Speed of Life - Outtakes and deleted scenes

Now with added author's notes!

Bunny's notes on Steve:

First impressions:
Pleasingly tall. Good shoulders. Firm handshake. But looks like someone else picked his clothes and dressed him. Possibly still lives at home with mother?

Things in common:
Impossible to say. He was not very forthcoming in the interview. Disappointing.

Did he make me laugh?
At least he was smart enough to not waste time trying.

Did I make him laugh?
No, he seemed very tense and unsure of himself. Not a desirable personality attribute.

Do I feel a connection?
I don't think I'm his type. I think he would fare better in Greenwich Village.

Overall impression:
Seemed entirely too interested in musical films. What grown man admits to loving The Wizard of Oz? In all likelihood a closet homosexual. That would also explain the overall look.

Would I like to see this person again?
No, but I hope for everyone's sake he stops trying to fool himself and comes out of the closet eventually. Biologically desirable physical attributes- I wonder if he would consider surrogate fatherhood through sperm donation?

Author's Note- I took this out of the original posted version as I didn't want it to seem homophobic, but as Bunny turned out to be a total bitchface anyway... this is what she thought of our lovely Captain. Pooooor Steve!

… … …
*Warning - The following contains bad language and live seafood.

Natasha vs. Clint-

First impressions:
Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Seriously Barton, that shirt? If you're so desperate to show the ladies your guns, why don't you just get around shirtless and be done with it?

Things in common:
Disdain and concealed weapons

Did he make me laugh?
I can, and do, laugh at him. Frequently.

Did I make him laugh?
I made him afraid, which is so much better.

Do I feel a connection?
Sometimes I'd like to connect my knee to his crotch. Today is one of those days.

Overall impression:
He's trying to drag Steve down with him, but I'm not going to let him.

Would I like to see this person again?
I'm stuck seeing him pretty much every day whether I like it or not.

… … …

Clint vs. Natasha-

First impressions:
Stop spying on me, you crazy spy!

Things in common:
Well, she needs therapy and now SO DO I.

Did she make me laugh?

Did I make her laugh?

Do I feel a connection?
Not since Budapest. You had a shot, lady, and you missed.

Overall impression:
Stop cramping my goddamn style, you Russian psychopath!

Would I like to see this person again?


Author's notes: I believe it was Crumpled Paper Hearts who asked for this addendum, she wanted to see Clint swear and flip out! Happy to oblige.

A bit on the side

"What are you up to tonight, Barton?" Tony asked.

"Taking one of my speed dating gals out on the town."

"Aw, isn't lust grand" Tony teased. "Where are you going?"

"To the gun show" Clint said cockily, folding his well-muscled arms across his chest.

"There's a gun show in town?" Steve wondered aloud. "Why would you take a date to something like that?"

Tony and Clint exchanged a look.

"Make him stop talking" Clint asked.


Clint washed his hands and tried not to smirk at himself in the men's room mirror. He was feeling pretty pleased with life.

He'd had a delicious meal and just enough Cheongju to feel relaxed, and he was enjoying some very pleasant female company.

He was also fairly certain that if he continued to play his cards right he'd be getting lucky sometime later that night.

He left the men's room, and started back through the dining area when he heard an accusatorial "Hey, you!" from behind him.

He didn't recognise the female voice, but he stopped, and his back tensed.

He turned at looked at the woman. She was frowning at him, and it took him a moment to place her.

"Oh. Hey." he said.

"Remember me from the speed dating night?" she said with a touch of sarcasm.

He wracked his brain "Chloe, was it?"

"That's right" She said. She walked towards him. "I can't believe that stunt you pulled, writing down your boss's phone number and saying it was yours."

"Frankly, I'm surprised you even noticed. You were so busy playing with your phone" Clint said, totally unapologetic.

"Whatevs" she said dismissively, rolling her eyes. "He only yelled at me for a few minutes."

"You actually spoke to him?" Clint said in disbelief. Fury was going to kill him. Or worse.

"Yeah. He was kinda' cool. Turned out okay, too" Chloe said with a smug smile.

She patted the shoulder of someone sitting at the table next to which she was standing. Clint looked down and his face nearly fell off.

Nick Fury was dressed in a dark blue silk shirt and black trousers. A black leather jacket was draped over the back of his chair. He pivoted in his chair to look at Clint.

Clint's mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out.

"Barton" Fury greeted him conversationally.

"Sir" Clint finally managed.

"You should try the Sannakji, it's very fresh" Fury commented, wrangling something with his chopsticks.

Clint looked down to see what Fury was eating, and his eyes widened. Fury was prodding something that was still moving.

"Get back on the plate, motherfucker!" he told it.

Clint swallowed nervously. "I think I'll stick to bulgogi, thanks" he said quietly.

Fury shrugged and chowed down on his octopus. Chloe beamed at Clint, and sat back down, reaching across the table to pat Fury's hand affectionately.

"Have a nice night" Fury said dismissively to Clint, fixing the other man with a look that made Clint feel like he was about to be sliced up and served on a plate.

"Director" he breathed, nodding to Fury. "Speed dating chick" he nodded to Chloe. He turned on his heel and casually walked away.

Once he was out of Fury's sight, he bolted.

… … …

Author's notes: Mad props go to TheDreamerLady, she was the one who came up with Clint's line about the GUN show, after laughing solidly for about five minutes I asked if I could steal it. And livi16 had the crazy idea of Fury eating living seafood; we had quite an outrageous back-and-forth over how that would go... Very gross, and horribly cruel- neither of us endorse it. On the brighter side, Clint is probably vegetarian now.

All that is left of this series now is the multi-chapter Fairy Godmother with a Gun. It's still a week or so off, and will be posted under its own banner, so keep an eye out. Until then, would you like a taster?


Natasha poured herself another measure of spirits as the waitress set plates of blini, shashlyk and shuba before Steve. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation and dug in. After trying a bit of everything, he looked up at Natasha and frowned.

"I'm sorry... would you like some food?" he offered.

She smirked at him and shook her head no, and refilled her glass, then held up the bottle.

"I'm sorry, would you like some vodka?"

Steve smiled and shook his head, and then fell upon the food with enthusiasm.

"So, what do you talk to your dance partners about when you're dancing?"

Steve sat back with a sigh and shook his head, but he was smiling slightly. "Does everyone know about that?"

"It's urban legend around the Avenger's mansion as no-one, apart from me, has actually ever seen you dance. And I refuse to confirm or deny my sightings to the others."

Steve laughed lightly "Thank you. I'd never hear the end of it from the guys."

"I think they'd be impressed, maybe a little jealous" Natasha said casually.

Steve suddenly stopped eating and looked up to stare at Natasha. "Wait a minute... what do you mean, you've seen me dance? When have you seen me dance?"

"Fury had me tailing you for a while after our first mission, just to make sure you handled the aftermath of being thrust back into action." she shrugged. "I watched you in your class a few times."

Steve thought hard, and shook his head, "I had no idea. I never saw you-"

"I'm good at what I do, Cap. You should know that by now. I'm a sneaky bitch."


More soon. Love you guys!