Hotaru: I wanted fluff. So this is what happened. A songfic! The song is From Y to Y by Hatsune Miku… No offense Miku lovers…but I liked the Panyo/Izaya version way better. It's what inspired me!
Keika: ... No comment…? Oh well~ Enjoy~
"I love you, Shizu-chan."
One would have never guessed that the great Orihara Izaya would stand, knife pointed at Shizuo and blurt out a confession. Although he held his knife out threateningly, his eyes betrayed him. They sported a slightly hopeful expression.
You turned your back, and walked away
Without even leaving a single word
Shizuo stared at the raven haired informant.
Had he figured it out? Did he find out about his feelings toward him? Did he know…and was making fun of him? Questions raged through the blond's head at top speed.
Shizuo stood there, stunned. He felt a tinge of hope before it was crushed by the ton of weight Izaya's past actions had on him. He scowled. This was Izaya he was talking about – Orihara Izaya.
This man knew how Shizuo felt and was toying with his emotions, he was sure of it.
"Don't fuck with me, louse," he growled, feeling a slight pinch of hurt. His frown deepened. "What kind of trick is this? What are you planning this time?" He turned around, tired, hurt, angry and ready to collapse onto his bed. "I fucking hate you. You're lucky I'm leaving. Get lost before I change my mind and kill you." With that, he walked away.
Inside my shivering hear, I cried like a child
"Don't go, don't go, please…"
Izaya looked on at Shizuo's retreating form…hurt and stunned. His hand that held his knife fell slack to his side. He never knew a few words of rejection could pierce his hear so sharply. It ached. It hurt so much.
He took a step back; then walked off as fast and calmly as he possibly could, tears brimming in his eyes. But no, he wouldn't let them fall. If this was how Shizuo felt toward him, then so be it.
I turned my back, and walked away
Before my tears fall, I must move on
I pretended that I hate being too happy
Bluffing that I had let go of my ideal future... (future...)
An irretrievable wish... (wish...)
He heard something brake; then a tap on his shoulder. Izaya turned around, forcing his tears away painfully. "Ah…Celty," he said as happily as he could manage. Alas, he couldn't stop his voice from cracking just a little. "Done with your job?"
Celty noticed that something was off right away, [Something wrong?]
He shook his head, forcing his tears back. "Nothing's wrong, Celty."
Even without a head, it was quite clear that the dullahan did not believe a words Izaya was spouting, [Izaya…]
"As I've said, nothing's wrong…" He dug his hands into his pockets and looked up into the sky, smiling bitterly, his eyes still slightly wet. "I've just…decided to let him go…"
[Let him go…? What do you mean?]
Izaya didn't bother answering. He watched the clouds drift in the sky. How amusing, it was exactly how he felt at the moment – aimless. It felt like his chest was cut open and his heart was torn out. He also felt so…alone in this world now. The white and blue were slowly mixing together as his version started being blurred by the tears again. Izaya blinked quickly, trying to banish them.
[…What did you do?] The words appeared in his face.
"I confessed," he said bitterly. Letting out a short laugh, he continued, "Rejected, as expected. It was a stupid move."
Before she could say anymore, Izaya flipped on his hood, waved curtly at Celty and walked away, eyes on the cement ground below him as he made his way to Shinjuku. He had to get back quickly; he couldn't hold the tears back anymore.
It feels so spacious in this small oneroom
The gap inside my heart widens
It had been a week, or was it two? Izaya couldn't tell anymore. A week or two since he stepped foot out of his apartment. A week or two since he was rejected. He sighed and observed his now barren room closely. It represented his heart perfectly. One that was void of any feeling...any warmth.
As the last of the furniture he wanted to keep were emptied out of his current residence a few days earlier, he felt as if a tiny piece of himself was being torn out. Making that blow from the rejection widen.
It feels so long, a mere minute and second
He sighed and put a hand over his tired eyes.
If I could spend this with you
Even with rejection, he wanted nothing else than to be with Shizuo.
Is this a world that can't even allow hoping?
Even with just a single lie
Might give birth to your tears
Did Shizuo really have to reject him that harshly? Did he really hate him that much?
"…Stupid protozoan…" he muttered, chuckling weakly in an attempt to cheer himself up.
It was really pathetic.
Orihara Izaya was dejected and crying his eyes out, even moving out of his house. All because of a simple rejection.
It was so pathetic that he had to laugh…but the tears started forming in his eyes again.
I already have piled up countless mistakes
Those were when I held your hands
And when I gently stood by your side
He thought back to the days when he was back in high school with Shizuo. How much more peaceful it was then. There were still the daily chases, but they weren't as…violent as now.
Flopping back onto his bed, he let his mind drift back to the past, remembering all the good and bad times he had with Shizuo. Izaya promised himself; once he moved and left this past behind, he would never let it affect him again.
If only he hadn't made the stupid mistake as to confess.
He removed his hand from his eyes and lifted it high above, toward the ceiling.
Then he remembered one of the most daring things he did during that time.
Izaya had once held the blond's hand the entire time Shizuo was sleeping while sitting next to him.
He wondered why he even bothered to argue with the brute back then. It was fun, sure, but…if he didn't do all those things, he wouldn't be in this situation…right? He would be on good terms with Shizuo…right?
At first, it was light teasing – slicing his chest with his knife for fun.
Then as time went by, he discovered more and more about the man…but also let his countless errors keep piling up.
And soon, he was madly in love.
Izaya shook his head. He needed to stop thinking like this. Thinking like some kind of a lovesick schoolgirl.
As I first gather the present, I seem to first throw away the past
In this limited memory, within time
He sat up and looked around the room again.
He would miss Shinjuku.
But he didn't want to think about Shizuo. He didn't want to see him. He didn't want to be hurt anymore from seeing the protozoan with other people.
The only thing left there – my existence
Slowly, from your memories, it, will, fade
At the same time, he wanted to do at least one deed that would result in Shizuo's happiness; even if it meant leaving behind whatever and whoever he knew. If disappearing from Ikebukuro and to somewhere no one would ever dream to look would please him, then he'll do it without a second thought. Izaya would gladly let his existence fade away into the back, deserted and unwanted part of Shizuo's memories.
(Ah~) Can't we go back to the way we were?
Is here the beginning? Or the end?
He walked toward the bathroom and washed his face, feeling the cold water soothe his puffy eyes just a little. Izaya stared at the running water absently.
More water started to run down his face. He wasn't sure whether it was his own tears or the water from the tap.
Even though he wished for Shizuo's best…he still wanted to go back. Go back to the time when he first met him. Before the fighting started.
Even if that time only lasted a few minutes.
The nights I sleep on this wide bed have yet to reach dawn
I dream all by myself again
Izaya let his feet carry him back to his bed. It would be the last night he would sleep in it. Although it would be his last, it definitely wouldn't be the last time he would dream. Dream about a future he never had a chance of having.
The dreams that follow your memories
I already have piled up countless mistakes
Those were when I held your hands,
And when I gently stood by your side
Despite being in his pleasant yet painful dreams, he still wondered how it would have been like if he did not do all those things to Shizuo.
He wanted to hold that firm hand again. And to stand next to him without trying to rip each other's throat out.
I'll make it up to you by being in the pain of loneliness
Let me stay gently in your memories
A lone tear ran down his cheek as he firmly established to himself that yes, he will leave Shinjuku...Tokyo...Japan. He'll remain alone, to take penance for all the mistakes he had made throughout his lifetime.
But somehow, he felt comfortable knowing that if he left, Shizuo would be happy. And he would be happy himself, as long as he was able to stay in Shizuo's memories. Even if it were only just a dusty little corner in his mind.
Izaya stood at the station, waiting for the train. He had no regrets. Shizuo would be happy.
After a few minutes, the train pulled into the station. The doors slid open. With a small, pained smile on his face, he took a step forward into the train-
And was pulled back out by a strong grip on his arm. The doors closed, and the train left, the station almost empty.
Izaya was frozen. His eyes were wide with shock, and his body was paralyzed. He was staring at the face of his love, who had his bleached locks of hair tickling Izaya's nose, and had his eyes closed...
And was kissing him.
Shizuo parted from Izaya's mouth slowly, gazing intently into his eyes. "Izaya..."
"Shi-Shizu-chan...? What...?" He gazed back at Shizuo, his eyes showing the tiniest bit of fear...not knowing a clue about what was happening.
Shizuo swallowed and replied, "For...rejecting you as I did. It was wrong...I didn't bother hearing you out." He tightened his grip on Izaya, refusing to let him go. "I...I thought you found out about how I felt...and was making fun of it..." Shizuo buried his face into Izaya hair and stroked it softly.
Izaya, stunned, let Shizuo do as he pleased.
Was this a dream? He hoped it wasn't. The touch seemed so... Real.
"Er... It's... Ok..." he stuttered. Then he blinked. "Wait... Your feelings?"
He looked at Izaya, "You mean you didn't know...?"
"Know what?" He asked nonetheless, although he had a sneaking feeling about what it was...and he hoped it was true.
Shizuo sighed. Now he felt really bad.
He leaned down to land a kiss on Izaya's lips again.
"I love you. I loved you since we met, and I'll always love you. So don't go anywhere without telling me anything."
It took him a minute, but his brain finally registered what Shizuo had said. He smiled into the kiss and happily deepened it, wrapping his arms around Shizuo's neck.
It would be nice if I meet you again without a change of heart
Izaya let go of Shizuo, pushing him away with a shadow drawn over his slightly pink-tinted face.
"…Izaya?" Shizuo asked, wondering if he did anything wrong.
He stared off into the distance, where the train had left. "…My stuff…"
"I already emptied out my apartment…" Izaya pointed at the train in the distance, "It has my stuff…I need to call the train back."
Shizuo stared at Izaya, then at the train, then at Izaya again. "…You were seriously leaving?"
"…" He nodded slowly. "I seriously need to call it back."
"Then go!" He gently pushed Izaya.
Smiling softly, he turned around to face Shizuo, "Before I leave…promise me something…"
Reaching forward, Izaya graced Shizuo's hands, "That this wouldn't just be a dream the next time we meet."
The ex-bartender blinked once. Then with a small smile, he brought the informant's hand to his lips, closed his eyes and kissed the pale skin. "I promise," he said.
Blushing slightly, Izaya looked away, "…How…How will I know…?"
"I don't lie." He placed his lips on Izaya's this time. "And I told you: I love you."
"Still…" he looked unsure.
"Then let's hold hands."
The raven haired man looked over, confused.
"Every time we meet," Shizuo began. "Every time, I'll hold your hand, so that you'll know it isn't a dream, 'kay?" He smiled slightly. "I promise."
Satisfied, Izaya smiled, "Alright, then until then…"
He went on his tip toes to kiss Shizuo softly before taking a step back.
"See you again."
Keika: It's the best we could do? Heh heh?
Hotaru: Fluff…fluff…need more fluff…!
Keika: …She broke.
Izaya: Yeah… So, Shizu-chan~ holds out hand
Izaya: smiles Hold my hand!
Keika/Hotaru/Izaya: But you PROMISED me/him!
Shizuo: That was in the sto—
Izaya: pouts I thought you didn't lie?
Shizuo: growls Wait, that was—
Izaya: Shizu-chan's a liar.
Shizuo: …GAH! Fine! Holds Izaya's hand reluctantly
Izaya: brightens Yay! Shizu-chan~
Keika: Ok, so…thank you for reading! LEAVE A REVIEW PLEASE!
Hotaru: Keika and I will consider adding in an extra scene we already wrote up if you do~ 10 REVIEWS AND I'LL TYPE IT UP! X33