A/N: Second fic in two days. This is what happens when Criminal Minds goes on hiatus and I'm left mourning the loss of Paget Brewster yet again. I'm going to pretend that the marriage to Will never happened and eventually, I will somehow work Henry in. I'd love to pretend Will didn't exist (because I dislike the character), but he will serve a purpose.
As is known, I love the character of Emily Prentiss. She is so complex to me. Vulnerable, yet tough and through the walls she has up, one can see that she is dying on the inside. Best compliment I ever got is "You remind me of Emily Prentiss."
~ It's like a storm that cuts a path
its breaks your will, it feels like that
You think you're lost, but you're not lost
On your own, you're not alone~
Rascal Flatts "I Won't Let Go"
You sigh and roll over, looking at the blonde haired beauty lying next to you. You wonder how you got this far. You've always done everything on your own, you've had too, with the life you led growing up. Growing up, all you ever dreamed of was a family. Someone who cared enough to know the pain you were in. However, with a mother involved in politics and a father who was hardly ever there, you learned at an early age that walls were the best way to live. Put walls up, work your ass off, never make attachments and move on.
You never expected this. This, this is too good, to unbelievable to be happening to you. You don't fall in love. You sleep with people and move on. Forming attachments is for other people. You move on before they can be formed. The blonde beauty lying next to you shifts in her sleep, mumbling something and shifts closer to you. You shift your weight subtly, as to not wake her and a rare smile crosses your lips.
This is all you wanted your whole life. Someone to make you feel complete, feel whole. You remember walking into the BAU and seeing her. You felt like your heart leapt into your throat and managed to mumble a hi before turning back to Hotchner and Gideon, trying to convince them that you got this job on your own merit, not that your mother, the Ambassador, pulled strings for you. While the rest of the team was wary around you, she accepted you right away. Sighing, knowing sleep is a lost cause, you get up, shifting ever so slightly as to not wake her. You quietly grab your tank top and pull it on, walking to the kitchen to make some coffee. You sigh as you wander over to the window, staring out at the vast night sky, trying to come to grips with what just transpired that night, wondering if something like this can be compartmentalized. You know now, it can't. Not everything in life is meant to be neatly placed into something.
Suddenly, you feel arms around you and her head resting against your back. You jump slightly, startled. Turning around, you look down at her. "Sorry if I woke you."
"You didn't, I went to reach for you and you weren't there." She runs her hand up and down your back and you shiver involuntarily. "What's wrong?" she asks quietly.
You shake your head and start to pull away, but she stops you. "Emily, don't pull away from me. You know you can talk to me." You smile slightly at that and wrap your arms around the shorter woman.
"I have my own demons to fight. I've always thought they were my demons and no one else's. No one ever cared to climb over the walls. It's always been easier to just shut people out and deal with things on my own."
You feel her thumb brush over your cheek and wipe away a tear you didn't even know fell. "All my life, I just wanted to know that I was loved for me, not because my mother was some high powered official; that we had money. I never knew who my friends were. After the abort…" you swallow hard and continue, "after the abortion at 15, that was just another incident that was swept under the rug. That's when I learned that if I shut down, I didn't have to feel."She tightens her hold on you, and you have to fight the urge to pull away. "When I was 'dead' for those months, all I could think about was you. You came to me in Paris and handed me the passports and money, and all I could think at that moment was could I let you walk away. I did. I knew then no matter what, I would come back, if only to tell you how I felt." She pulls away and looks up at you for a moment.
"Do you remember when I left to take the job at the Pentagon?" you nod, not trusting your voice. "I contemplated it, not because of the better opportunity, even though it was one hell of an opportunity, but because it meant that if we didn't work together, then maybe I could finally tell you how I felt." You look at her, stunned for a second. She smiles and says, "You weren't the only one keeping secrets. I've been in love with you for a long time. Since the moment you walked into the BAU. Garcia called me on it a long time ago, but I was too scared to come forward and tell you." You chuckle at that, and she looks at you quizzically.
"Morgan told me the same thing. Damn profilers." She chuckles at that and runs her hand down your back again, and you shiver. She chuckles softly and smiles, wrapping her arms around you. You turn fully and lay your forehead against yours. You lean over and kiss her fully, wrapping your arms tightly around her. She responds and gently pushes you back on the couch, her mouth leaving yours to trail down your neck and over your collarbone. You whimper and she smiles, pulling back. You look up at her and notice the look in her eyes and you smile, pulling her down and kissing her will all the pent up emotion you've held inside for so long.
Later, as you two are back in bed and she is drifting off to sleep, she looks up at you and says, "I'll always be here, Emily. I'm not going anywhere. No matter how far you fall, I'll be there to catch you." You smile and let the tears finally fall, but you know for once, that these are tears of happiness, not tears of sadness and loneliness.
You finally know what coming home feels like.