A/N: So here's the back story about how this story came about. I made a comment/caption on Tumblr, and then I thought to myself, "Hey, I could make a story out of that!" It would be on the humorous side, which is always a nice switch, so why not?
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
Logan woke up to the hideous sensation of the skin on his face crawling. Seconds later, he quickly realized that his skin wasn't crawling; there was something crawling on his skin. He groggily opened his eyes, and perched on his nose was a cricket. It wasn't just any cricket though; it was Jean-Pierre, the cricket Carlos smuggled from France.
Carlos was notorious for losing Jean-Pierre, which was why Logan could say with absolute confidence that it was in fact Jean-Pierre on the tip of his nose. In fact, Logan didn't even know why Carlos bothered making a habitat for Jean-Pierre. The pest spent ninety percent of his time out of his habitat anyways!
"It would be so easy to crush you like the bug you are," Logan said out loud as his open hand hovered over a seemingly unaware Jean-Pierre.
Logan hated insects in general, but he particularly had a bone to pick with Jean-Pierre. Anymore, Logan would much rather prefer Carlos' helmet, and the two of them weren't exactly BFFs either!
Carlos would use Jean-Pierre's habitat to save seats even when Jean-Pierre was missing! Jean-Pierre wasn't even a freaking human! Logan wanted to sit next to Carlos, but he couldn't because the seat was "taken" if the accursed cricket's habitat wasn't indication enough.
Everywhere Carlos went, Jean-Pierre went; or at least Jean-Pierre's habitat went. Photo shoots, radio interviews, rehearsals, meet and greets. Carlos even took Jean-Pierre with him when he went down the swirly slide!
Logan had no idea why he hated Jean-Pierre, and he did hate the blasted cricket! One might even say that Logan was jealous of the insect, but that would just be ludicrous! One simply does not get jealous of a bug! Logan had more sense than that. He did have more sense than that, right?
Logan smirked as he had an entertaining thought.
"Speaking of jealousy, don't let Carlos catch you crawling all over me, Jean-Pierre. It might actually break his heart," Logan commented.
Logan, realizing how ridiculous he was sounding, smacked himself in the face, narrowly missing getting cricket guts all over his nose. Great! I'm talking to bugs now! Next thing you know, I'll be at a picnic in the park, and I'll start conversing with some ants!
Logan got out of bed not really knowing, or for that matter caring, what became of Jean-Pierre. The only thing on Logan's mind was heading to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face. Then maybe he would stop with the crazy talk.
Logan was trying to read a medical magazine. Trying being the operative word. Also on the sofa was Carlos and the bane of Logan's existence, Jean-Pierre. The odd couple was being all cutesy and lovey dovey and giggling. It was enough to make Logan want to throw up, except then it would roon his precious medical magazine, and Logan couldn't have that.
According to the brightest minds in the field of medicine…
"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" Carlos said, speaking to Jean-Pierre like he was an infant.
According to the brightest minds in the field of medicine…
"What's that? You love me? Well guess what? I love you too! Yes I do!" Carlos replied, continuing with the annoying baby talk as the dumb cricket did Logan doesn't even know what.
Logan sighed, giving up on trying to read his magazine. Much to Logan's chagrin, his sigh went unnoticed by Carlos. Maybe if I sighed louder. And so Logan did. Still Carlos didn't even seem to hear Logan.
"Hehe. That tickles!" Carlos exclaimed as Jean-Pierre danced the jive over Carlos' fingers.
Danced the jive? Right, because crickets can totally do that! Where did that even come from anyways? And more importantly, why does this bug me so much? Ugh! Bug? Couldn't I have picked a better word?
The oven timer dinged. With oven mitts on his hands, Logan opened up the oven, and pulled out its contents: freshly made corn dogs. The way Logan figured, if anything could get Carlos away from that six-legged-best-friend-stealer, it was Carlos' favorite food!
Logan wasn't going to take any chances though. Just in case…Logan placed a portable fan behind the cookie sheet of corn dogs so that when the fan blades rotated, the aroma would blow in Carlos' general direction.
"Mmm! Something smells delicious! Smells like corn dogs! Have you ever had corn dogs, Jean-Pierre? No? You don't know what you've been missing out on! They're so good!" Carlos said excitedly to his new BFF.
Logan smacked himself on the forehead. Unbelievable! He briefly contemplated leaving the oven door open. Maybe it would start a fire, forcing Carlos to be aware of something other that himself and what's-his-face! However, coming to his senses, Logan quickly righted the fire hazard just as Carlos walked right past him, and snatched up two fistfuls of corn dogs.
"You're welcome!" Logan said bitterly under his breath.
"Huh? Did you say something, Logie?" Carlos asked, surprising Logan to no end.
Logan stood there for what in reality was only a few seconds, but to Logan felt like an eternity, baffled that Carlos actually spoke to him. The slightly taller boy got way too much satisfaction out of something that in reality, was relatively inconsequential.
"I said, 'Let me know if he likes 'em!'" Logan replied, saying the first thing that came to his mind.
Logan felt like doing nothing else but put a Logan-sized hole through the window. He could care less if Jiminy Cricket liked corn dogs! For all Logan cared, you-know-who could choke on the corn dog!
Logan was not about to get bested by a cricket of all things! He decided that if Carlos' favorite food wasn't enough to lure Carlos away from Jean-Pierre, then maybe something that they did together (they being Logan and Carlos, not Jean-Pierre and Carlos) would do the trick!
That is why Logan was standing in the living room in a black pant suit, white tuxedo shirt, black necktie, black shades, black dress shoes, and a green shamrock badge on his chest. Logan was in his Good Luck Patrol garb. Logan held his wrist to his lips, making the sound of static.
"Rabbit's Foot, this is Lucky Charm. What's your twenty?" Logan asked.
Nothing! Abso-freaking-lutely nothing! Carlos didn't even look up at him or anything! Of course not! He was too busy paying attention to that illegally obtained insect! It was a good thing Logan was wearing shades so no one could see the daggers Logan was glaring at a certain six-legged someone!
"Uh…Rabbit's Foot? Lucky Charm asked you a question!" Logan remarked, trying but failing miserably to keep the annoyance out of his voice.
It was then that something else was brought to Logan's attention; Carlos wasn't even wearing his helmet. Logan found this fascinating. Apparently he wasn't the only one that had been replaced! Maybe Carlos' helmet and I can commiserate together. Wait. Did I really just think that? What is wrong with me? You can't commiserate with an inanimate object, Logan!
"This looks like a job for…The Good Luck Patrol! Lucky," Logan said in a high-pitched voice, waggling his fingers…by himself.
Logan moodily started stripping off his Good Luck Patrol outfit. Articles of clothing haphazardly flying through the air. Logan was tired of fighting a battle that was impossible to win. Besides, crickets don't live forever. Logan kept telling himself that over and over in his head like a mantra. That was the only reason Logan allowed himself to say, "I give up!"