Disclaimer: I do not on K-ON! at all. Though, that's obvious. Because if I did, I would definitely adopt Mio from AdrenaVeris's Spiral-verse.
I wrote this after I finished reading the latest chapter of Spiral by AdrenaVeris. The theme is dark because Spiral has a dark theme in it. And I probably stole a bunch of things from this wonderful author, and I do apologize in advance for doing so. You could pretend this is fanfic to a fanfic, if you will.
And she probably doesn't realize this exist, but I would like to dedicate this to AdrenaVeris. It was because of her wonderful story and beautiful writing that this was even born.
I didn't know why I did it. I barely even remember the events that led up to the whole mess. One second, I felt myself slipping from reality; slipping into black nothingness. And the next, I heard Mio's angelic voice crooning sweet nothings and empty promises, wanting to fill the void that was within me.
And then, she was lying under me, naked and flushed from exertion. There was an interesting taste in my mouth and my hands felt sticky. Her face was turned sideways to avoid looking at me, but I could not take my eyes off of her. I could not stop staring at the numerous hickeys that I marked onto her skin. I could not turn away from the bite marks that I inflicted on her body. But most importantly, the image of her tear-stained face and hollow eyes was burned into my memory. That was when my mind finally registered my actions.
The taste in my mouth was Mio. The stickiness in my hands was Mio.
I raped her.
I hurt her.
I broke her.
And all she wanted to do was help.
"Mio?" I called out. I was surprised at how calm my voice was. It did not waver. It did not shake. It was cool. And calm. And so unlike everything that I was actually feeling.
She remained motionless. She did not move, did not bother to face me as she spoke. "Are you done?"
Her response surprised me. It caught me off guard enough that I could not stop myself from blurting what I did. "I need you."
That was not a lie. I did need her. I just wasn't sure that I should need her, if this is what needing her leads to. Because if needing her meant hurting her, then it shouldn't happen, right?
Mio slowly rose from her position under me, causing me to shift so that she could sit upright on the couch. She looked down at her own hands at first, but then moved her gaze to her own naked body. She stayed in this trance for long time, and all I could do was watch.
As the seconds ticked by, I slowly became aware of two very disturbing emotions. Or the fact that I lacked it. Pain. The pain what I was feeling has dulled down to a mere hum. I know it's there and I know it'll resurface soon, but at the moment, my body was buzzing and the pain could not reach me. It was like anesthesia for the mind. And remorse. I did not feel any remorse for breaking Mio. Instead, as I continued to stare at my friend, I found that I wanted to do it again. I wanted to do her again. I wanted to ensure this buzz stays forever and that the anesthesia will never wear off. Mio was my anesthesia. She made the pain subside. And I wanted to take another dosage.
I tore my eyes away from her, hoping to focus on something else. Hoping to filter my thoughts away from the impure ones I was having.
I cut the silence by calling out her name again. The couch shifted slightly, signaling that Mio stood up. I made the assumption that she went to collect her clothes, but I was proven wrong when she grabbed my collar and lifted me to my feet.
She glowered at me as her entire body shook. I didn't know if it was from anger, or fear, or some unnameable emotion. Fresh tears slowly appeared in her eyes as I continued to look on, waiting for her to initiate... something. A conversation. A fight. Another round of sex. Anything.
"How could you?" she whispered harshly. "Why did you?"
"You said you wanted to help. You said you wanted to make my pain go away. And you did," I replied truthfully.
My body ached to be close to hers once more, but I stopped myself. I controlled my whimsical desires because I knew now was not the time to indulge in such acts. I wanted, but I couldn't. Mio was my friend, and I love her dearly. I already hurt her once. I should not do it again. Not yet. Not now.
Her glower disappeared and was replaced by a neutral expression. She didn't say anything more to me as she pushed me back onto on the couch and left to collect her clothing around the room. I heard the door slam not too long after she finished putting her clothes back on, and only then did I let myself slump down to a laying position on the comfortable furniture.
I didn't know what this meant and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. This was how I knew that Mio will never be the same warm and gentle Mio that I met when I first joined the keionbu.
I sighed to myself as I draped an arm over my eyes and focused on the distinct flavor in my mouth. After a short few moments, the anesthesia began to wear off, and I began to regret letting Mio leave. I needed her. I needed her to stop the pain.
I'll be gentle next time. I promise.
Please review! I know it's dark and I know there are probably a lot of questions regarding all the events that led up to this. I suggest you read Spiral! You'll understand where I got this from.
This is not canon Spiral-verse! My twisted mind concocted this of my own will, without consulting AdrenaVeris.