Disclaimer: Oda-sensei owns One Piece and all the lovely characters.
The waitress came to the table, a black bill folder precariously balanced amongst nine fortune cookies. She attempted to smile down at the rowdy table she had been serving all night, but it came out as more of a grimace.
"And here are you're complimentary cookies -" she began, but was cut off when a hand seemed to reach out of nowhere and snatched them all off the plate.
"Oh! More food! Guys, look!" said the raven-haired boy at the table, who had been snatching food from other customers all night.
The blond seated at the table, perhaps the only polite man in this awful group, smacked the boy atop the head. "Only one for you, Luffy!" he screamed. "You can't steal other people's fortunes."
The boy called Luffy pouted but obediently dumped the remaining eight fortunes on the table, where the rest of the members reached out to each take one.
The waitress went to place the bill down on the table but the orange-haired woman sitting there quickly snatched it from her hand and opened it up. Her calculating eyes surveyed the bill rather quickly as a frown began to form on her face. She quickly handed it back to the waitress.
"We would like 90% off," she said in a cool, demanding voice.
The waitress quailed. "Let me...go get my manager," she squeaked, before scampering off. At this rate, she'd beg the manager to just let them go for free as long as they promised to never come back.
"Oi, oi, Nami, you can't do that," Usopp murmured.
"Why not?" she declared. "You should've seen what the bill came to! This place is a total rip-off! Sanji could cook the same food much better."
Sanji overheard these words and broke out into the most sickeningly wide grin. "Thank you my dear Nami-swan! I'm so glad an angel like you appreciates my cooking!"
Nami respectfully ignored him, and cracked open the cookie she had picked up. She smiled as she read it. "You will come into a good fortune soon," she read aloud. Her eyes began to glimmer in the shape of dollar signs. The remainder of the table sighed.
Next to her, the Robin opened hers and then handed the cookie to Luffy, who ate it without so much as a thank you. "A mystery shall reveal itself to you soon," she read. A soft smile graced her face. "I wonder if it'll have to do with those human remains we found at our last dig sight."
Usopp gritted his teeth. "Oi, we're still eating Robin. No talking about human remains, remember?" He then opened his cookie and quickly popped it in his mouth whole before it could be snatched away from him. "There is a great warrior inside of you," he read, before breaking out laughing. "See?" he said to his friends. "Even the fortune knows of the great Usopp-sama!"
"Really?" asked Chopper, sitting beside him, his eyes gleaming.
"Oi, Chopper, stop falling for his lies," grunted Franky, who was hanging off of the side of the booth with his abnormally large body. He cracked open his cookie, which promptly shattered into crumbs under the force of his grip. "You will be incredibly SUPAA this week!" he read, and then jumped up from the table, dangerously jostling the drinks on the table in the process, to strike his signature pose.
Chopper was already munching on his cookie, his fortune discarded. When everyone looked at him expectantly, he said "It said I would save a life sometime soon."
Luffy laughed and clapped his friend on the back. "I guess that the fortune doesn't know you do that everyday!"
Chopper's face turned bright read and he began wiggling in his seat. "Saying that isn't gonna make me happy, you asshole!"
"Yohohoho!" Brook laughed, "Mine says I will brighten someone's day soon, hopefully with my music." He put a long-fingered hand to his chin. "Although I hope that it is a young lady and she likes it enough to show me her panties..."
Sanji shoved the afro-headed man off of his seat. "Shut up, pervert, the way you treat ladies is disrespectful!" He then cracked open his fortune, but as he read it he remained silent.
"Well?" asked Robin, "What does it say?"
A thin line of blood began to leak from Sanji's nose and he grinned wildly. "It says a great beauty will come into my life soon!" He began to twirl flamboyantly in his seat. "Mellorine!" he cried.
As the rest of the table sighed heavily, Luffy pressed his face against the table, whining incoherently. "I wish I hadn't eaten my cookie whole, I didn't know they had little secrets inside."
"Oi, Luffy," Usopp said, "You mean you ate your fortune."
The boy nodded. "It was delicious."
Seated next to him, Zoro sat silently watching all the conversation, a soft smile on his lips that was reserved especially for his nakama. His cheeks were slightly flushed from drinking too much sake, although he'd never admit that, and his stomach was beyond full. Sure, the food wasn't as good as the shit-cook's, but it sure was delicious.
Speaking of the shit-cook, Sanji looked at him and tugged at his sleeve. "And yours, Marimo?" he said. "Or did you lose it?"
Zoro scowled at him as was expected. He snatched the remaining cookie from the table, pulled out the fortune and with one swift motion popped the cookie in his mouth. He heard Sanji, seated next to him, grumble something about how "undignified" he was.
But he could not be bothered, because he was busy reading and rereading the fortune he had received. Instead of being short, it was quite wordy, typed in tiny print so he had to squint to make it out. Eventually he scoffed and pocketed it.
"What's wrong, moss-head?" Sanji asked. "Figured out you can't read?"
"No," he snapped. "It's just weird, that's all."
Sanji's curled eyebrow furrowed and he grabbed the fortune and read it to his friends.
Two worlds must be in balance, but you have disrupted this harmony. Before the next sun rises, a switch will be made and will not be unmade until the worlds are balanced once more.
"What the fuck?" Sanji whispered. "That is weird."
Luffy grinned. "Oi, Zoro, looks like you're going to another world tomorrow."
"Shut up, Luffy," snapped Zoro. "That's stupid." Yet he could not shake this uneasy feeling...who the hell would write a fortune like that? And why did he have to be the one to open it?"
Elsewhere, on the Grand Line, a different Zoro who was surrounded by very similar friends had read the very same fortune. He had no intention of sharing it with his crew, but it was swiftly snatched from his hand by the cook sitting next to him.
The cook laughed as he read it. "Leave it you to fuck up the harmony of the world or some shit, Marimo," he said, before passing it to his crewmates. Zoro grunted at him to shut up, but it was ignored as the rest of the crew read the fortune and began to muse over it.
"It seems like some turn of fate is coming your way, Zoro," said Robin. She stared off into the distance, a morbid look in her eyes. "Perhaps you are actually dead in an alternate universe and have angered the Gods."
Zoro reached across the table and grabbed the fortune from the Strawhat pirate who was currently holding it, Franky. "I told you before," he said stiffly. "I don't believe in God."
"Yohohoho!" Brook laughed from beside Sanji. "Doesn't mean he doesn't believe in you!"
Zoro grimaced at the idiocy of the situation, but as he watched the navigator argue with the manager of the restaurant, he couldn't help but feel unsettled by this odd occurrence. He shook his head ruefully, abandoning the thought. It was unlike him to worry over anything, especially anything superstitious, and he wasn't about to start now.
It was a half hour later in another world, and the opposite Zoro likewise had replaced thoughts of the fortune with another concern.
"Oi, Marimo, stop it and wait until we get inside," breathed the blond cook as he fumbled desperately for the keys to the flat they shared. Zoro ignored his pleas, though, running his hands greedily up and down Sanji's side, his mouth pecking soft kisses along the man's neck.
Sanji growled as he shoved the key into the lock and twisted furiously, flinging the door open in front of him. Next thing he knew, he was inside the dark apartment, pressed up against the now closed door by the heavy body of his lover.
His hand fumbled for the light switch but before he could find it the green-haired man pressed his groin desperately into Sanji's thigh, eliciting a uncontrolled moan to come from his lips.
"Zoro," he growled, "Fuck..." In the darkness, Sanji groped around until he grasped the other man's chin and brought their lips crashing together. There was no soft pleading of his tongue for entrance, not tonight - their mouths were already deeply intertwined, tongues dancing, both refusing to come up for air.
Still kissing, Sanji wrapped his legs around Zoro, who quickly grabbed his lover by his bottom and ground his aroused length into him, plunging his tongue deep within the other's mouth.
"The bed?" he asked, and the blond nodded in response. Although it was dark, Zoro felt he could see the deep flush he knew would be on Sanji's cheeks by now, which would only grow darker as the night's activities progressed.
Still holding his lover aloft, he walked to the bedroom as Sanji sucked expertly on his neck. He kicked the door open and quickly deposited the man on the bed, before kicking off his shoes and crawling on top of him.
By the city light coming though the windows, whose drapes were left open, Zoro could now see Sanji's flushed and expectant face looking up at him, panting already, his deep blue eyes hungry with lust.
Zoro raised a hand and carressed the side of Sanji's face, a surprisingly gentle act that caused his lover's eyes to widen. Zoro's eyes were now softened as he stroked a piece of golden hair.
"I love you, Sanji," he whispered, his voice deep in his arousal.
Sanji smirked. "I love you, too, Zoro," he said, and then roughly grabbed a handful of Zoro's shirt, dragging him down to kiss him once more.
A world away, Pirate-Hunter Zoro's night was set to end a bit differently. They had all just sucessfully arrived back at the Thousand Sunny and as he headed to the men's bunk room, a hand roughly grabbed his shoulder and turned him about.
"Nuh-uh, Marimo-kun," the cook teased. "You got watch tonight."
Zoro considered arguing, but his head was too busy swimming in all the alcohol he had drunk tonight. "Whatever," he spat, and turned to make his way up to the crow's nest.
Once he arrived, he pulled out his swords from his haramaki and set them beside him. He gave a quick glance out the window, checking to make sure that everyone else had already turned in, and then crossed his arms over his chest and sat down, falling asleep himself.