It's been such a long time since I became a demon, Sebastian and still, you'll not look upon me with those eyes that are filled with a cold impassiveness that scares me.
Do you truly blame me for something I didn't asked for?
Do you really hate me so much?
Come closer, Sebastian. Don't look down at your feet, look at me. Tell me that you hate me; tell me that you can't stand me. I need to hear you say it.
Or tell me that you love me, tell me that you want me. I need you to say something, anything, other that the damn schedule of the day.
Kiss me, Sebastian. Kiss me and I'll feed you.
I'll feed you part of the soul I acquired just a couple of hours ago.
Do you know why I do it mouth to mouth instead of just coughing it up?
It's because I like having your mouth on mine, I like having your tongue down my throat, tasting, exploring. Don't tell me you don't like it too. I know you do. I can tell by the way you moan low in your throat. Perhaps it's only from the taste of the souls I choose, perhaps. Or, perhaps, you like it too.
There was a time when you liked kissing me. When you would tease me with a nip to the ear, or a soft touch here and there. Sometimes you would kiss me and I would cling to you trying to hold on to whatever sanity I had left.
Why can't we be like that now?
Touch me, Sebastian.
Touch me in the way you used to, the way that made me feel something other than hate and rage and bloodlust. Stroke my cheek, brush my lips with yours. Come, now; it's not like you to be so shy.
Hold me, Sebastian.
Hold me just once more before I let you go. Yes, I'll let you go, Sebastian. I'll let you leave me if that's what it takes to get that gleam back in your eye. Just hold me. That's all I ask. Hold me to your chest; let me feel your warmth. Let me treasure this. Let me pretend, if only for a moment, that you love me too. Yes, like that. Embrace me. Wrap your arms around me. Just once more.
I'll close my eyes now. I won't sleep. I don't think I can. I know that, if I fall asleep, you won't be there when I wake up. There's a pain in my chest, Sebastian. It won't go away.
Why won't it go away?
Leave me, Sebastian.
Go as far away as you want. This is my gift to you. I've broken the contract. I denied you my soul. This is the least I can do. No, don't call me 'Young master'. My name is Ciel. There is no need for formality, Sebastian. Just take your freedom and go.
Just promise to think kindly of me, Sebastian, if you think of me at all.
I'll still remember you after you've long forgotten me.
I feel my eye burn as I watch you walk away. I know the sign on your hand has gone and my eye is the same ordinary blue it was before our contract was formed.
I collapse onto my knees when the door slams shut.
Did you hear me hit the floor, Sebastian?
Did you hear my heart of ice shatter into a million pieces?
I gasp as the emotional pain spears through me and I lie on my side, staring at the door.
Days pass, or is it weeks? Time means very little anymore. I do not sleep, I do not eat. I can't. I've tried. I have moved from that spot a couple of times now just to shower or to do a chore you used to do. The books won't dust themselves, you know.
Then I go back to that same spot, lie down and wait. I wait for Death. I can feel him coming, Sebastian and I'm not scared. I was never one to fear Death, was I? I wish you had killed me before I awoke as a demon. Or, better yet, I wish you had left me on that alter where I had been abused in every way possible and had just let me die.
I wish, I wish, I wish. . .
I'm fading, Sebastian. I can feel myself flowing away. My eyes droop and close. My breathing becomes shallow and slow. I'm dying.
I wish I could kiss you one more time before I end.
Everything I have heard of death could never prepare me for the slowness of it all.
I wish you were here to hold me as I die.
I'm cold. It's odd. I thought I wouldn't be able to feel anything but I just feel . . .cold.
I wish, I wish, I wish. . .
I can feel the pain of my heartache. Perhaps death is welcome. Perhaps, after all my suffering, God will take pity on me and allow me entry to paradise. I doubt it, though. God had never taken pity upon me before. You were always my savour. I don't need a god. I don't need paradise. I need you.
I wish I had never fallen in love with you. . .
My breathing hitches. I could swear I hear your voice. I must be loosing my mind but that's ok.
If it's your voice then it's ok.
I feel hands on me now, arms lifting me, carrying me, holding me. I can smell your musky scent. Yes, I have definitely lost my mind. It's ok, though. It will be a comfort as I die.
I feel lips on mine, a mouth that tastes like you. I feel something forced into my throat by that tongue that tastes like yours. I come to the understanding, as strength erupts through me, that it is a soul.
"Sebastian." I whisper as I open my eyes to see yours staring back. "You're not meant to be here."
You lower me onto something soft, a bed. "Why not?" you ask almost angrily but your attempt at anger fails as your eyes betray you. They're watery.
Why are they watery?
"I let you go." I rasp as you stroke my cheek gently.
I would say lovingly but. . .you don't love me.
"Oh, little one." you whisper. "What have you done to yourself?"
I don't understand, Sebastian. I'm confused. You hate me yet you show . . .concern? Are you mocking me? Do you know how much I long for you? Is this all just one big ploy to have me live or die in misery? Tell me, Sebastian. Tell me you're not that cruel.
"Let me die." I beg. I can't live if you're not with me. I should already be dead, remember? I have only stolen a few more years; years that are ending.
Oh, Sebastian. Let me die. I have no reason to live. I gave you your freedom. Be free. Be free of me like you have been for the past few weeks now.
Let me die.
Have you no mercy?
Just let me die.
"No." you say.
I know you are a demon but surely you cannot be so cruel. You're evil, Sebastian. Let me die. I do not want to live knowing you won't be there. Why? Why won't you let me die?
"Sebastian. . ."
"No." you repeat. You sound odd. Your voice breaks.
Why, Sebastian? Why make out like you care? Why not leave me to die?
"Please." I sound pitiful, don't I, Sebastian?
"No." your hands cup my face. "Ask anything of me, little one, just not that. I won't do that."
I shiver at your warmth and desperation washes over me. I feel hot tears spill over my eyes, tears of sorrow, frustration and regret. Yes, regret. I finally have something to regret, Sebastian. I regret falling for you as hard as I so foolishly did.
"Sebastian. . ."
"No, Ciel. I can't let you die." and lips press down against mine.
I can't help it. I respond to your kiss, stroking and pushing my tongue against yours in a hopeless battle for domination; a battle I quickly loose.
So, kiss me sweetly, Sebastian. You who know how to dominate me. Give me this then go. Please go. I don't want you to watch me descend into depression. Yes, like that. Kiss me just like that. Slow and soft.
Make me believe you love me if only for a moment.
Then you push another soul down my throat.
I try to pull away but you hold me tightly and force me to swallow it.
Do you want me to live, Sebastian?
You pull away and look down at me with desperate eyes. "I won't let you die."
I stare up and find myself meeting your ruby red eyes with these dull sapphires. I miss the amethyst of our contract, suddenly. Perhaps then I could order you instead of just asking "Why?"
You lower your face once again only to rest your forehead against mine. "I no longer know how to live without you."
I frown. I know you feel it by the way you lift your head to look at me. "You've only known me a few years. You've been around for centuries. I'm sure you can manage."
You almost laugh.
You take hold of my hands, intertwining your fingers with mine and gently pin them alongside my head. "I thought so too but. . . It seems I have formed an attachment with you much deeper than I originally thought."
I don't understand. Don't confuse me, Sebastian. You know I don't like feeling confused.
"What do you. . ."
"I love you, Ciel." you interrupt, condemning me to silence as I stare up at you with wide eyes. Eyes that fill up with desperate tears.
"Don't lie to me." I beg. "Please, Sebastian. Don't. I'm not. . .I'm not strong e-enough. N-not for this game. No more games. Please. Just go."
Your mouth falls on mine. My lips part and we kiss over and over again, your index finger stroking down my cheek, down my neck, making me shiver. You pull away. "Tell me you don't love me." you say, your voice like the gentle wind through the trees; one can only hear it if one listens carefully enough. "tell me that and I'll go. Look me in the eye, my love, and say that you don't. Then, and only then, I'll leave you."
I stare at you and remain silent. It would seem you have found my Achilles heel, Sebastian.
Something flickers in your eyes. Is that. . .hope? "Tell me you love me and I'm yours." you say seeking out a brief kiss.
"Liar." tears start to escape again.
"Don't lie." I whisper.
"I would never." you promise as your lips brush mine. "Just say it. . .just say it and I'm yours."
My eyes flicker to yours, unsurely but I can see nothing but honesty in those pits of hellfire. "I. . ." I begin but I stop. "H-how do I know this isn't some plot to make a fool out of me?"
You let out a sigh. "what can I do? What can I do that will convince you that I'm in love with y-. . .?"
My mouth is on yours before you can finish. I can't take it. I can't. I'll have this moment. I don't care, Sebastian. Make a fool of me. For I am a fool. I don't care what you do. I don't. I just need to tell you tha ."I love you too."
Make a fool of me, Sebastian. Go on. I deserve it.
Is that . . .joy in your eyes?
Is that . . .tenderness I see?
Could it be that you were not lying after all?
"Let me love you, Ciel." you murmur. "let me take you. I promise to be gentle. I just want to love you."
My breathing gets caught in my throat. "n-no." I choke out. You look slightly disappointed and you look as if you're about to pull away but you misunderstand. "don't be gentle."
You blink in confusion.
Come now, Sebastian. You know best a demon's nature. "I want you. I don't want you to pretend. I don't want you to be gentle. It's not you."
You stare down at me with those blood red eyes that glow brighter.
I see your lust and I know you see mine.
And my uncertainty.
Make me forget my doubts, Sebastian.
Make me forget that you were ever cold to me.
Make love to me, Sebastian.
Take me, ravish me, love me.
"Yes, my Lord." you whisper and capture my lips with yours, dragging me into a kiss rougher than I'm used to. "My love." your tongue is more forceful so I put up a better fight, fighting a battle I know I will loose in three. . .two. . .one. I loose and you explore my mouth possessively. "My Ciel." you savagely begin kissing and nipping at my neck.
"Sebastian." I gasp your name and turn my head to give you more room.
Yes, mark me. Show the world who I belong to. Let the world know that I am yours.
Buttons spring to the floor.
I hate the infuriating things anyway.
Yes, taint my pail skin with your lips, your tongue, teeth.
You abuse my chest, bite my erect nipples, making me moan.
Fabric rips under my fingertips as I tear off your shirt. I never really liked that shirt. Too plain. . .too ordinary. And you're anything but.
Hot. Hell, everything is so hot. I didn't know anything could burn like this.
Kiss me, Sebastian. Yes, like that. Rough, demanding, possessive. I'm yours.
I taste blood. You've bitten my lip, Sebastian, but I don't care.
You rip off my trousers and I moan as you start bruising the insides of my thighs.
Oh, the bliss of this sweet torture.
Make it hurt. Go on, I know you want to. No, don't look up at me with those guilt ridden eyes. I want it. I want this pain. It proves that I want you, that I trust you, that I love you.
Take me. Don't bother preparing me. Go on. No, don't bother with a finger. . .those fingers. I want. . ."Ah!" you've found my prostate, Sebastian. Don't just grin at me. I want you. I want you. Please. "Sebastian."
I grab your trousers and start unbuckling your belt.
Where the hell did you manage to find such a stiff buckle?
You chuckle at my frustration and push my hands away.
How did you manage to get that thing undone when I couldn't?
I frown. I do not pout.
If you so much as think the word 'cute', I won't let you con. . ."SEBASTIAN!"
You enter me swiftly, hitting my prostate.
Again. Do it again. Yes. Please. More. More of this pain. More of this pleasure. More of you.
"Sebastian. . .Sebastian. . ." I find myself chanting your name again and again and again as you thrust into me, filling me, completing me.
I open my eyes.
When did I close them?
I seek out the ruby red that are yours.
I find them and meet them. I know mine are a demonic red, glazed over with lust, flickering blue every now and again. Yours are the same, shifting from a gentle red to the fiery demonic shade of a demon.
My hands run down your sides, down your body. The skin there is smooth and soft. You like that. I can tell by the way you growl.
My hands make their way up to your back and my black nails dig into your flesh.
"Sebastian." I'm nearing my completion now and, judging by the speed you're currently pounding into me, you are too.
You reach between us and begin to pump my neglected member, sending me over the edge. You come soon after with a breathless cry of my name. My name. No one else's.
Tell me you love me, Sebastian. My Sebastian.
"I love you."
Promise you'll never leave me.
"I'll never leave you."
I pull you down for another kiss. "I love you too."
I do, you know.
I love you, Sebastian.
Another one shot I did when I was bored.
Your boring little secret