Who's on first?

Alright, so this is an actual skit from the 40s, done by Abbott and Castello, to freaking brilliant comedians. I take nothing from this, neither the skit nor the characters. Just the idea of the characters doing the skit. :D That is all! Hope you enjoy!

When Rob and KF are talking, it might be hard understand who is who but I think it might be pretty straight forward. If you would like to see the actual skit, go to Youtube and type: "Abbott and Castello Who's on First" and click the first video.

"What do you wanna do?" Wally asked, staring warily at the team and League members that were gathered in the cave. As the Watchtower was undergoing construction, a few of the League were there; this graciously included all the founders.

The team acted like angels, making few noises and sounds hat may disturb the league members. Sure, a few of the Leaguers felt awkward too, but they were the ones, in the teenagers minds, intruding on their 'territory' and should be able to do what they wish. A glare from Batman ended this little rebellion quite quickly.

M'gann sat up, grinning brightly. "Heey! Remember, today was supposed to be our little Talent show! We should do it with the League members!"

Eveyrone glanced at each other. They heard a mumbled "no" from Batman but other than that it seemed even the Leaguers were up for it. And then a few head shakes and mumbled replies of 'sorry' rang through the mountain. The team slumped over, Robin even mumbling about lazy superheroes, but no one would ever know. At that moment, Kid Flash sat up and was instantly next to Robin, whispering in his ear. The Boy Wonder brightened, ignoring everyone's stares.

"We'll do a skit!" Robin yelled, scrambling to stand in front of the TV. Artemis groaned and was about to leave when she caught Green Arrow's eye, as much as one could with the mask, and she slumped over in the seat with a groan.

"Yes!" M'gann squealed, grinning and turning to face the two protégés.

"Wait," Robin yelled, "I need a bat!" He ran into another room and came out with an aluminum baseball bat. He handed it to Wally, who grinned and put it over his shoulder.

"Where… where'd he get a bat?" Artemis muttered, sending a glance toward everyone else, who shrugged.

"Alright, so the skit is called "Who's on first?" Ready? Okay. Oh, and by the way, my name is Castello and he's Abbott." Everyone nodded, eyes trained on the two young heroes.

They turned to each other and grinned, Robin opening his mouth to speak.

"How do you…how do you like my lawn club for St. Lou?" Robin said, turning toward Wally, a small smile grazing his face.

"Hey, all those people gonna be at the game today?" Wally asked, glancing thoughtfully at the ceiling.


"Ah, this is gonna be a whopper of a game!" Wally exclaimed, swinging the bat with a grin. Artemis leaned over to Flash, who was smiling, and whispered, "When was this done? The thirties!" To her surprise, he nodded.

"Well it should be," Robin said, nodding his head with a furrowed brow, obviously serious about it.

"Hey, Abbott…?"

"What?" Robin asked.

"I understand they made you the manager of this here whole great team," Wally's arm swept out over toward the League and the team, causing everyone to smile.

"Why not?" Robin shrugged.

"So you the manager?"

"I'm the manager!" Robin exclaimed, jumping slightly and turning toward Wally with an incredulous look on his face.

"Well, you know, I'd like to know some of the guys' names on the team so when I meet 'em on the street or in the ballpark I'll be able to say, "Hello," to those people."

"Why sure I'll introduce you to the boys. They give 'em funny names though, St. Lou," Robin frowned as he thought about it.

"Oh I know they give those ball players awful funny names."

"Well, let's see, on the team we have uh Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third…"

Everyone began to laugh as he said this, a few getting it while another standing there confused.

"Are you the manager?"


"You know the guys' names?" Wally asked, putting the bats top end to the floor with a small clang.

"I sure do."

"Then tell me the guys' names."

"I say, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third and then you…"

"You the manager?"


"You know the guys' names?"

"I'm telling you their names!" Robin exclaimed. Batman shook his head at the boy.

"Well who's on first?"


"Go ahead and tell me."


Everyone laughed and a few smiled. This was going to be silly, and one could already tell where this would go.

"The guy on first."


"The guy playin' first base."


"The guy on first."

"Who is on first!"

"What are you askin' me for? I'm askin' you!"

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you!"

"You ain't tellin' me nothin'. I'm askin' you, who's on first?" Wally sigh, obviously exasperated.

"That's it!"

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"Who!" Robin yelled.

"The guy on first base."

"That's his name."

"That's whose name?"


"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's the man's name!"

"That's whose name?" Wally asked, M'gann began to laugh.


"Well go ahead and tell me!"

"Who is on first," Robin stated.

"What are you askin' me for? I'm askin' you, who's on first?"

"That's it."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"Who," he replied promptly.

"The guy on first."

"That's it."

"What's the guy's name on first?" Wally questioned, his face getting red with, even though it was fake, anger.

"No, What's on second."

"I'm not askin' you who's on second!"

"Who's on first."

"That's what I'm askin' you! Who's on first?"

"Now wait a minute. Don't… don't change the players."

"I'm not changin' nobody! I asked you a simple question. What's the guys' name on first base?"

"What's the guy's name on second base."

"I'm not askin' you who's on second!"

"Who's on first," Robin stated, glaring at Wally and willing him to understand it. Artemis shook her head, but was smiling at the two as they continued.

"I don't know."

"He's on third. Now we're not talking about him." Everyone laughed and a few clapped their hands together.

"Look, you got a first baseman?"


"Then tell me the fella's name playin' first."


"The guy playin' first."

"That's his name!" Robin exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Wait…What's the guy's name on first base?"

"What is the guy's name on second base!"

"Who's playin' second?"

"Who's playin' first."

"I don't know."

"He's on third base."

"Look, when you pay off the first baseman every month, who do you pay the money to?"

"Every dollar of it."

"Yeah. Look, you gotta pay the money to somebody on first base, don't you?"

"Yeah," Robin said, unsure of where Wally was going.

"Does he give you a receipt?"


"How does he sign the receipt?"


"The guy that you give the money to," Wally replied.


"The guy you give the money to."

"That's how he signs it."

"That's how who signs it?"

"Yes," Robin nodded, grinning.

"Well go ahead and tell me!"

"That's it."

"That's who?"


"When you give the guy the money, doesn't he have to sign the receipt?"

"He does!"

"Well how does he sign his name?"


"The guy you give the money to."

"That's how he signs it!"

"You! You…You just don't give money to someone without having 'em sign the receipt!" Wally said, flustered as he stared at Robin.

"No! Who signs it."

"What are you askin' me for?"

"Now calm down." Robin said, patting the red head on the shoulder, "I'm not asking you, I am telling you. The…-"

"Well go ahead and tell me. What's the guy's name that signs the receipt on first base?"

"Well now wait a minute. What signs his own receipt."

"Who signs his own receipt?"

"No, Who signs his."

"I'm askin' you, when the guy on first base gives you a piece of paper…"

"Yes, now wait…"

"…he puts his name on it," Wally continued.

"No, Who puts his name on it…" Robin interrupted quickly.

"How…" Wally muttered, shaking his head.

"…and what puts his name on it…" Robin went on, only to be once more cut off.

"How does the fella's name on first base look to you when he signs his name?"


"To you."

"That's how it does."

"How does it look to you?"


"To you."


"To you."

"Who! Look…" Robin started, but Wally cut him off.

"When the guy signs his name, how does it look to you?"

"Now that's how it looks. Who."



"I'm askin' you. What's the guy's name on first base you give the money to?"

"Who! After all, the man's entitled to it…"

"Who is?"

"Yes. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it," Robin said proudly, for some unknown reason he beamed and everyone snorted and laughed. It was obvious they hadn't come up with the skit themselves, Robin might have, but Wally no. He was to literal.

"Whose wife?"

"Yeah, sure."

"All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base…" Wally said angrily.

"What is on second base."

Costello: I'm not askin' you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"I don't know."


"Third base, I know," Wally sighed, turning away and shaking his head.


"You got a outfield?"


"The left fielder's name?" Wally asked.

"Why." Everyone laughed at this, a few shaking their heads.

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well I just thought I'd tell you," Robin said, annoyed, crossing his arms.

"The left fielder's name?"

"Why!" Robin exclaimed, getting even more irritated.

"Hmm… because!" Wally growled, running a hand through his red hair.

"Oh, he's centerfield," Robin replied, grinning as laughter (Not Batman's, but a small grin grazed his lips) rang through the mountain.


"Told you all these players got…" Robin began, but Wally cut him off.

"All I'm tryin' to figure out is what's the guy's name in left field."

"Now, What's on second."

"I'm not askin' you who's on second."

"Who's on first."

"I don't know…"

"Third base!" They both yelled simultaneously, pointing toward their right and everybody's left as they stared into each other's eyes angrily.

"You got a pitcher on this team?" Wally growled.

"Wouldn't be a fine team without a pitcher," Robin replied calmly.

"What's his name?"


"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you."

"Then go ahead."

"Tomorrow!" Robin yelled, jumping up a bit in the air.

"What time?" Wally questioned. Everyone grinned and laughed, the skit itself was funny but Wally and Robin's expression's and movements were funny as well.

"What time what?"

"What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?"

"Now listen. Who is not…-"

"I'll break your arm, if you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"Third base!" They yelled, pointing back toward their right once more.

"You got a catcher?"


"The catcher's name?"

"Today," Robin retorted stoically.

"Today. You don't wanna tell me, today…tomorrow…do you?" Wally grumbled, resembling a certain brooding thirteen year old.

"I'm telling you!"

"So the catcher's name?"


"Today. And Tomorrow's pitching," Wally asked.

"Now you've got it!"

"Now I've got it…" Wally muttered, obviously confused.


"All we got is a couple of days on the team!" Wally yelled, exasperated as his head fell into his hands. Robin shook his head and sighed. "Well I can't help that," he exclaimed.

"All right. You know now, I'm a good catcher. Now, I get behind the plate and… and Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up."

"Yes…" Robin replied slowly, unsure of where it was going.

"Now when he gets up, me being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So the guy bunts the ball. I pick up the ball; I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

"Now that's the first thing you've said right," Robin exclaimed excitedly.

Artemis laughed at his face, which looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!" Wally yelled.

"Well that's…That's all you have to… to do" Robin said.

"That's all I have to do is to throw the ball to first base. Now who's got it?"

"Naturally. Now you've got it."

"I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get the ball! Now who's got it?"



"Naturally," Robin grinned.



"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally," Wally asked, causing Robin to face palm along with Black Canary and Flash.

"No, no, no, no…"

"He gets the ball. Naturally gets the ball and…Nat—"

"You throw the ball to first base," Robin interrupted.

"Then who gets it?"


"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally," Wally stated, still looking slightly confused.

"No!" Robin yelled, waving his arms frantically through the air.

"Naturally gets the ball and…and…" Wally started.

"You throw the ball to Who," Robin interrupted calmly once more.


"Naturally," the Boy Wonder stated calmly.

"That's what I'm saying!"

"You're not saying it…"

"I said, I throw the ball to Naturally."

"No you don't!

"I throw it to who?" Wally asked, leaning forward to hear the response.


"That's what I'm saying!"

"No it isn't."

"I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it."

"So Who gets it," Robin said.

"Naturally," Wally said. Zatanna laughed at Robin's face.

"That's it," Robin nodded.

"Okay. Now I ask you, who gets it?"

"Naturally," Robin mumbled, but it was clearly audibly.

"Same as you!" Wally exclaimed.

"Now listen…" the boy began.

"I throw the ball to Naturally."

"You throw the ball to Who!" Robin yelled, face palming.

"Then who gets it?"

"Naturally," Robin sighed.

"He better get it! So I throw the ball to first base."

"All right," Robin nodded.

"Whoever gets it drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Now, Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, triple play."

"Could be," Robin commented.

"Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because," Wally continued.


"Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!"

"What'd you say?" The younger team shook their heads, except for Connor. Let the poor boy be, but he was completely soaked up in the human culture.

"I said, I don't give a darn!" Wally yelled.

Robin grinned, "Oh, that's our shortstop."

And then they turned toward their audience and bowed. Everyone clapped and the two boys grinned. Robin turned toward Wally and said, "I don't think anyone could beat that!"

"I don't know…"

Then they both glance at each other and, "THIRD BASE!"


Hehe… This took me three hours… and a day… a day and three hours. Yikes. Please review!