The apartment was empty, it was the middle of the night and all I could do was sit. In a weird way it was almost comforting. The warm mug of tea in my hands and the streetlights coming through the blinds made me feel safe and at home. And it meant my brain could go over this.
He'd left me, basically. Upped and gone, which was so unlike him but, like Jack said, maybe that's why he did it. But he didn't tell me. And that's what hurts, he didn't tell me. I told him I could sort everything out for him, I told him everything would be alright and it would have been but...he didn't listen. He just went.
Well. I guess I'm dispensable. I guess I'm someone who can just be left. I guess I don't matter. Why else would your best friend disappear halfway round the world and not tell you? Because he doesn't care, that's why. Because he's selfish. Because he doesn't care about my about the effect this has on me? I don't know when I'm going to see him again, how am I supposed to make plans? What am I supposed to do? Goddamn it Will, always thinking about yourself. Being so selfish, what about thinking about me and my life?
I was making myself angry. And I was angry, really really angry. Who did I have for company now, Karen and Jack? What were they going to do? I knew Jack missed Will but he wasn't going to sit and pine for him, he'd just get on with things. And Karen wouldn't care. It was just me, sat here in my own little pity party. Ruining my life. If I ever speak to him I will tell him how angry I am!
The phone rang, making me jump. It was the middle of the night, who the hell would call me this late? I picked it up.
"Gracie?" It was Will. Suddenly all my ideas about being furious at him disappeared and I burst into tears. "Gracie are you ok?"
"No I'm not ok! Will what's going on? How could you leave? And more to the point why the hell are you calling me at 3am?"
"Because I knew you'd be up."
"Great. You knew I'd be that upset that I'd still be up at 3am missing you, what the hell have you done Will?"
"Gracie, you know I needed a change. I needed to get away. I needed to sort things out in my head that I can't do at home."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"It just didn't work out that way. It was a spur of the moment thing. And besides...I knew that if I told you I was going away for a long time you'd talk me out of it, and I didn't want that. Plus I've never been that good at saying goodbye to you."
"I miss you, Will."
"Gracie I've barely been gone two days."
"But you're not here. You're far away. When are you coming home?"
"I don't know yet. But I will, when I'm ready. I promise."
I took a deep breath. "I thought I could fix this for you."
"Oh sweetie. This is more than just fixing. This takes time but I'll be fine. I promise."
"How could you do it? How could you leave me?" I started to cry again. "I'm so mad at you, Will."
"I thought you might be. It's why I called, I didn't want you sitting at home being mad at me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."
"I'm hurt." I said. As I said it I could tell I was pouting, and it suddenly occurred to me that Will needed to do this for him. This was about Will, not me. "Will, I know you needed to do it, god only knows why. I miss you, that's all."
"Sweetie, I'll call you. I promise. I just needed to think about me for a while."
"I know. Hey, who will make me breakfast in the morning?"
"Well, here's an idea, you could make it yourself."
"What are you suggesting?" I said in mock horror. "Pour my own cereal, what kind of person do you think I am?" I could hear Will chuckling on the end of the phone and I could picture that beautiful smile.
"I love you, Gracie. Go to bed. I'll call you soon."
"I love you too. And I'll forgive you eventually." I smiled.
"Bye sweetie." He hung up. I stayed with the phone against my ear for a second, I felt as though he was still there as long as I didn't hang up. When I did, I could feel every mile between us. I uncurled myself from the chair and fell into bed. I think it's going to be ok.