Title: Confidential Files: Kurt Hummel
Pairing: Kurbastian, Hevans, mentions of Klaine(Not in a good way) and OC/Kurt
Summary: Set after the events of On My Way. Kurt is frustrated, Blaine is oblivious, Sebastian is there, and Sam is all kinds of confused. When you mix this together, and add Kurt's Therapist into the mix sparks are going to fly, and Kurt seeks vengeance in his own way.
Warnings: Slash: M/M relationship, OC, Strong Sexual Content, Strong Language, Drama, Slight Angst, Mentions of Suicide from On My Way, and other things. AU! Anti-Blaine, Anti-Klaine, Anti-Berry, and other glee members that have annoyed me lately!
Note: Please understand that this story is graphic in the nature of sex, and Kurt is a lot more straightforward and aggressive especially when he realizes his frustrations. It's not the longest story, about 10 chapters depending on how I break it up. It's practically complete.
Oh and watch out Blaine lovers because this isn't pretty.
Sitting in the waiting room alone was nerve wracking for Kurt Hummel. His knee was bouncing on its own. No matter how many times he tried to focus on the outdated Vogue magazines, he simply could not swallow the feeling in the pit of his stomach.
Kurt had been debating whether to do this for a very long time, but he'd always chickened out before he could make the decision. Now, however things were starting to rush together in a blur, and Kurt was having one hell of a time keeping track of it all. His life was running away from him, and he needed to get a hold of it.
There were only a few months left until Lima was no longer a big part of his life. It had taken a lot of willpower to finally break down, and realize that he needed help. He needed someone – anyone to help him. For so long he had been on his own, and sure his father was amazing. Kurt needed more, he needed someone to listen. No one around him listened to him, ever.
He found the therapist in one of his magazines, the man had moved here from San Francisco, and he was an accredited psychiatrist in many areas. He had been featured in many magazines, and even on a few talk shows. Kurt wondered why someone so famous would come here to backwater Lima, Ohio. None of that mattered to Kurt, the only thing that caught his attention was the small writing underneath the advertisement. He was a volunteer for the Trevor Foundation.
That was what propelled Kurt into picking up the phone, and making an appointment.
Sighing softly, he tossed the outdated magazine to the rest of the reject pile, and stared at the slow moving hands of the clock on the opposite wall.
He looked down at his cell to see an incoming message from Blaine. He shook his head, and switched it off carelessly, and tossed it in his satchel. He adjusted the black and white striped long-sleeve shirt that was tight against his slender frame, and the black skinny jeans topped with a pair of matching ribbed boots. Lately, he'd been wearing all black, and it only reminded Kurt of how he'd been feeling lately.
There was a buzz somewhere in the distance, but Kurt wasn't paying attention. He was still trying to keep from running.
"Mr. Hummel?" Kurt's eyes snapped over to the middle-aged woman sitting behind a desk. He arched a perfect eyebrow inquiringly. "Dr. Jacobs will see you now." She smiled kindly, and he merely nodded as he mechanically stood.
He sighed, and made his way to the inconspicuous wooden door with the metal slide handle. He paused just outside, and glanced over his shoulder at the exit. He could turn around and leave right now, and not have to deal with it.
But, no, Kurt was never one to back down from a challenge. He took in a deep breath as he pushed his way into a large open office that looked more like a living room set at Value City Furniture than a Doctor's office.
He walked with slow, and sure steps, and paused in the middle of the room. The mahogany leather couches were facing one another with nothing in between, and the walls were cedar and off-white. A set of floor to ceiling bookshelves stuffed with books and nick-knacks. There were two other doors on each side of the room.
Clutching his black bag to his chest, he stood there and waited. If this guy didn't hurry then Kurt was going to run for it.
He snapped his teeth together a few times out of habit when there was a soft chuckle from behind him causing Kurt to give a very girly yelp, and whirl around to see the intruder.
"Oh Prada!" he gasped holding his chest now.
There was a warm chuckle, and Kurt's bitch face glare came out causing the tall man to hold his hands in defense.
"Hey now, easy, don't kill the doctor with that look," he said flashing a brilliant set of ultra-white teeth.
Good Gaga, this guy was gorgeous! Kurt thought keeping his glare intact. It took him all of five seconds to register the shoulder length light brown hair tied back to the base of his neck. A set of honey brown eyes on a slightly long face. He wasn't nearly as pale as Kurt, and he didn't have that clammy doctor look. He was solidly built with a nice set of shoulders.
He was wearing a gray button down that was casual, but the sleeves rolled to his elbows were not, and the slacks were a couple shades darker.
Maybe Kurt should run. He was gorgeous, and there was no way he could be Doctor Daniel Jacobs.
Kurt's glare lessened slightly. "Not funny."
"I thought so. I love doing that," he confessed shoving his hands into his pockets, and inclining his head. "Have a seat, Kurt right?"
"Yes, Doctor Jacobs?" He stiffly sat down on one end of the couch, and crossed his legs, and arms on instinct.
"That's right. You want something to drink?"
"Diet Coke?" Kurt looked hopeful.
"My addiction," he said disappearing from the room, and returning with two bottles of soda. He sat opposite of Kurt, and crossed his legs in a mirror image of the countertenor.
They were quiet as Kurt sipped at his coke in deep thought.
Dr. Jacobs was merely watching him with a curious expression. "I haven't looked at your file."
Kurt blinked at him. "Why not?"
"I don't like to read emotionless scripts. I prefer the live action version."
"Oh," Kurt placed the drink down on the table beside him. "Where do I start? I've never – really talked to anyone, well there's the student counselor," he pulled a face getting a laugh from the doctor. "And – she's way too close to one of many chronic headaches in my life."
"Sometimes, its best to talk to someone you don't know."
Kurt hummed. "I've thought about it several times, but this is Ohio, and I never felt comfortable talking to anyone."
"What has you here today? Why did you call for an appointment?"
Kurt placed his hands together, and stared at them. "I saw the inscription under the ad, you were a volunteer for the Trevor Foundation."
"Ah." He smiled. "Yes, I was, and I still am. Have you ever called the Trevor Hotline, Kurt?"
Kurt looked up at the ceiling lights, and shook his head. "No, but I know someone who could have used it," he said sadly.
"Are you talking of the boy who attempted suicide?"
Kurt's heart clenched, and he bowed his head. "David."
Jacobs sat up straighter. "You knew him."
"Very well," Kurt said quietly. "He – my Gaga – if only I had answered one of those calls. I keep telling myself that."
"Before he did it, he called me so many times, and I never answered. I – I thought staying away from him was a good idea, you know? I thought it would help if I kept away, especially after one of his school buddies saw me with him at Breadstix on Valentine's Day. I was trying to protect him."
"Being outed." He shook his head. "I am obvious, I have been obvious since I was a little boy. I've had a lot of shit from Neanderthals in the past. David was once one of those Neanderthals."
Jacobs arched an eyebrow. "Really? He bullied you?"
"Yeah, and then one day I'd had enough. I couldn't fight with my fists, but I can sure make good use of my tongue. It's been my defense for years. I ran after him, and I started yelling at him, I told him that no matter what he does that he wouldn't change me. He threatened to hit me, and I dared him. I said some mean things, and out of nowhere he kissed me." He folded his lips together on instinct. "That's how I found out."
"How did you feel about that?"
"I don't know. I was shocked, and I couldn't say anything. He ran from the room before I could get myself together. A lot of things escalated, and I ended up leaving the school for a private school that had no tolerance for bullying. It was okay, but it was a gilded cage."
"Oppressive, and suffocating. I eventually returned to McKinley, and David apologized. He even started walking me to class to keep the hockey players from messing with me. By that time the football team stopped messing with me. I thought that maybe some of the people had changed, and I was hopeful until the day of the prom."
"Yeah, David was announced Prom King, and I was given Prom Queen."
"Is that bad?"
"It was humiliating."
"What did you do?"
"I accepted it. I wasn't going to let them see me weak. I never had before, and I wasn't going to then."
"You're leaving out a lot of story, aren't you?"
"Most likely. I've never done this before, so I'll probably wind up going back at some point. I didn't see David again until one night at this bar I went to. He looked happy, and I was happy for him. A little shocked, but he was starting to accept himself."
"Yeah, and then Valentine's Day came, and he was leaving me these little cards, and candies. I thought it was from my boyfriend, but it turned out to be David. Someone who has absolutely no experience went out of his way to make the day special. Blaine never did that, although, I can't blame him for that."
"But, you do."
Kurt grimaced, a strange feeling mixing around inside of him. "I – I don't know. After I told David that it wasn't possible, we went our separate ways. Then when he started calling me, I was ignoring him. I didn't want to make him feel bad or make things worse, and then in the end I made them worse. His school found out, and he was distressed. He was a friend, and I didn't help him. I saw him at the hospital, and we talked. I just don't think its enough sometimes."
"Why does it sound to me as if you wanted it to be possible?"
"I don't know, I guess I do have a feeling for him. But, he and I could never be together."
"Too many wounds, and way too much history. Not just because of the bullying, but because I will always be feeling guilty, and so will he. You can't have a relationship revolving around that."
Dr. Jacobs watched the conflicting expressions on Kurt's face. "You seem to have thought it out."
"Yeah, I have. Blaine was my first boyfriend, but I hesitate on ever calling him my first love." He looked away at one of the bookshelves, and concentrated on it.
"Why is that? Who is Blaine?"
"I met him when I went to spy on Dalton's glee club."
"Yeah, I'm in the glee club, New Directions."
"Oh, I see."
"We're going to Nationals again this year," Kurt said with a small smile.
"That's great. You guys must be talented."
"Yeah, we are."
"So, you went to spy on the other glee club? That's kind of against the rules isn't it?" Dr. Jacobs asked with a teasing smile.
Kurt twitched. "Yes, well, I wasn't going to report back. I was really there casing out the place in case I needed more options. The bullying was escalating, and I met him on the staircase. He was adorable, and a great friend."
"No," Kurt said and then yelped as he slapped his hand to his mouth causing the doctor to smile. "Oh my Gaga! I've never said that before."
"That's how you felt. It needed to be said."
Kurt's heart pounded, and he breathed slowly through his nose. "Blaine is great – really."
"Why are you trying to convince me?" he asked arching an eyebrow.
"I'm not. I – he's wonderful, and sweet-"
"I don't feel anything anymore. Not since-" he closed his eyes. "Not since that night."
"Outside of the bar, Blaine had been drinking, and dancing with some guy who made it very clear that he wanted Blaine, and Blaine did nothing to make him back off. Then we get outside, and I'm trying to get him into my car, and he comes onto me. He wants me to have sex with him in the back seat of the car because its spontaneous." He shuddered at the thought. "Everything I had ever felt for him disappeared that night."
"He assaulted you."
"You didn't give in."
"Not that day," Kurt confessed quietly.
Dr. Jacobs tilted his head forward. "You gave into him?"
"Yeah because I was afraid of losing him. I was afraid of being alone again." Kurt shook his head. "Not to mention Blaine has all my friends on his side. Whenever we fight they all look at me like I'm the one who started it, and – I – I am always the one pushed aside. Even in glee, where I'm supposed to feel my best. I'm pushed aside in favor of Blaine, Finn, or Rachel 'idiot' Berry. They always make me feel inferior in someway, and its driving me crazy, and I'm wearing a lot of black lately, which usually washes me out so I don't wear it well. I'm feeling horrible, and I hate how I'm feeling like I want to just give up, and quit glee. I want to quit it all, and just leave to New York, but I can't do that because then I'm the bad guy."
"Why would you be the bad guy? You seem to be struggling with a lot."
"They don't care!" Kurt laughed. "Oh, but if they have a problem, I'm their go-to gay friend. I make everything better. Hell, they had no idea that my life was being threatened last year, and my step-brother didn't do a damn thing when he saw it. Hell, my step-brother used to be one of the bullies."
"Yeah," Kurt bit his lip. "Someone threatened to kill me."
Dr. Jacobs sat up straight. "Kurt that's a very serious threat."
"I know, and its why I left for Dalton." Kurt sighed. "See, that's why David and I could never work," he waved his hand nonchalantly between them. "He will forever feel guilty, and he'll always be watching his words. Always cringe when he thinks that he's done something wrong. He's nothing but a teddy bear now."
"Why didn't you tell me that he threatened you?"
Kurt brought his shoulders forward, and bit his lip. "I wanted to protect him."
"From everyone. No one knows about the kiss except for Blaine. Before all of that happened, no one knew he was out, and I wasn't going to out him. He was scared that I would."
"You did," Dr. Jacobs replied causing Kurt to jerk.
"You told someone, Blaine."
The look of horror etched across Kurt's face. "I did, didn't I?"
Kurt placed his elbow on his knee, and balanced his chin on the palm of his hand.
"But, its okay."
"How is it okay? I never realized-"
"You didn't realize it. You were scared, and you went to the first person you knew would understand." Dr. Jacobs smiled encouragingly. "There's nothing wrong with going with someone you trust for help."
"I barely knew Blaine. I feel so stupid. No wonder David felt threatened. I told a complete stranger. I always said I was one of the best people to keep secrets. I never even told anyone about Sam."
"Friend of mine. His parents lost their jobs, and then the house. I was helping him out." He looked away as he said this. "I'd take food and clothes over to them a few times a week."
It went completely silent, and Kurt was trying his hardest to sort out his thoughts. They were all muddled together, and he felt like he was losing control.
"How do you feel?"
"Don't know." He checked his watch. "Hour is almost up."
"S'okay, I can keep going. I have nowhere to be. You are my last client."
"I don't really know what to say right now."
"Tell me about yourself."
"Like what?" Kurt asked picking his diet coke up. It was kind of warm, but it helped clear his throat a little.
"Interests? Your friends? Tell me something."
"Interests? Singing, dancing, fashion, designing, Broadway musicals, rebuilding cars, and makeovers. Friends? Mostly the glee club. I don't think I have a best friend anymore. I guess I could count Tina or maybe Mercedes. But that's a hard one. I'd say David was my real friend these days."
"My dad who is probably the greatest father in the world. I was very lucky with that."
"He accepts you?"
"Without a doubt," Kurt laughed weakly. "When Mr. Schuester tried to deny my right at trying out for a solo dad fought to give it to me."
"Why was he denying you the right?"
"It's supposed to be sung by a woman, but I love Defying Gravity. I have been singing that song ever since I first heard it."
Dr. Jacobs arched an eyebrow. "Wicked fan?"
"The biggest," Kurt said feeling his smile gain strength. "But, I botched the try out."
"Dad received a nasty crank call, and I didn't want to embarrass him further by singing a song meant for a woman. So I purposely blew it, and gave it to Rachel."
"Dad has always been my biggest fan."
"He sounds wonderful."
Kurt looked at him. "Yeah, Congressman Burt Hummel," he chirped causing Dr. Jacobs' eyes to widen.
"You're his son?"
"Yes, he's my dad."
"Wow, and you know I did vote for him right?"
Kurt laughed. "I think even conservatives voted for him."
"He talks a lot about his son, and it was inspiring. He has already helped a lot of parents and teenagers. He's sensible, and yet he's average enough to appeal to everyone. I wondered if you were somehow related to him when I saw your name on my desk. What are your plans when you graduate?"
"Move to New York, hopefully be accepted into NYADA. I have an audition coming up soon."
"That's great. NYADA is one of the most prestigious performing arts school in America."
"I know, and I'm terribly nervous."
"I'm sure you'll do fine."
"I've kept you twenty minutes over what I paid for," Kurt said sliding to the edge of the couch.
"It's fine. Are you coming back?"
Kurt didn't even have to think about it. "Yes, I think I will."
"Good because I was going to recommend that you do. I think we should get you in here Friday same time?"
Nodding, Kurt stood, and stretched. "Yeah, that'll work. Thank you, Dr. Jacobs."
Dr. Jacobs stood, and they shook hands. "It was very nice meeting you, Kurt. Next time, don't be so uncomfortable."
Kurt registered the strong grip of the man's hands, and laughed hesitantly. "I'll try not to be. I'm just so used to dealing with everything on my own, and I think I've done a good job of it so far."
"I think so to, but sometimes you need someone else to hear it."
"Yeah, I think I do."