Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: Wrote this out of sheer boredom after noticing repeating patterns in IZ/TT cross-overs. Not meant to insult, exactly; just point fun of. Written in quasi-Cracked 10 Times Shorter, 100 Times More Honest style, and lazily at that... Also, there's gonna be a reference to Toddlers and Tiaras-just know that the joke's referencing the parents of the "pageant girls", not to the audience who may or may not enjoy the program. Just a warning.
Cross-Over of Doom
A chorus of screams resounded through the trashed space, three of which sounded distinctly feminine. There were five individuals. Two were girls.
They all looked around themselves in a mix of dazed confusion and suspicion, not trusting their eyes and some suspecting that some hallucinatory gas was responsible for the scene around them. One suspected they had been injected into some video game via possession.
All around was a distorted view of twisted and partially-melted metal, blue-and-purple fire, and splashes of oily liver and slick crimson. Cords lay strewn in acrid-smelling puddles and, where a ceiling should be, there was instead a cage-like wire mesh with spiked fencing wound around every strip of metal. The sky looked like a nuclear bomb filled with blood (or otherwise red dye) exploeded, vibrant ruby and dusky slate mixing in unsophisticated swirls and zig-zags.
Trembling, biting his nails through his gloves while emerald eyes darted to and fry, Beast Boy (within a few seconds) exploded with wildly flailing arms, "Oh, man! We're in A SILENT HILL CROSS-OVER I JUST KNOW IT!"
Raven promptly slapped the drool out of him while Cyborg chided, "We're not in a Silent Hill universe, you little grass stain! Even if we were randomly ambushed by Control Freak and inserted into some random gaming console, he would've made himself obvious by now!"
"Seriously, Beast Boy," Robin joined in, "don't you ever pay attention to these episodes?"
"Or even the episodic formulas?" Raven croaked, glaring briefly down at him before being distracted by a whirring beep. "Hey...did you guys hear that?"
"You mean that somewhat disturbing sound that will most likely force our future journey to start against our will in a 'point of no return' ploy that may or may not be pleasant? Should we not approach it?"
"Yeeaaahh," Beast Boy drawled as he hunched himself almost scaredy cat-like away from the mechanical crackling. "I'm not going anywhere near something that I highly suspect is a cliche for cross-overs and technology-related action-adventure flicks." He flinched fearfully when Robin spoke.
"Get over yourself. As Starfure said in a form that is in no way how she would actually talk in the cartoon series, the plot says that we have to approach the sound. That, and my annoyingly cliche 'must investigate what will clearly do me harm' personna drives me to see what is causing that familiar noise."
With that said (and a little bit of Cyborg dragging Beast Boy by his collar), the group of five made their way around a metallic mass that looked suspiciously like a dancing moose in a tutu to face a badly-cracked screen that crackled with an incomplete signal or transmittion. Robin and Cyborg approached the interface (without holding hands) and studied the buttons and levers that were in a language neither of them recognized.
"Wait... How can buttons and levers speak a foreign language?" Beast Boy asked, scratching himself behind his right ear.
"Stop looking over the author's shoulder while she's still writing our poorly-thought-out scenario," Raven growled, eyes flashing ruby red before turning her attention to the screen. "Starfire, can you read the inscriptions, since any language that isn't English must either be Japanese or alien in origin?"
Starfire, somehow managing to find a joyful thought and hold it in her mind, studied the symbols briefly. "I cannot read it, but I recognize the language as Irken, although this is highly rediculous given the ultimately unrelated worlds this story has put together."
"At least they're not making out," muttered Beast Boy. His comment went unnoticed, and indeed was crossed out of the original transcript.
"Can you make an educated guess at what button to push?" Raven asked, looking more irritated than the situation called for.
"I answer 'yes', even though the real answer is 'no'," Starfire told her, pressing a red, round button toward the top of the keyboard-looking contraption sitting just below the salt-and-pepper screen.
Within seconds (because the plot demands convenience) the screen cleared enough for them to see the room they were in displayed, only in obviously better shape, with a cyan-eyed robot slamming its fingers onto random keys screaming "I'M DOING IT I'M DOING IT" in full view.
"GIR!" yelled a voice from somewhere off-screen, catching the robot's attention. "Get out of the way! I have an important message to relay to whoever's lucky enough to be chosen as the savior or saviors of the story!"
"But I'm fulfilling my role of wasting valuable recording time so the message will be cut short, leaving our hero or heroes clueless as to what exactly happened and forcing them to go and try to find out for themselves," chirped the ever-cheerful GIR without breaking finger-button-smashing stride.
"I don't care!" Zim stated, shoving his servant out of the chair and dominating the screen with his green-skinned, red-eyed self. "You! If you're seeing this message, then I'm in trouble. Something terrible is going on, something predictable given the franchise from which I originate from. That STUPID human-"
Just like that, the recording was cut short.
"So... What happened?" Bease Boy asked, clearly unaware that he's always picked to ask the obvious questions before scripting begins.
"Do I look like I know what happened?" Cyborg asked impatiently, equally unaware that the answer is clearly 'Yes'.
"Even though I know that he is Irken, I conveniently lack the knowledge to remember the Irken armada and the fact that his people ravage every planet they get their greedy hands on and say something to the effect of 'We have to help him, if he's alive'."
"Starfire's speaking out-of-character again, but I half-heartedly agree anyway," muttered Raven, not looking particularly interested in the ordeal.
"Absolutely," Robin jumped in, turning away from the screen to the rest of the Titans. "Team, split up and look for clues. And no, Beast Boy, you're not to turn into a Great Dane to accentuate the practically trademark phrase I just used."
"What if I need my doggy nose to find clues as to why the author can't make up his mind on whether to use past or present tense?"
"Weren't you paying attention earlier?" Raven rolled her eyes. "The author's a she."
"Seriously? Crazy fangirl..."
"Guys!" Robin interjected, regaining everyone's attention. "We need to get going and solve a case that most likely will have no resolution because the author won't update for a year or more, disappointing the few fans she has left!"
Cyborg cocked a skeptical brow. "She has fans?"
"If Stephanie Meyer's mispelled mess can gain world-wide fame, expect this talentless author to have a small cult of equally-insane fans."
"Raven...did you just-?"
"Um, friends?" Starfire looked around at her teammates, somehow managinv to look both sexy and childish (thus iliminating the need for Toddlers and Tiaras). "I think it wise to continue to focus on the task given to use by the writer you so meanly made fun of." She then directed their attention to something that the audience will never know about due to lack of motivation to continue the story. That, and the author's too lazy to go on with a cross-over that wound up resembling a Cracked article rather than a true IZ/TT cross-over.