If It's Okay With You
I think this is a song fic. Though I've only read the English translation so I have no idea what the title of the song was. I think it was Japanese.
"I-I really like y-you! Please go out with me!" Antonio said in a trembling voice.
"N-No..." Lovino answered as shakily.
How did it come to this?
Antonio is my seatmate. And probably my only friend. You see, I was a transfer student so I obviously got no friends yet... after three months. So what if I'm anti-social? It's not like I like being in crowds! I can't even tolerate Antonio or my own brother!
Anyways... Enough about me.
So back to Antonio. He is such a happy-go-lucky bastard who sees good in everything. Even me. The unsociable, grumpy me. When I was assigned to sit beside him, he was like a fussy mother hen who makes sure that I won't be left out in this class. He explained the earlier lessons to me and introduced me to everyone... Though I kinda not appreciate the introduction to everyone part. I sort of can stand only him and most definitely not his perverted friends. So... In the end I just stuck with him.
And apparently, he likes me.
And I rejected him in a snap. I don't know but the word left my mouth before I could process my thoughts.
Now... I don't think too badly of Antonio. I just... don't like him that way either. In fact, I hate it when he's being his usual obnoxious self, the busy-body-ness and that sort of puking rainbows everywhere. Why? Well... Let's say, he reminds me so much of my Nonno and fratello. Don't get me wrong... I love my gramps and brother but at the same time, I resent them. For reasons I don't want to talk about...
...you really wanna know?
I'm like the black sheep in the family. I'm so not like my brother and grandfather. They are talented, easy-going and touchy-feely. And I am not. I just... Can't. I used to try but... No. It didn't end well... So I stopped. And I also developed a hate for them. Now that includes Antonio now.
"Uhmmm, is that so?" he murmured sadly. God... I'm feeling so guilty now!
"No! It's alright, really!" he brushed it off. "And I'm sorry for making you feel uneasy..."
With that, he left. He turned around and I saw him wipe his face with the back of his hand. I never thought he could be this lonely. It hurts me a bit that probably, this will also be the end of our friendship.
"Buenos diaz!" Antonio greeted me the next morning, just as cheerfully as before. It's somewhat unnerving, really... I mean, if I am in his situation, I don't think I could even stand my mere presence.
"Uh... Buon di..." I greeted awkwardly. It was weird... He looks like he was ready to forget everything that has happened yesterday. Well if that's the case then... It's good for us. And he copes very well, I guess.
What about me?
How do I act before that incident yesterday?
I found myself asking why he was doing this.
I decided that it might be a good idea to share my dilemma with someone else. Now, as I've said, Antonio is my only friend. So the only one left was my brother. I don't usually go skipping to Feliciano and go asking love advice but in my situation, I'm ready to eat my pride just to ease my own tension.
I found my fratellino in the backyard with a blonde guy... Feliciano was looking very nervous and fidgety. I strained my ears to listen to what he was saying.
"...really l-like you so..."
Oh my God. That sounds too familiar. And I never expected to hear it from my dear brother... It's like I've invaded something private and I just ran as if my life depended on it... Which is quite fast for an Italian.
God! I want to unsee it! My own little brother! Confessing! And it was the first time I saw him that shy... I mean he's always acting cute shamelessly so seeing him that way... I mean... Is saying those words really that hard? I guess it was. Besides... It's something risky. Saying those words won't always end up happily so sometimes people just don't say it. Now that I think about it, I feel a great respect for people who could say those words.
And most especially those who could accept a refusal open-heartedly.
Now, the trip to Feliciano's was not that successful in calming me, though it did clear things up. Now, I feel more guilty than before...
Does... Antonio love me that damn much?
"...And the teacher will surely check our homework tomorrow so don't forget about it, Lovi~"
We are walking home together like usual. But I'm a bit wary of the situation.
"Why are you doing this?" I avoided his gaze. "I rejected you, didn't I?"
"You hate it?" Antonio asked, dumbfounded.
"I-I... It's not that..." the Italian was weak on Antonio's puppy eyes. "I don't hate it but... don't you?"
"No, Lovi... Not at all," the Spaniard answered in a straight face. "If it means that I could still spend my time with you..."
"You see Lovi, I really thought that we wouldn't be able to hang out like this anymore so... Even if we can't be together the way I was hoping, as long as we still are, then it's alright..."
"If it's okay with you, I would always be by your side," Antonio said with a quite embarassed smile.
(third person POV)
Days passed without much change between Antonio and Lovino's relationship. Lovino was hoping that this peace will continue until the time he finally could sort out the confusion on his chest...
But somehow, the news about his rejection of the Spaniard has spread and some are not too happy about it.
"We've heard about your rejection of Antonio," said a girl from Lovino's class. Three girls ambushed him that morning and pushed him on a hidden corridor. Lovino might be a man, stronger than these hoes but he is a damn gentleman and wouldn't hurt any female person - bitch or not.
"Yeah... So?" he tried to play low.
"Then why are you still hanging out with him? You're shameless-"
"Are you not contented of just hurting him?"
"You're the worst!"
With every snarl and insult they threw at Lovino, the Italian feels more and more confused. More and more distracted. His mind is filled by thoughts of Antonio...
"You-! You don't know anything! Antonio chose to be with me-"
Yes! He said so! Even if he was definitely in pain but... He was the one who asked to remain beside Lovino...
Right now... He's so afraid. He knows that sooner or later, things will get out of hand and the words wouldn't be enough. Maybe because he wasn't friendly, that's why these girls decided to pick on him. If Feliciano is the in his situation, for sure, things won't be this way. Since he is a good kid, no one would want to hurt him. Unlike Lovino. The unlikeable Lovino. Who would ever want him?
Well... Antonio said he liked Lovino.
But he utterly refused the guy.
Ha! You're so stupid Lovino!
"What! You're telling us that he still wants to be with you? Just what did you do to him to make him tail you like a dog?"
"Definitely not by hurting the person I love," suddenly, Antonio appeared from behind the bully and took her hand before landing a blow to the Italian. There was a poison in his glare and tone that made the girls scramble away.
"Lovino, I'm sorry!" the Spaniard kneeled and very sadly touched the Italian's almost injuries. "This is all my fault..."
"Thank you for saving me," Lovino murmured on the Spaniard's chest. There's that dreadful feeling that surfaces when the storm has faded. When he felt the safety in Antonio's arms, Lovino felt his impending sobs. The taller brunette caressed the Italian's back to soothe him.
"I will always be here for you Lovi, no matter what... I'll be beside you as long as you need me. Until the day that you ask me to leave..."
"But why? Even though what I did was cruel, and I hurt you!" Suddenly, Antonio held Lovino's shoulders and made the Italian face him.
"Because I like you!"
"I'm not saying that it's not painful but... I just know that if you call my name, I'd probably go anywhere to meet you... If someone hurt you, I don't think I could ever forgive that person..."
"And also! I'm really very persistent! I know, you have turned me down, but I can't help but still hope that one day... Maybe... You'll like me back. Well, I wish that day comes first before the day you say that you hate me he he he..." he gave the Italian a small, measured smile.
The Spaniard took out his hand and offered it to Lovino. "If you don't hate the idea..." His hand was shaking a bit.
Lovino took the hand...
He appears to be always happy... But deep inside, it's not like that at all, right?
"I... I don't hate you," Lovino said quietly.
"Wha-" the Spaniard suddenly became a blushing mess.
"I just thought I did... You see... You're like Nonno and fratello - always happy and easy-going. Unlike me. So... I thought I hated them... And you."
"But then, I realized that, because we are so different that I thought I hated them but actually, I've always wanted to be like them..."
"Maybe I like them..."
"So...?" Antonio was looking very hopeful now.
They reached the classroom and sat on their seats, ignoring the looks of their classmates at them and their intertwined fingers. The teacher arrived shortly afterwards.
"I kinda like it when you smile shyly..." Lovino whispered though the Spaniard heard. They are both blushing now.
"I still... Can't think of any other reasons... It might take some time but... I'll find things other than that so surely... Someday, I'll be the one to say it... That I like you."
Antonio covered his flaming face completely in his other hand, while squeezing Lovino's with the other.
"I'll always be yours, Lovino... If it's okay with you...
"It's okay with you, right?"
Okay. So this is a very untypical Spamano love story with Lovino not the first one to like Antonio... And with one of them not readily accepting the other person's feelings so... I hope this did not suck too much... Like, the way I made Lovino angsty is also different from the usual, I guess it's in a lighter sense... So sorry about that...