Title: Shame, Guilt, Absolution

Author: nend0roidgal

Series: Grimm (NBC)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance (Slash) Monroe/Nick

Rating: T, eventually M

Warnings: Spoilers for Season 1, Coarse Language, Adult Themes/Situations, Slash

Disclaimer: Don't own; no profit gained (other than the usual artistic and creative fulfillment)

NOTE: This was started BEFORE Season 2 began, certain aspects of the story are no longer in line with canon (considering it's a romance between Nick and Monroe, obviously it's not in line with canon, lol, but still..!) So please disregard Season 2 while you read this.

CHAPTER 1: Shame I

Nick blinked several times, his vision fighting against the bleary half-light in the pre-dawn lit room. His tongue flickered briefly across his furry teeth and swallowed hard against the heavy tang of alcohol and sweat and salty unpleasantness. It didn't take more than a few moments for his mind to wake and clear and recall every shared moment from the night before.

Head rolling to the side, he found Monroe as he knew he would: bare-chested, on his back with eyes focused upon the ceiling. Even in the gray morning light of the older man's bedroom, he could see that they were rimmed with sleeplessness and perhaps even tinted with horror at what they had done.

Naked, sickened and ashamed, Nick shifted onto his shoulder, his entire body longing to curl away from what he'd fashioned under the guise of their friendly affection.

He'd been drunk, but he'd known exactly what he was doing when he forced his being to meld with Monroe's hard one. He'd wanted every moment, every press and feel; yet it hadn't been mutual. Not completely. Even in the heat of the moment, Nick had known what was real and how this thing he ached so keenly for, how it didn't exist in this world. Even so, fully aware, he let himself fall victim to his own lust, choosing to ignore his conscience and Monroe's hesitance, allowing himself to destroy the one precious thing left in the laughable hull of his former life.

Perhaps it was guilt or some misplaced feeling of debt which forced Monroe to give in to Nick's drunken whims, regardless of the cost. Allowing hands to tug and pull, lips to kiss and wrap around flesh. Somewhere Nick thought he remembered Monroe crying, no doubt in realization of what the morning would mean.

Now with the buffer of alcohol gone, there was nothing to dull the feelings of sorrow.

"Should we… talk about it?"

Nick shuddered at the sound of his friend's broken whisper, realizing he'd been the one to break it.


The other man didn't argue. There were no snide comments; no biting remarks. Just silence. Silence and the muted trembling of the bed.

Curling further into darkness, away from another problem he'd caused and couldn't begin to repair, Nick allowed himself a few tears of his own.


A/N: Just to be clear, Nick did NOT rape Monroe. I did my best to word it clearly enough without being too graphically specific (the first run through would have possibly warranted an M rating to be safe).

Originally this was only going to be a 2 part one-shot (hence the vagueness). I hope if you've read this first chapter, you will be interested in reading more. Thank you for reading. :)