Title: Honeymoon From Hell
Disclaimer: I own none; all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Xander and Spike go on their honeymoon. Things don't go as expected.
Warnings/Spoilers: Post NFA
Beta'd by: Whichclothes
Prompt #305 from Tamingthemuse- Fringe
Prompts: Lover100: 06. Hours, 24. Sunrise, 25. Sunset, 26. Breakfast, 29. Vacation, 67. Union, 93. Gentle, 99. Glow
Note: From now on most of my Tamingthemuse stories will be named as the challenge.
The ceremony of Spike's and Xander's union had been small, just close friends and family. Spike just wanted the mating ritual of vampire and companion but Xander insisted on something a little more human as well. Spike humored him and agreed. Of course Xander had been more than grateful.
Xander had also decided that they needed a vacation, Spike didn't understand the logic until Xander told him that they needed a honeymoon and they were mostly for sex then he was completely on board with the idea. They decided on a cabin in the woods; it would be secluded and would have plenty of trees to protect Spike from the sun. Xander had contacted a realtor and soon they had a cabin for a weekend. The best of the best she told him.
"This is the best of the best?" Spike said, staring at the cabin through the windshield. The drive had taken five hours. If Xander had let Spike drive it would have taken them three. Now it was close to sunrise and Spike needed to get inside. But he wanted their cabin not this shack! "It's bloody rundown."
Xander frowned; it definitely wasn't what he was expecting but he was determined to be positive. It was their honeymoon after all. "It's just outdated… like you," Xander replied and got out of the car to unload their belongings. There had been a gas station a couple miles back, later Xander would go and get them some goodies. "Grab the cooler, would you? We need to make sure we get your blood and the meat in the fridge before the ice melts."
"What do you mean I'm outdated?" Spike said, confused and looking down at himself. Nothing was wrong with him! He grabbed the cooler and followed Xander, waiting for him to unlock the door.
"It's nothing bad, Spike. I just mean the Billy Idol look is really hot on you," Xander explained. He managed to unlock the door but when he went to open it the damn thing wouldn't budge.
Seeing Xander having problems, Spike handed off the cooler and used some elbow grease and vamp strength and shouldered the door open. "How many times do I have to tell you he stole the look from me?"
Xander rolled his eyes and followed Spike in. "Whatever." He blinked trying to get his eyes to adjust to the dark. "Do you see the light switches?" There were a couple of clicks and then a "bugger". "No lights?"
"No lights," Spike confirmed. "What is the name of these woods again?"
"Fool's Paradise," Xander said before running into a wall and dropping the cooler on his foot. "Fuck!"
Spike was at his side. "You all right?"
"Great, awesome," Xander said sarcastically. "I'm going to need to open a drape so I don't kill myself."
"Flammable here," Spike felt the need to remind Xander.
Xander growled. "Fine, you put the blood and meat away and I'll go to the gas station see if they have light bulbs or at least flash lights or candles."
"Might want to forget the light bulbs, pet. You might want to pick up more ice while you're out," Spike called. He had gone into the kitchen and found that the fridge had no power. Why wasn't he surprised? Spike heard a thump indicating Xander banged his head against the wall. Fool's Paradise, fit this vacation to a T.
When Xander got back he had bags of candles and a couple of camping lanterns. "I've got more ice!" Xander yelled. He slammed the door behind him. He was pissed off that the old bastard that owned the gas station charged him an arm and a leg for the candles and ice. Next ice run Spike was going!
Spike downstairs quickly. From the tone of Xander's voice he wasn't happy and him hiding was only going to make it worse. He really wasn't looking forward to giving Xander more bad news. "Let me help, luv."
"Thanks." Xander dumped the bag on Spike and flopped down on the squeaky couch. "That old guy is a prick. Eight dollars for one bag of ice. ICE! I think he might be a demon. Maybe you should eat him."
If it had been two years ago Spike would have jumped at the suggestion but the damn soul stopped him from enjoying the thought. Though if the guy was a demon and screwing people out of money the soul shouldn't have too much guilt. "I'll check him out tonight," Spike decided to go with. He went quiet trying to find a way to break some more bad news to Xander. "Luv?"
"Hmm?" Xander replied his eye closed. He had a headache coming on. All he wanted was a nice long hot shower. With Spike scrubbing his back.
"While you were shopping I decided to check out the rest of the place and I discovered a few things," Spike said, trying to determine how Xander would take the news. If Spike were to guess it wasn't going to be well.
Xander had a bad feeling. He opened his eye. "What did you discover?"
"Well…" Spike said and then went quiet.
"Spike, what is it?" Xander asked worriedly.
Spike sat beside Xander. "There are only a couple minor things."
"Like what?" Xander asked not believing for a moment that they were going to be minor.
"The bed, the mattress it a little…moldy."
Xander's eye narrowed. "Moldy? What does that mean?"
Oh yeah, this was going to go well. "That means we have to sleep on the floor," Spike rushed on. "But we can have a little camp out in front of the fireplace. It'll be nice and romantic," Spike said and sat beside Xander, his hand going onto Xander's thigh. "Make love by the fire, yeah?"
"Yeah that sounds nice…" Xander said and it did but he knew sleeping on the floor would be a bitch on his back. "What else is wrong?"
Spike was trying to not show that he wasn't upset. Xander would be pissed off enough as it was and both of them being pissed off would only lead to a fight. "The loo. There is no hot water and the toilet is missing."
"The toilet's missing?" Xander repeated trying to make sense of that. Of course there wasn't any hot water. Why would there be; he wanted a hot shower after all, but how the hell couldn't there be a toilet? His eyes bulged out in realization. "No! Oh God, no!" Xander jumped up and ran into the kitchen Spike hot on his heels. He looked out the window and thought he was going to be sick. An outhouse. He had to use an outhouse!
"I've always been thankful to be a vampire but today? I am very bloody grateful!" Spike declared and grunted when he was elbowed in the ribs. This was going to be fun.
As soon as the sun set, Xander had gone outside and started a fire in the fire pit for supper. Spike didn't understand why they couldn't roast weenies as Xander called them inside but Xander told him it would be better to do it outside. Spike shrugged and agreed. Xander was still upset about the outhouse especially after having to use it and Spike just wanted his pet to be happy.
So here they sat on log bench cuddled together as Xander called it watching their wieners cook. Spike didn't understand what was so great about it but Xander seemed to be in a much better so he kept his opinions to himself.
"Oh! What about your blood?" Xander asked worriedly. "Are you going to warm it up over the fire?"
Spike hadn't thought about that. "Suppose I can fill a pot up with water and boil it." Xander went to stand to go inside and grab what would be needed but Spike stopped him. "I'm not hungry just yet. Besides we're having hotdogs right now." Spike smiled. Xander smiled back.
"All right, how about a cold beer then?" Xander asked. Not waiting for an answer he pulled out two cans. "Our dogs should be ready soon," he said excitedly. Xander set the cans down in order to reach for the bag of hotdog buns. A frown crossed over his face when he didn't feel it. He looked over to see the bag being dragged off by a raccoon. Xander jumped up. "Come on! You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Dropping his stick Xander rushed after the raccoon in the dark leaving Spike confused.
Spike jumped up when he heard Xander scream, before he could move Xander came running at him. The raccoon started chasing him. When Xander was safely behind him Spike's face shifted and he roared making the small animal turn tail and run. "Thanks, babe," Xander sighed in relief. "I guess we're stuck with just the wieners."
"You say that like it's a bad thing, luv," Spike said with a smirk. He pulled Xander in for a kiss.
Xander pulled away and licked his lips. "Let's eat and then go inside," Xander said, his eyes dilated.
Xander moaned as Spike pulled out of him. He was panting heavily as Spike got comfortable beside him. Gentle, pale fingers pushed sweaty dark locks from Xander's forehead. The glow from the fire on Xander's tanned skin made him look absolutely beautiful. He was a lucky vampire.
"I love you, Xan," Spike said softly.
"I love you too, Will," Xander said with a smile. Only at times like this did Xander use Spike's real name. He pressed his back against Spike and closed his eyes.
Spike stayed awake listening to Xander's soft snores and watched as the fire burned out.
Xander was rudely woken up when a fringe of the blanket went up his nose. He swiped the blanket away. Who the hell thought fringes had been a good idea? Why did blankets need fringes? They didn't! Shaking his head, Xander had other things to do besides thinking of stupid tassels, like morning snuggles. Xander rolled over to find that he was alone. "Spike?" Xander called.
"Morning, pet," Spike said as he came out of the kitchen a bowl in hand. "I thought since you had such a bad day yesterday I'd cook you breakfast."
"You cooked?" Xander asked shocked. Three years together and Spike had never once cooked for him. He accepted the bowl and found that Spike still hadn't. "Cereal?"
Spike smiled. "Yes," he said looking so proud of himself. "I went to the gas station to get more ice before sunrise and picked you up some cereal and milk." Spike crossed his legs and sat down on the pile of blankets. "And you'll be happy to know that the owner is human."
"Happy… right," Xander grumbled before stuffing a spoonful of Shreddies into his mouth. Immediately he spat it out…onto Spike's shirt.
"OI!" Spike yelled, glaring at Xander. "That's how you repay me after making you brekkie?"
Xander was scraping his tongue against his hand. "That's disgusting!"
"See if I do anything nice for you again. Ungrateful whelp." Spike stood and pulled his shirt off. It was his favorite. Good thing he had four more like it.
"Babe, it's not you," Xander said grabbing onto Spike's leg. "The milk is sour."
Spike frowned. That couldn't be right. Why would someone keep bad milk? He picked up the milk, took a whiff and almost dropped it. "Bloody hell, that's disgusting!"
"Try having it in your mouth!" Xander complained.
Spike took the offending cereal and dumped it down the drain before rinsing the bowl out. He then grabbed a box of Twinkies and went back out to Xander. "Here."
"Oh! Breakfast of champions!" Xander said happily and tore open the box. He saw Spike moping. "Thank you for making me breakfast, baby."
"Nothing is going right," Spike groused. "Do you think it's a sign?" Xander thought he was joking until he saw Spike's face. Fear.
Xander pulled Spike down and placed his hands on Spike's face. "No! This is just a crappy honeymoon, that's all. No powers that be or higher power sending us signals. Just me once again screwing things up. I love you, Spike, and that is never going to change." He pressed his lips against Spike's then pulled away. "Okay?" Spike smiled, looking vulnerable. Xander's Spike wasn't supposed to look like that. He was the big bad. "How about I get us some firewood, start us up a nice fire and we can just snuggle under the blankets. We can pretend that we are snowed in and the only way we can keep warm is to…." He wiggled his eyebrows.
Spike cheered up. Sex always cheered him up.
The weekend was over and they had survived the rest of it. It was time for Xander and Spike to head back to the real world of slayers and apocalypses. Their honeymoon wasn't what either of them had expected but they got what they wanted; each other. And no horrible vacation could ever change that.