A/N: Another AU fic loosely based on a prompt from finchel-prompts on tumblr. This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it got kind of long so I decided to split it into two parts. I'm still working on the second part, but hopefully it won't take me too long to get done. Fair warning; I've rated this as T, but it will get a little racy toward the end of this first part.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
Rachel stands on the small stoop by the front door of the little white house, fidgeting a little nervously. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other as she waits for someone to open. She usually doesn't get nervous – she normally prides herself on her unwavering confidence – but this is a completely new experience. When Kurt told her that his stepbrother and his stepbrother's wife needed someone to babysit their five year old daughter and reassured her that it would be very easy money she accepted right away. How hard could it be?
But now, standing outside their door, she really hopes that she's not in over her head.
The door slowly opens, halting her inner musings, and her eyes fall on a tall, very slim blonde. She looks down at her with a slight scowl creasing her forehead. "You must be Rachel Berry," she says, extending a slender, perfectly manicured hand.
Rachel smiles widely, takes the proffered hand in hers and shakes it. "I am," she says, beaming back at the blonde, "It is so nice to meet you, Mrs. Hudson."
It is a little strange being so formal with someone that she's well aware is only seven years older than her. But it's always been of utmost importance to her to come off as nothing but polite and perfectly professional.
"Oh, you can call me Quinn," the blonde says and she smiles but it doesn't really reach her green eyes, "Mrs. Hudson makes me sound so old."
"Alright, Quinn," Rachel agrees, giving her another beaming smile, "it is very nice to meet you."
Quinn nods silently and opens the door wider. "Come on in and meet Beth and my husband," she says and Rachel follows her into a small, but cozy, living room. At the opposite end of the room, perched on a plush sofa and with her eyes trained on the TV, sits a tiny blonde girl. "Beth," Quinn says and the little girl turns around. She's a carbon copy of her mother, except for the fact that her eyes are brown instead of green. She hops down and shuffles over to stand next to her mom. "Beth, this is Rachel, Uncle Kurt's friend," Quinn says, "she'll be staying here with you while Daddy and I go out to dinner."
The little girl nods and gives her a small, shy smile. She smiles back and crouches down next to her. "Hi Beth," she says, "You and I are going to have lots of fun tonight. You know, your Uncle Kurt told me that you're really great at playing dress up – " Beth nods vigorously and she smiles wider " – well, so am I and I'd love to see your costumes. Would you like to show me?" Without another word Beth takes off down the hall. Her eyes follow the little girl but come to an abrupt halt as they connect with another, much larger, body.
Walking down the hall, toward her, is the handsomest man she's ever laid her eyes on. He's tall and his brown hair is impeccably rumpled, dimples crease his cheeks and he's just so utterly gorgeous in every way. She thinks she's even having a bit of trouble breathing as he gives her a crooked grin and quirks an eyebrow. "Hey," he says as he comes up next to her, "I'm Finn. I'm Beth's dad. So," he gives her another smile and her heart flip flops in her chest, "you're friends with my brother?"
"Yes," she says, "we've been in glee together the last two years, and I must say that though I miss him terribly – especially his talent – our friendship has only grown stronger since he moved to New York."
"Oh, uh, cool," Finn says, rubbing the back of his neck, "Anyways, thanks for, you know, being available on such short notice."
"Oh, of course," she says brightly, having trouble tearing her eyes away from his contagious smile, "when Kurt told me you were looking for someone to help out I didn't hesitate at all. I'm always happy to help."
"Well, we really appreciate it. Don't we, sweetheart?" he says as he wraps his arm around Quinn's shoulders and tugs her into his side when she walks by. Quinn gives a short nod and Finn pulls her closer. She can feel an uncomfortable knot tie itself around her insides as she watches them. If she didn't know better she'd think she was feeling the first stings of jealously. But she does know better.
"We should get going. Both our cellphone numbers are on the fridge," Quinn says abruptly and Finn gives her one more crooked smile as he takes his wife's hand and leads her towards the door. "We'll be back by midnight," Quinn adds over her shoulder before the door shuts behind them.
She stands facing the closed door and she closes her eyes. All she can see before her is that adorable, crooked smile. She feels heat flush her body and her heart beats so fast it might be trying to make a run for it.
She does know better. She's not attracted to her best friend's 25 year old stepbrother. She's not. But as she stands there she still can't help but wonder one more time if maybe she's got herself in over her head.
She's sitting by the small kitchen table, watching as Finn pours three bowls of Froot Loops, when she finally admits it to herself. She finally admits that she has undeniably and hopelessly fallen for Finn Hudson. Every time she sees him her heart stops for a second, her breath catches in her throat and her legs turn to jelly and buckle.
After that first night she babysat Beth – who is the sweetest little girl she's ever met and obviously takes after her dad – Finn asked her if she would consider babysitting her on a more regular basis. Of course she said that she'd be happy to and since then she spends every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and evening at the Hudson's little white house and sometimes Saturday nights as well.
And as she lies in bed every night, waiting for sleep to come and take her over, all she sees behind her closed eyes is him. She knows that she's not supposed to have thoughts like those. She knows that she's not supposed to imagine what his large, rough hands would feel like on her naked skin. She's not supposed to feel the heat pool low in her belly.
It's so wrong.
He's seven years older. He's Kurt's brother. He's married for Barbara's sake!
She's his daughter's babysitter and she knows he just sees her as this sweet, innocent, little girl. There are so many reasons why she shouldn't think about him as something more. But she does. She can't help it. Not just because he's the single most handsome man she's ever seen but because he is also the kindest and the sweetest and he's sort of become her friend.
He always takes some time when he gets home – before Quinn does– to ask her about her day and about glee club and her friends. And he tells her about his day and about little cute things Beth has done and sometimes he tells her funny anecdotes about Kurt – like the time he put blue dye in Kurt's shampoo bottle. And they laugh together and he gives her that crooked smile and his dimples poke through his cheeks and her heart spins so much she gets dizzy.
A bowl is placed in front of her on the table and it startles her. Looking up she looks straight into his sparkling, amber eyes. The expression in hers must be comical because he chuckles as he takes the seat between her and Beth.
"Where'd you go?" he says, raising a brow, "You're a million miles away." He shoves a spoon full of the colorful cereal into his mouth and chews happily as he watches her and waits for her answer.
"Oh, just glee club," she says, trying to sound nonchalant and not like she was caught fantasizing about him.
"Yeah?" he smiles, "Got a big solo coming up? I know Kurt loved those. If I have to listen to Defying Gravity one more time I think I might rip my ears off."
She laughs because he's just the most adorable thing ever. "We're doing duets at the moment," she says, "Blaine and I are thinking about doing "Islands in the stream"."
"Cool." He runs his hand through his hair, messing it up further, and she has to restrain herself from reaching out and running her own hands through his messy locks. He shrugs. "You know, I actually wanted to join glee when I was in high school… but Quinn thought it'd conflict too much with football, so I didn't."
A small wrinkle appears between his brows as he speaks. She's noticed it a few times before when he's talking about Quinn. She doesn't know what to say so she just gives him an encouraging smile. Then as he smiles back her confidence grows and she opens her mouth to tell him that she'd be more than happy to sing a duet with him sometime – perhaps something along the lines of "Don't go breaking my heart" – but before any sound has time to leave her the front door opens and closes with a resonant thud.
Thirty seconds later Quinn shows up in the door smiling widely at her husband and daughter. However when she notices the third person at the table her smile falters and the steely look Rachel is used to seeing enters her eyes. "Rachel," she says, walking over to them and kissing Beth on the top of her blonde head, "You're still here?"
"Yeah," Finn says, answering for her, "that's my fault, she was keeping me company and it got kind of late so I got hungry and, you know, I didn't want to be a dick and not offer her something to eat, so now we're just having some cereal."
"I see," Quinn says, leaning in and pressing her lips against Finn's in a kiss that Rachel thinks goes on a little too long, "well, it's almost Beth's bedtime so you may leave now Rachel."
"Oh, of course," she says hurriedly, without looking toward Finn, hops off the chair and makes her way to the hallway. As she's tugging on her coat she hears footsteps against the floor behind her, but she focuses all her attention on buttoning the buttons.
"Rachel," Finn says, and she reluctantly turns around. "Uh, it was fun hanging out tonight."
"It was," she says, buttoning the last button and pulls the door open, "I'll see you next week, Finn."
She leaves without another word. The entire way home she does her best not to think about him, because she knows so well that she shouldn't. It's difficult though and when she lies in her bed a few hours later he's right back where he usually is; front and center in her mind, smiling sweetly at her.
She decides she has to talk to Kurt.
She really tried letting go of Finn. She summoned all of her willpower – something she's always been told she has more than enough of – and she focused it all on thinking of him as her employer and her friend and only that. But it was a pitiful attempt and deep down she knew that it wouldn't work.
She can't push him away. He's sweet and he's caring and the more time she spends with him and gets to know him, the bigger this feeling in the back of her mind grows. She gets the feeling that he's not all that happy.
And the thought that sweet, goofy, adorable Finn Hudson isn't happy kind of breaks her heart.
So she needs to talk to Kurt. He's the only one who might be able to answer her questions. She can't possibly talk to Finn about it. Not yet at least. Not until she knows what's going on. And she certainly cannot talk to Quinn.
She realizes though that Kurt might not feel comfortable answering her questions because he's Finn's brother. But she's hoping that his love of all kinds of gossip is greater than any conviction he has that he needs to protect his brother's privacy. Besides, it's not like she's going to dig very deep. She just wants a better understanding of a few things.
She twirls the pink phone-cord nervously around her forefinger and listens to the monotone sound of the ring tone as she waits for Kurt to pick up. She hasn't really decided yet just how to approach the topic. Should she just come right out and tell Kurt that she's fallen head over heels for his brother? Or should she take a slightly more vague approach?
She doesn't get more time to think about her options because after the third ring, Kurt's happy voice flits through the receiver.
"Why, hello Ms. Rachel Berry," he chirps, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Hi Kurt," she says, hoping he doesn't hear the slight wavering of her voice, "Just calling to ask how you're doing."
"Oh, no," Kurt says, chuckling, "I know that tone. You, my dear, want something. Now spill, it's nearly eight-thirty and you know how rigorous my night time skin care regime is. I cannot start it late because that will take away from my beauty sleep."
"I… I wanted to ask you something about Finn," she says carefully, waiting for Kurt's reaction before continuing.
"Finn?" Kurt says, clearly surprised, "What on earth do you want to know about him? If it's the reason he insists on wearing those awful puffy vests, all I can say is that I have absolutely no idea. I've told him time and time again that they do nothing for his figure. But does he listen? No, he does not –"
"No, no, nothing like that," she says, ending what she knows would have been a lengthy tirade. She actually thinks that the vests are cute but she won't tell that to Kurt. Instead she pauses a second, choosing her words carefully, "I've been working for him a couple months now," she begins tentatively, "and I just wanted to know a little bit more about him."
"Oh, so you just want to know more about your employer. Is that it, Rachel?" he says and she can practically hear him roll his eyes.
"Yes," she says, feeling defiant, "Is that so hard to believe?"
"Frankly, yes, Rachel," Kurt huffs, "If you just wanted to get some info on your employer you'd have asked months ago, when you first started." He falls quiet for a few moments and she twists the cord tighter around her finger. "You know," he says, "I do know when I'm being lied to. Just tell me what you want to know, I promise I won't judge you. I'm well aware of the effect Finn has on women, I've been his brother almost ten years now."
"Okay," she says slowly, dragging the word and giving herself just a little more time, "Now, I know this might sound strange but I was wondering how Finn and Quinn ended up married?"
"Oh, that one's easy," Kurt says, the previous mirth in his voice suddenly gone, "You are currently working as the reason they got married's babysitter."
"Oh!" she gasps, her hand flying up to cover her mouth, "They got married because of Beth?"
"They did," Kurt confirms, then ads; "Not that he'd ever admit that, of course, but Finn's as easy to read as an open book. He didn't have to say anything."
"Well," Kurt says, taking a deep breath and pausing for effect, "Finn and Quinn were high school sweethearts. I don't really know much about them back then, I was nine and Finn was fifteen when our parents got married so a lot of that stuff kind of went over my head at the time."
"Oh," Rachel says, feeling a bout of disappointment filling her, "Well, I'd appreciate anything you could tell me. I… to be honest, I've noticed that Finn sometimes seems a bit unhappy and I just want to understand why so that maybe I could help him. As a friend of course."
"Of course. That's very nice of you, Rachel," Kurt says, "I guess what you need to know is how Finn and Quinn got married and ended up back in Lima. You see, after high school Finn got a football scholarship to OSU. But Quinn stayed in Lima and went to Lima U, so they had a long distance relationship. Now, obviously I don't know all of the details – only the ones I've been able to wrangle from Finn – but I get the distinct feeling that Finn was thinking about breaking up with Quinn after their sophomore year of college. Long story short, she got pregnant, told him during summer break, he proposed and moved back to Lima. He did his last two years of college at Lima U and after he graduated he started working as the assisting coach to the University's football team. Quinn started working as a real estate agent and well, here we are."
"Do you think they love each other?" The words slip from her lips before she has a chance to consider them and she can feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment. "You don't have to answer that," she says quickly, "that's too personal."
"It kind of is," Kurt agrees, "but I know you only mean well, Rachel. Honestly I don't know. I hope so..."
She doesn't say anything. It's not really the time or the place for her to tell Kurt she's hoping for the exact opposite. "Thank you so much, Kurt," she says, "I know that you didn't have to tell me any of this, but I'm really glad you did."
"I'm just happy to know that there's one more person in his corner," Kurt says and she distinctly detects a note of sadness in his voice but she lets it go. She's already asked too much.
"He's a really good friend," she says.
"He is. Well, Rachel if that was all, I really need to start exfoliating now."
"Oh, of course Kurt," she says, "I'll talk to you later in the week."
They say their goodnights and she hangs up. Her head is spinning with all the new information – information that she doesn't know what to do with. It's obvious to her that something is missing in Finn's life. She just doesn't know if she dares believe it's her.
She stands in front of the mirror that's hanging on the wall in her bedroom, twisting and turning, as she scrutinizes her reflection. She tugs on the hem of the new dress she bought just a few hours earlier. It's tighter and little shorter than the dresses she usually wears, showing off a little more of her toned, tanned legs. And it's a solid dark pink – there's not a frilly bow, love heart or carousel horse in sight.
She thinks it makes her look a lot more grown up than the plaid skirts, knee highs and penny loafers she usually wears. She really hopes he will think so too.
She so desperately wants him to look at her in a different light. They're friends – they've become rather close over the last few months – they're good friends even. Whenever their eyes meet he smiles that gorgeous lopsided grin at her and her heart flips and it's sweet. But she wants more. She wants his eyes to fall on her and his mouth to drop open and his heart rate speed up. She wants him to think dirty thoughts when he sees her. She wants to be the star of all his dreams.
She needs him to see her as an attractive, desirable young woman and not some silly teenage girl.
She's made up her mind. She wants him and she intends on getting him. He's married – yes – but obviously not happily so and she wants to be the one to make him happy.
She glances at the clock on the wall and realizes that she's running late. It's Saturday night and she's supposed to be at Finn and Quinn's in ten minutes to watch Beth while they go out to dinner. Her insides twists uncomfortably when she thinks about Finn and Quinn going out on a date together, but she doesn't have the time to think about it any further and lets the uneasy thoughts go, as she grabs her purse and runs out the door.
As she drives the short distance to the Hudson home she almost gets cold feet. She looks over her shoulder at the cardigan resting on the backseat and considers putting it on. Maybe she shouldn't come on too strong right away. Maybe she should ease Finn into the idea of the new, more mature, Rachel Berry.
Shaking her head, she quickly decides against anything of that notion. She's Rachel Barbara Berry after all and Rachel Barbara Berry does not commit only half-heartedly to something. Discarding any thought of not sticking completely to her plan, she pulls into their driveway and casts the cardigan one last look before smoothing out her dress and hurrying out of the car.
She's slightly breathless as she stands by the door, waiting for either Finn or Quinn to open, and her chest moves in time with her rapid breaths. The door's pulled open and she looks straight into Finn's broad body. Feeling her face flush and some of her confidence leave her; she looks down at her shoes, as she attempts to step around him.
"Hi, Finn," she says, taking a step forward, "I know I'm a little late. I hope it's not a problem." He doesn't answer and he's still standing in her way. "Finn," she says again, a little louder and looks up.
He snaps to and his eyes meet hers but not before she notices where they were resting before. She gives herself a pat on the back for her choice of attire and discreetly pushes her chest out a little bit more. For a second his gaze drops again and his face turns pink.
"Finn," she says a third time, giggling gently, "Are you going to let me in or do you want me to watch Beth from out here tonight?"
"Oh, uhm, sorry Rach," he mumbles, "Come on in."
"Thanks," she says and squeezes past him, making sure that her bare arm brushes against his shirt-clad stomach. She swears she can feel his muscles contract at her light touch and goose bumps prickle her skin. As she walks further into the room she can feel his eyes following her, leaving burning marks on her skin, and she turns her head to give him a look that tells him it wasn't an accidental touch.
Then Quinn appears, wearing a deep frown, and the spell is broken. Finn quickly clears his throat, mumbles something about needing a jacket and leaves.
"Rachel, finally," Quinn sighs, "I was starting to worry you wouldn't show."
"I'm so sorry, Quinn," she says.
"Never mind, you're here now," Quinn interrupts her. "Ready to go, honey?" she says, turning toward the direction Finn left.
"Yeah, I'm ready," he answers, appearing at the end of the hallway. His face is still flushed and he's not even attempting to look at Rachel. She doesn't really mind though, that he all of a sudden hardly acknowledges that she's there. She saw the way he looked at her before Quinn showed up. She can tell that she affects him.
"We'll be back in a few hours," Quinn says, taking Finn, who's looking down at his feet, by the hand and pulling him out the door.
Hours later when Beth is sleeping soundly and Rachel is sitting in the living room watching some old movie she doesn't know the name of, the front door opens and closes with a thud and she can hear muffled voices traveling round the corner. She can't make out exactly what they are saying but it's still obvious that Finn and Quinn are in the middle of a fight.
Holding her breath she gets off of the sofa and as quietly as possible she turns off the TV and pads over to the hallway. Maybe if she can discreetly just slip out into the hallway, they'll remember that they're not alone. The entire situation is so horribly uncomfortable that she kind of wants the floor to open up and swallow her whole.
She peeks around the corner and finds Finn standing by himself next to the staircase. She clears her throat quietly. He turns around and her heart clenches at the distraught look in his eyes. He smiles when he sees her, but it's not genuine, it's actually more of a pained grimace than the sweet grin he usually wears.
"Rach, hi," he says, "Uh, Quinn went upstairs to check on Beth." He rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, thanks again for watching her. I will see you next Tuesday, right?"
She just nods, pretending that she didn't hear their angry voices battling each other not even a minute ago. "Yeah, I'll be back on Tuesday," she says as she pulls on her coat.
"Cool." He gives her a small wave.
As she closes the door behind her, she doesn't know what she's supposed to think or feel. She's sad that Finn's sad but at the same time this was what she wanted. Wasn't it?
She quickly recovers from her bout of self-doubt. All it really takes is for Finn's eyes to rake across her body the next time she sees him and she's back to her normal confident self. She's the one for him and she knows it. Sometimes she thinks that he knows it too. Or at least she thinks that he wants her just as much as she wants him.
She's caught him staring at her a few times when he's obviously thinking that he's being discreet and she's not looking. She thinks it's adorable, the way his cheeks turn crimson and the way he sputters unintelligible words when he gets caught. But he's never mentioned the fact that she's caught him looking, he just kind of acts like it didn't happen.
But the way he sometimes looks at her, his eyes dark and shining and his mouth slightly open, makes her entire body heat up. It's erotic and lust slithers around both of them and all she can think about is Finn's naked body pressed against hers. Sometimes when they're alone together she worries that she might actually spontaneously combust.
It's late one Thursday afternoon, a few weeks after that night when she heard Finn and Quinn arguing – possibly about her – and she's sitting in the Hudson kitchen watching Beth draw a picture while they're waiting for Finn to come home.
She hears a key scrape against the metal of the lock and she stands, smoothing out her short black skirt, as she watches Beth hop of her chair and run into the hallway. She hears his warm voice greet his daughter and she hears Beth's giggles and then they appear round the corner. He's holding onto Beth with one hand and in the other he's balancing a pizza box. His eyes light up – the way they always seem to do when he looks at her – and he smiles his adorable lopsided grin.
"Hey Rach," he says and her heart beats so hard she's surprised he doesn't hear it. "Dinner?" He puts the box on the counter and her hesitation must shine through because he adds; "Don't worry, it's vegetarian. I'll just, like, add some real cheese to mine and Beth's pieces."
She's completely confused but he doesn't seem to notice as he puts three plates at the table. This is the first time in weeks that he's asked her to stay for dinner. She wants to, she wants any and all extra time – alone time – that she can spend with him, but she knows Quinn won't like it.
"What about Quinn?" she asks, trying to sound nonchalant, as if she's just generally curious, "Shouldn't we wait for her?"
"Oh, she didn't tell you?" he says, one eyebrow quirked in question, as he looks up from the pizza, "She's having dinner with her boss tonight, so it's just the three of us."
"Oh, really? That's nice…" she says as she sits down, trying her hardest to quell the wide smile that's threatening to split her face in two. "…for her I mean," she adds quickly, feeling her cheeks flame and her heart skip in her chest.
All night, as the hours has trickled by, Rachel's been almost waiting for and dreading the moment Finn would tell her that she should go home. But so far he hasn't and now it's pushing ten o'clock and Quinn is still not back and she's sitting, with her knees pulled up against her chest, on the sofa next to Finn watching Braveheart.
She glances at him through the corner of her eye. He seems to be completely enthralled by the movie. It's his favorite; she knows that because a few weeks back they talked about their favorite movies. He sat patiently, with a smile on his lips, all through her forty minute lecture about Funny Girl and he didn't complain even once. It made her fall even harder and more completely for him than she already had. He must be the sweetest man in the world.
She smiles to herself and stretches her legs, brushing her bare thigh against Finn's knee. It has the effect she was hoping for and she manages to catch his attention, his gaze leaving the TV-screen and slipping down to rest on her legs. His breath becomes shallow and it makes her feel bold.
Slowly she lifts one leg and hooks it over his thighs. She tries to act as casual as possible, but she can feel herself shake a little and she thinks he can too. His eyes travel from her toe to the hem of her skirt, and then his fingers follow, gently caressing her skin. Her breath stops in her throat and she emits a little gasp as his cold fingers dance across her heated skin.
He's not looking at her. His eyes are firmly locked on his own hands rubbing up and down her legs almost as though he's caught in some sort of trance. No matter how good his hands feel on her skin and no matter how much she worries that any second something will happen that breaks their moment, she wants him to look at her. She can't let herself believe this is really happening unless he looks her in the eyes.
Tentatively she sits a little straighter, reaches out a hand and traces her fingers along the scatter of birthmarks on his cheek. "Finn," she says and her voice sounds husky and breathless. He turns to look at her, his face still cradled in her hand, and his eyes are so dark they're almost black.
She wets her lips, practically humming with anticipation. He leans closer and his breath fans her face.
"You know, you can kiss me if you want to," she whispers.
He doesn't answer with words; he just closes the final inch between them and his lips mash against hers. They mold perfectly against hers and he tastes like cinnamon chewing gum and something that must be uniquely 'Finn'. It's the single sweetest, most exciting and tantalizing moment of her life. He tugs her bottom lips into his mouth and suck on it slowly, thoroughly, like he wants to commit her taste to memory.
She laces her fingers through his hair and pulls on the short strands. He grunts against her mouth. She thinks she can feel something – a certain part of him – pressed against her thigh. She moves her leg a little, rubbing it against him. He moans a deep rumbling sound that sets fire to her every cell.
Her bold moves make him tremble – she can feel it – but it also seems to put an end to their moment together. Much too abruptly. She can feel his lips stop moving and she doesn't want him to stop but he does. He's pulling away. She looks at him with big, hazy eyes. His hair is mussed and his lips are a little swollen from her kisses.
"What are we doing, Rach?" he says, scooting back quickly; away from her. He gently takes her legs and lifts them off of his lap. "We can't do this."
"Why not?" she asks, knowing she sounds like a petulant child, "I know you want to."
"We can't," he says again, ignoring her comment, "I'm married. You're only eighteen. I can't do this to Quinn…I …I love her. We can't do this."
He shakes his head and she feels her heart drop and smash into the ground. "But she doesn't make you happy," she cries before she has a chance to stop herself.
"You know nothing about that," he snaps, suddenly angry, pushing himself off of the sofa. He walks with swift strides to the other side of the room. Grabbing the back of his head with both hands, he turns back around to look at her. "You shouldn't talk like that about things you don't understand, Rachel."
She can see his shoulders slump and just like that he goes from angry to defeat within seconds. "It's late, you should leave, Rachel."
He leaves the room, leaves her sitting alone on the sofa listening to his steps against the staircase. As she leaves a minute later and drives home she makes a promise to herself that she won't let this deter her. It's obvious that he wants her and he is still going to get her. She never backs down on a promise.
About a week later as she's lying in bed listening to Barbara Streisand on full volume she gets a call, completely out of the blue, from Finn. When she babysat Beth a couple days earlier he was nowhere to be seen, Quinn said that he had to work late but she knew that he was avoiding her – avoiding their kiss – and she worried he'd stay away from her forever.
But now he's calling her and she knows that Quinn is taking Beth to visit relatives in Cincinnati for the weekend and that she has the weekend off and she thought that he'd spend the weekend avoiding her so she doesn't understand why he's all of a sudden calling her. But her lips stretch in a wide smile as she answers.
"Hi, Finn," she says and her voice is breathy and sweet as sugar.
"Rach, hey," he says and his voice is dark and soft and a little shaky, almost as if he's a little nervous. "Uhm… I… eh," he stutters, "I need to talk to you, Rach."
"You do?" she asks, trying to quell the urge to toss her phone in the air and do celebratory cartwheels. Talking means being in the same room and the last time they were in the same room they kissed and she so desperately wants to do that again. She wants to feel his lips moving against hers again, she's addicted now.
But maybe he just wants to talk to her to tell her they can never see each other ever again.
"Yeah," he says, "Do you maybe want to come over on Saturday? We could watch a movie or something."
"I'd be more than happy to, Finn," she smiles giddily and she can hear him exhale his pent up nerves through the phone.
They decide that she'll come by on Saturday afternoon and she tells him she will bring him some of her banana bread because she knows how much he loves it and he thanks her and his voice is soft and sweet. They say their goodbyes and as she hangs up she does a little happy dance because Finn isn't avoiding her anymore and now she just knows that if she works hard enough at it she will make him hers.
"I'm sorry," he kind of randomly blurts out about fifteen minutes into the movie. He asked her over to talk and she could tell something was on his mind, but so far they've hardly said two words to each other. She turns around to look at him with wide eyes. "I'm sorry I got angry, Rach," he says, "I… I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."
"It's okay," she says, smiling reassuringly at him because it really is okay, "I was completely out of line with my comments. My behavior was utterly deplorable and I'm the one who should apologize."
"No, I kissed you when I shouldn't have so it's my fault," he says, rubbing the back of his neck and turning his gaze down toward his lap. It feels like he wants to say something else but is refraining.
"But you wanted to?" she says carefully.
"Yeah, I did want to." He nods and his cheeks turn pink, but he doesn't look up at her.
"You're really cool, Rachel," he says, turning his gaze from his hands to look her in the eyes, "and I… I like you. Uh, probably a lot more than I should, you know since I'm married and stuff, but I just can't help it. I like you, Rach."
He reaches out to cup her cheek and she leans into his palm and his hand is rough against her delicate skin and he gently brushes his thumb along her cheekbone and it just feels so, so right.
"It's… complicated with Quinn," he continues, his finger methodically rubbing her cheek, "I… uhm, I love her, you know, but I don't think we've been happy for a while and I – "
"Finn," she cuts him off, "you really don't have to tell me any of this. It's not really any of my business."
He looks at her, with this little surprised wrinkle between his brows, as if he wasn't expecting her to say that. "Uh, I guess I just want you to know that I'm not a total douchebag," he chuckles uncomfortably. "I don't want to cheat on my wife, Rachel, but at the same time I can't not want to be with you."
Without really thinking about it she leans in and presses her lips against his. For a few seconds he just sits there – frozen – as her lips move slowly against his. She's about to pull back, to apologize for misinterpreting the situation, when his hand comes up and wraps around the back of her head and pulls her closer. She smiles against his lips, because know she knows for sure that he wants this as much as she does. His lips grow more persistent and she teases them apart with the tip of her tongue and slides it into his mouth to brush against his.
He groans and his grasp on her head becomes tighter, his fingers tangling in her hair at the nape of her neck. "God, you're so fucking hot, Rach," he breathes into her mouth. "So fucking hot."
She giggles and pulls away and he takes the opportunity to let his lips fall and connect with her neck. She climbs into his lap, grabbing his shoulder and straddles him, as his mouth keeps doing amazing things to her neck. He's already hard – she can feel him press against her. She rolls her hips and nips at the skin just below his ear and he moans her name and his hips buck up against hers.
She loves that she can make him act like that – that she can pull those animalistic sounds from his throat – make him come apart at the seams. She leans back a little, just so that she's able to see his face and the ball of pulsing heat residing inside her grows ten times hotter at the way his features are already scrunched together. Feeling bold, she lets her right hand slide down his chest and between their bodies. Finn's wearing sweatpants so there's no tricky belt to get past and she smiles contently to herself as her hand slips beneath the waistband and her fingers wrap around him.
She moves her hand, first slowly and then faster and faster – watching his every expression – until he tenses and grunts and shakes before his body goes completely limp.
"Oh, god, Rach," he says, his face pink from his climax and embarrassment, "I… I'm sorry, I didn't intend… I mean I… it's just it's been a while and you're so beautiful and sexy and it felt so good and – "
She cuts him off with a kiss – a deep, slow kiss where her tongue slides languidly against his. "No," she says when they break apart, "don't apologize, that was perfect. I love that I have that effect on you." She presses another kiss against his lips, this one much harder and dirtier. "Besides," she whispers throatily against his ear and presses an open mouthed kiss against his cheek, "I know how you can pay me back."
When she leaves a few hours later – because, of course, even though she would like nothing more than to stay in his arms all night she has to leave – it is impossible for her to let go of the wide smile adorning her face as Finn presses a chaste kiss against her cheek. He tells her that they'll talk later and she just nods because she has trouble forming coherent thoughts because she just had sex with Finn. Amazing, spine-tingling, toe-curling sex with Finn Hudson. Twice! So she doesn't notice the little worry wrinkle between his brows as he tells her goodnight.
Finn calls her a couple days later and asks her to come over. He doesn't sound very excited – he should be excited to see her, especially considering the things she plans on doing to him – but she shakes it off as him being nervous. It's sweet, really – that he's nervous still.
He greets her at the door with a hug, but no kiss and his eyes lack their usual sparkle.
"What's wrong?" she asks as soon as they're both sitting by the table and he puts a cup of coffee in front of her. She can tell that something's wrong.
He takes a sip of his own coffee, wincing because it's too hot, and he rubs the back of his head looking at a spot on the table in front of him. He takes a deep breath and pushes the air between his teeth. "I'm so sorry, Rachel," he says.
"I told Quinn, you know, about us, uh, sleeping together…"
She gasps, her eyes growing impossibly wide, and he continues.
"I didn't, you know, give any specifics, uhm like she doesn't know that it happened on the couch, but she knows that it happened."
"Oh." She doesn't know what to say. This wasn't supposed to happen. "Uhm, why… why did you tell her?" It's an incredibly inane question and she knows it. Of course she knows why he did it.
"I had to," he says, looking at her with pleading eyes, "she's my wife, Rachel – "
"But I, I thought you liked me, Finn –"
"I do, I do like you. A lot. And if things were different I wouldn't hesitate a second to be with you but they aren't. I'm Beth's dad before anything else and I owe it to her to make it work with Quinn. I grew up without a father and I won't let that happen to her."
She's sniffling quietly, but she doesn't let any tears fall. All of the times she thought about being with Finn – in all of the fantasies she built up in her head – it never ended like this. He was supposed to choose her. In all of her silly, immature schoolgirl fantasies he chose her.
"What did Quinn say?" she asks.
He looks down at his hands – guilt written all over his body. "She yelled – a lot," he says, "like full-on screaming for a good half hour. Then she left for a few hours. But once she'd calmed down she came back and told me that she was willing to work on our marriage and I have to Rach, for Beth."
She wants to protest. She wants to stand up and tell him that she knows he doesn't love Quinn and make him understand that he should be with her. But she doesn't because that would be so horribly selfish of her. She knows that she can be a tad selfish at times – some say she's a lot and all of the time – but not even she is that selfish. He has a daughter that he loves more than life and she won't do that to him.
She's been a fool. She wanted him so badly she never accepted that he wasn't hers to take. She gets off of her chair, standing up. "I'll leave," she says, she can't stay there and look into his pleading eyes, "I assume that Quinn doesn't want me to babysit Beth anymore."
He gives a tiny nod.
"So I guess this is goodbye then, Finn," she says.
He gets up and grabs her hand and he pulls her closer and presses a kiss to her cheek that lasts a little too long. "I really liked getting to know you, Rachel," he whispers, "You're really awesome."
She pulls away, looking for a second into his eyes where the longing is so clear she just wants to fall right back into his arms. Instead she turns away and leaves as fast as she can.
A/N: Thanks! Let me know what you think!