*So, my laptop crashed a couple days ago, so I won't be updated my other two fanfics until a little bit after May 31st because, I'll be getting a new laptop around then and I'll have my files transferred. So, in the meantime, I decided to start this fic because it's been on my mind for a while, hope you guys like it! )*
*Harry Potter belongs to the lovely J.K. Rowling!*
It didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't a normal Malfoy. I don't look anything like my father, Draco Malfoy. I don't have his white-blonde hair or his cold grey eyes. My hair is light brown, and thick with curls, and my eyes are brown and doe-shaped. The only thing I got from him is his exceedingly pale skin. I look absolutely nothing like him.
Now, of course, it isn't uncommon not to look like one of your parents, but I don't look like Astoria either. Astoria is slightly less blonde than my dad, and her eyes are blue. But that doesn't matter, because Astoria isn't my mum.
And I have no idea who is.
Dad rarely ever talks about her. When he does, he only refers to her as 'she' or 'that woman'. I don't even know her name or where's she's from, or anything like that, which isn't much to go on. Actually, it's nothing to go on. Dad doesn't even keep any pictures of her around the house. It's like he doesn't want me to know who my mother is, like she just fell off the face of the earth right after I was born. As far as my dad's concerned, that's pretty much the truth.
The door to my room opens and my little half-brother, Scorpius, walks in. Scorpius flops down beside me on my bed and starts poking me as hard as he can. He might possibly be the most annoying five-year-old on the planet.
"Ithbelle, dinner's ready!" He tells me. Scorpius has this annoying habit of barging in my room all of time. It's not even his job to tell me dinner's ready. Normally the house-elves do it.
"Scorpius, how many times have I told you to knock before you come into my room?" I ask, pushing his hand away from me. Scorpius shrugs.
"Dunno. Daddy said come eat. Ithbelle, come on!" Scorpius starts tugging on my arm. The twerp really is aggravating. "Dinner time!"
"Fine, fine. Just stop barging into to my room, okay?" Scorpius ignores me as usual. He and I walk downstairs to the dining room of the manor. Well, I walk. Scorpius hops down the stairs two at a time. Dinner is already on the table. Dad and Astoria are seated already, talking about something and waiting for us. Scorpius and I sit down. Astoria smiles at us, well, moreover at Scorpius. Her son.
"Good evening, Scorpius. How was day school, today, sweetheart?" She asks him. Astoria and Dad decided to put Scorpius into his first year of primary school this year. It isn't really 'school' per se, because I'm sure all Scorpius does there is eat, sleep, play, and make crafts, but I'm sure Dad and Astoria like to think they're doing him a great service by sending him. Scorpius ignores Astoria. He just spears a stalk of broccoli with his fork. "Scorpius?"
"Fun. I colored. And for snack, I ate three Cauldron Cakes! Oh, and now I can count all the way up to two-hundred," Scorpius informs Astoria, spraying little bits of broccoli and pumpkin juice all over the edge of the table. He eats like a little troll.
"That's wonderful, dear, but please chew with your mouth closed. You're getting food everywhere," Astoria chastises. Scorpius doesn't pay her any attention.
"I can count for you, Mummy! Daddy, can I count for you, too?" He asks hopefully.
"A different time, Scorp. We're having dinner, right now," Dad reminds him. Scorpius looks a little crestfallen, but he perks up after a second like he's just remembered something else.
"And today, we gotta make pictures of our families. I drawed one, and I put you in it, Mummy, and you, Daddy, and you, too Ithbelle! Ithbelle, I was gonna put your mummy in too, 'cept I dunno what she looks like. Daddy, what does Ithbelle's mummy look like?" Dad almost completely spits out his glass of wine and Astoria looks at Scorpius like he's just cursed. Scorpius doesn't seem to understand what he's said, so he keeps right on eating. I don't know what to do, so I just sit there and look between Dad and Astoria. It isn't like I haven't been wondering the same thing ever since I can remember. Dad takes a deep breath.
"Astoria is Isobelle's mother," he answers very tightly, giving Scorpius a hard look. Scorpius makes a confused face. His little blonde eyebrows knit together.
"Daddy, what does 'half-brother' mean?" Scorpius questions.
"It means that you and your sibling only share one parent instead of both," Dad responds. I think it takes him a second to process the reason why Scorpius asked because afterwards, he looks like he wants to kick himself.
"Ithbelle says I'm her half-brother. She says it lotsa times," Scorpius announces. I could kill the little git. Father turns and glares at me very discreetly, so as not to let Scorpius see. I suddenly take up an interest in my plate. Anything to avoid his gaze.
"That isn't true." Father says shortly. "Scorpius, eat your dinner." Scorpius doesn't listen. He just has to keep on pushing. Nosy little twit.
"But you're sposda look like your mummy and daddy. Ithbelle doesn't look like anyone, so Ithbelle must look like her own mummy," Scorpius reasons. Merlin, the kid is too brilliant for his own good. Astoria sighs and shakes her head. I'm sure it's times like these when she wishes I never existed to ruin her 'perfect family'. If only.
"Eat your dinner." Dad snaps, obviously irritated. Scorpius doesn't say anything else. He just wipes his mouth with his hand and tries to shovel a whole load of steak into his mouth. He fails miserably, and it just falls back onto his plate. He makes a frustrated face and tries again.
"Isobelle, cut that for him," Dad orders. Scorpius is five, way too old to still have me cutting his food for him, but I do it anyway. I really don't want to do anything else to get on Dad's bad side right now. Scorpius just fixes me with those sneaky little grey eyes of his. I know it's stupid, but sometimes I really do envy the boy. Dad and Astoria always talk about how perfect he is, and how 'little Scorpius can do no wrong' and how bright he is. Way more than they ever talk about me. Scorpius peers at Astoria, his little lips pursed in thought.
"Mummy, are you my real mummy?" He questions, giving Astoria a really honest look. Dad clenches his jaw and Astoria nods slowly.
"Yes, of course I'm your mother. Now you need to hurry up and eat, it will be time for your bath soon." Astoria tells him calmly. As soon as he looks down, Astoria turns to me and gives me a look like, do you see what you started? I try my best to ignore it. "So, Draco, how was work today?" Astoria asks, in an obvious attempt to salvage what's left of this wrecked family dinner. Dad just sighs.
"Terrible. Then I have to come home to the pair of you bickering back and forth. As if the manor isn't large enough so that the two of you don't have to bother each other," Father gives both Scorpius and I pointed glances in turn. Scorpius smiles back, showing the big gap where his two front teeth should be.
"But she started it!" Scorpius complains, jabbing a short finger at me.
"Scorpius, don't point," Astoria interjects.
"I did not, you little runt! You've been following me around since I got home!" I argue, glaring at Scorpius. Dad clears his throat loudly.
"That's exactly what I mean. Merlin knows I can't wait for September to roll around. I'm getting too old for this." Dad isn't really that old. But I'm sure the amount of stress between his job and Scorpius makes him appear that way.
"I wouldn't always be around the house to argue with Scorpius if you'd just let me intern at the Ministry." I point out. Dad makes a face like he was expecting me to bring this up at one point or another.
"For the last time, Isobelle, no. You are not going to the Ministry of Magic, and don't ask me again." I don't see why he won't ever let me go. I've never been to the Ministry of Magic, not even once. All of my friends have, they've been with their parents. Dad's never taken me. Never.
"You let Scorpius go," I mumble. Scorpius looks up at hearing his name. Dad raises his eyebrows at me.
"Well, considering you and Scorpius are two different people, I would think that a very weak argument, wouldn't you?" He questions. Scorpius giggles at me triumphantly. I miss the days when I was an only child.
"It's because she works there, isn't it?" I ask under my breath. Dad hears me.
"Scorpius, it's time for your bath," He says, not even bothering to look at Scorpius. Astoria tries to usher Scorpius out of his chair as soon as she senses an argument coming on. Scorpius pouts.
"But I'm not done eating!" He whines.
"I'll read you two stories tonight if you come take your bath now," Astoria offers in a very appealing tone. Scorpius pokes out his lip.
"Three stories." The little brat.
"Fine, just please take your bath now dear." Scorpius climbs down from his chair and reluctantly follows Astoria out of the dining room. Dad turns to me.
"She doesn't work at the Ministry. I'm not having this discussion with you again, Isobelle," Dad says with finality in his voice.
"But she's my mother!" I protest. Dad shakes his head at me. His eyes bore straight into mine.
"Astoria is your mother." He says in a voice like he's trying to drill it into my head. I don't know why he does this. We both know that Astoria is nowhere close to being my mother. It's also pretty obvious that she doesn't want to be my mother.
"Ast-Mum doesn't even like me. She only puts up with me for you and Scorpius." Dad is really strict about making me call Astoria 'mum'. Maybe he thinks that the more I say it, the more I'll believe it. He's wrong.
"That isn't true. Astoria loves you just as much as she does Scorpius," Dad assures me in a really firm voice. Even though I know he won't admit, I think he knows this isn't true.
"No, she doesn't. It's always harder to love someone else's child than it is to love your own," I tell him. Dad's face turns red and he clenches the arms of his chair. Now I've really done it.
"Astoria has been more of a mother to you than that other woman!" He shouts. "Why do you insist on thinking otherwise? She was a terrible person, and I'm doing you a favor by keeping you away from her." How can he not get that he's not being fair? You can't hide a secret from someone as big as who their mother is and expect them not to be curious.
"How do I know that? How do I know that you aren't only telling me what you want me to think?" I argue, seething. Dad folds his hands on the table. He gives me a very serious look.
"She didn't want you, I can tell you that much." I can tell Dad doesn't mean it in a mean way, but it still hurts a bit. "She said you were a mistake, and that it was best we pretend you never happened so that we could get on with our lives. So that she could get on with her life, without you in it." That was nearly fourteen years ago, though. No doubt things have changed.
"Dad, people change. Maybe she regrets it. Just please, tell me her name." I plead. I won't ask anything else about her." Dad gives me a blank look.
"Why? So you can go look for her? And what do you plan to do if you find her, but she decides that she doesn't want to be a part of your life? I won't let her ruin you like that." Dad says adamantly. I don't understand why I can't get through to him, why he won't realize that it doesn't matter what happens. I just need to know my mother.
"I won't know unless I try. And even if she doesn't want to be my mum, I'll at least know who she is. I will find her.You can't keep her from me my entire life." I promise him. Dad looks kind of amused at this.
"I seem to be doing a pretty good job of it so far," he counters. "Besides, I'm sure she has her own career now. You can't just impose yourself on her and ruin that. That was the reason we decided on this arrangement in the first place."
"Arrangement?" I ask.
"That I take you and she never has to see you again. That woman is ambitious, Isobelle. She wouldn't dare let anything get in her way, not even her own child. It was like that then, and I'm almost positive it would be the same way if you ever saw her again. Don't waste your time," he advises. If I look at Dad closely, I can almost notice the virtually non-existent amount of softness in his eyes. No, I don't think he ever loved my mother, whoever she may be, but I think he does realize that our situation could be a lot better.
"How could that ever be a waste of time?" I ask. "For all you know, she could be looking for me!"
"She isn't." Dad says curtly, as if he knows. But how could he? He's cut my mother out of his life since I was born. If she was looking for me, he would probably be the last to know.
"You don't know that. Maybe she wants to find me as much as I want to find her." I say. Dad shakes his head like it was a question.
"I doubt it. I wouldn't put it past her to have forgotten about you by now," He says acerbically. I can understand Dad being honest and realistic about this, but I think that he's starting to overdo it. He's letting all those years of hatred and resentment get in the way of actually letting me know the truth.
"You can't just forget about your child," I tell Dad. He scoffs.
"I was also under the impression that you couldn't just dump them off because you had other obligations, but apparently that's not true either," he mutters, his tone begrudging. I don't know what else to say, because he's right. That's exactly what my mother did to me.
"I'm going to bed," I say shortly, pushing my chair out. "Good night." Dad checks his watch and frowns at me.
"It's only a quarter to seven."
"I'm tired," I lie. Before I leave the dining room, Dad gives me a knowing look.
"Isobelle, I don't want you getting hurt. After all these years, the best thing to do is to accept that she's not going to be in your life. Believe me, things are better without her." He explains, his voice icy. I'm sure this is some form of closure on the topic, so I just give him one last glance before I leave the dining room and head upstairs. I know what Dad says. That by even thinking about my mother, I'm wasting my time because I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. But I just feel so empty, like a piece of me is absolutely gone, or it was never there in the first place. There has to be a reason why Dad wants to keep me away from my mother. Maybe there's something about her that he doesn't want me to know. Or maybe there's something about him that he's afraid she'll tell me. I'm not getting my hopes up or anything, because Dad could be completely right. Then again, he could also be wrong, and nothing is worse than not knowing.
I will find my mother.
(A/N: So, what did you think? I hope you like it so far! Should I continue? I'll update if I get reviews saying that people actually like this story )