Welcome back, y'all! Last we left off, we were catching up with the Hardy's happy li'l gang. Now, however, we shall resume the regular story—by joining up with DX, as it's nighttime in England and they're…uh, in a nightclub…
HHH: …look, I keep TELLING you—there's NO man more evil than I am. I mean, I'm the GAME for fuck's sake!
Sephiroth: and I keep telling YOU, mortal—I am evil incarnate, I shall rule this pathetic world of your with an iron fist!
HHH: Yeah? Well, I rule the WWE universe with an iron…sledgehammer!
Sephiroth: You dare challenge me, mortal? Show me, how evil ARE you really?
(Donald duck, Cloud, and X-pac turn toward HHH waiting for him to do something in this packed nightclub…)
HHH: Ok then, um…lemme' think—I know! See that passed-out drunk guy over at the bar? I'm gonna' steal his wallet!
(HHH jogs over and carefully takes the guy's wallet out of his pocket. HHH just takes out the guy's money and carefully puts the wallet back. The lady next to him is sipping a martini, watching all of this…)
Lady: So? Gonna' just steal the bloke's money, huh?
HHH (caught off-guard): Wha—HUH?
Lady: Look mate, either you split his money with me, or I'm going to have to call the cops.
HHH: Damn…ok, here—all I got from him was 200 pounds, so here's your half.
Lady: Much obliged…ok then, carry on.
(HHH makes his way back over to the crew…)
HHH: See that? I just got his money!
Sephiroth: Why did you hand that lady some of the money?
HHH: What lady? Hahaha..heh
Sephiroth: Oh come on, mortal. I SAW that lady blackmail your ass! She threatened to call the cops, didn't she?
(The crew just starts laughing as Tifa makes her way over to the crowd…)
Tifa: What's so funny guys?
Donald: Yo, Tifa—'Dis nigga' here done stole that drunk dude's wallet and-and THEN that broad over there blackmailed his ass and took half his loot, yo! Shit was comical!
X-Pac: Tifa…look—HHH and Seph got into one of those "who's more evil" standoffs and they keep trying to outdo one another.
Tifa: Oh no, guys—not here in the pub!
(HHH and Sephiroth are standing nose-to-nose in the club, as the strobelights dance all around them and the techno music is bumping…)
Sephiroth: That wasn't evil—THIS is evil…
(Seph makes his way over to the drunk guy, and that same lady is watching. Seph turns around and smiles at her as he reaches on the counter and takes the guy's car keys. The lady starts to speak and…)
Sephiroth (waving his arms around): God's of peace, gods of tranquility, bring forth to me your ever-enduring power…SILENCE!
(Just then, the lady tries to speak, but her mouth won't open—there's a yellowish, glittering surrounding her mouth as Sephiroth makes his way back to the crowd…)
X-Pac: I used to HATE when he did that to my mages! He casted a SILENCE spell on her—why didn't YOU think of that, Hunter?
HHH: Well damn! I can't CAST a silence spell! MY way of "silencing" people is to pedigree the shit out of them!
Sephiroth: Well, I have his keys—he'll need all the luck in the WORLD getting home now! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Donald: Damn, that shit was evil, yo!
Tifa: Please stop, you two! You're gonna' get us kicked out of here!
HHH: HA! Car keys? That's nothin' Watch THIS!
(HHH orders a beer and drinks it down real fast. He heads over to the crowded dance floor and stealthily makes his way into the crowd—and proceeds to lift up his left leg as he let's loose a very eggy-smelling fart. He quickly leaves the crowd and glances back to see the reaction…)
X-Pac: Daaaaaamn…now THAT'S evil, dude. I HATE when people do that shit, man!
HHH (Smiling): That's gonna' fuck THEM up! Hell Pac, I knew the gas was gonna' be bad when *I* smelled it, hahaha!
(People in the crowd start grimacing and waving their hands in front of their faces and pointing at one another…)
Tifa: That was disgusting, Hunter! Phew, and you STILL stink, too—check your tights!
Sephiroth: Admirable, mortal…but take note—isn't it rather…WARM in here?
Cloud: Well, now that you mention it—
Donald: Yeah, man! I was thinkin' the same THING, dawg! It's hotter than a MOTHERFUCK' in here!
Sephiroth: then I shall lay out my most evil of evil plans…
HHH (smirking confidently): Ok man, spit it out.
Sephiroth (evil grin): Earlier today, I had some BBQ ribs…and my stomach has been gurgling ever since…
X-Pac: Oh no.
Sephiroth: …oh yesssss! I'm at the nightclub for one REAL purpose—to DOMINATE! I shall take an enormous shit in the bathroom and all who come near shall smell it, for I'm so evil, I don't courtesy flush for ANYONE! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!
Tifa: No…you COULDN'T! Think of all the PEOPLE—
Sephiroth: SILENCE woman! I shall then wipe my ass and start dancing in the MIDDLE of the crowd. With the heat in here, I'll start to sweat, the sweat shall run down my back and create doo-doo juice and ALL shall smell it! For I…AM…SEPHIROTH!
Donald: Shit nigga! You…you gonna' just go SHIT—at the CLUB, nigga'? Who the hell shits at the damn CLUB, man?
HHH (gulps): …well DAMN.
(We'll leave that scene and rejoin the Guerreros and crew as they're going to get some breakfast…)
Shaggy: Guys, me and Scoob here are famished! Where are we eatin'?
Eddie: Umm…how about this place up ahead, here?
Trish: What's that? "Bob's House of…SUSHI"?
Chavo (shrugging): Maybe it'll be good?
(So they make their way to the restaurant, go in and have a seat. The waiter comes up to them…)
Waiter (bowing): Ah wercome to a-my lestaulant! My name is Xingxao Guilixiang, but you can carr me "Bob"!
(They all glance at each other before Trish speaks…)
Trish: Uh…um, YEAH…Bob, is it? I'd like a tuna roll.
Eddie: Yeah, I'd uh…like a dragon roll.
Chavo: Tuna roll for me, too, please.
Shaggy: Yeah, I'd like a crab roll, a steak—medium-rare, 3 dragon rolls, some shrimp, a rainbow roll, a glass of Sake,…and a Diet soda!
Waiter: Wirr that be arr?
Waiter: I'rr be back with your order!
Eddie: Daaaamn Shaggy, man! Are you REALLY gonna' EAT all that? At THIS time of morning, ese?
Shaggy: My stomach doesn't keep track of the time, Eddie! Does it Scoob?
Scooby: Ro it roesn't, Raggy!
Shaggy: Oh, I got the steak for you, Scoob.
Scooby (ricki—I mean, LICKING his lips): RAKE, RAKE—MMMMM-MMMMM! RANKS, RAGGY!
Trish: Hey Eddie, you know that new girl on the roster?
Eddie: You mean the tall one who's always following Molly around? -And the one that never fails to make my cock rise like the morning sun?
Trish (rolling her eyes): Ugh…yes, her.
Eddie: What about her, mami?
Trish: Have you ever, like, noticed that she has a…weird smell to her?
Chavo: I don't know about YOU, uncle Eddie, but I've noticed!
Eddie: No, I haven't noticed. What do you mean, mami?
Trish: Well, she just always has this…this C.O.D. smell to her.
Shaggy: What's C.O.D. stand for, Trish?
Trish: Cologne over dirt—C.O.D. I can remember one night at Sunday Night Heat, she left the locker room for her match, and I was just getting out of the shower. I saw her leave and I noticed that she left her spare pair of thong panties lying on the floor…
Trish: Well, me, being the neighborly type—I bend down and put them in her gym bag. There WAS one problem, though—
Eddie: YOU got to TOUCH Vic's panties? And there's a…PROBLEM with that, ese?
Trish: What it was, was that I did a double-take after putting her thongs back in her gymbag! Eddie, Chavo—I SWEAR to you, as I'm sitting here, the thong was white, but around the crotch/taint area, it was greenish BROWN!
Eddie (grimacing): No, no, no—UGH! How could you ruin my fantasies, mami?
Trish (shrugging): Look, you needed to know the truth! She's a grown-ass woman! She shouldn't be WALKING around SMELLING like that—NOW I know WHY!
Chavo: Man…I think I'm going to be sick, amiga.
(Well, let's let them enjoy their breakfast and Now we'll join up with the Hardys and crew, as they've found lodging for the night. More specifically, we'll join Lita and Matt, as they're making love in the dark…)
Matt (whispering): Mmm…kiss me again, Lita…
Lita: Mmmm-hmm *smooch*
(Just then, a dark figure creeps past the wall and silently approaches the bed, the figure's shadow caused by the moonlight coming through the window. Lita switches position and her left knee bumps Matt's pitched tent…)
Matt: Ooh, baby—be careful, I…uh, wouldn't want you to re-injure your knee…ehehehe!
Lita: Mmm…MY man's nice and hard, isn't he?
(Just then, as Lita's butt-naked and mounted on Matt's stomach, she starts to slowly kiss Matt's chest…)
Matt (whispering): Oooh…yes, Lita—right there, right there, baby…
(Just then, Matt could feel a warm, wet sensation in his genital area…)
Matt: Yesss, baby…SUCK that thing, girl! MMM!
Lita: Mmm—wait..WHAT? Matt, honey—I'm kissing you.
Matt (not paying attention): Ooh baby, ohh…the bumps on that filthy li'l tongue of yours—
Lita: But Matt…I'm not—
Matt: -Mmm…Lita, baaaaby…why'd it take you sooo long to suck my-
Lita hurriedly turns the light on and sees…
Lita: WHAT THE FUCK? OK, THAT'S IT—I'VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU! STOP SUCKING MATT'S DICK, DORA!
Matt (snapping out of it): DORA? Wait—tha-that was YOU?
Lita: That's BESIDE the point, MATTHEW!
Dora (running out of the room): BYYYYYE! HAHAHAHA!
(Lita chases her down the hall, some loud knocking and banging can be heard as the other hotel guests open their doors to see what the commotion is…)
Lita: I-I-I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKING PIECE…OF…SHIT—AAAAARGH!
(Lita takes Dora to the top of a flight of stairs and…)
Lita: Say g'night you li'l bitch!
(Lita throws Dora dow a flight of steps and she hits her head on the way down and crashes through a wooden table that, for SOME reason, was already set up at the bottom of the stairs.)
(The other hotel guests were chanting E-C-W, E-C-W, E-C-W, as Lita stood at the top of the stairs, butt-naked and, with tears of hatred in her eyes, glaring at Dora's broken body lying unconscious in the remains of the broken table. Lita raises her hands in victory and returns to her room.)
Katherine: …damn, I guess Dora's gone, huh?
Jeff: Yeah, looks that way—damn shame, too, the kid was pretty doggone hilarious.
(Ok, last, let's join up with the nWo! They're having breakfast at The Tokyo Hotel…)
Hulk: …ok brother, I want 4 eggs, scrambled, a piece of toast, some sausage, and a glass of milk.
Waitress: Ok bald sir—you want egg, piece of toast, sarsage, and mirk?
Hulk: That's FOUR eggs! And I have a LOT of hair!
Waitress: Ok, so solly—you want fo' egg—
Hulk: -wait, what the hell's a "fo-egg", brother?
Waitress: But you SAY, FO' EGG!
Hulk: Ah…forget it—just bring me my breakfast!
Waitress (rolling her eyes): Ok, vely quickry!
Nash (trying to be funny): Uh yeah, toots. I'd like some dong hung lo.
Waitress: Uh…dong hung lo?
Nash: Hehehe…yeah, some dong hung lo.
Waitress: Sir, I'm afraid we don't have dong hung lo—and neither do YOU! Hahaha—who bad? I bad!
(Nash rolls his eyes and glances at Snake…)
Snake (smirking a bit): Uh yeah, I'd just like a coffee.
Waitress (leering at Snake seductively): Uh, yes…would you rike cleeeeam in it?
Snake: Uh, n-no, no clee-…er, I mean CREAM.
Waitress: Ah so—you shaaaaaark!
(The waitress blows a kiss at Snake.)
Hall: Damn, you should go hit that, chico.
Snake: Oh, no worries. I'll have my snake inside of her in no time.
(Snake and Hall high-5 each other, as the waitress leaves toward the back…)
Snake: Excuse me guys, I'll be right back…
(Snake heads toward the back and finds the waitress bent over tying her shoes…)
Snake: Ready, baby?
(Meanwhile, at the table, the boys can hear thumping…)
Hulk: Hold up brothers—you guys hear that?
Nash: That's my man SNAKE—takin' the cake!
Hulk: Sounds like he's doin her from behind—her head hitting the wall like that sounds just like when my wife's head hits the wall, over, and over, and over…Hahahahaaaa!
(The boys all share a laugh…)
Nash (looking around): Hey, where's Otacon?
Hall: Oh him? He's using his stealth technology again—what? You didn't see a video camera just bouncing toward the back in mid-air right after Snake left?
Nash: Damn, he sure is a horny li'l fella. We've got to get him laid, man.
Hulk: I agree brothers—before we leave Japan, we're getting Otacon LAID!
And so we end another chapter in this…thing here. And it ALSO appears that we have a new subplot—"The Quest to Get Otacon Laid"!
Don't forget—tune in next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!