you trust her. You can't wait to make him officially and legally yours and Maura's.
You and Maura did a lot of research into daycare and you tried out three before you found one you liked. The woman who owns it was very accommodating and by accommodating, you mean she put up with Maura's scrutiny.
You've added a few new routines to your mornings and nights that include feeding and dressing August and taking him to daycare and picking him up after work. Maura usually cooks dinner if she's up to it.
You and Maura trade the Prius for a hybrid SUV. You make sure it has all the safety perks and Maura makes sure it has all the environmental perks.
Frost and Frankie make fun of it the next Sunday when they gather for family dinner. They call it the next generation of a soccer mom minivan. You punch both of them. You will never be a soccer mom.
August really likes Frankie, who's already stepped up to the role of an uncle. He was already a great uncle to Junior, but Auggie is older and easier to interact with. He still doesn't talk much, but Frankie bought him a little hoop and has been teaching him how to dunk.
You and Julia watch when they play and you can tell she can't wait for a son of their own. The wedding is getting closer and you know she's anxious, but happy nonetheless, and so is Frankie.
Frost is like an uncle to him too. There have already been a couple of times where you've had to take him to the station to run an errand or speak to someone in the office. Frost gladly watches over him whenever that has happened and they've bonded over his stupid doll.
The first time you took him into BPD he talked the most he ever has, to both you and Frost. He had a lot of questions, many pertaining to your job. You kept it PG and told him you all work to keep bad people off the streets. A part of you worries about getting him too interested in your job. You don't want him to be a cop. You want him to go to college and get a degree and do something safe.
The greatest thing about Auggie is his laugh. You remember one night after a hard day, you came home late. Maura had already picked up your boy and fed him. You walked in the door and heard squealing laughter. You followed the noises upstairs to find Maura giving him a bath, and from the looks of it herself too. There was obviously splashing going on. You stood in the doorway and you watched quietly as the two of them laughed and played in the sudsy water. The stress from the day instantly fell away as you watched your family.
You're getting closer and closer to Maura's due date. The two of you decide to sit August down and explain everything that's going to happen in the next few months. You tell him that Maura is going to have to go to the hospital and she may be gone for a while but when you return home you'll be back with a little baby girl.
"You gonna leave me?" He asks.
"No baby, I'm not going to leave you. I'll be back as soon as I can." Maura explains.
"And we can visit Maura, Auggie. Whenever she's feeling up to it." You promise. He seems to accept it.
"Is the baby gonna be my sister?" He wonders and you look to Maura for assistance.
"If you want her to be." Maura answers him.
"You can be her big brother, buddy." You tell him and he smiles.
"Okay." He agrees.
From that day on he was excited to be a big brother. He'd ask questions whenever they'd come to him about his sister and what it means to be a big brother.
You tell him he's gotta keep her safe and be a good role model. He promises to always look out for her.
The baby shower is surprisingly a lot of fun. You've invited Julia, Riley, your mother, Hope and some of Maura's friends from Lamaze class. Maura even invited Susie and her new assistant M.E. Clara.
You and your little man keep the guests happy and full and they enjoy the three year old serving them plates of food.
Maura makes off with a nice list of stuff for your daughter, and you and Auggie make off with pretty large slices of cake.
When it's over Julia and your Ma stay behind to help clean up and when everything is done except for the dishes you sneak away with August and play upstairs with his army men. He's got a vivid imagination and you admire it.
"My mami told me my daddy was a sodyer." He says while setting up the little green toys into two separate groups.
"Yes sweetie he was a soldier. He was a hero who protected the country." You agree, nervous of the territory the conversation is taking.
"You pwotect too." He says.
"Yes. I do."
"Are you gonna leave me?" He asks sadly and you pull him into your lap. It's a question he's asked on multiple occasions and you realize he's scared of losing people. The three people in his life who were supposed to care for him all passed away or were unfit. They didn't mean to leave their child an orphan, but he's too young to understand that.
"Baby, your mami and daddy loved you and they never meant to leave you. But I promise you, I will never leave. Me and Maura, we'll be here for as long as you want us." You promise.
He hugs you and you take it as an understanding. "Can we have Mac 'n cheese?" He asks and you're thankful for the short attention span of a child.
You carry him downstairs and set him on the counter while you cook. He tells you about day care and his friends and you're happy you're finally building a relationship with your son. You suspect that maybe your promise has him opening up more.
You feel your wife's bump behind you before you feel her arms attempt to envelope you. You are just weeks away from D-day and you can't wait. You're sure Maura can't wait even more since she's getting less and less sleep. She seems to think your daughter is going to be a soccer star with the way she kicks at her bladder and ribs. She's very active and though Maura and Dr. Meyers both say it's normal and healthy, you can't help, but feel bad for your very restless and uncomfortable wife.
"Hey honey. Did you have fun today?" She asks.
"Hmm, I did, but not as much as you did I'm sure. How are you feeling?" You answer.
"Exhausted. The baby finally seems to have fallen asleep so I think I'm going to take advantage and try and get some sleep while she's staying still." She tells you and you sympathize with her.
"Okay, baby." You say before kissing her. "Me and Auggie are gonna have some mac 'n cheese and keep ourselves entertained."
She releases you and walks over to the three year old sitting on the counter. "Good night to you too, sweetie." She says before kissing his forehead and heading towards the stairs. "Don't stay up too late you two."
You return to your cooking and put in the last ingredients. "Is baby gonna be here soon?" August asks.
"Really soon, bud. Just a few weeks and you'll have a little sister." You tell him.
"You still gonna keep me?" He asks and you rush over to him.
"Of course we are buddy. You're here to stay. Maura and I love you very much. That's not going to ever change okay?" You say very seriously and he nods. "Okay, why don't you go sit on the couch and I'll bring you your food. Maura's asleep so she can't yell at us for eating in the living room." You say sneakily before taking him off the counter.
You join him on the couch with two bowls of mac and turn on the TV. "How about some cartoons, what do you like?"
"Scooby Doo." He shouts and you smile. A child after your own heart. You find some episodes on demand and spend the night watching your favorite cartoon with your son. When he falls asleep on your lap you carry him off to bed, kiss his forehead and pledge to love him and keep him safe, no matter what.
Maura hands the reigns over to Clara two days later. You've convinced her to take the next two weeks off and try and relax. You know she's extremely exhausted by your little soccer champion but at least your daughter has started sleeping for periods of time when Maura can try to get some sleep too.
Auggie has been very accommodating. You're noticing more and more that the boy is very sensitive to other people's emotions. He tries very hard to make sure people are happy or else he will be unhappy. It's endearing, but Maura worries it is a trait that could cause him to easily be distressed and anxious.
You agree. You know firsthand you can't please everyone.
He's become very warm to you and Maura. He likes to be carried or likes to hold your hand when you're out. He likes to be in contact with one of you and it makes you feel like his protector. His mother. He has started calling Angela Nonna as she requested and he calls Frankie, Tommy and Frost his uncles and Julia his aunt. You're beginning to wonder if he'll ever call you some variation of mom, but you're too afraid to ask. Too afraid to make him feel obligated.
He's been excellent at school and for that you're thankful. He's not afraid to interact with other children, he knows how to share and he's never acted out. Maura tells you it is because of his empathy, he has developed quicker than other children and knows there are better means to relay how he feels than temper tantrums.
You're counting down the days. Your wife is ready to pop. You note to warn all married men and women expecting children not to make a joke about the possibility of twins. You ended up on the couch after that one with a hysterical Maura crying about being fat. You're thankful it happened after you put Auggie to bed.
Your mother tells you that she's quitting at the cafe. She's done putting up with Stanley. It's a good thing until she tells you she's moving in with Korsak now that your lease is up on your old apartment. At first you panic but Maura reassures you about it. It's a huge step for your mother and it's proof that her and Korsak are serious. There isn't anything wrong with it. You're just kind of stunned.
She says she plans on working a few nights a week in a diner and she offers to take care of your daughter when Maura returns to work. You're extremely thankful. You trust your mother over daycare, though Maura plans on working less now that she has Clara.
Every day since then you leave your wife and Auggie behind while you head off to work. Maura is fine. She tells you she's having a bit of back pain, but it has become normal throughout her pregnancy. You kiss her and your son goodbye and make him promise to look after Maura just like every day since Maura's been off of work.
You've left your number by the phone for him in case something happens. You wish your mother's last two weeks at the cafe had already ended so you could leave her with Maura. You're a wreck at work and you text and call her hourly.
You now know what it felt like for Maura when you worked in the field, when you loaded up and went after a dangerous perp. When you strapped on the Kevlar and prayed that in the case of a suspect being armed you'd be the better shot between the two of you.
And so you text and call every hour and Maura gets pissed, but you don't care. You get the same "we're fine, sweetheart" every time along with a list of what they're doing or have done since your last talk.
You mostly panic when Maura is out and about either shopping for last minute things for baby, or taking August out to the park or for ice cream. And you know you can't keep her locked up in the house until the baby is here, but you kind of just want to wrap her up in bubble wrap and protect her from the world.
And then you remember that when that time comes, as soon as she's feeling better she'll be wheeled down to surgery to give up a kidney to the sister who doesn't dare acknowledge her.
You've never been so scared in your entire life.
And on June 16th it's another normal day filled with your new normal routine. All your calls to Maura were returned with the sighing "we're fine" responses. You walk in after work and find your wife on the couch watching Discovery Health and August asleep next to her (probably bored from your wife's choice of TV, he is definitely your child).
She presses her index to her lips to keep you from speaking and begins the task of getting up from the couch without jostling the cushions too much and waking your boy. It's a difficult feat but you help her and follow her into the kitchen.
"He's had an upset stomach all day. I finally got him to take a nap." She explains.
"You said you were fine." You say.
"Yes, we were, Jane. I can take care of a minor case of gastritis without you worrying. I am a doctor." She says sharply and you wince. That's not hormones, that's you annoying the shit out of your pregnant wife with your constant worrying.
"Right, sorry. Maur I just worry." You amend, stepping closer to her.
"I understand honey, but even if I go into labor without you here there isn't anything you can do until I'm four centimeters anyways. It's a waiting game." She explains.
"I still want to be here and wait with you. I want to hold your hand when you hurt and let you break all my fingers if it helps take the pain away." You say and she laughs a bit at that before wincing and covering her stomach. It takes everything in you not to panic.
"It's okay." She says a few seconds later to ease your inner turmoil. "I think they're just more Braxton-Hicks contractions."
"More? How long have these been happening?" You ask. You know she's been suffering from them a lot lately but doctor Meyers told you they shouldn't last long. If they do it could mean labor.
"Not long, honey. They could mean nothing." She assuages.
"Or you could be in labor, Maura." You say seriously.
"Jane, calm down. We have to wait and see." She explains calmly and you freak out.
"Maura, it's too soon. They told us most women go into labor late." You start to panic.
"Hey." She says to get your attention and pulls you in. "If I am in labor it's okay. Baby is fully grown and healthy. Five percent of women go into labor early."
She gives you all the facts and calms you down. You play the waiting game.
The contractions continue.
A few hours later, Maura admits that she's in labor.
She tells you later that her water broke and calls the hospital just to make sure Doctor Meyers will be there later on when it's show time.
She's still so calm while you're making sure you have everything in her duffel and it's in the car and you've packed a bag for Auggie to stay at your mother's and you've called your mother and Doctor Meyers' personal cell. You can't sit still.
Maura times her contractions and you feel like a kid on their way to Disneyland constantly asking "Are we there yet?"
She just walks around the house occasionally trying to clean or busy herself and this completely floors you. She's in labor and completely uninterested except for when a contraction hits and you rush to her to help her through it.
Her contractions get more powerful and they last longer and your hand is really starting to hurt.
Auggie awakes from his nap and he's like you. Constantly asking questions to make sure Maura is okay. He understands even less than you so you're sure he's anxious.
She eventually takes a seat next to you on the couch and doses off in between contractions.
Your mother comes with food and you all eat in surging excitement. Angela plans to spend the night and she helps you keep Auggie occupied while you help your wife.
It's well past one and completely calm in your quiet house. You're next to Maura in bed and you can't sleep. You keep your eyes trained on her, watching as her brow crinkles and she pushes her way through another powerful contraction. They're still not close enough together but they're very obviously getting more painful and you hate seeing your wife trying so hard to mask how much she's hurting.
You get her ice and a towel and you wipe her sweaty forehead and whisper sweet encouraging words to her. You wish you could have convinced her not to have a natural birth. You don't know how you're going to live with seeing her in pain during the actual birth.
Finally at just past three her contractions are a minute long and four minutes apart. You wake your mom and tell her to keep her phone on, you'll call her when it's time. You send texts to everyone else relaying the same message and you lead your wife out to the car. You help buckle her in and you kiss her sweaty forehead.
"I love you, Maur." You say and she whispers it back.
She powers through three more contractions before you arrive at the hospital where they admit her right away.
They hook her up to all the monitors and do her primary assessments. She's only four centimeters dilated.
So you wait again.
You're worried with how long this whole thing is taking and she assures you it's normal. Everyone is different. Some people are lucky enough to power through labor and some people can be in labor for as long as 18 hours.
You're knocking on wood at that.
They check her every half an hour and she's progressing, slowly, but she's progressing.
Once she's seven centimeters you call you mother and text everyone else all the information.
Your wife is pale, sweaty and exhausted and the hardest part hasn't even started yet. She's talking less and breathing and squeezing your hand more and more as the contractions keep coming.
"Baby, I want Angela in the room." She tells you through labored breaths and you're surprised. It's not something you talked about. You were sure it was just going to be the two of you and the staff.
You hold her hand and nod though, anything for her.
When you get a call from your mother telling you she's there you leave Maura's side for only a few minutes to greet everyone, tell them about the progress and grab your mother. The whole Rizzoli party is there, even Julia and Tommy. August sees you and immediately runs to you to hug you and make sure everything is okay. You lift him up and kiss his forehead. You tell him everything is fine and he'll be meeting his baby sister really soon.
You hand him over to Frankie and take off with your mother who's completely shocked that Maura wants her in the room.
When she's eight centimeters, she has already been in labor for 13 hours. The staff tells you from here on out the labor with be progressing more rapidly.
You hold them to it as Maura holds your hand like your life depends on it. The pain gets impossibly more powerful, you're sure as Maura growls through some of them. You ignore the bone crushing grip she has on your hand and keep wiping her forehead.
You and your mother whisper encouraging words as the sun ekes out into view of your window. It's morning and still no baby yet.
It does start to speed along quickly and the birthing staff is all in the room in a flash.
When it's time to push you can see Maura is almost too exhausted. She seems as if she doesn't think she can do it, but you know she can.
You stay by her head and keep your face close to her ear. Amongst all your panic you manage to keep yourself calm for Maura. Through your fear you find the words to keep Maura strong. You continually whisper words of encouragement:
"Keep going, Maura."
"You're doing great."
Your mother stays with you too, giving her own words of encouragement and the wisdom she has from birthing three kids.
Doctor Meyers announces she's crowning and Maura falls back exhausted after an incredibly difficult contraction.
"Come on, Maura. I'm going to need for you to keep pushing as soon as the next contraction hits. We are almost there." The doctor cajoles.
You can't help but admire your wife in these following moments. Despite her complete and obvious exhaustion she keeps at it.
Next comes the shoulders and one more contraction before you hear a squelching followed by a tiny pinched cry and a gasping breath of relief from Maura who has already fell back against the bed panting heavily.
"Your little girl is finally here." Doctor Meyers confirms and Maura lets out a relieved sob as your daughter continues to wail.
You only get a small glimpse of your baby girl before they have you cut the cord and they take her to clean her off. You panic; you want her back. But you turn to your wife and you kiss her sweaty forehead.
"You did so well, honey. Thank you. I love you so much." She accepts your praise and closes her eyes in desperate exhaustion.
They bring your daughter back moments later swaddled in a yellow cloth and they hand her to you. You feel honored, but Maura did all the work. She should have the first moment with your baby.
"Maura, she's perfect." You say looking down at her before leaning over and handing her off to Maura.
Your eyes are watering and you want to cry but you can't let the tears keep you from watching your wife with the child she's spent nine months carrying. It's surreal to finally be here right now.
"She's beautiful." Maura whispers and you agree as you stroke her barely there, light hair.
Angela watches on, enamored by the three of you.
"What should we name her, mommy?" You ask your wife preparing to get the list out but she grabs your hand.
"She looks like a Sofia." She says and you know that's it. That's your daughter's name and it's solidified by the soft gurgle your little plum of a baby makes.
"You can try nursing her." Doctor Meyers recommends and Maura pops open her gown and Sofia latches on immediately. They're both naturals.
"If she's anything like you Maura, she'll be a beautiful Sofia." You say, remembering its meaning of wisdom. "Sofia Angela Rizzoli." You confirm and your mother looks to you at that.
"It's perfect." Maura says.
"She's perfect." You repeat.
"Janie, are you sure?" Angela asks once she's gathered herself and you smile.
"It was Maura's idea." You inform her and she looks as if she's about to cry.
"Thank you." She says with wavering voice.
Maura takes her hand and squeezes. "You're my mother too, Angela. Thank you for everything and accepting me into your family so readily." She says and then it happens and Angela starts crying as she kisses Maura's temple in thanks.
When Maura finishes nursing the baby, she offers her up to you and Angela reminds you that you have a whole crowd of people who want to meet the newest Rizzoli. You welcome them and they all crowd in to meet your daughter. Frankie sets Auggie on the end of the bed with Maura.
"Everyone, this is Sofia Angela Rizzoli." You announce your daughter before everyone starts chiming in with questions and congratulations. You bend down and hold her close to August. "This is your little sister, baby." You tell him and he smiles timidly.
He reaches out as if to touch her, but stops to ask for permission with his eyes first and you nod. He strokes her hair gently and whispers "Hi Sofia."
Everyone in the room observes it like it's the most adorable thing. And it is.
You all take turns with the baby, everyone greeting her happily. She's going to be a spoiled child with all of your family there to love her and adore her.
You hold your son on your hip while everyone fusses over the baby.
"Is mommy okay?" He asks you softly and you nod before kissing his cheek. It takes you a moment to realize he's just referred to Maura as his mother rather than by her name.
You don't know whether to address it directly for fear of worrying him that he's said something wrong so you just say "Mommy is fine, she's just going to need to rest a bit." to confirm that Maura is in fact his mommy.
Today couldn't possibly get any better.
Once everyone goes home, you and Maura are left to relax with your daughter. You promised August he could come back later today and he could hold her after he got more sleep.
Eventually reality sets in and you realize that very soon, Maura will be going under the knife.
You place your forehead to her hand and sigh. She senses your mood change instantly.
"Hey." She says and you look up at her. "I'll be fine." You nod and try to quell your fear. Your daughter is sleeping peacefully in a bassinet beside the bed. She's healthy, all of her tests have confirmed it. "Lay with me." Maura says and you're sure it breaks hospital policy, but you don't care.
You cuddle into your wife and kiss her head. "I love you so much." You say into her hair.
"I love you too, Jane." She says and you lay together peacefully slipping into sleep together.
"You still love mommy?" Sofia asks softly, sleep finally taking its toll.
"Absolutely, baby." Jane promises. "I always will, always. Mommy is somewhat skeptical on some things. But there is a term called soul mates. They're two people who are destined to be together forever. Your mommy is my soul mate."
"I'm happy you are together." She yawns.
"Me too." Jane says wistfully.
"What next?" She asks.
"I think it is time for you to go to bed." Jane suggests.
"You told me you'd finish tonight." She protests weakly.
"I've told you it all. You've been here for the rest." Jane says.
"I was a baby, I don't remember." She says and you wish she wasn't so damn smart because you know Auggie is probably waiting up for you right now to tuck him in goodnight. "What about Aunt Kailyn and Uncle Frankie and Julia's wedding and my cousin?"
"Okay, okay. I'll give you a quick recap and then you have to go to bed Fee." Jane says.
"Mommy had her surgery a few days after you were born and she saved Aunt Kailyn's life. She didn't know it was her kidney. Nonna helped me take care of you and August while Mommy was healing. It took a while for her to be able to be active again, but she worked really hard to recover quickly so that she could get back to taking care of you and August." Jane explains.
"By Uncle Frankie and Aunt Julia's wedding Mommy was healthy and getting back into being active. You were healthy and active too and a little too smart for your own good. You were pretty calm and good and it wasn't long before you were sleeping for a good part of the night." Jane continues, watching as Sofia starts to drift off. "I would always try to hide the baby monitor so you wouldn't wake Mommy and she would get angry with me, but I'd rather her sleep when you were being fussy. I wanted to take all the responsibility."
"Not long after the wedding, Julia announced she was pregnant and Uncle Tommy started dating Aunt Natalie, his neighbor who often helped take care of your cousin Junior. They're still together, but I don't think they want to marry. Kailyn decided to tag along with Hope to one of her lunches with Mommy and she thanked her for saving her life. She knew from the beginning that Maura had saved her. They started to get along and she'll be graduating with her PhD very soon. Mommy has been helping her with her dissertation, it's a long paper you have to write to become a doctor. Kailyn is doing hers in immunology so she can help find cures for sick people. Frankie and Julia had a baby boy that they named Francesco Antonio Rizzoli III. The six month date that Andrea quoted us turned into two years but finally we adopted August and legally changed his name to Rizzoli. He was officially our son and the family had a big celebration. But our family is still growing." Jane finishes, happy to finally hear the soft breaths of her sleeping daughter.
She gets up and puts the chair at its desk. She turns on the nightlight and turns out the light before heading off to August's room.
He's waiting up for her as expected. "Hey honey." Jane says upon entering the room.
"Mama, finally." He says and you chuckle.
"Sorry, Fee was being a pain about finishing her story tonight." Jane apologizes before taking a seat on his bed. She smoothes back his dark brown hair from his eyes noting how badly he needs a haircut. It's hard to believe he's seven already. He's getting pretty tall and Jane's sure he's going to be lanky and built when he hits puberty. She's seen pictures of his father and she knows what's in store for August. She's just has to be sure to be a major cockblock when those days finally get here. The day Jane changed his name to Rizzoli was definitely one of the best days of her life.
He stares at Jane a moment before speaking. "Tomorrow's the day?" He asks.
"Yes, are you ready to go through it again?" Jane asks and he smiles before nodding.
"Man of the house, right?" He confirms.
"Exactly." Jane agrees.
"Who's going to coach the team while you're out?" He wonders.
"Mommy." Jane says, feigning seriousness and he laughs a hard laugh.
"Uncle Frankie said he'd fill in for me, and Jimmy and David's dads are always there. We'll get another title this year for sure." Jane says earning a smile from her son.
"Did you wash my soccer uniform?" He asks.
"Mommy did." Jane tells him.
"I wish you could make the next game, we're going to cream the Hornets." He says excitedly.
"I wish I could too little man." Jane says solemnly. "You should sleep though, we've got a big day tomorrow."
"Okay." He concedes as Jane tucks him in. She kisses his forehead and tells him "goodnight" and "I love you."
She leaves his room and goes on the hunt for her wife where she finds her downstairs finishing the dishes.
"Hey, it was my night." Jane says, causing Maura to turn to her.
"Yeah, well you were occupied and I figured maybe I should do it before you came back and made me stop." She informs her. "What was this amazing story you were telling Sofia anyways? I'm starting to get a bit jealous." Maura jests.
"Just a little love story." Jane says as she pulls Maura towards her.
Maura instantly cradles her hip and stomach. "Have I ever told you how jealous I am of your bone structure?"
"Only every day for the last four months." Jane laughs.
"Well I am. You're a week late and still smaller than I was at sixmonths." Maura says as she kisses up your neck. "I just can't believe it."
"It is a blessing isn't it?" Jane sighs.
"I think that's why I'm super attracted to you. You're a perfect specimen for procreation."
"Wow, your dirty talk is such a turn on. Keep going." Jane moans out falsely, earning a laugh from Maura.
"They're inducing you tomorrow." Maura notes.
"Yeah, Auggie is sad I'll be missing his soccer game on Saturday. I am too, I've never missed one." Jane says sadly.
"And you said you'd never be a soccer mom." Maura laughs.
"Hush, Maura." Jane protests jokingly.
"Thank you, again." Maura says into Jane's neck.
"For what?" Jane asks.
"For carrying our next child" Maura clarifies.
"Hey you don't need to thank me." Jane says. "One of each, we said. We've got a little you and tomorrow we'll have a little me."
"I can't wait." Maura exclaims.
"I want to discuss something though, before everything happens." Jane says seriously.
"Okay." Maura agrees hesitantly.
"I know we made that list and we were going to wait to pick the name like we did with Sofia, but I have another idea." Jane says and when Maura doesn't say anything she continues. "Your dad passed away six months ago, baby. And I know you took it pretty hard. I wanna name the baby Oliver."
"Jane are you sure?" Maura mumbles and Jane can hear that she's trying to keep her voice from breaking. Ever since it happened, Maura tried not to talk about it. Jane has just recently got her to open up.
"Yeah. I mean Sofia has my mom's name and the kids all have my last name. One of them should have a name from your family." Jane explains and Maura holds her tightly.
She rubs Jane's protruding bump and whispers the name Oliver. "Do you like that name hun?" She asks her unborn son.
"We can even give him your dad's middle name if you want." Jane suggests.
"I want him to have the middle name Francis." Maura says quickly.
"Maur, I wanted the name to be about you." Jane protests.
"And I want it to be about both of us. My father raised me and your grandfather taught you everything you know." Maura explains.
At 8:13 P.M. on the date of March 25th, Jane gives birth to Oliver Francis Rizzoli.
Maura holds him as she cuts the cord and she can't hold back the tears as she looks at her wife. She remembers the first words Jane said when she saw their daughter.
And she was right. But so is Oliver. "He's perfect, Jane." Maura says as she leans down to show Jane the product of their love.
Jane's exhausted, but she smiles and brightens immediately when she sees her son in her wife's arms.
When Oliver is cleaned off and fed and in Jane's arms they call everyone in.
The crowd is even bigger this time. Frankie, Julia, Frankie III, Frost and his now girlfriend Riley from the squad, Angela, Korsak, Hope, Kailyn, Constance, Tommy, his girlfriend Natalie and nine year old Junior. Plus Sofia and August who are positively buzzing to see their new brother.
The Rizzoli family has tripled its once small fraction and it's a sight to see.
"This is Oliver Francis Rizzoli" Jane announces once everyone shuffles in.
Jane and Maura watch as recognition falls on their mothers and brothers, not missing the significance of the names.
Everyone "awes" as August holds his brother and kisses his forehead. They all stroke his dark brown hair and tell the mothers that he's definitely a Rizzoli.
When everyone has got their fill, Maura shoos them out and tells them to go home. She hugs Sofia and August and tells them she loves them as she sends them off with Angela for the night.
She walks over to Jane who's holding their sleeping son protectively to her chest. Jane pulls her into bed and Maura wraps her arm around Jane and rests her head on her shoulder. They sit in silence just watching Oliver sleep peacefully.
"You did so well, honey. He's beautiful." Maura says, breaking the content silence.
"I was so scared I was going to screw up, Maur. With the high blood pressure and the medically necessary bed rest for those few weeks-"
"Hey, you were great." Maura stops her. "It wasn't the easiest pregnancy but as soon as things got dangerous for you or the baby you settled down and listened to Doctor Meyers. I'm so proud of you. I know how much you hate doctors and hospitals and you went through nine months of that for us, for me."
"I'd do anything for you, Maura. You keep me strong." Jane admits.
They share a sweet and lengthy kiss. It's slow, but it conveys all the love they share for each other and for their family.
"You're such an incredible mother, Jane." Maura compliments, brushing the soft brown hair on Oliver's head. "I see you with our kids and I just feel unbelievable lucky to be wed to you and share and family with you."
"I feel the same, Maura. You're the love of my life." Jane promises.
Maura rests her head against Jane's and looks her in the eyes as she says the next sentence.
"I think you're my soul mate too, Jane." She admits letting Jane know she heard at least part of the story she told their daughter last night.
And the two best friends turned soul mates continued to hold each other knowing that with a full family, fully satisfied careers and unrivaled love for each other, they could take on anything.
I really hope you enjoyed the ride. Thank you so much for following along on this journey and encouraging me to keep writing with your reviews. You're the best readers ever. I hope to follow up with some one shots in the future. I'm open to suggestions if you'd like. Thank you again and take care.