I always loved running my fingers through Edward's luscious hair. The way the long strands intertwined with my fingers as I twirled it while we'd mess around made me want him even more.

"What would you think of me if I was bald?" Edward posed to me while we were watching TV on an otherwise boring Saturday night.

"I don't know.. I think you'd look funny bald. I'm not sure," I responded. "Why?"

Edward looked towards the TV and then down near the foot of the bed on which we were laying. He started unzipping his pants very slowly. What could he want to show me?

"Did you…" I hesitantly continued, "shave… down there?"

He stopped unzipping. "No," his voice trailed off and began unzipping again.

"Do you want to…" I volunteered. He and I have certainly done stuff before, but it was in the midst of the dark. We'd never before done it in the middle of the day, and certainly not with the lights on.

When he finally got down to the last bit, the button on his pants jolted apart and out came an enormous amount of hair that matched in exact form the wispiness and flow of the hair on his head.

"What is…" I started to say in surprise. But before I could finish my sentence he reached to the top of his head and pulled his hair upwards, revealing an entirely bald head.

He looked at me and saw the surprised look on my face. "Vampires are actually bald. So I had a toupee made from my pubic hair to fit in with everyone else."

I vomited. And vomited again. And then vomited some more. And then I went home and fucked Billy Black, instead.